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After leaving the library, Lauran groaned like an old man in the empty hallway, "What a frustrating session…!"
Things were going fine until she noticed Arnold. Before today, he was just a regular acquaintance who she had a dark past with so she kept herself busy with work and school to get over what happened between the two.
She's even been able to make a few friends from being in so many group projects. That being said, it's hard to say if any of those friendships are genuine. Lauran gets treated like royalty in the class due to her potential. In a strange way, she's still as lonely as she was before she met Arnold.
She recalled their first meeting.
The first day she started, she was warned by other servants to not stick out, especially given her unique features: blood-red hair and sky-blue eyes. They gave her another warning: never speak back to the young master.
The first time she met Arnold, he looked nothing like the man people knew today, a bravehero who put aside his wrongdoings to save others.
He was thin.
The kind of thin that came from constantly skipping meals and sleeping poorly just to make sure he could get the most out of his training. Dark circles hung beneath his eyes despite his young age, making him appear perpetually exhausted.
At first glance, with his disheveled clothes and dry hair he looked more like a sickly peasant than the heir of a duke household.
His expression was worse.
Every servant in the mansion walked on eggshells around him, and Lauran quickly understood why.
The young master was angry. Not the loud kind of anger or the kind that makes him scream. It was cold, as if he hated everything around him.
The first time she witnessed him interacting with another servant during her shifts, he reduced a grown man to tears over a minor mistake.
The second time, he threw a glass against a wall and threatened to cut open someone's throat for daring to speak up to him.
The third time, she watched him verbally tear apart a knight who was merely trying to do his job, which seemed inefficient in his eyes saying—
What is the point of having so much money if the people that're supposed to protect you, are weak and incompetent!?
Of course, even if she did try avoiding him, he was in need of a plaything and found her, the exotic flower that can't be found anywhere else in the empire. He stopped at nothing to get what he wanted.
The average slavery seal could be broken with sheer willpower but a threat from someone more powerful than you and standing at the very top of society's hierarchy, couldn't be overcome with mere willpower.
After what she had to endure, she should have hated him after all these years.
Many servants did. He overreacted to everything and used violence on occasion.
Yet every time she looked into his eyes, she noticed something strange.
Not sadness.
Not loneliness.
Pain.
A deep, festering pain that never seemed to leave.
It wasn't difficult to learn why given the life he lived as a child.
When she asked Sebastian why he never stepped up to help Arnold despite being his master, she was told that: "My heart aches for him as well. However… there are things even a master cannot do for his disciple. I could see the pain in his eyes. I could see how deeply he had been wounded. But a man and a warrior cannot be forged by pity alone. Sometimes the most a teacher can do is stand nearby and endure the shame of not being enough."
Lauran came to a stop.
The past flashed in her mind and she recalled every punch, kick, insult, and threat she had to endure.
"…That is now in the past so why… why can't I just forget our relationship and… everything he's done to me…?"
No, there's no way she can forget.
She may delude herself thinking that she can live a normal school life now and forget about everything.
'There's still something I need to tell him. Maybe I'll stop thinking about it once I confront him?'
Thinking so, she turned in the opposite direction, about to go to the boys' dormitory.
**
After leaving the office, the clone was ordered to check in on Wistorina who was in her room so instead of fading away, it tracked her energy signature down and began to head that way.
Meanwhile on the opposite side of the hall that led to the girls' dormitory, stood a frozen Lauran, who didn't expect to run into him at the school again after he said he had important business to take care of.
The clone barely registered her presence and was about to walk past her.
"W-Wait!" the red-haired stranger grabbed his sleeve, "W-We need to talk. Please… This can't wait…!"
"…?" he looked at her in confusion but then his eyes blanked.
"A-Are you listening?" her voice went unheard of as the "clone" went silent.
'What? Lauran stopped you? Hold on a second, I'll switch over. Don't do any unnecessary things while you're Nova in my place.' "Arnold's" eyes then returned to normal and he spoke as if that blank stare was an illusion.
"Aren't we done with your work? Do you need to review what we're covered?"
"…This isn't about that…" she said, fists clenched.
"Then what? Is Luke being an inappropriate young master?" that came out like a tease.
"This has nothing to do with him either…" she then dropped her polite tone. He might be her boss but it would be a lie if she said she still respects him as her superior, "You… You ruined my life… Have you ever thought about of everything you've done to me?"
"Ah, so this is about our special relationship?" he chuckled as he approached her with two steps, "Are you interested in learning more?"
"Y-You're disgusting!" she gained her distance and yelled on instinct, "How can you still use that mocking tone? Is what you put me through funny to you!?"
"…" he stopped and his smirk vanished.
"…I can never have a normal relationship now. It's all because of you. I've been tainted and abused simply because you wanted to get off! Do you not even think of the consequences of your actions!? "You get to walk away from it because it was just another part of your life. Just another woman. Just another decision. But I have to live with it every day."
Lauran laughed weakly.
"Do you know what it's like to sit in class and listen to other girls talk about their relationships? They complain about stupid things. About their boyfriends forgetting anniversaries. About arguments over gifts. About getting embarrassed when they hold hands in public. And then a few days later they're smiling again because their boyfriend apologized and brought them flowers. They get so excited over the smallest things. A date. A compliment. A letter. I used to think they were so stupid being happy over such small things. They looked immature but who was I to decide that? Some of them spend entire lunch breaks talking about the person they love. Their faces turned red and couldn't stop smiling. A teasing remark from a friend is enough to make them squeal…"
For a moment she was quiet. But a bitter smile formed as she continued.
"And every single time I saw that, I wonder what that's supposed to feel like." The bitter smile vanished, "You know what I see when I walk through the city?"
She didn't wait for an answer.
"I see couples everywhere. They're ordinary people like us but I see them like blinding lights. I see young men carrying their girlfriends' bags because they're tired. I see women leaning against the shoulders of people they trust. I see husbands hugging their wives who wait for them outside their houses."
A laugh escaped her.
"I even catch myself staring at old married couples."
She hated how pathetic that sounded.
"They look so ordinary. So unbelievably ordinary. And I realize that I'll probably never have that." she clenched her fists. "Even if I pretend, I'll never get to enjoy it. I hate them so much for flaunting their love in front of me. Sometimes I get so irritated that I want to release my anger right on the spot."
For years she had wanted to say this. But never had the courage to do so.
Now? She's the most gifted magician in the world, with the potential to become an Archmage. Every single institution wants her and she can already cast 7th-Rank magic.
He might be strong but she felt more confident facing him than in the past when she was just an outlet for him. She's also an important acquaintance that he needs for their secret project so he wouldn't try to put that in jeopardy by resorting to his old violent ways, even in the face of such disrespect.
"For most women, their first relationship is something precious. Their first kiss. Their first love. Their first time sharing a bed with someone they trust."
Her voice cracked.
"They get to choose who those moments belong to. I never got that choice… You took those things from me before I even understood how valuable they were! All I could think of while I lay there taking your beatings was how much I missed my family, never thinking of my own future…! And the worst part is that I spent years convincing myself that it didn't matter what happened to me because I was so ordinary so I had no aspirations to continue living for myself or starting a family…. When I realized I wanted that and more, I was already tainted…"
She caught her breath for a second then fired out her words again:
"I told myself relationships were overrated. I told myself romance was for foolish girls. I told myself I was stronger than that… But then there's your current lovers."
For the first time, genuine anger appeared in her eyes.
"I don't know them all personally but I can assume by my communications with Victoria. Every letter we received at the castle as her former juniors was her bragging about her life in Whitage city and how she wants to marry you in the future so she won't have a lot of time to coach us as our former superior."
A tear followed.
"Nowhere in our conversations did she ever complain about how she was being treated because you didn't see three holes when you looked at her or Siane, or Celeste. You see actual humans. People whose trust and love you want to earn. Elizabeth also gets to experience what it feels like to be loved early on in your relationship."
Her breathing became uneven.
"They got to laugh with you."
"They get to build a future with you, never worrying about a troubled past they had."
He wanted to tell her that none of his current lovers have pasts filled with sunshine and rainbows—not even the ones she doesn't know about—but he decided not to interrupt her. She doesn't know them so it's understandable that she misunderstood them just because they can show their happiness now.
In comparison, she thinks about the past every time she closes her eyes and can never truly smile.
"They got to be loved by you. Loved…"
For years she had tried not to think about it. She just wanted it to be over and to return to her ordinary dull life as a maid.
"I kept telling myself that the man who used me simply didn't know how to love anyone. I used to pity you because I heard what you had to go through as a child. Assassination attempts, bullying from seniors, manipulation by former lovers and the harsh training you had to go through to protect yourself. Hah, pitying a tyrant who beat me just because he felt like it…"
She stared up at the ceiling, a weak laugh leaking out. Not a self-deprecating laugh, but not one of relief or joy either. Speaking of, she doesn't even know why she's laughing in this situation.
"A man incapable of love or kindness because he had to deal with demons his whole childhood—What a comforting lie that was… But I see the truth when I look at you and Victoria."
…
"You were always capable of giving someone affection."
"You were always capable of being gentle."
"You were always capable of caring."
"I used to think that you just never thought I was worth it."
Lauran looked away. The anger that had carried her this far was gone now. All that remained was exhaustion.
"I know they love you."
A small smile appeared on her face.
"And honestly, I don't blame them."
She wiped at her eyes.
"I've seen the way you treat them." She kept it vague, deciding not to tell him that she had an observation spell that had allowed her to watch him throughout these past few weeks.
Maybe she knew she wanted to talk to him deep down but treated her stalking as mere curiosity—
How does Arnold von Berkley treat his lovers now?
"If I met that version of you first..."
Her voice failed for a moment.
"...I probably would've fallen in love with you too."
The admission hurt more than everything else she had said.
Because it was true. Even before his deeds that saved the empire, he was born into wealth and prestige and became a self-made man at just 17. Coupled with how handsome and capable he is, what woman wouldn't fall for him?
But being a tyrant stopped those feelings of hers from blooming into love.
Her body may want him but her heart doesn't. Yet her mind wants to give him a chance.
"I wanted that life, Arnold."
She lowered her head.
"I wanted to be someone's first choice."
A long silence followed.
"I wanted to come home to someone who was happy to see me and to know what it felt like to be loved instead of used."
Her shoulders shook.
The last words barely escaped her lips as she hugged her body and whimpered softly.
"…I wanted what they have."
She closed her eyes.
"And every time I see them smiling beside you, I'm reminded that I was never allowed to have first lov—" suddenly two large arms wrapped around her. The smell of strong cologne hit her nose.
"L-Let go of me…!" she struggled in his arms.
What is he doing? Is he trying to take advantage of her while she's in this state? As expected of a sex pest tyrant—
He let go of her and looked at her at arm's reach. His expression made her freeze in place.
It was a soft expression and his eyes had a gentle glint in them.
There was no mockery or malice behind his expression.
He asked a simple question:
"…Lauran… do you like me?"
"…" before, she was merely frozen in place but could still blink but now she was a statue.
Even her heartbeat stopped.
"W-What are you asking me—"
"You're right. I ruined all your first times. But it wasn't because I was in so many dangerous situations as a child. That's not an excuse I can use to seek pity from others. We live in a world where people are forced to grow up fast. Some do it because they have to survive. Some because they have no one to rely on. Some because life never gives them the chance to remain innocent for long." His eyes rose to meet hers again. "I was like that too. I had my own reasons, but that doesn't change what I took from you."
Lauran's mouth parted, but no words came out.
Arnold did not rush her. He simply kept speaking.
"If I had grown up normally, maybe I still would have turned out the same in the end. Maybe not. That part doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that I didn't give you the chance to live those years the way you should have."
What is he trying to say…?
"But if you have feelings for me, that's buried beneath that resentment towards me, I'd like to know."
With a small voice, she squeezed out a word:
"…why…?"
"Throughout human history, people have always found ways to get what they wanted from others. Sometimes it was force. Sometimes it was money. Sometimes it was simply having power over someone who couldn't refuse."
Lauran's expression hardened.
"What does that have to do with us?"
"Everything. In my pursuit of pleasure, I used any means to obtain you." Though his expression didn't change, his voice sounded shaky, "…I'm not going to make excuses, and it's fine if you walk away from me… and our project… But just know that I genuinely did love you. In my own strange way, some people would say."
"Some" people being that Earthling. It's true—the true Arnold loved Lauran. She was an exotic beauty with an almost otherworldly charm. It's like he knew there was something special about her so he wanted her by any means, thinking he wouldn't be able to obtain her through simply being charming or romantic.
Lauran's eyes widened hearing his declaration of love.
"Y-You… You just want my body… And now that I'm… destined to become a strong… magician… You just… want to own me before anyone else… can…" her voice was growing weaker by the second, trying to convince herself that what she was hearing was absurd.
With how many letters of marriage Lauran has received over the past year alone (over 2000), she knows exactly how desirable she is. If she wasn't an employee of the Berkley ducal House and the personal maid of the Hero, someone would've forced her into marriage… just like how Arnold forced her to become his plaything.
"If that were true, I would've pursued you endlessly." He was right, but she didn't want to admit it, "But I didn't know how we could keep being together if that's how our relationship started."
He let go of her shoulders.
"I am not asking you to forgive it. And I won't pretend it was clean or noble. But I did love you. In the only strange way I knew how. Maybe it's through Celeste, Victoria, Rafaela or Eizabeth that I've come to understand what true love is like…" he then grabbed her hand. But unlike in the past when it was rough and violent to make her feel powerless to resist, it was gentle, "I know I have no right to ask you anything. But even if we only continue being coworkers in our pursuit to reinvent teleportation machines, I'd like there to be no conflict between us."
"…" she looked at his hand—that calloused and scarred hand with thick fingers, shaped by years of hard training to obtain power he could use to protect himself.
"I know you doubt me and think this is just my way of using you, manipulating you into thinking I've changed. After all, I'm known to the world as that kind of person."
He read her perfectly.
"But deep down I'd still like to give you all your first times… properly this time."
Hearing that, her hardened expression cracked a bit.
"S-So sex was your p-plan all along…!"
"No."
"Then why phrase it like that?"
"...In hindsight, that may have been a poor choice of words." He cleared his throat, "If sex was all I wanted, I have many women in my life, all of whom have feelings for me."
"…"
"Lauran? What do you think…?"
"!"
Did he… seriously just seek her approval…? Did he really just give her the chance to decide?
It was such a small thing but… her heart fluttered, as if she was trying to both convince herself that he changed and tell herself that he might be lying.
She pulled her hand and took a few steps back. Looking away from him, she spoke in a small, hushed tone, "…I'm going to give you one chance to show me that you've changed. If you're still the same person… I'm going to drop a meteor on you."
His entire soul trembled like he was hit with a sledgehammer hearing that ominous threat. It was probably just her way of saying she'll punch him but as someone who actually does get hit by a meteor…
"…"
Lauran turned around, "…I'll decide when and where. If you're really serious about this, then you will agree to come…"
"Hold on, you didn't answer my question!"
Do you like me—
"Good night, Arnold." She said coldly before walking away.
-Condition: [Eager] to experience love for the first time
He sighed in relief.
"For once, the system is being more specific." Her status window vanished when she disappeared from view, "Is it because of my continued use of this feature? Anyway, this confrontation doesn't happen in the game so what was that about?"
It must be because he killed the gang leader who threatened her family (the same guy he used) and how he released her earlier than usual. Due to this, she can practice magic, not with the intention to kill him but to grow stronger and secure a future for herself.
"Looking back now, what the hell was I thinking pushing Lauran to Luke just because I wasn't interested in her…" he sighed again, "No, that was the earthling's doing. Idiot lived his whole life in a monogamous society, only having feelings for Victoria when he became me."
He stared down the hallway, where Lauran was already out of view, "First Stella's romance path opened, now it's Lauran… And on the same day."
"…Maybe I'll even get Shirley, Olivia and the other members of the Hero Party."
He chuckled to himself, thinking how absurd it was.
"As if."