Ivan
"You're staring at me." Nefra stopped eating, setting her burger down. We sat at a picnic table in the park bordering the dragon's territory under the light of my phone, and I refused to take my eyes off her.
"I enjoy looking at you."
We could've gone to the house or eaten in the car, but we needed room to breathe.
The night's been overwhelming, and returning to the guys wouldn't help. We've never had a Luna, so they're excitable. Nefra was finally relaxing, and I wanted to keep that momentum going.
Eventually, we'd need to go back so she could sleep, but I wasn't ready to share her with the pack. She's more stable now, but throwing them at her might be too much.
And I'm worried I won't be able to handle the others getting too close.
"It's weird that you're watching me eat," I was already falling in love with how her cheeks turned bright red. My mate got embarrassed at the slightest act of attention, unused to having someone appreciate her. "I eat like a guy... but that's no reason to stare."
"I don't mind that," I chuckled as I picked up my burger. She had no idea how distracting she was, did she? "You need to eat."
"Why?"
"You're too skinny." The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I froze mid-chew.
"I thought guys liked skinny girls..."
"Some do..." Fuck, I just put myself in a bad spot. "I don't."
"Really?" I felt uncomfortable under Nefra's scrutiny. It was crazy how intimidating she could be with a fry in her hand. "What do you like then?"
"I like... you," Well, that was a shit answer, wasn't it? I wanted to say something smooth and compliment her, but my mind went blank. "And I like curves."
"But you said I'm too skinny."
"You are... and you're supposed to be curvy and..." How did I explain this? "You're bony."
"Bony?" Nefra's voice dropped, the honey thickening around me. "No one's ever called me that..."
"I mean... I can see your ribs." My heart stopped beating.
I realized I was setting myself up, but I didn't stop it.
Part of me needed to show her who I was, but the other couldn't help but dig myself a deeper hole.
Causing chaos was one of my unfortunate talents, but hurting someone's feelings was a skill I wished I didn't have. Most of the time, I didn't realize I was doing it, but tonight, I saw it happening like a car accident in slow motion.
"What if I was the one who decided I wanted this?" Nefra didn't get angry, which was impressive. Her gaze stayed fixed on me, her food in front of her. Somehow, that's more disconcerting than getting slapped for less. It was such a stark difference from how she looked when she was embarrassed, and I'm interested to find out which was the real Nefra.
"I doubt that," scoffing, I pushed down the doubts. I think she's testing me, and I'm willing to rise to the challenge. "You're too gorgeous to be that insecure."
"What makes you think I'm not?"
"Nefra... Come on," I wasn't buying it. "I saw how you ate earlier. I saw your body. It's not healthy, especially for you."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Her eyes narrowed, and I sensed the energy surrounding her like before. It was the hint of an Alpha's aura, but still in its infancy. What would it be like once she developed it if it already had this level of potency?
"How much do you weigh?" I thought it was a reasonable question, but apparently, it was the most offensive thing I could've asked. "Why do all women hate answering that? It's a valid question. I weigh 329 pounds. See, not a big deal."
"One, that's rude. I don't care if it's a woman or a man; it's a personal question. Two, how much?" Nefra's eyes dilated, her eyebrows were seconds away from hiding under her hair, and I suddenly felt self-conscious. "You're seven feet, right?"
"Six, seven," that was my insecurity. I'd always been self-conscious about my height. Even as a werewolf, I was tall, and the only reason no one mocked me was because I was the Alpha. The human world isn't that way. I've had every nickname in the book in the Marines. Some guys still call me Tiny.
"But... that's all muscle," did it bother her? Did my mate wish I wasn't so tall? "Is that why you want me to gain weight? Because I'm... too small?"
"What? No!" Fuck, she didn't get it. "I want you to be healthy. That's all. Okay, yeah, I'm not fond of petite women, but that's because I'm afraid to break them... That's not what I mean! I mean... look, you're not where you're supposed to be. I don't get what the big deal is about me asking. We're mates, and... it's my job to take care of you. I can tell you're not healthy, and that bothers me."
"My doctor said I'm fine..." her voice was quiet now, and I realized I'd screwed up. This wasn't banter. This was now a dumpster fire, and I'd lit it.
"That's a human doctor, and we're not human," I needed to fix this. "Werewolves eat so much because we use so many calories every time we shift. You're a sorceress. You use magic. I bet you use a lot of energy to do that. Plus, you just had a baby. I have no experience with that, but you're producing milk, which requires more calories. So... I'm just saying you're too skinny, and I don't believe you did that to yourself!"
Nefra said nothing, glaring at the table.
"Damn it!"
If words couldn't do it, I needed to do something else.
"What are you doing?!" Nefra gasped as I stomped over to her, lifting her into my arms. "Ivan!"
"One, two, three, four," I counted the ribs I could feel before moving down to her waist. "Your body is eating itself to survive. That isn't healthy. My Luna needs to be happy and at her best. So I don't have to spend every waking hour scared she's going to faint and be in the hospital. I want you to be happy and healthy. You shouldn't look like this."
"You... don't like..." Before she finished her thought, Nefra bit her lip, a wave of shame creeping along my skin.
"No! That's not what I meant." We'll be here all night if one of us doesn't stop. "Trust me, I'm going to be the envy of every Alpha we meet. No one has a mate as beautiful as you. That doesn't mean I'll put that over your health. That's always my priority."
"Luna..." she still refused to look at me, her fingers digging into her jacket as I set her on the table. "I'm... that's like... your first lady, right?"
"Well..." How did I explain this? "Not quite. We're the Alpha couple of the pack, but... we call the female's role Luna. You're my equal, with the same amount of power and rank."
"I'm... not really Luna material then," my heart sank at her words, especially when she tried to wriggle away. "Wouldn't you prefer a werewolf mate?"
"No!" I refused to let her go, burying my nose in her hair. I needed her scent to calm my wolf, or he'd force us to shift. She wasn't ready to meet him. "That would be a downgrade. Why would I want anyone else?"
"Because... I'm me... Maybe I'm not full human, but I'm nothing special. I'm a high school dropout. I've only worked as a waitress and... a cashier... and I'm married to a werewolf killer... Your pack... they won't approve of that."
"Okay..." Instead of letting her go, I sat in her spot, bringing her with me. Now, she sat on my lap, causing us both to freeze. Clothes meant nothing; I felt her warmth, and the bond reached out, and I knew she did, too. "No one will judge you because of that asshole. I won't allow it. None of that was your fault. I'm going to talk to Scott; he's my lawyer. We'll get you a divorce. That'll end all that. As for the rest? Who cares if you've worked as a cashier or a waitress? There's nothing wrong with that. I don't care if you didn't finish high school. If you want, you can take classes. That doesn't make you Luna. No one expects you to walk into the pack and run it on your first day. Trust me, I've had a lifetime of training. When we get home, all of us will help you. My mother and grandmothers will probably want to do most of the training, but I'll help as much as you need."
"Your... mother?" Nefra's face paled, and her heart started racing. It's a little funny, but I bite back a laugh.
"Yeah, Sierra. She'll love you," and she would. My mom is a big believer in the mate bond, and finding out I'd found my mate would make her decade. "But I'm going to warn you. She'll take one look at you and want to feed you."
"This... is all moving so fast."
"I know... it's a lot. I know that." Outside my race, everything moves too fast. We can't help it. The bond affects us like this, and it's hard to resist it. I'm trying, but the more I'm around her, the more complicated it is. "I'm not... trying to push you, but we're... like this. Humans have a hard time accepting destiny, but we embrace it. Whatever fears you have, you don't need to worry. So... how about we finish eating, and then we can worry about the rest?"
"Okay..." Sliding off my lap, Nefra went to sit down, but I grabbed her hands, wanting to touch her again. It was addictive, and I was struggling.
Without thinking, I touched the ring, tensing, afraid of Nefra's reaction.
She's right. All of this was moving too fast. I was ready for a relationship, moving in together, even thinking about more pups, but she was nowhere near that.
How can I ask her to be my Luna and mate when she wasn't ready to let go of him or this ring?
"Sorry..." I let go, knowing I wanted things that weren't realistic.
Nefra didn't move.
She stared at her hand, an unreadable expression on her face. I want to ask what's on her mind but decide against it. Honestly, I'm not sure I want to know.
Things would be easier if she were a wolf; that's reality. We could accept the reality between us and move on to getting to know each other.
That doesn't mean I want a werewolf instead of her.
'It's harder, but we'll make it work.'
The seconds go by, making me nervous.
What if she decides it's not worth it? What if her fears get the better of her and she asks me to take her back? I won't, which won't buy me any favors.
What if she had feelings for him? At some point, she loved him.
Closing her eyes, Nefra clutched her finger, making a face as she pulled the ring off, leaving deep marks on her flesh.
She stared at it, even though the light wasn't strong enough to catch any details.
I watched her trace her nails against the grooves, counting every diamond chip before placing it in the center of my palm. That left me confused until she closed my fingers around it, squeezing as tightly as she could.
Understanding what she wanted, I crushed the metal with all my strength, not caring as it cut my skin. It wasn't difficult to do, and I felt satisfied when I opened my hand again, showing her the remains.
"Thank you," she mumbled, taking it from me and grabbing my phone.
How many heart attacks can you have before it kills you? I think I've had seven today, not counting the three Taylor almost caused before we got to the store.
Nefra isn't doing anything but walking to the trash, but my heart races in my tight chest, blood roaring in my ears. This isn't me. I'm not like this, but she makes me doubt myself. Am I worthy of her?
'No...' And that was the problem. 'What happens when I tell her everything? Will she want to leave?'
"I think I'm crazy..." Nefra set the phone back on the table, and the ring was now in the trash where it belonged. I may be seeing what I want to see, but she looks lighter. "No, I know I'm crazy."