Chapter 6.2:
....
"Well," Dumbledore set his cup aside and leaned back in his chair. "I suppose it's time for what matters. Allow me to introduce the school's enchanted Sorting Hat."
He gestured toward the hat on the table.
Minoru looked at it. The hat was still wrinkled, old, and ugly. It didn't look at all particularly special. Though, thinking about it, wizards somehow managed to make the least special things the most magical… so it wasn't surprising that this was a magical artifact.
"The Sorting Hat has been eagerly awaiting this moment. It has been bored for months since the last sorting…"
"I see… So—I just have to put it on?" Mineta asked.
"You simply have to put it on," Dumbledore confirmed. "The hat will do the rest. And don't worry—it doesn't hurt. Though it sometimes says… curious things."
'Okay… so it uses some kind of Legilimency. Damn.' Minoru stood up. Walked to the table.
Mineta didn't know if he walked as confidently to the Hat as he thought. His vision narrowed into a tunnel; his focus was solely on the Hat that was about to probably read his damn mind and decide his fate. Reaching for it, he slowly sat down. He couldn't focus on Dumbledore or anything else. And with final determination, he lowered the hat onto his head, already resigned but hoping for the best.
He waited in the darkness. He couldn't feel anything moving through his mind, that was a good thing, but he still held onto his focus, wishing the Hat would just shout the House name so could get out of his head.
Instead, the hat's voice echoed in his mind, not in his ears. "Ah, an interesting one. Layers and layers and layers. Like a onion."
It was an ancient voice, deep, with a hint of humor that couldn't quite hide a sharpness that bordered on uncomfortable.
Mineta blinked and before he could ask anything, the Hat continued.
"Oh, quite nicely developed Occlumency as well. Nothing out of the ordinary, but for your age, certainly impressive, Mr. Mineta. Though as impressive as you are in trying to shield your memories, they cannot be hidden from me."
In that damn instant, Minoru wanted to take the hat off.
"No, no, no. Sit still, boy. We are in the middle of an evaluation. Rest assured, your secret is very safe with me."
"Gee, thanks," he muttered, unsure whether to feel relieved or just terrified at the thought of being an open book to someone… or rather, something. Because if the Hat said anything, he was screwed.
"Oh, but I won't. I have read minds for centuries, boy. And some truly horrible and terrible ones at that, yet I have said nothing. After all, it is not my function to judge."
"Let me see… hmm," the Hat began. "Well, I can see the one you call 'model you' sorted into Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. But as we both know, you are no longer him. Even though I can recognize some of his strong points—which are having, and will likely continue to have, a significant positive impact on you—it is not enough to truly change who you really are."
"..." Mineta at the moment was feeling rather helpless and slightly paranoid.
"So, let's see the actual Minoru Mineta life," the Hat continued. Minoru felt it adjust slightly, as if settling in for a better look. "Oh, what a world you have lived in. Quirks, heroes, villains… and a lot of interesting Muggle-technology."
"Err, yeah, quite a change… yet magic trumps everything," he whispered.
"Sure, sure, and I know why," the Hat even sounded quite amused as it said that, and Minoru wisely chose not to comment on it.
"Now, I can see you sorted into Hufflepuff—you have the loyalty and the ability to work hard if you put your mind to it. You've even recently managed to practice quite a bit of patience, haven't you?" the Hat joked, to Mineta's surprise.
It was pretty unsettling that it now knew everything going through his head, especially the fact that he wasn't the 'model' Minoru of this world but a much more perverted one who couldn't really be a damn model for anything.
"As I already said, your secret is safe with me. Not even Dumbledore himself can extract information from me, boy. And there is nothing in your personality that I haven't seen before… and I assure you, I have seen far worse."
There was a pause.
"Back to your future House. Hufflepuff would welcome you, but your circumstances prevent me from placing you there… Helga might literally rise from her grave and burn me if I allowed it. As for Gryffindor—well, I don't think I need to explain why you wouldn't fit there, even if you do actually have the capacity to show courage and bravery when absolutely necessary."
Yeah, Mineta could agree he wasn't exactly the bravest or most heroic type. If it weren't for his past desire for fame to attract girls, he probably never would have tried to become a hero.
"Ravenclaw House is still out of your reach, I'm afraid, as you are far more, hmm, let's say practical than studious… And your interest in studies has a rather unique connotation, doesn't it?"
'Ahem, no comment,' Mineta thought, he had always actually been very good at studying and never had a problem working hard—so long as there was a reason, usually to impress a girl or help her with her studies… well, you get the idea. And here he just went really out of his way to 'learn/do' some pervy magic.
Geez… honestly, he had prepared far more than he usually did back when he was attending UA. If nothing else, the whole magic thing and having to shoulder the responsibility of being this damn model Minoru had made him way more diligent and proactive than he used to be— yep, he suppose there's no better motivation than perv magic and well, the fear to be exposed.
"Slytherin House is undoubtedly the best option. You have cunning, ambition… somewhat twisted, but you have them—as well as a determination that borders on obsession. Ha, it certainly reminds me of someone. Both with a… inclination. A taste for, let's say, particular things."
The hat seemed to laugh. Not out loud, but Minoru felt it in his head.
"Yes… he would be proud."
And then, without further preamble, the Sorting Hat finally roared, no longer speaking in his mind:
"SLYTHERIN!"
The word echoed through Dumbledore's office with a force that made the portraits vibrate. Several of the sleeping ones snapped their eyes open, muttered complaints, and went back to snoring.
Dumbledore, for his part, simply smiled.
"Slytherin," the old, mysterious headmaster repeated, nodding slowly. "How interesting."
Minoru removed the hat with trembling hands. Inside, his mind was a whirlwind. He still didn't quite know how to feel about the fact that a talking hat, of all things, knew so much about him and his secret.
'Slytherin. The house of pure-blood wizards, from what I researched,' Mineta thought. He also reflected on what the hat had said about the person who would supposedly be proud. He thought of Salazar, whom he had previously researched as the founder of Slytherin House… but he seriously doubted it. Everything he had read about the man painted him as very different from what the Hat seemed to imply, so it must have been referring to someone else, right?
Well, that wasn't really important to him right now. He decided those were questions for another time.
For now, what mattered was that he had arrived. He was at Hogwarts. He was finally, damn it, free.
"Congratulations on formally joining Slytherin, Mr. Mineta," Dumbledore said, rising from his chair and extending a hand. "I trust you will find your time at Hogwarts… educational."
Minoru took his hand. It was warm and firm.
"Thank you, Headmaster," he replied, with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I hope so too."