Allen remained silent, watching what he saw. He got up and grabbed a bat and a tactical vest from the floor. They were some of the things he had written on his list before going to sleep.
"Shit, I'm a fucking wizard!" Allen exclaimed.
...
In the chat, everyone stared in shock. Some who had seen Allen engage in battles of wits with characters like Stan Edgar and Kisuke Urahara now doubted that this was even the same Allen.
Eve: Seriously? I don't think this Allen is the smartest kid in the school.
Mirajane: Well, maybe he just forgot how to be intelligent... cough
Saya: No, the encapsulated memories shouldn't affect his base intellect. This guy is lying! He's not stupid!
Rock: You think? Maybe he was always stupid. Burp
...
Unfortunately, Allen couldn't ban Rick, so he remained oblivious to what was being said about him.
He grabbed the baseball bat and pointed it toward the wall. "Now that's more like it... Let the Rock begin!" He smiled with absolute arrogance and superiority.
Today, Allen would fall, or all the miserable single men of Kuoh would. Peace was never an option!
....
As dawn broke, imaginary trumpets sounded...
There was a pervert in Kuoh named Issei Hyoudou. He was known for reading porn everywhere, a complete degenerate.
He opened his eyes like someone opening a tomb and discovering that the corpse was still smiling. His phone, stuck to his cheek with a heroic strand of drool, was still displaying the picture. There was no laughter there. There was a hug. Koneko Toujou tucked under one arm. Akeno Himejima under the other. And Rias Gremory's cheek pressed against that of a white-haired bastard who smiled as if he had already signed the deeds to obtain the marital properties.
All three of them had been stolen!
"Son of a... bitch," Issei growled.
He got up. His right foot landed on a dirty tissue. His left landed on another. The third one did too, because Issei had the soul of a martyr and the coordination of a piece of furniture. There were no lost children in that room... this time. There were tears of anger, already dried on the pillow, and a collection of tissues that could testify in court that someone had seen far too much and slept far too little last night.
'Today, I'll kill him... with extreme violence!'
In the kitchen, his mother shouted that the rice was getting cold. Issei didn't hear the rice. He heard trumpets. A neighbor on the other side of the wall was picking his nose with the concentration of a monk and examining it against the light. The world wasn't at war. Issei was.
Of course, McDragon didn't remember who Allen was. Otherwise, he would have fled to the other side of the world.
Elsewhere, there was a handsome young man, though not as handsome as Allen, who was far too handsome, just normally handsome enough to be the prince of Kuoh... if Allen didn't exist.
He was Yuuto Kiba, who unexpectedly was also part of the Occult Research Club, although he hadn't appeared at the club lately... it was as if an invisible force were keeping him away from Allen's harem... no, the Pudding League.
He tied his tie in front of the mirror with the same calmness with which other men signed death sentences. He didn't hate Allen Walker. Hatred was a crude feeling, something for hallways, forums, and trembling fists. What Kiba felt was cleaner and considerably worse.
That photograph stained the honor of his lady, or so he believed, conveniently ignoring the details.
Rias wasn't laughing in the picture. Her cheek was pressed against that of a stranger, her neck tense, the redness rising all the way to her ears. Akeno was the same. Koneko too. And the guy was smiling as if he were the Demon King.
Kiba couldn't forgive himself for allowing his king to be seduced by Allen Walker after only two days of distraction!
'He must pay for it... with a punch? No, with a stab? Maybe, but the best thing would be to cut his balls off!'
Once again, Kiba didn't hate Allen... or so he claimed, even though he was clearly aiming for Allen's balls... perhaps with far too much intensity.
He put on his jacket. Outside, a woman was scolding a dog for choosing the most dignified lamppost in the neighborhood for its morning business. The dog didn't apologize. Kiba didn't intend to apologize either when he found the villain.
There was a guy like Genshirou Saji...
A character of debatable relevance and an absolutely relevant frown, he had been awake since an indecent hour.
"This is a serious offense."
He said it to himself, standing in his underwear with a toothbrush in his hand and the fury of a man who wasn't going to inherit any clan.
President Sona hadn't punished Allen. She had remained silent after what he had done. That silence, to Saji, was worse than a scream. An offense that reeked of unfair competition, white hair, and a picture where three girls from the club looked, unfortunately, far too beautiful. It was jealousy, that was all!
'If I see him...' Saji didn't finish his thought before a pigeon landed on him as he stepped out of his house.
The students of Kuoh arrived at school quietly and ominously, their eyes gleaming like maniacs, warriors, or both.
There was a brief exchange of glances and nods. There was no hostility, neither between the swimming team and CrossFit, nor between Kendo and fencing, nor between Prince Kiba and the perverted Issei. Today, the enemy was someone else.
....
All of this was seen by Sona and her Queen.
"President... should we let this happen?" Tsubaki asked, still embarrassed about yesterday. "Allen indeed did something wrong, but they're going to kill him..."
"Tsubaki, are you going soft?" Sona asked from her desk sternly. However, when she remembered Allen, she also thought he didn't deserve this.
"And you, Sona? Are you going soft?" Tsubaki asked.
Allen had penetrated both of them and planted his shameless and charming seed...
Sona Sitri adjusted her glasses, watching through the monitors as a tide of students with bloodshot eyes converged on the main entrance. The pressure in her chest, that strange warmth Allen had left in her ear the previous day, fought against her sense of duty. "It's not that I'm going soft, Tsubaki," Sona replied in a low voice that betrayed her own inner confusion, "but the level of hostility has exceeded my logistical calculations. It's not just perverts like Hyoudou who have lost their minds. Even Rias's horse seems to have abandoned common sense. Allen Walker has accomplished the impossible: uniting the most disparate factions of the academy in a crusade of pure hatred."
Tsubaki Shinra clutched the notebook against her chest, still feeling the ghost of Allen's fingers brushing against hers. That "maternal embrace" sensation that had disarmed her continued to resonate within her, making her feel like a traitor for not running to save him. "He said he would survive, President... but what I see on the cameras isn't a protest. It's a hunt," Tsubaki murmured with her face flushed. "If Allen-kun dies today, I'm afraid Rias-sama and Akeno-san won't just burn down the school, but the entire neighborhood. We must intervene, even if it's only to save our own jurisdiction."
"Then we'll wait... and see if he needs help," Sona said as if she had found an excuse for her actions.
Tsubaki smiled.
....
Meanwhile, in the Occult Research Club building, Rias Gremory watched the scene with a predatory smile, her fingers stroking a strand of crimson hair. Akeno was beside her, trembling slightly beneath her clothes due to the electric anticipation.
"Ara ara, it seems our beloved Pudding Villain is about to receive his grand welcome," Akeno laughed, licking her lips. "Rias, are we really going to let those humans touch him? My patience is short when it comes to my beloved toy."
"Leave him, Akeno," Rias declared, though her blue eyes gleamed with destructive possessiveness. "He accepted the deal. If he manages to cross that sea of hormones and resentment using only his 'tactical retreat,' he'll have earned my eternal respect. But if he falls..." The redhead let out a desire-laden sigh. "If he falls, I'll rescue him myself, and the price of his chastity will be paid with accumulated interest. Come on, Allen Walker, show us why you call yourself the Destroyer of Worlds before the world destroys you."
....
Everyone was waiting for Allen; the girls were filled with expectations and concern. There were also a few rarely mentioned guests, such as Raynare and Aika Kiryuu.
Aika wore glasses, had golden eyes, and slightly messy brown hair tied into braids on either side.
She wore the female school uniform of Kuoh Academy.
She had a very perverted and somewhat teasing personality. She never hesitated to tease the Perverted Trio about their lack of popularity with girls.
She had an ability called Size Meter: Kiryuu could calculate the size of a man's "member" just by looking at him.
Aika Kiryuu adjusted her glasses with feline precision, observing the human tide waiting for the infamous Allen Walker. Her golden eyes scanned the crowd, but her mind was trapped by the greatest mystery of her academic life: Allen. She had tried using her "Size Meter" on him in three different hallways, and the result was always a reading error.
"Ara, looks like we'll have the main event today," Aika murmured with a smile that oozed playful perversity. "The boys are ready for a public castration, but I just want to see if that 'son of a bitch' has anything besides a pretty face and a magnetic hug underneath that uniform. If my eyes can't read him, I'll have to use a more... direct approach. Maybe an 'accident' in the hallway will be necessary today."
Raynare, from the shadows, felt a pang of irritation at the presence of the braided girl, but her attention quickly returned to the center of the entrance.
The atmosphere in Kuoh was so dense it could have been cut with a feather. Issei Hyoudou trembled with fury, a broomstick in his hand; Kiba maintained a glacial elegance that promised precise cuts, and Saji seemed on the verge of either bursting into tears or violence. Every eye was fixed on the main path, waiting for Allen's white hair to appear and unleash the school apocalypse.
Rias, from the club's window, felt her chest tighten with anticipation.
"He's coming..." she whispered.
The Pudding League was about to face its trial by fire, and Allen seemed to be enjoying the opening act of his own destruction.
....
In the distance, Allen appeared, ready to face everyone.
Rias, Akeno, and Koneko watched through magic, while Sona and Tsubaki watched through cameras and drones.
There he was...
What?!
A collective scream rang out because no one expected the sight that greeted them when they saw Allen.
He appeared wearing a tactical vest with a huge backpack on his back, sunglasses, and a cowboy hat!
"Well, well, well... by the beard of Abraham Lincoln, we've got a whole lot of cattle out of the corral," Allen said like a cowboy.
Inside that backpack was everything he needed... or at least, that's what he believed in his mind.
Rias was left speechless, her hand suspended in the air as a drop of cold sweat rolled down the back of her neck; Akeno let out an "ara" that ended in a coughing fit from the surprise.
Good heavens, the man who had challenged the Three Factions with a selfie had just shown up to a public execution dressed like an extra from a B-movie set in Texas. The "tactical retreat" seemed to have evolved into an aesthetic delirium that nobody, not even Sona's superior mind, could have predicted.
"Allen, you're going to get us killed from embarrassment before they kill you!" Rias exclaimed, covering her face with both hands as her shoulders trembled. She no longer knew whether it was from laughter or sheer desperation. "Akeno, tell me we have a spell to erase visual memories, because I can't let my favorite villain die wearing that cowboy hat."
Rias was filled with disbelief as hysterical laughter fought its way out of her throat. The "Destroyer of Worlds" transformed into a sheriff with a backpack that looked like it contained enough supplies for a three-year siege was so absurdly ridiculous that the divine tension surrounding the redhead deflated like a punctured balloon.
"Tell me this isn't real, Akeno... tell me the man who stole my breath yesterday didn't just quote Abraham Lincoln while dressed as a cowboy!"
In the Student Council room, Sona Sitri accidentally slammed her forehead against the monitor, leaving a patch of fog on the glass, while Tsubaki Shinra let out a muffled sound somewhere between a groan of embarrassment and a suppressed laugh.
The president couldn't process the "logistics" of a wide-brimmed hat in a school duel; her strategic mind was suffering a system error in the face of Allen's absolute lack of common sense. "Tsubaki, delete the drone recordings... if the Underworld sees that this is the boy who put us on the defensive, we'll lose all our political credibility before noon," Sona declared, her cheeks burning a crimson red that rivaled Rias's hair.
On the battlefield, the crowd of students fell into deathly silence, with Issei Hyoudou slowly lowering his broomstick and Kiba blinking as if something had gotten into his eye.
The murderous hatred transformed into such massive collective confusion that the air itself seemed to grow dense from the sheer stupidity of the moment.
Aika Kiryuu, for her part, adjusted her glasses and began laughing with renewed perversity, thinking that a "shameless cowboy" was exactly the kind of variable she needed for her meter. "Come on, cowboy! Show us what you've got in that survival backpack!" Aika shouted, inciting chaos as Allen took his first triumphant—or tactical—step toward the main building.
....
They all underestimated him... a grave mistake.
Allen smiled. He had won the first round, pulled three grenades from his backpack, and threw them at the crowd of male students.
They exploded. They were low-impact tear gas. Immediately, everyone began coughing and screaming while Allen walked slowly toward the entrance.
Shit! This wasn't a joke!
"Bastard!"
The captain of the Kendo Club emerged from the gas with watery eyes and a sore throat and attacked Allen with his sword.
Bang
A gunshot rang out, and a rubber bullet struck the captain in the groin.
Allen slung the shotgun over his shoulder and walked over, stopping beside the captain.
"Son, don't bring a stick to a man's duel."
Those humiliating words hurt more than the shot to the balls... maybe not.
The captain collapsed to the ground with a blue face.
Allen pulled an Old West outlaw bandana from his backpack and put it over his mouth. He pulled out a second shotgun and entered the tear gas.
"It's time to clean... my yard," he said with arrogance and style.
Bang
"Ahhh!"
Bang
"No!"
Bang
"Garrh"
Inside the gas, all that could be heard were the shots striking groins and the occasional miserable scream. The cowboy had arrived to dispense justice the old-fashioned way.
In the most absurd way possible!