Chapter 52: A Moment's Peace
A Moment's Peace
The end of the summer holidays had been received very differently by the various members of the Emiya-estate, and those reactions still echoed even a month after school had begun once more.
Rin for instance was still slightly annoyed that more than half of her waking hours were now being eaten up again by mandatory education. It wasn't that she actively disliked school, but she wouldn't have gone either if she didn't have to. Being what she was, it was just not that important to her. A trivial matter, one could even say.
But Rin had her sense of elegance and duty, so she went to class without protest, as demanded by law and by social convention. As much as she disliked wasting time, she disliked slacking and making excuses even more, so she did what was expected of her.
Ayako on the other hand was one of those people who were eager to go back to school. She couldn't wait to get started at the archery club, she enjoyed practically all her classes, though history and biology most of all, and she loved meeting new people and exploring new places.
In other words, Homurahara High was a very welcoming place for her.
Sakura was decidedly unhappy though. She had remained behind at middle school after all, and considering she had little interest in education and few friends, that rather soured her mood. However, the blow had been softened by the fact that Illya had joined her class, pretending to be a transfer student from Germany who was staying with Shirou for room and board.
Speaking of Illya, it had been a bit of a headache for Shirou to figure out what year would be appropriate for her, considering she'd been very well educated in some fields –language, history, and chemistry– and very poorly in others –physics, mathematics, and home economics– but in the end, he'd settled on Sakura's year.
Time would tell if that had been the correct decision. If it wasn't, he could always change it again, provided Illya agreed with it.
So far though, Illya had no complaints. She was settling in nicely at school and at his house, and despite Shirou's slight fears, she hadn't experienced any complications whatsoever from the Ritual.
Sella and Leysritt hadn't experienced any complications either so far, but unlike Illya, they were not exactly pleased with school having begun again. Not because they had to attend classes themselves, but because that took Illya away from them for hours on end.
Shirou had checked on their behalf, and unfortunately, it wasn't allowed for foreign noble girls to take their maids to school with them, so Sella and Leysritt were out of luck.
Caren had also settled in nicely at his home. She had acquainted herself with her housemates and the house itself, and she was now making a general nuisance out of herself, as he had expected of her. Since she wasn't doing any church-services by a total lack of need, her greatest enemy right now was boredom, but Shirou was working on an idea to remedy that.
And as for Shirou himself, he was doing alright. He was training his abilities, faithfully putting in the little work he had to do to get perfect marks for all his classes and courses, and supporting the others in their endeavours.
In other words, the past month had gone rather well for everyone, aside from some minor annoyances here and there that took some effort to fix.
Currently, the redhead was actually working to fix one of those annoyances, through a mixture of craftwork and minor crime.
Yes, crime.
It was about six o'clock in the morning, two hours before the first classes of the day would start, and he was currently standing, or rather kneeling, in one of Homurahara's locker rooms, to attach a small sign to one of the lockers.
"Emiya-kun, you have always been a good friend of mine, but as aspiring student council president, it remains difficult to stand by and watch you deface school property."
Oh yes, and Issei was there too.
"I requested permission from the headmaster, paid for the damages in advance, and made a donation to the school." Shirou reminded his bespectacled friend, not looking away from his task. "I am allowed to do this now."
"Don't use money to solve all of your problems, you villain." Issei huffed without heat, before putting his hands on his sides, letting out a deep sigh. "Though considering the circumstances, I can hardly blame you for resorting to measures like this. Just make sure no one sees you."
"That's why we came in early, my friend."
"Too early, if you ask me."
Issei was clearly sulking, but he did have a point. They were indeed too early, as evidenced by the fact that there was literally not a single other soul present in the school. Not strange, considering the building was still supposed to be locked at this hour, out of bounds for students and teachers alike.
The only reason they were inside was because they'd broken into the building, something Issei could still scarcely believe.
But Shirou needed to attach the sign to the locker without being seen, while Issei wanted to keep an eye on Shirou while he was doing so. In other words, they had no choice.
"You know, the longer I know you, the more I get the idea that you are a bad influence on me." The monk remarked sternly. "It was bad enough when you were only known for sleeping in class and beating up the odd bully, but now that you're actually committing acts of burglary, I am seriously starting to wonder whether spending time in your presence is a good idea."
"Who else are you going to spend time with then?" Shirou asked curiously.
"…You make a good point." Issei conceded after a moment, realising he had no friends besides Shirou. "Well then, in the spirit of friendship, I suppose I can forgive a few minor transgressions, as long as it does not happen too often."
"Much obliged." Shirou nodded, turning around to give his friend a grateful smile, before returning his focus to the sign.
It was a small plaque, coloured white, with a text written on it in flowing letters that were coloured a deep red. The red on white created an optimal contrast, making it obvious what was written on the sign in one look.
No unsolicited love letters.
Just reading the text again was enough to get a snort of amusement out of Issei, but there was also a slightly sympathetic look in his eyes, as he knew the sign was very much necessary.
"Vixen-san is still being hounded by her admirers then?"
"She is." Shirou nodded sadly. "She hoped that people would be less intense around her at high school, but that hope hasn't come true."
"Never thought I'd be feeling sorry for her." Issei grunted, a complicated expression coming to his face. "But surprisingly, I do."
It had, as said before, only been a month since school had begun again, but Rin had nevertheless already established herself as the school's uncontested, favourite idol, easily eclipsing all the school's other beauties in fame and popularity.
She was beautiful, intelligent, hard-working, kind to everyone around her, and the apple of the teachers' eyes. She radiated grace and elegance while at the same time giving off an air of approachability, a supermodel and a girl-next-door in one sublime package. She was simply perfection personified.
And no, Shirou wasn't biased because he was her boyfriend. That genuinely was her reputation.
As such, it was no wonder her locker regularly overflowed with love letters from admirers. It had gotten to the point where opening her locker could very well trigger an avalanche if she wasn't careful. Sometimes, it seemed as if every boy in school was eager to confess their love for her, and they were determined to write letters until she gave in.
Rin didn't appreciate the flood of letters though. They were a hindrance, especially since her idol-image kind of demanded that she treated them with at least a measure of respect. Every day, she had to spend at least ten minutes just to get all the letters out of her locker and into her bag, which was a lot of effort considering she'd just throw them into the fire the minute she was home.
So after she'd found her school supplies buried in letters for the twelfth time despite her repeated requests to the students to either give the letters directly to her or not write them at all, she had asked Shirou to take measures.
Hence, the sign he was putting up. Shirou wasn't sure how much effect it would have, but it was a decent first measure in his opinion. Something that would show the teachers that they initially tried a peaceful, restrained method of getting Rin's admirers to stand down. It would make the later escalation to harsher methods more acceptable.
It also meant that the letters that did end up in Rin's locker could be burned at once, as they would have been sent by people unable to follow even the most basic of instructions.
Exactly the kind of people Rin hated.
"Done." Shirou then said once the last screw had been fastened, and he rose from his kneeling position. "Now we can see how much effect this will have."
"It will certainly raise a few eyebrows." Issei laughed shortly, imagining how people would react once they saw the plaque. "Though whether it will stop the letters…"
"Likely not." Shirou admitted. "But it was never intended to. It is only the first measure, a warning for those with some common sense to change their behaviour before I do something more... drastic."
"Drastic? Well, that doesn't sound ominous at all." Issei snarked. "Do keep the damage to the school's reputation to a minimum, will you?"
"That goes without saying. Nothing that I will do shall be traced back to you or to the school. You have my word."
The redhead wasn't going to inconvenience people who had nothing to do with the issue at hand. That was no more than logical.
Issei gave him a grateful nod, accepting his promise, before the bespectacled teen changed the subject.
The two friends talked for a while about this and that, catching up a little after a few days of not seeing each other, before they had to hide when the first teachers started to arrive.
Not long after though, students started trickling in as well, and Shirou and Issei felt secure in revealing themselves again, returning to the locker room while pretending to have just arrived.
As luck would have it, they returned just when the subject of their previous conversation also arrived.
"Emiya-kun, Ryuudou-kun." Rin greeted them shortly in a voice that could best be described as distantly polite, as she always did when at school, nodding once at them both.
"Tohsaka-san." Shirou nodded back.
"Vixen." Issei didn't nod though, stubbornly keeping his neck straight.
His refusal to greet her properly only prompted a small smile from Rin however, before she looked at the sign that Shirou had just attached to her locker.
Judging by her twinkling eyes, she liked what she saw.
"Emiya-kun and I were just discussing the effectiveness of such a sign." Issei informed her, also glancing at it. "I rather doubt it will do much."
"Perhaps it won't." Rin acknowledged, familiar enough with her own fans to know that they wouldn't be put off by such a tiny hindrance. "But it is a good first step. If it doesn't work, we can start working on other, more drastic options."
"Emiya-kun said exactly the same." Issei smirked, looking between them. "Though if you ask me, you are making this far more complicated than it has to be. There is an easier option to stop the love letters than attaching signs to lockers."
"Oh? Please enlighten us, Ryuudou-kun." Rin requested sweetly, giving him a bright smile that was full of warning signs.
"Simply go public with your relationship."
"Ah." Shirou gave a pained smile at the suggestion, while Rin's expression flattened. "We did consider that, but in the end, we decided it would be too much of a bother. The downsides outweigh the benefits."
"Of course." Issei nodded, as if that was obvious. "My suggestion was made in jest. If you went public with your relationship, it would create a rather awful mess. I believe it would not be unlike what takes place in some of Minori-kun's anime."
"I don't know what anime you are talking about, but I get what you mean." Shirou sighed.
"My admirers would probably hound Emiya-kun and pester me without end to dump him and select one of them instead." Rin huffed condescendingly at the idea. "Or call me a slut and a whore, before pretending they were never interested in me anyway."
"Or both." Shirou nodded, his eyes flashing in anger at the thought of anyone badmouthing Rin. "Then I'd have to set them straight, which might have all kinds of bothersome consequences. Better to keep our relationship a secret."
"You know, that is the first time I have ever seen you show any kind of anger in relation to my admirers." Rin noted, before she pouted a bit. "We are talking about people who want to steal me from you. Can't you at least be a little bit jealous?"
"I will save my jealousy for the point where you show them anything else than pure contempt." Shirou laughed, stepping closer and throwing an arm around her shoulders to pull her against his chest. "It's hard to feel any kind of possessive anger when all you do is complain about them."
"Is that so?" Rin mused, smiling warmly when he kissed the top of her head. "Perhaps I should give some of them a bit more attention then. Maybe that will arouse your ire at last."
"I wholeheartedly support you." Issei suddenly said, smiling when they looked at him in confusion. "If only to see you squirm as you try to pretend you are in love with someone you normally wouldn't look twice at, vixen."
Rin stared at him for several long seconds, her face expressionless, before she looked up at Shirou again.
"Kiss me." She ordered him, and he was only glad to oblige, knowing that he wouldn't have any opportunity to do so during the school day.
Issei politely looked away of course.
"Alright then." Rin sighed when they let go of each other again, looking both happy and sad. "I'm ready for another day. From here on, Emiya-kun, I do not know you, I do not care much about you, and I will only talk to you if we run into each other by chance."
"Then I'll have to make sure to run into you every hour or so, as I have done before." Shirou promised, referring to the past month, during which he'd regularly visited her to keep her spirits up. "If I pretend that I'm working on the electrics, it shouldn't be that suspicious."
"Maybe." Rin nodded, though she didn't look entirely sure. "Though we'd have to make sure my more ardent followers don't get suspicious when I talk to you more often than I should. They are so… meticulous, about such things."
Meticulous.
Quite the euphemistic term for something that was essentially just stalking and obsessive behaviour.
"Frankly, Tohsaka-san, it's already too late for that." Issei spoke up in a warning tone. "Several of your admirers have noticed that Emiya-kun enters your presence far more often than he should, and they have started to complain about it."
"I've been found out already?" Shirou blinked in surprise. He thought he'd been pretty stealthy in his approach, yet apparently, he hadn't been stealthy enough to fool some lovesick teenagers.
That was… rather embarrassing actually.
"Yes." Issei replied in the affirmative, not batting an eye when Shirou slumped, before he turned to Rin. "Your self-assigned fan-club has its members follow you around the school all day. I know this because both my rivals for the president position are in that club. I have overheard them talking on several occasions, and the main two things they are discussing these days are the colour of your underwear and the fact that the 'spineless fake janitor' is spending more time with you than the lot of them together."
"Spineless fake janitor?" Shirou frowned at the nickname, rather disliking how it sounded. "I have heard them call me fake janitor before, but why spineless?"
"Apparently because you help out the teachers a lot." Issei shrugged, before he too frowned in displeasure. "In all honesty though, 'spineless fake janitor' is one of the nicer names they have for you. As for those other, not-so-nice names, well…"
Issei leaned in closer to them, wary of swearing out loud, and whispered several of the insults into their ears.
"Ouch." Shirou remarked dryly once he was done, while Rin narrowed her eyes, resolving to find out exactly who those two rivals were.
"They really don't like that you are intruding on 'their' territory, Emiya-kun. For now, they accredit it to Tohsaka's 'overwhelming kindness' towards a loser." A roll of Issei's eyes showed exactly what he thought of the idea of Rin being overwhelmingly kind. "But if this continues, they may develop some theory about how you are blackmailing or forcing her."
"Tsk." Rin made a displeased noise, but she couldn't disagree. That was exactly what the more pathetic boys would do if they got jealous. It had been the same at her old school. If she paid more attention than usual to a boy, for whatever reason, there was no shortage of other brats who'd immediately start badmouthing that poor boy.
"I suppose I'll have to keep my distance then." Shirou sighed, rubbing the back of his head. While he wasn't the kind of person to avoid confrontations at all costs, he also wasn't someone who made trouble for the sake of it. "Don't worry, Rin. I'll make it up to you when we get home, every evening."
"…!" Rin froze for the slightest of moments, before she turned towards him with shining eyes. "Promise?"
"I promise, yes." Shirou nodded with a broad grin, again stepping closer and throwing his arms around her to pull her into a big hug. "I will make you squeal all night long-"
"Once I am president, I will certainly take measures to curb your fan-club's more excessive behaviour, Tohsaka-san." Issei interrupted him loudly, adjusting his glasses, which had become a bit foggy.
Shirou froze halfway to Rin's lips, having almost forgotten Issei was there, before he put her down on the ground again, awkwardly clearing his throat.
"Thank you, Ryuudou-kun." Rin was perfectly composed though, aside from her smile, which was a tad more devious than normal. "Stalking me at school is one thing, but if they take it further than that…"
"Quite so." Issei nodded when Rin trailed off. "While I cannot fault teenagers for having an idol, I must draw the line at stalking behaviour, not to mention that a competition about who will 'claim Tohsaka-hime's first kiss' is very much out of line, especially since the winner has already been decided and isn't even part of their group."
Both Rin and Shirou blushed slightly at the matter-of-fact tone he used to say that.
"If my fellow men want girlfriends, they'll have to look for someone else. Tohsaka-san is quite taken already." Issei finished.
"Oh well, choice enough. There are plenty of beautiful girls attending this school for the boys to salivate over." Rin huffed, not mentioning the fact she herself had sometimes taken a second look at some of the third-year beauties as well. "If anything, us girls have it far harder. Handsome and desirable men are in short supply."
"Oh?" Issei raised an eyebrow. "How so?"
"There aren't many boys who can objectively be called handsome at Homurahara, and the ones who are handsome often are insufferably arrogant as well." Rin began, before giving Issei a brief smile. "And those who are handsome and not arrogant often have other… issues."
"Such as?" Issei now looked interested, and Shirou had to admit he too was curious.
"Well, take yourself for instance, Ryuudou-kun. You are considered to be handsome by most of the girls I speak with."
"Me!?" Issei spluttered, his eyes widening to the size of saucers.
"I don't get it either." Rin teased him, though her smile fell when he didn't react at all to her jibe. "In all honesty though, you are considered quite a catch, especially if you manage to become the student council president. You are a monk though, and almost everyone seems to agree you aren't very interested in girls."
"When you put it like that, I indeed don't sound desirable as a boyfriend." Issei inclined his head in agreement, looking relieved he wasn't about to be pursued by multiple girls.
"And then there is Emiya-kun." Rin went on, gesturing at Shirou. "Who is handsome, but the fact he is so willing to help out with school maintenance makes him, and I quite, 'seriously uncool'."
"Hm." Shirou smiled, taking the remark in good humour.
"My classmates all agree that the most handsome boy in school is a third-year called Kohta." Rin continued, before she smirked slightly, leaning in closer towards them. "Anyone with functioning eyes though can see that Kohta is interested in men. He only has eyes for Homura, his boyfriend."
"Good for him." Shirou smiled, rather enjoying the gossip Rin was sharing with them.
"And then there are a few others, all of whom are already taken, most of them by middle-school sweethearts who don't even go to Homurahara." Rin finished her list. "Which means us girls have very little to choose from."
"My heart goes out to you all." Issei said dryly, prompting another amused smile from Rin.
The trio continued talking for a bit longer, but once more students started dripping in as the time for the first class approached, they were forced to disband quickly, lest Rin be seen with them, possibly triggering a riot from her fans.
The life of an idol sure was hard.
Ever since the school year had begun again, the Emiya-estate was far quieter during the day than it used to be during the holidays.
Most of its inhabitants were gone after all, off to school, leaving only three people behind, none of whom were much inclined to make noise.
Sella spent her mornings doing housework, sweeping the floors, cleaning the windows, tidying up the kitchen after breakfast had been made, and several other miscellaneous tasks. As she didn't use any electrical appliances, the work was done in silence.
Leysritt usually tried to pitch in with the housework, but always ended up being distracted by either the radio or the tv. As she didn't want to disturb her sister however, she kept the volume low, wordlessly listening to music or watching various programmes.
Caren, the most recent addition to the household, spent the first hours of her day in prayer, like a proper nun. This too produced very little noise, aside from a soft murmuring that was addressed to God.
So despite their presence, the Emiya-estate still remained rather quiet.
When lunchtime came around however, and they sat down at the table together, a conversation was swiftly struck up.
"How have you been settling in, lady Caren?" Sella asked the house's newest inhabitant, pouring her a cup of tea. "I heard that your relocation into lord Shirou's estate was rather sudden for you. I hope you haven't experienced any problems?"
"On the contrary, my dear Sella." Caren smiled contently, trying to take a sip of her tea but failing, as it was still too hot. "Everything has been perfect so far. I am very grateful that I am allowed to stay here, and I am glad that Shirou invited me."
"Lord Emiya too is very glad that you accepted his invitation." Sella assured the white-haired nun, placing a plate of omurice in front of her. "Though he tried not to show it, he was concerned about the Burial Agency's new emissary. That it turned out to be you was a considerable relief to him."
"Hehe." Caren grinned happily upon hearing that. "That is kind of you to say."
"It is no more than the truth."
"And it is a pleasing truth."
Caren might have a slightly problematic personality, but that didn't mean that she didn't appreciate being welcomed somewhere. It was so unusual for people to be happy to see her that the instances that it did happen were forever stored in her memory and her heart.
Of course, that she was so unpopular even within the Burial Agency was entirely her own fault, she knew that, and the maddening duality of wanting to be loved and at the same time instinctively scaring everyone away was something she still cursed her father for every day.
"But that is enough about me." Because she didn't want to talk about it any further. "What about you, Sella?"
"Me, my lady?"
"Yes, you." Caren nodded, looking the maid over. "You were changed into a human quite recently, were you not? How is that working out for you?"
She was acting rather blasé about it now, but learning that Shirou had changed three Homunculi into humans had actually been a considerable shock to Caren.
Not because it was Sorcery, as Caren cared very little for the complexities of Magus-society and the silly little ranks that they had developed for themselves, but because of the theological implications.
Homunculi, fake humans made by other humans, had been changed into actual humans with proper human Souls. Essentially, true life had just been created out of nothing.
It was an act of God, carried out by a mere Magus, or Sorcerer or whatever.
It had been enough to knock the small nun flat on her back for a moment, but fortunately, it hadn't taken her long to come to terms with it. The Lord and Saviour accepted everyone after all, and she did not doubt that His goodwill also extended to former Homunculi.
And even if it didn't, it was His place to judge, not hers.
That was not to say however that everyone in the Vatican would think that way. Undoubtedly, there would be many who would call for a Crusade if the information was ever leaked.
Caren would be lying if she said that she wasn't sometimes tempted to leak the information herself, just to see the confusion and panic it would cause, but that was a temptation she always ruthlessly squashed. She liked trouble, but not to that extent.
"I am doing well, lady Caren." Sella replied to her question, bringing up a hand to brush her own hair, which now held several red highlights, forming the clearest indicator that she was no longer a Homunculus. "My efficiency in housework has increased considerably, my capacity for emotional support has been greatly expanded, and my lifespan is much greater than before. I am a better servant than I ever was, and I am very grateful to lord Shirou for making it so."
"…That's great."
It was also not what Caren meant.
"I have to admit though that the absence of the restrictions on my mind can sometimes be disorienting." Sella continued. "I am not used to having so much leeway in my decisions. It takes a focused effort to carry out my duties in a consistent manner."
"Right."
"But you do not have to worry about any diminished capacity on the end of me or my sister, lady Caren. Lord Shirou is confident that the disorientation will subside soon, though he cannot say exactly when. It is an unprecedented situation after all."
Sella was really presenting everything in the light of her ability to carry out her duties, and the nun was starting to understand why Shirou sometimes complained about how difficult it was to get straight answers out of the maid.
Nevertheless, Caren did her best to play along. If her efficiency as a maid was what mattered most to Sella, then that was what Caren would also focus on.
"Your work so far has been nothing short of impeccable." She thus complimented her. "I have not noticed any mistakes or diminished capacity from you. If there are indeed any complications, then they have had very little impact."
"Thank you, lady Caren." Sella smiled, and it was a smile that contained a little more heart than usual, showing the compliments had been received and appreciated.
After that, they didn't talk for a while, instead focusing on their food, and the only sounds in the Emiya-estate were those of cutlery and plates being moved about.
"What about you, Leysritt?" Caren moved her attention towards the other sister once she was about halfway finished with her food. "How are you doing?"
"…Fine." Leysritt replied after several long seconds of silence, before she gave Caren a penetrating stare. "Why?"
"Oh, no reason. I'm just interested." Caren replied, half regretting her decision to talk to the withdrawn girl. Somehow, she never seemed to know how to deal with her.
"I'm fine." Leysritt repeated, and with that, the matter was closed.
"Leysritt's experiences have been similar to mine." Sella spoke up in lieu of her sister. "But she doesn't much like talking about it."
"Evidently."
"So instead, perhaps we can talk about you, lady Caren." Sella suddenly also gave her a penetrating stare, uncannily similar to her sister's.
"M-Me?"
"My capacity for emotional support has been greatly expanded upon." Sella repeated what she said earlier. "Hence, I can tell that something is troubling you, lady Caren."
"W-What? No, I-"
"Please allow me to assist."
"…Alright." Caren nodded after a moment, figuring she might as well try. "I'm bored."
The frank and rather unexpected admission made Sella freeze in place, while Leysritt nodded in understanding.
"Everyone has been very kind to me, and I am grateful that I can stay here, that has not changed." Caren hurried to assure them, not wanting there to be any kind of misunderstanding about that. "But I'm bored."
With nothing to do aside from sitting around and trying to chat with two mostly unresponsive maids, Caren had quickly begun to dislike the hours during which the others were at school. Without Shirou and Sakura to tease, there was nothing for her to do, and there was only so much praying she could do to occupy her time.
She had tried to tease Sella and Leysritt, and when that had failed, to just talk with them, but outside of these short conversations during lunch, the maids had perfect poker faces and little inclination for chit-chat.
For someone like Caren, who communicated by trying to find the cracks in someone's demeanour, that was very difficult to deal with.
"I… I understand." Sella nodded after a few moments. "Lord Emiya did indicate that you are someone who likes to be in the company of other people most of the time, and that television, radio, and books are unlikely to capture your attention for long. He also said you needed a lot of personal attention and might behave strangely if you are left alone for too long."
"This is starting to sound like he was talking about the house cat." Caren noted, smiling in amusement.
"O-Oh, no! I am certain that was not his intention!" Sella rushed to say, her eyes widening in shock.
"It's okay. I am absolutely fine with being his cat." Caren purred, holding her hands up in such a way that they resembled cat paws. "Nya."
"…" Now Sella was just staring at her, totally confused by Caren's mannerisms.
"Good girl." Leysritt on the other hand softly pat Caren's head, and Caren's heart skipped a beat at both the sensation and the words.
"…I will relay the matter to lord Shirou once he returns from school." Sella then spoke up again.
In the end, the former Homunculus did the wisest thing and decided to leave it all to Shirou. She, who had only recently become human, was not equipped to deal with someone like Caren Ortensia, so she wasn't even going to try.
"Oh yes, school! Maybe I should try going to school as well." Caren suggested something she had been considering for a while, placing her hands together and adopting her cutest expression. "I could probably pass for a fifteen-year-old girl, right?"
"Yes." Leysritt nodded without a trace of hesitation, continuing the head pats.
"That answer was much too swift!" Caren deadpanned. "You're supposed to be unsure of how to answer my question without insulting me!"
"But I don't care." Leysritt gave her a bemused look. "You look much younger than you really are, so I told you so."
"Ah…"
The nun didn't know what to say in response to that, having no good strategy to deal with people who treated her with such disinterest. Fortunately for her though, the lazy maid turned away after a few seconds, directing her attention at her food again.
"So." Caren then turned back to Sella, who had been far easier to talk with so far. "What do you think about me going to school?"
"Please wait for lord Shirou to return before you take any such drastic decisions." Sella said immediately. "I heavily discourage attending his school without any warning in advance."
"But it will be fun." Caren protested, already able to imagine how vexed he would be if she appeared at his school out of the blue. He'd frown at her, and clench his jaw, and maybe one of his eyes would twitch. She loved it when that happened.
"It will certainly not be fun!" Sella stated with absolute certainty, crossing her arms before her in an X.
"Let's agree to disagree."
"NO!"
Sakura had been worried at first that Illya would have trouble fitting in at her new school.
The former Homunculus had never gone to school before, nor had she ever interacted with fellow students or teachers, or just people who weren't Magi in general. She had zero experience with the rhythm of a day in class, and had no idea how exams, reports, and presentations worked.
All of that together, coupled with the fact that Illya was now suddenly thrown in the deep end, made the plum-haired girl quite fearful that the former Homunculus' first weeks at her new school would be filled with nothing but embarrassment and confusion.
But nothing had been less true.
"And then he swooped to her rescue anyway!" The white-haired girl recounted the tale from her latest anime to an engrossed crowd of classmates, standing on a table and looking around at all the eager faces surrounding her. "Even though it was dangerous, even though his enemies were far stronger than him, he still did it! It was awesome!"
"I loved that scene!"
"It was so romantic!"
"I want to be just like that when I grow up!"
Illya's classmates almost tripped over each other to agree with her, to show how much they valued her opinion, and the white-haired girl lapped it all up, grinning widely at the attention she was receiving.
From her very first day at school, no, from the very momentshe was introduced to the class as an exchange student, Illya had managed to win over the hearts of nearly everyone around her.
Her adorable looks, her forceful personality, her earnestness and joy, and her noble manners all combined to make her absolutely irresistible to her classmates, and even her various teachers seemed to like her well enough.
She received over a dozen invitations each day to come over to someone's house for a playdate or to hang out in the city together, and Illya was more than willing to accept them, making sure to have no favourites, maintaining a tight schedule detailing who she would hang out with and when.
This insistence on treating everyone equally only served to fuel her popularity, and before long, she had become as popular at her school as Rin was at Homurahara, an idol in her own right. Unlike Rin though, Illya seemed to genuinely enjoy it, basking in the attention she was receiving, attention she'd never gotten during the last eight years of her life.
At this point, Sakura wondered if being a Magus perhaps also gave one the skills to become popular at school. Both Rin and the white-haired girl seemed to prove that pretty conclusively.
But then again, it hardly mattered. Most Magi never went to school anyway, meaning Sakura's small sample pool would never increase in size. The only way to know for certain was to force more Magi to attend middle- or high-school, and that would be quite difficult, to say the least.
Laughing quietly at the ridiculousness of her thoughts, Sakura turned away from the spectacle of Illya being worshipped by her fans and focused on her lunch instead. There were only fifteen minutes of the lunch break left after all, and she hadn't even started yet.
The plum-haired girl was not a big eater however, and it was after only five minutes that she put her bento down again, her stomach filled to bursting.
The bento was not yet empty however, something that captured the attention of Sakura's neighbour.
"Sakura-san, are you going to finish your bento?"
"I am not, Kurisu-san." The plum-haired girl smiled kindly, having expected the question, before she handed over her lunchbox, which still contained about half of the food she'd come to school with, to the redheaded girl sitting next to her. "Ah, but I seem to have made too much this morning. I am already full myself, but it would be such a waste to throw the rest away. I would dearly appreciate it if you could help me finish it."
"Well, if you insist." Kurisu mumbled, trying to act aloof, though her hungry gaze and eagerness with which she accepted the bento betrayed her true intentions. "I suppose I could help you with it."
It wasn't Sakura's habit to take more food to school than she could finish on her own, but lately, she had taken to making double portions in the morning to put into her bento. Not because she was suddenly much hungrier than before, but because she was sharing it with Makise Kurisu.
Makise Kurisu was a pretty, redheaded girl of about Sakura's age, with eyes coloured a greyish blue and the pale skin that was inherent to all natural redheads. She had moved to Fuyuki with her father over the summer holiday, and as such, was new at school, just like Illya.
Unlike Illya however, who had taken to her new surroundings like a fish to water, Kurisu was struggling to adapt to her life in Fuyuki. She wasn't as outgoing as Illya, nor did she have her confidence or her talent at interacting with people, leaving her struggling to find her place.
It also didn't help that Kurisu was a bit of a loner. She tended to keep to herself, preferring to spend her breaks alone, and usually went home straight after school, refusing to even entertain the possibility of joining a club.
At the moment, Sakura was pretty much her only friend, and that was only because the plum-haired girl had bribed her with food, having noticed that the girl didn't have her own bento nor any lunch money to spend at the cafeteria.
It was certainly odd that she didn't have any money, considering her father was a top scientist in the field of physics, the kind that earned big money with conferences, papers, and interviews, but Sakura had refrained from asking any intrusive questions. Instead, she'd just begun to take more food with her so she could share.
She knew a thing or two about difficult family circumstances, and she didn't want to pry yet, not before establishing a strong connection.
Upon receiving the bento, the redheaded girl demolished the food like she hadn't eaten in days, making Sakura very glad that she'd made an extra big portion that morning. Hopefully, it would be enough to fill her stomach, and if not, Sakura would have to confiscate some food from Illya.
It was an emergency after all.
Fortunately, Kurisu seemed quite satisfied after she had finished the bento, meaning that Illya's lunch was safe for today.
"S-Shall I take a look at your homework for our next class?" Kurisu then offered, nervously rubbing her hands together after she handed back the bento. "We still have a few minutes."
"That would be fantastic!" Sakura clapped her hands together, beaming at the redhead. "Your help is always so useful to me."
Kurisu was a very intelligent girl. In all honesty, she was so smart it was almost scary. There was nothing in their current curriculum that formed even a remote challenge for her, and before Sakura had taken to talking with her, she'd been reading books on advanced physics during the breaks, just to have something stimulating to do.
She never had anything less than a perfect score, for any test, including the one that was technically meant for the exams at the end of the year, which the teacher had given to them as a warning. It was something Sakura had only seen before from Shirou, and he was a demigod who had Reinforced his own brain. It was a bit too early to claim that Kurisu was an outright genius, but if she continued like she had, Sakura had no doubt she'd surpass her father, a famous scientist, in no time.
Despite her brilliance though, Kurisu never showed a hint of arrogance. Even though she already knew everything they had to know for their exams at the end of the year, she still diligently paid attention in class and did all her homework. Unlike Shirou, who openly never paid attention to his teachers and barely bothered to do his assignments, Kurisu was a model student, the kind that was every teacher's favourite.
As such, her offer to check Sakura's homework was most welcome indeed.
Of course, if Kurisu hadn't offered to help, Sakura would have asked Shirou for his assistance, which would have worked just as well, but Kurisu looked so glad to be of use that the plum-haired girl did not mention that.
The redheaded girl barely took a minute to go over Sakura's work, and then quickly and briefly explained to the plum-haired girl what mistakes she had made and what the correct ways of doing things were.
Five minutes hadn't seemed enough to go over their every assignment, but in the end, they even had a solid minute to spare before the next class was about to begin.
"Alright, get back to your seats." Their teacher said as he walked into the classroom, signifying the start of the lesson. No one moved though, not until Illya got off the table to return to her chair, which was the sign for the rest to follow the teacher's order as well.
"Well then, class. Open your books on page twenty-four." The teacher intoned, and then, once they all had their textbooks open, he started talking, droning on and on, only pausing sometimes to write something on the chalkboard behind him.
Sakura attentively made notes, doing her best to record everything that was said, but even as she wrote, she saw that Kurisu was effortlessly surpassing her again. The girl's notes were impeccable, and undoubtedly padded with her own knowledge about the subjects that were discussed. Where Sakura had written barely two pages worth of notes, she had already filled six.
Sakura wasn't worried though. Her notes were sufficient for a passing grade, and Kurisu would probably let her copy her notes anyway. She always did, sometimes even insisting on it.
In fact, the plum-haired girl could still remember the first time Kurisu had offered her notes to her, or rather forced her to copy them.
"Y-You really are bad at taking notes." The redheaded girl spluttered, looking disapprovingly at Sakura's notebook, before holding out her own, closing her eyes as she blushed slightly. "S-Since you are so hopeless, I can let you copy mine. B-Be grateful!"
Another Tsundere… Did Sakura attract those types of people or was it just a coincidence that she now had two of them in her orbit?
Well, whatever. Tsunderes were cute, so it was fine.
When Mirei Montmorency, the right-hand woman of Lorelei Barthomeloi and de-facto head of the Department of Policies, entered the office of her boss, she wasn't at all surprised to find Phantasmal Creatures inside.
As the Vice-Director's second-in-command and most trusted advisor, she was usually made privy to the young lady's secrets very quickly, as she had proven many times before that she was utterly reliable and could be counted on to help deal with an immense variety of problems and issues.
So when Lorelei had returned to the Clocktower with four Phantasmal Beasts in tow, which she had captured in the Black Forest in Germany, she had told Mirei about their existence during their very first meeting upon her return, going as far as to show them off to her, like a proud pet-owner.
That was now well over a month ago.
All that was to say that Mirei wasn't shocked at all to find four Wolpertingers inside the young lady's office, and she only gave them a cursory glance as she walked towards the desk to give the brunette the daily briefing, reports in hand.
The mother-Wolpertinger was lying in a corner of the office, stretched out and flattened like only rabbits could. It had its eyes closed contently, basking in the sun that fell through the window, but even though it looked asleep, Mirei had no doubt it was carefully monitoring its surroundings for anything that could threaten its young.
Mirei was an ally of Lorelei and thus got a pass for now, but she was certain that if she made any threatening movements, she'd be bowled over and turned into a smear on the wall before she could blink. Hence, the elderly lady kept her hands to herself.
She wasn't entirely defenceless, but all the same, she did not fancy her chances against a real-life Phantasmal Beast that was fighting to protect its babies.
Speaking of the babies, they too were present in the office, though all at different locations.
The smallest of them was currently lying curled up against its mother's side. It had its eyes closed, and unlike its mother, it was actually asleep. Its chest was rising and falling rapidly, as was proper for rabbits, and it produced small, squeaking snores that were cute enough to make any rabbit-lover's heart melt instantly.
This particular baby really slept a lot, day and night, and even when it was awake, it never strayed far from its mother, looking at the world around it with large, nervous eyes.
A notable difference with the second baby, which was much more enterprising. Currently, it was rummaging around in Lorelei's collection of Mystic Codes on the other side of the room, eagerly sniffing at everything it came across.
This particular Wolpertinger had turned out to get bored easily, and it was always on the move, fiercely resisting any attempt to lock it up or hold it back, whether it was by Lorelei's hand or its mother's. In the end, they'd decided to let it be, and pre-emptively removed everything that could pose a risk to its health from the office.
Those two babies were visible the moment Mirei entered the room, as was their mother, but one of the Phantasmal Beasts remained unaccounted for.
Though perhaps 'unaccounted for' was not the right word to use when the elderly lady knew exactly where to find that last Wolpertinger.
Indeed, upon walking closer to the desk, she found the magical rabbit, right where she'd expected it to be.
In Lorelei's lap.
Curled up and looking both immensely content and unbearably smug, the rabbit was thoroughly enjoying the brunette's petting and stroking, producing an endless array of happy noises, which intensified whenever the brunette would scratch it behind its ears.
Having been a bit cautious of the Vice-Director at first, the one who had captured it and its family, the Wolpertinger had soon learned that Lorelei had no intention of harming it, and, even better, that she also wasn't averse to petting it. Upon that realisation, the brunette had promptly been promoted to its personal attendant.
In Mirei's opinion, the young lady was being too nice to the demanding little monster, but since this was a matter that did not involve her in any way, she had not expressed that opinion.
Yet.
"Lady Montmorency." Lorelei greeted her once she'd reached the desk.
"Lady Barthomeloi." Mirei returned the formal greeting, inclining her head slightly. "I have brought today's reports."
"What are the highlights?" The Vice-Director inquired, requesting a short summary of their contents.
"I have at last established a proper working relationship with the Executors currently inside the Clocktower." Mirei began with the first report, not having to explain what Executors were doing inside the headquarters of the Magus Association, as she'd done that already in a previous meeting. "They have committed fully to our shared cause and have made significant progress in the investigation of Gladstone Phamrsolone."
The mention of the name of the Neutral Faction's current chairman made the Vice-Director grimace slightly, though not because he was chairman of a rival faction. Yes, the young lady was the head of the Aristocratic Faction, and thus nominally Phamrsolone's enemy, but generally, she did not put much stock in such needless rivalries.
The reason she grimaced was because Phamrsolone was currently being suspected of having committed the worst possible crime a Magus could ever commit, at least in her eyes.
Conspiring with Dead Apostle Ancestors.
The very concept that a Magus could sink so low as to work together with those abominations was nearly anathema to Lorelei, something that could happen in theory but never would in practice. She did not believe that anyone with a measure of common sense would be so tremendously stupid, and had initially dismissed the very possibility.
But now that Mirei had brought her solid proof, Lord El-Melloi had started his own inquiries, and Executors from the Burial Agency had gone as far as to infiltrate the Clocktower to investigate, it was undeniable that something extremely suspicious was happening inside the Clocktower, something that seemed to lead towards none other than Trhvmn Ortenrosse himself.
It deserved nothing less than her full personal attention.
"What have you found?" Lady Barthomeloi thus asked.
"It is still early days in the investigation, and nothing concrete has been discovered yet, on Gladstone of the other people of interest." Mirei replied, placing the full report on Lady Barthomeloi's desk. "But we'll continue to look into the matter. I am confident that we'll find something soon."
"Allocate all possible resources towards this goal, if you haven't already." Lady Barthomeloi ordered in response, her tone harder than usual. "If these 'people of interest' are indeed conspiring with mankind's worst enemies, we cannot allow them to spread their corruption. I do not want a repeat of the Meluastea-crisis."
The Meluastea-family were the former heads of the Department of Archaeology. They had once been a big, influential, and respected family, but greed and lust for power had gotten the better of them, and they had started breaking numerous laws over many decades, confident they were too big to fall and too influential to be punished.
Only to be decimated in the greatest purge the Magus Association had ever seen, led by Lady Barthomeloi herself and supported by the world's newest Sorcerer, Fujimaru. They had nearly been eradicated, and only a few dregs of the family remained, trying to build something out of the ashes that the purge had left behind.
But even though that rot had been removed, it had been allowed to spread for far too long. Entire departments had been corrupted as the Meluastea had acted freely for decades, and now, after the Purge, many parts of the Clocktower suffered from a lack of reliable personnel as a result.
It had honestly been shocking just how widespread the corruption had been, and neither Lorelei nor Mirei wanted to see something similar again. They had resolved to take a firmer stance on corruption, and to strike pre-emptively more often if Magi engaged in forbidden activities.
Because the Ancestors, if given enough time, would do worse than the Meluastea could ever hope to.
"I have allocated all the resources I can spare and then some to this project, personnel included." Mirei nodded obediently. "Everyone in the Department of Policies who was not working on something crucial, as many of my bureaucrats as I could spare, and I even managed to borrow some capable personnel from Lord El-Melloi. If something goes wrong, it won't be by lack of effort on our part."
"Indeed." Satisfied for now, Lorelei nodded slowly, leaning back into her chair. "Inform me if there is anything I can do to aid in the investigation."
"Naturally." Mirei wouldn't dream of excluding their strongest combatant from the war-efforts.
"Especially if you have reliably located one of the Ancestors." The young lady continued, her tone becoming heavier, which showed just how seriously she was taking the matter. "Chances to confront them directly are extremely rare. If our efforts to counter their espionage can lure one or two of them out of hiding, it would be our greatest victory in years."
"That goes without saying."
The defeat of a Dead Apostle Ancestor was not something that happened every day after all. They were tenacious opponents, and the fact that they had made it into the ranks of the Ancestors to begin with proved they were old hands at survival.
That was not to say that they were unbeatable however. The Church had killed and sealed numerous Ancestors over the centuries, and Lorelei herself had fought and beaten no fewer than four of those monsters, often during blood moons, when they were at their strongest.
Unfortunately, the Ancestors that were defeated were almost always the bottom rungs, the rabble that ascended quickly and died quickly too, relatively.
The higher-ranked Ancestors on the other hand, such as the sixth, the ninth, or the eleventh, had been alive for centuries, some of them even since the days that the Crimson Moon himself had walked the Earth.
Even Lorelei had never beaten one of those before.
Not by a lack of power or ability though. She might very well be capable of beating them if she met them in fair combat, but precisely that was the issue. She had never managed to corner any of the aforementioned higher ranked vampires and had thus never managed to force a battle.
These Dead Apostle Ancestors had not lived as long as they did by being careless. They were ever cautious, despised personal confrontations, and had such a fear of traps they did not go anywhere until their slaves had confirmed the location's safety at least ten times. There was no way they were ever going to accept a challenge from Lorelei, nor unless the battlefield was fully stacked in their favour.
So any chance to pin one down was a chance that had to be treasured and optimally made use of.
Especially if it was a chance to get at Trhvmn Ortenrosse, the King of the Dead Apostle Ancestors.
Killing him would be a victory that would resound throughout the world. A legendary feat that would forever tip the balance of the battle between humans and Apostles in humanity's favour. A decisive blow that those monstrous vampires would never recover from.
"Patience." Mirei nevertheless urged, having no desire to let the young lady run rampant. "We must move slowly if we want to have the merest chance at catching them. Haste makes waste."
"…It is as you say." Lady Barthomeloi agreed after a tense moment. "Sometimes, a hunter must move slowly to catch their prey, as vexing as it is."
"The value of being slow is that you always see your path clearly in front of you." Mirei spoke wisely, to which Lorelei nodded in reluctant agreement. "More information will come to us in time."
"Very well. Then, what more is there to discuss?" The brunette inquired, shelving the matter of the Dead Apostle Ancestors for now.
"Your planned announcement of the return of Mystery to the World as well as the subsequent return of Phantasmal Species." Mirei replied promptly, finally addressing the matter that she considered the most relevant by far out of all things that were currently going on. "Although it is only you, I, doctor Kix, and your personal guard that are aware of this return, I have no doubt the information will find its way to the public soon. It has been over a month since you brought your new… pets, to the Clocktower, and with every passing day, the chance of discovery grows larger. We need to prepare a statement and a plan of action before this happens, or we will not be able to prevent chaos and disorder from erupting."
"I am aware." Lorelei's tone had become curt, and her grip on the Wolpertinger-baby in her lap tightened a bit. "I have prepared a statement, and I have accounted for any chaos or disruption that might spring from it. However, such a declaration will not be believed easily, and will require proof, but-"
"But you don't wish to show these Phantasmal Beasts as proof, because even though they'd be valuable evidence, you fear it will lead to other Magi attempting to steal them or pressure you into giving them up so they can be vivisected and studied." Mirei finished for her, but even though her tone was a tad acerbic, she didn't disapprove of Lorelei's care for the creatures. "Thus you wish to delay the announcement until Fujimaru has come and taken them away to his secret home, where no Magus will be able to touch them."
"…Quite." The young lady agreed, blinking once at how easily she'd been seen through.
"I understand your reasoning, but we do not have time to wait until winter." Mirei argued, glancing at the adult Wolpertinger in the corner of the office. "With all due respect, you cannot wait longer than a single week with the general announcement, and preferably, you will discreetly inform several key players in the Clocktower's internal politics even sooner than that. Today if at all possible."
"I am aware." Lorelei replied, though her expression darkened. "Although I wish it wasn't so. Valualeta and Trambellio will undoubtedly devise various schemes to turn this to their advantage, and both Atlas and the Wandering Sea will only see the ways in which this situation benefits them."
"Oh yes, getting them to appreciate the seriousness of the situation will be a chore and a half." Mirei agreed, adopting a tense expression, though on the inside, she was pleased to see that Lorelei was treating the matter with the regard it deserved rather than trying to escape responsibility. "In fact, I fear it will take either a considerable number of casualties or a direct attack on their interests before they will start to consider it an issue that they need to tackle with everything they have."
Inorai Valualeta Atroholm and McDonell Trambellio Elrod were the heads of the Valualeta-family and the Trambellio-family respectively. They led the Democratic Faction together, and were in some ways Lorelei's most formidable opponents.
Old, cunning, devious, and absolutely ruthless, they were most adept at turning every situation into their favour. Multiple times, they'd pulled the wool over Lorelei's eyes, and it had only been a generous application of violence and intimidation that had salvaged those disasters.
They weren't infallible though, nor were they omniscient. The return of Mystery would shock them every bit as much as Lorelei and Mirei, and there was a chance that they would honestly commit to working together to mitigate the damage.
But Lorelei couldn't be sure of that. The cunning old bats might as well decide to profit from the return of Mystery, and if that happened, her task of safely managing said return would become vastly more difficult.
Atlas and the Wandering Sea on the other hand were unlikely to try and get any political or military advantages from the situation. They were branches of the Magus Association, smaller but no less important than the Clocktower, but rather than being mired in internal politics, they were focused on research above all else.
Essentially, the two branches consisted of Magi who had willingly isolated themselves from the world at large so they could focus better on their Crafts. Trying to use any situation for some kind of advantage would go against every action they'd taken so far.
Still, the brunette did not expect much help from them. Focused on their research as they were, they'd just celebrate the return of Mystery and not care in the slightest about the people who would be hurt by it.
While not necessarily destructive, they were selfish to the very core. It wouldn't even be beyond them to try and accelerate the return of Mystery so they could better enjoy the spoils.
Yes, telling Valualeta, Tambellio, Atlas, and the Wandering Sea about the return of Mystery could have terrible consequences.
But then, not telling them would be even worse.
"You must tell them." Mirei urged again, knowing very well what damage secrecy could do. "Not just because treaties have been signed that demand such critical information be made public, but also because more Phantasmal Species might return at any moment. Both the Magus Association and the Burial Agency need to be able to prepare. Can you imagine what will happen if our world is caught unawares?"
Lorelei didn't react much to the urging, but there was a slight tightening of the left side of her jaw that showed that Mirei was getting through to her.
"You need not be concerned about your Wolpertingers either." The elderly lady pushed a bit more. "I will increase the defences of the department and I will prepare our legal teams. Even if outside factors try to obtain them, we shall make sure they fail miserably."
"Even our best efforts will not guarantee that." Lorelei pointed out.
"Secrecy won't guarantee it either." Mirei countered.
"…"
The brunette remained reluctant, going as far as to pull the Wolpertinger closer against her as if to protect it, before she let out a soft sigh.
She wasn't dumb, nor was she unreasonable, so in the end, she could only agree with Mirei.
"I will visit Valualeta and Trambellio, and send missives to Atlas and the Wandering Sea." She conceded, relaxing her grip on the Phantasmal Beast. "I will release the statement I prepared for the general public after that. It will be done before the end of the week."
"Thank you, my lady." Mirei nodded, relieved and happy that the girl was seeing sense, even if that caused her some grief.
As if sensing Lorelei's current bad mood, the baby-Wolpertinger in her lap rose to a standing position, before it began rubbing its head against her hands, periodically licking her fingers.
Mirei wouldn't claim to be an expert on rabbits, but she did know that such behaviour was meant to be social, and that the little beast was likely trying to cheer the brunette up.
It seemed to be working too, for Lorelei's expression quickly broke out into a smile at the Wolpertinger's behaviour, and she repaid it with scritches behind its ears.
"Preferably, you will inform Valualeta and Trambellio as soon as this meeting is over." Mirei was aware she was starting to nag like an overbearing mother, but this really was too important to leave to chance.
"Very well." Lorelei nodded, not looking away from the Wolpertinger.
"Good. Then there's only one item left on the agenda now."
"Which is?" Lorelei inquired, and she did look up this time.
"The reports I have compiled on every eligible bachelor in the Clocktower." Mirei struggled not to grin as she revealed the pile of reports, and had to struggle harder when Lorelei froze in surprise, her eyes widening ever so slightly at both the subject and the size of the stack. "As you requested, I have thoroughly investigated all possible husbands for you. The results of the investigation, you see here."
"…It's a lot." Lorelei said after a moment, her face remaining perfectly expressionless. "How many are there?"
"Four hundred and twenty-three." Mirei huffed.
"Squee?!"
The sudden squeaking sound did not come from Lorelei, but rather from the Wolpertinger, who found itself suddenly being squeezed uncomfortably as the brunette's hands tightened in shock.
"A-Ah, sorry." She quickly apologised, releasing her hold and resuming the scritches, and the little beast, after a moment of indignant anger, forgave her, lying down again to optimally enjoy the pampering.
"I could barely believe it myself, that we had so many single men in the Clocktower." Mirei politely pretended she hadn't seen anything, tapping on the pile of reports with a single finger. "It was a lot of work to put it all together, let me tell you, but at least you have plenty of choices for your future husband now."
Well, she spoke like it was no big deal, but Mirei understood that even the unflappable Lady Barthomeloi, the Greatest Magus of the Modern Era, wouldn't be able to stay entirely unaffected by the prospect of choosing the man whom she'd spent the rest of her life with.
Or, alternatively, long enough to conceive an heir and a spare. After that, the husband could be kicked to the curb if he was unsatisfactory.
Still, it was a big choice, as evidenced by the fact that when the words 'future husband' were mentioned out loud, Lorelei's fingers actually balled into fists, before relaxing immediately after.
"Because of your rather broad specifications, a great variety of men are present here. I took the liberty of ordering them from worst to best, though it is entirely possible my opinion and yours differ." Mirei informed the brunette. "Please have a look at them yourself and decide."
"I will look at them, and then I must choose?" Lorelei asked, appearing almost overwhelmed. "From four hundred and twenty-three?"
"It might be better if you divide them into groups first." Mirei advised, thinking about her own method that she used when she had to make some kind of choice and there were a lot of options. "A group of those whom you consider to be worthy of becoming your husband, a group of men that are not ideal but still more than good enough, a group of those who would not be your first pick but whom you would be able to live with nonetheless…"
"And a group of those I wouldn't accept under any circumstances?" Lorelei finished for her.
"No, you can throw those reports directly into the hearth." Mirei huffed with a smile, and there was a twitch in Lorelei's lips as well. "Now, start reading already. Remember, I ordered them from worst to best."
With a nod, Lorelei pulled the pile towards herself and looked at the first report, detailing the bachelor that Mirei had designated as the worst possible husband for her.
"Francis Frey." She read out loud, never stopping her pampering of the baby-rabbit in her lap. "Age: twenty-three. Occupation: Apprentice-Magus. Department: Zoology. Characteristics: Lazy, entitled, spoiled, racist, cruel, incompetent, from a terrible family, and unsightly."
"There are many men here in the Clocktower who should never be considered for marriage by any woman, but even among those men, Francis Frey is a special kind of undesirable." Mirei explained, her face twisting into a grimace at the thought of that unwashed pig. "He had a certain animal cunning about him, which is why his family keeps him around, but that is his only use and virtue, though I honestly am not sure about calling it a virtue."
"It is not." Lorelei was prompt to answer. "I have no use for animal cunning."
"Into the fire with him then." Mirei laughed, before giving a sly wink. "Unless you feel inclined to give your family an aneurysm by pretending you are considering him?"
The look that appeared on Lorelei's face was one of pure revulsion, and with a quick wave of her hand, she lit a fire in the hearth, after which she crumpled the report on Francis Frey and threw it into the flames.
Then she looked at the next report.
"Keep in mind that the men in the next ten-or-so reports are all about equal in terms of compatibility with you. Their order is random." Mirei added some extra information, to which Lorelei nodded once in understanding.
"Benjamin Crowlam." She then read out loud again from the report she had before her now. "Age: twenty-two. Occupation: Apprentice-Magus. Department: Zoology. Characteristics: Rude, spoiled, unreasonably stubborn, petty, vindictive, close-minded, and of average talent."
"He is leagues better than Francis Frey, but that doesn't mean much." Mirei provided a bit more background information, before reaching out and tapping on the report. "Also, I didn't put this in the report outright, but several girls whom he has slept with have made it known that he is also hopelessly inconsiderate in bed."
"So, he snores?" Lorelei asked confusedly, and Mirei almost fell over backwards in shock, though she managed to recompose herself at the last second.
Then, she wracked her brain for a proper response, before deciding to just go with the flow.
"…Yes, let's go with that. He snores terribly, kicks around in his sleep, and often claims the whole bed for himself." She answered glibly.
"I hate that."
The report on Benjamin Crowlam followed that of Francis Frey into the hearth.
"Frederick Calquhoun-"
"It's pronounced 'Cahoun', apparently." Mirei supplied.
"-Frederick Calquhoun." Lorelei started again, this time using the correct pronunciation. "Age: Thirty-two. Occupation: Magus. Department: Lore. Characteristics: Arrogant, conceited, believes himself above the rules, not nearly as capable as he believes, loyal only to his brothers Henry and Edward, incapable of conversing with anyone for longer than five minutes, and of below average talent in Magecraft."
"A total and utter bore who believes himself to be God's gift to mankind." Mirei scoffed, glaring down at the report as if it was Calquhoun himself. "As I said, about the same level as Benjamin Crowlam."
This time, Lorelei didn't say a word as she chucked the report into the flames.
"Henry Calquhoun…"
Another report into the flames.
"Edward Calquhoun-"
Again the fire flared up as some new fuel was added.
It continued like that for a while. Lorelei calmly went over every report, giving every option a fair chance, but the first forty-one of them only described men who were so bad and worthless that they would become better marriage material by dying immediately. They went into the flames at once, exactly as Mirei had expected.
At report forty-two however, things finally began to change.
"Constantine Cadwin." Lorelei read out, and for the first time in seventeen reports, Mirei felt prompted to make a remark again.
"From here on, we're entering the range of men who are bad picks, but not hopeless." She informed her superior, receiving a nod of acknowledgement in return.
"Age: twenty-seven. Occupation: Professor. Department: Botany. Characteristics: Full of himself, but not cripplingly so. Passable as a teacher. Prone to bouts of unreasonable anger, though easily cowed into submission. Intelligent, but not impressively so. Not great in bed."
"Basically, he's just below average on every quality that determines one's desirability as a husband." Mirei nodded. "It is his inability to change and be flexible however that puts him at such a low position."
"Hm." Lorelei did not seem to like it, and the report went into the flames as well.
Mirei observed that action with suspicious eyes. It was one thing to dispose of hopelessly inadequate men, but she would have to make sure the girl didn't just throw every report into the flames, because then they wouldn't have made any headway at all in the end.
Fortunately, she had saved multiple copies of every report, but even that would be useless if Lorelei wasn't even willing to so much as consider them.
It would mean her efforts to gather those reports, as well as all the hours spent on judging and cataloguing them, had been utterly wasted.
As Mirei watched, Cadwin was followed into the fire by Lionel Jouvereu, Bartholomew Crossmore, Henry Mettersticht, and several others.
"Horus von Stahlen-Frobrecht." Was the fifty-second name that Lorelei read aloud. "Age: twenty-two. Occupation: Apprentice Magus. Department: Mineralogy. Characteristics: Often impatient. Easily distracted. A good head for business. Youthful in mind, but not overly so. Family is unimpressive."
The report was picked up…
…And placed on the left side of the desk.
"I'll consider it." Lorelei announced, before moving on to the next report, and Mirei heaved an inaudible sigh of relief as someone was finally accepted.
It had seemed like a good idea, placing the worst ones on top of the file so they could be discarded swiftly, but it had turned out to not be good for her poor heart to see how over ten percent of the possible picks were burned from the get-go.
But now Lorelei had finally allowed someone to pass her first selection, which gave Mirei enough hope to continue smiling even as the next three reports were burned again.
"Jacob Edelfelt…" That name was spoken with some hesitation, followed by a look at Mirei, demanding she explain what an Edelfelt was doing on her pile.
"He met all your requirements." Mirei shrugged. "So I added him. Whether marrying him will be worth the political upheaval such a move will cause is a decision I leave to you."
"…" The file was placed on the left side of the desk.
From there on, more reports were accepted than refused, and the pile on the left side of the desk grew steadily in size, even though the flames did flare up regularly still.
One pile soon became two, and two became three quickly after, with pile one containing the borderline acceptable cases, two containing the acceptable cases, and three containing the worthy men, those who Lorelei would seriously consider later.
A long time passed like that, and rather predictably, both women began to grow bored with the vetting-process. Lorelei stubbornly refused a break however, wishing to finish up as soon as possible, and she kept ploughing ahead.
In all honesty though, Mirei also had a sneaking suspicion that she was curious about the top reports, but she didn't dare say so out loud.