Check!
And I would never have the gut to think myself worth loving you.
-
Every love has both bitter and mellow sides. While we wait for a fruit to turn sweet, someone loves the bitterness. The taste of the fate always yields a wild smile on the face while the heart screams, why the bitterness isn't sweet? All fell in silence. And the silence presents a sanity and a sanction the ache ever shown. Like a wave suddenly feels calm after crashing with rocks. That left a souvenir engraved on it. The shore always let the waves rush in. And the waves decided to lie unanimously.
19 April, 2026
The sake of fortune gives its utmost blessing in the day with rain. Everyone is holding a cross while praying to the Lord. The altar was silent but filled with thousands whispers of fate. The holy water scattered as a grace from the Lord resembled His incalculable bless. Riley Meredith, just a step forward, gasping the cold wind calmly. He feels it wasn't the same as he exhaled a few months ago. He feels it wasn't a fear but a hope. A hope that always kept him alive. A hope always lets him stand still. He eventually closes his eyes. It is all darkness. He feels the tight grip on his hand. He knows he is not alone. Jhye Richardson was always there with him. He slowly opens the eyes and takes a deep breath. He feels warm at instant. His eyes become heavy, ready to fall. But he wasn't feeling the pain anymore. His face filled with glory. He thought he would wake up soon.
'I'd never done anything for him. I hope you can understand that.' Meredith still remembers the line from Jamie. Yeah, nobody could do anything, and neither did I- he told himself while doing his stuff. He always sees himself at the lowest point and thinks him as a burden.
Not just a few months ago, it all started. He could never show his real self before anyone. But Jhye was there to understand the whole thing just with one glance. How could he not fall in love with him? Meredith asked himself many times. He was concerned about him, which led him to fall into this situation. He could have taken it as a fate. But fate plays like a chessboard. He waited long for a check!
"The Rook goes straight. Why are you placing it diagonal? Place it back." Jhye shouted as Meredith smiled and placed it back. Jhye feels annoyed with his smile. It was so extreme that he could not focus on the moves. He is happy that he got many of Meredith's chess pieces. Meredith, on the other hand, was playing peacefully with his few pieces. "Show me some mercy!" Meredith gives a crook smile while moving his queen. "RILEY! Queen doesn't move with L notation. It's the Knight!" Jhye again shouted. He knows Meredith is deliberately doing it. Jhye alerts him, "If you do it one more-" "Jhye, Jhye, Jhye. I am done. I have no mood to play. You won." Meredith told him in a childish voice. Jhye knew it better than anyone else that Meredith came here to disturb him with his zero knowledge about chess. He was angrily placing the pieces in the box. Meredith again gives his crook smile and stands up, making his movement towards Jhye. He gripped his hand, halting him from placing the pieces. Jhye annoyedly looks at him. Meredith then holds his waist and pulls him closer. "Riley." Jhye calls his name softly. Meredith, forthwith, comes closer to fill the distance. Jhye was trying to move apart, but he knew his tight grip. Meredith extends his face toward Jhye and closes his awaiting eyes. He gradually placed a soft grip on his lips. Jhye closes his eyes at instant. Meredith kissed him till they lost grips, till they lost breaths. Jhye didn't say anything. He knows Meredith loves it. He lets him stay as he always lets him lie on him unanimously.
But Meredith never felt he had to wake up. He might one day sleep peacefully, having it on mind, someone would always hold him. And hold him like he is not letting it go. He opens his eyes calmly. Just a few meters away, he could hold the eyesight right away to look at his shelter. His everything just had become. The shore he was searching to rely on, the place he finds to die. Jhye Richardson holds his hand onto his and vows all the promises with his utmost faith.
Meredith could hear the rainfall, resembled it as a blessing, which was always there with his uprising and downfall. It might be an ordinal thing to look at, but someone feels the gloom, similarly the quietness.
June 21, 2026
The clock is ticking on its way in the dark. Everybody is sleeping quietly. Jhye gets off his bed so carefully. He opened the refrigerator and picked up the cake, which was hidden on the drawer. He lit the candle.
Meredith, on the other hand, was lying on the bed. It's his worst habit when Jhye wakes up earlier than him. He wakes up, too. Whatever, he somewhat realized the emptiness beside him. He opens his eyes instantly. "Happy Birthday to you, Riley." He almost got a shock hearing the wish from Jhye right beside him. He becomes surprised and sits on his back. "Jhye, this -" He didn't find any words to say further. He was actually shocked. He didn't imagine in Bangladesh, Jhye would plan something like that. They are far from their country. Here, for playing ODIs and T20s.
Jhye puts the cake on the bed before Meredith. He gives him the knife to cut it. "Riley, Happy birthday. I can not make the day very special but I hope you will love it. Tell me what you want as your birthday gift." Jhye humbly says.
Meredith feels happy when he sees the cake. It was strawberry flavor. Though not everybody knows the fact about him, Jhye never guessed it wrong. He looks at Jhye, suddenly, in a suspicious way. He then changed the look and did not want to make a scene. Meredith didn't hold the knife at first but rather hold Jhye's hand. He pulls it closer. With a soft, disappointing tone, he speaks, "Jhye, thanks a lot. Thank you so much for becoming the person I owe everything. You just care about even a tiny thing about me. It has been just a few weeks after we got married. And I would never have the gut to think myself worth loving you. I would do everything, yet it would become nothing. Not even an inch from what you've done. I-I realized when I was promising you and to the Lord, I asked for forgiveness, too. I told Him I would do anything to protect you. But I ain't enough-" "Riley," Jhye, forthwith, cuts him off. "Who gave you the permission to think yourself like that?" Jhye rudely asked him. He holds his jaw with his left hand. "Riley, Lord's creation is not imperfect. You have to keep it in mind. You're one of them. And you're worthy of having each thing. And if you think, yes, the Lord sent me to you. You have to thank him profoundly rather than thinking of paying back. Who says you are not worthy of loving me? You know I love you, too. And that is more than enough, Riley. The promised we've given, the vows we've made, are worthy. Don't you dare to think like that. You know it's your birthday and how much it is special for me. You're ruining - " "Jhye, I am sorry. And I love you." For the first time, Meredith sees a wide and beautiful smile on Jhye's face. He didn't blink his eyes. He captures it with his affectionate eyes. How captivating it is! How can he not think himself worth becoming the reason?
He cuts the cake after making a hidden wish, whispering through the warm air. Jhye was staring at him. He doesn't know when time passed, and Meredith opens his eyes. Meredith noticed it but didn't react. They cut the cake together. Jhye cuts the biggest piece and gives it to his husband. After sharing their pieces and meals, Jhye asked him one more time, "You didn't tell me what you want." Meredith again pulls him closer and holds his hand, yells, "Never leave by my side." Jhye didn't say anything. He knew he would say something like that. He, a long ago, even before their relationship, prepared a gift for him. The gift is so much worthy. Meredith wants it since he was a teen. Ellis never gave him. Of course, Meredith could get it by himself, but he wanted someone close to give him that. Jhye, without even knowing it, gave him the gift today.
'I checked him with just two pieces, and he couldn't move.' Meredith knows the thing even having no sense about chess. He always thinks Jhye is the queen of his chessboard. And he loves to move it as his wish. He knows Jhye did not tell him anything. He is quiet. As clam as his Queen. As calm as his shore. Why wouldn't he lie there forever? He thinks while stoking Jhye's hair. Maybe I am not worthy of having it, but I promise I will never let you down. He placed a soft kiss on his head. He feels Jhye hasn't fallen in sleep yet. He silently moves his eyes to the candle.
....