(For some time I return to the masquerade dance,
eat food, talk, and enjoy myself.
Then, the time stops and people are frozen in place,
their masks are suddenly gone
They have no face.
.
Time falters.
Glasses freeze mid-air.
Every guest stands still — faceless.
I step outside.)
________________________________________________________________________________________
It's very quiet now,
Silent and proud,
I have freed myself
The Black Dahlia digs her own hell.
.
I feel a mourning that holds no cause,
And wondered why I carry emptiness,
Until now.
.
I barely hear the faintest sound,
I'd feel the dead more when she was around.
.
I was more connected then,
they were my friends.
The afterlife, my home and my refuge,
No offer could make me refuse
Ridding my life from energetic pulls,
I hope I can find the gulls.
.
Now that The Black Dahlia left
I cannot stop scanning these flower pots for the sickled ends,
Wondering what has happened to my stems.
.
When Mother destroyed forts,
They offered the biggest support.
.
The ghosts stayed during my most haunted times,
Wow, I felt very much alive!
Now, I am the ghost,
Emptiness ensued
Nothing more than a tainted fluke.
.
I remember when I would pursue the rose
I miss that version of myself the most:
The one that had chased the ghouls, goblins, and the ghosts,
And where I feared demons the most.
.
This isn't a lie nor a plea,
I sense that the demons fear me,
Dahlia's womb-gene.
.
I wonder when I will be granted my abilities, and when,
I am the most alive when ghosts visit my witchy den.
I will never dull myself for weeds
That belonged to the Gardner's chemical breed.
.
Dahlia and her nightly demons cannot entrap me,
There is no ownership; they are lonely.
I am the one that owns their world,
They live a nightmare that I control.
.
The womb-gene scares the gardner away
because he cannot inject poison through my veins
nor can he lace my insides
with nightmares that would entrap my enlightened side.
.
Womb-gene, womb-gene
I reject her BPD,
Mother cannot own me
in life and death,
I am not her conquest.