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The sound of an inked stamp hitting paper was the only thing that could be heard in the Student Council room.
Yugo Hano, dressed in his usual impeccable suit, stood waiting with his arms crossed and his classic apathetic expression. Beside him, Asia Argento sat on one of the sofas, swinging her legs gently with a peaceful smile, oblivious to the bureaucratic tension of the Underworld.
Behind the desk, Sona Sitri meticulously examined the documents detailing the brutal advancements in her peerage's physical training. Her violet eyes darted rapidly behind her glasses, supremely pleased with the results her Pawn's "lessons" had produced.
Meanwhile, the office door opened. Saji Genshirou, sweating and looking miserable, shuffled in, followed by Tsubaki and the rest of the girls. Bringing up the rear, dragging a stack of magic scrolls with an expression of pure hatred, was Raynare. The former leader of Grigori's assassins was wearing her school uniform (a requirement from Sona to disguise her during the day) and threw the scrolls onto the President's desk.
"There they are," Raynare grumbled, crossing her arms. "Seven contracts completed. I found an old man's lost cat, helped a human move, and did a fat kid's math homework for me. My dignity is officially dead. Happy now, manager?"
Yugo didn't even look at her. "I'll be happy when you learn to smile without looking like you're about to stab a customer, cashier. Good work, I guess."
Sona took Raynare's scrolls and nodded. The Sitri heiress then looked at Yugo.
"The entire clan has submitted its weekly quota of human contracts, Yugo," Sona said, adjusting her glasses, trying to sound stern. "Except for you. Since you reincarnated as my Pawn days ago, you haven't responded to a single summoning circle. As a demon, it's your duty to gather energy and…"
"No," Yugo interrupted, sharp and direct. "I told you on the first day, Sona. I'm not going to show up in some perverted teenager's room at three in the morning to grant him a wish in exchange for a piece of my soul. I train your peerage and I'm your nuclear deterrent. That's enough for you. I fulfill my contracts at the Saturn's cash register."
Sona sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She knew it was pointless to argue with him. Forcing the man who could transform into Alien X to search for lost bicycles was, in fact, a tactical waste.
Yugo, bored with the bureaucracy, turned his gray gaze toward the large office window. In the academy's back courtyard, he saw a young woman struggling to carry heavy boxes of books. It was Sayuri-sensei, the new and somewhat clumsy literature teacher. An ordinary human, with short brown hair and a shy smile, who always looked at him with blushing cheeks in the teachers' lounge.
An idle thought crossed Yugo's mind, and his mouth, sometimes betrayed by the cynicism of his former life, let it out in a murmur loud enough for the sharp demonic ears to pick up.
"I wonder if I should ask Sayuri-sensei out..." Yugo murmured in a monotone voice, resting his chin on his hand. "She's always willing to cover my shift at the library, and she seems to have a pathological weakness for men with glasses. It would be convenient."
¡CRACK!
The sound of Sona's expensive fountain pen snapping in half echoed like a gunshot in the office. The ink stained the training report.
The room's temperature plummeted. Sona's demonic water aura began to seep from her body, heavy, cold, and charged with such a dense murderous intent that Saji fell to his knees, gasping for air. Tsubaki tensed, staring wide-eyed at her King. Raynare, recognizing the aura of a furious woman, took two cautious steps back.
Sona slowly raised her face. Behind the lenses of her glasses, her violet eyes shone with a dark and intensely possessive fire.
"Excuse me?" Sona hissed, her voice as soft and sharp as an ice scalpel. "What did you just say... Yugo?"
Yugo Hano turned his head, surveying the chaos his simple comment had created. He observed the broken feather, Sona's lethal aura, and his clanmates sweating profusely.
"Relax, Sona, I was just kidding," Yugo replied, his chronically bored expression unchanged. "It was a social reaction experiment."
Sona's gaze did not soften. "An experiment? Did you find it amusing to suggest you would court a common human in front of your... in front of your King?"
"What I find amusing is the lack of logic in your reaction," Yugo retorted, adjusting his glasses with a finger. "You're getting jealous over a casual comment about a literature teacher. It makes no sense. Sona, I literally live under the same roof, and with only one bathroom, with two extremely voluptuous Fallen Angels, a young ex-nun, and a Milletl. If my intentions were carnal depravity, I wouldn't need to go looking for her in the teachers' lounge. I have her collecting money for gum in hallway three."
Raynare choked on her own saliva, coughing furiously, a violent blush spreading across her face. How could she say something so vulgar with such a blank expression?!
Sona, for her part, was speechless for a second. A blush crept up her neck. He was right! The damned man lived surrounded by an enslaved enemy harem, and she was going crazy over a human teacher.
"T-That's not the point!" Sona stammered, trying to salvage her strategist's dignity. "The point is that your position in this clan, and our... our family agreement... requires absolute decorum, and you shouldn't be..."
"Besides, I already asked Asia to marry me," Yugo interrupted, with the same casualness as someone announcing they were going to buy bread.
The silence that fell over the Student Council room was so absolute, so heavy, that it threatened to create a black hole.
Saji, who was barely getting up from the floor, slipped and fell flat on his face again. Tsubaki dropped a folder, scattering papers all over the carpet. Raynare opened her mouth so wide her jaw almost dislocated. Sona froze, her lips slightly parted, her brain completely collapsing from the thermonuclear bomb her Pawn had just unleashed.
All eyes turned towards Asia Argento.
The golden nun, who had been sitting quietly, transformed into a human strawberry. Thick steam seemed to rise from her ears; she covered her flushed face with both hands and lowered her head, burying it between her knees, emitting a high-pitched moan of pure embarrassment and bliss.
"S-Sensei! Yugo-san! You can't say things like that in public!" Asia whined from her hiding place.
"W-What...?" was the only intelligent sound Sona Sitri managed to utter, feeling as if the universe were mocking her. Her official fiancé had just told her, in her own office, that he had proposed to the Bishop of the rival clan?!
Yugo glanced at his wristwatch (not the Omnitrix, but a cheap Casio watch he wore on his right wrist) and completely ignored the collective mental breakdown of the city's smartest demons.
"Anyway, we're running late," Yugo said, walking toward the door, ignoring Sona's meltdown. "Asia can't keep living with just one uniform and two dresses, and Kalawarner accidentally burned one of my shirts trying to iron it with magic yesterday. We need to go shopping for clothes."
Yugo opened the door and looked behind him.
—Come on, Asia. The shops close at eight.
Asia jumped to her feet, still red as a tomato, and trotted obediently behind him.
"See you tomorrow, Kaichou! Good work, everyone!" Asia said with a small bow before heading out into the hallway.
The heavy oak door closed with a soft "clack", leaving behind a Pawn crying on the floor, a Fallen Angel processing that his boss was a psychopath with marital intentions, and a Sitri heiress who, for the first time in her life, was five seconds away from pulling her hair out in pure romantic frustration.
...
Kuoh Mall on a Friday afternoon was a hive of activity, teeming with teenagers, office workers, and families. For the human population, it was the start of the weekend. For Yugo Hano, it was a mission to extract consumer goods from hostile territory.
Walking through the corridors illuminated with neon lights had become a spectacle that paralyzed pedestrian traffic.
In the center walked Yugo, in his impeccable dark suit (without the jacket and with the sleeves rolled up) and his usual blank expression. To his right walked Asia Argento, still blushing from the marriage proposal in the Council office, shyly clinging to the professor's shirt sleeve.
To their left, walking with a gait that seemed designed in a laboratory to induce heart attacks, was Kalawarner. The blue-haired girl wore tight jeans and a top that openly defied the laws of physics. Behind them, shuffling and with her arms crossed, was Raynare, wearing a dark skirt and a turtleneck blouse, muttering unintelligible complaints with a scowl.
And finally, clinging to Yugo's back like a frilly tactical backpack, was Mittelt. The little goth blonde refused to let go of him in public, terrified that some exorcist or demon would ambush her if she moved more than two inches away from the monster of twenty transformations.
"I feel like we're being stared at a lot, Yugo-san..." Asia whispered, shrinking back slightly as she noticed the gaping stares of the men passing by.
Yugo didn't even flinch.
"They're either calculating my income level or assuming I'm the leader of some very specific cult," the professor replied in a monotone voice. "Just ignore them. Our mission here is logistics. They have an allocated budget. I don't want to see school uniforms or work clothes on weekends."
Kalawarner took a step forward, placing a hand on her hip and giving Yugo a look full of intent that would melt any mortal man.
"You know, manager..." the blue-haired woman purred, moving dangerously close to his shoulder. "If you really wanted a date with us, you didn't have to use the clothes excuse. I'm very flexible with my rest schedule. I could show you how we repay favors at Grigori..."
Yugo stopped. He slowly turned his head toward Kalawarner. His gray pits scanned her from head to toe with the same passion an entomologist would use to examine a cockroach.
—Kalawarner. If you try to use low-class seduction tactics to get me to buy you expensive lingerie with the Student Council card, I'm going to assign you the early morning shift to clean the refrigerators at the Saturn for three months.
Kalawarner's sex appeal crashed against a titanium wall. The fall puffed out her cheeks; indignant, she crossed her arms, stamping her foot. "You're made of stone! Pure ice and stone!"
—No, that's alien number seven —Yugo corrected, resuming his march.
They arrived at a huge women's clothing boutique. Asia gazed at the racks with stars in her eyes. Having grown up in a monastery, her concept of fashion was limited to white and gray robes.
"Go and choose what you need, Asia. Pants, skirts, coats. Anything," Yugo said, handing her a shopping basket from the store.
"Y-Yes!" Asia nodded, happily running towards the floral dress section.
Raynare stood next to Yugo, looking away with an annoyed blush on her face.
"What are we supposed to do?" spat the former leader of the Fallen, trying to sound arrogant, although the fact that Yugo could evaporate her with a sigh made her words seem less impactful. "We Fallen Angels don't need this human frivolity."
Yugo took out his wallet and handed him a couple of pre-loaded gift cards.
"They need clothes that don't smell of ozone and dried blood, Raynare. Go and find some civilian clothes. And make sure they're comfortable. I don't want any complaints about 'my skirt is too tight' when they have to carry boxes of instant noodles on Monday."
Raynare took the cards, her fingers brushing against his for a split second. She quickly withdrew her hand, red as a tomato. Stockholm syndrome, combined with the fact that this human had saved her from Azazel and Kokabiel by turning her into a Pawn, had left her in a perpetual and painful state of tsundere.
"D-Don't think this buys me off, human!" Raynare squealed, turning away dramatically. "I still hate you for putting me in the cash register!"
—Six o'clock tomorrow, cashier. Don't be late—was Yugo's lifeless reply.
While the three older women ransacked the boutique (with Kalawarner trying to convince Asia to buy dangerously short skirts and Asia rejecting them with furious blushes), Yugo sat in one of the waiting chairs in the hallway.
Mittelt slid down behind him and sat beside him, hugging his knees. He glanced sideways at Yugo.
"Master... do I have to buy boring human clothes too?" the little blonde girl asked in a trembling voice, caressing the ruffles of her gothic dress. "I like black. And lace."
Yugo pulled out his cell phone to check the Saturn's supplier list. Without looking at it, he replied:
"Nobody said it had to be boring, gothic hat. You can buy black clothes and lace. Just make sure you can run for it if someone attacks the store."
Mittelt's eyes lit up. The monster was giving her permission to buy expensive gothic clothes! Without thinking, driven by a purely childish excitement, Mittelt threw herself forward and hugged Yugo around the waist.
—Thank you, Master! You are the best faceless monster in the universe!
Yugo sighed deeply, resigned to his fate as the emotional support of a millennia-old girl. "Let go of me before I change my mind and buy you a nun's habit."
Mittelt shot off towards the dark section of the store at the speed of light.
An hour later, the group had moved to the mall's food court.
The table looked like a feast fit for kings. Yugo had bought triple-decker hamburgers, pizzas, milkshakes, and desserts. Despite his dictatorial attitude at work, he knew that troop morale was vital to loyalty. If he fed the beasts well, the beasts wouldn't bite the hand that fed them.
Asia sat to her right, eating a strawberry parfait with impeccable elegance. To her left, Kalawarner devoured a slice of pizza as if she hadn't eaten in ages. Raynare nibbled on a hamburger, trying to chew delicately but failing because of how delicious the melted cheese was.
"I must admit..." Kalawarner murmured, his mouth half full. "Human food far surpasses the survival rations of the Underworld. I could get used to this."
"They get used to it because now they work and burn calories," Yugo explained, taking a sip of his black coffee. "Capitalism makes you hungry."
"Yugo-san," Asia looked at him, tilting her head with that pure curiosity that completely disarmed him. "In the President's office... you said... well, about us..."
Asia's face lit up again as she recalled the cold and direct marriage proposal in front of the entire Sitri clan.
Kalawarner and Raynare stopped chewing instantly. They both focused their attention on Yugo. They had heard the rumor. The feared Pawn who massacred the fallen had tactically proposed to the nun.
Yugo lowered his coffee cup. He looked at Asia with absolute calm.
—I said it was the most optimal result. I stand by that.
"B-But it can't be just logic!" Asia pouted, playing with her dessert spoon. "People get married because they love each other!"
"I appreciate you, Asia. You're family to me," Yugo stated without hesitation. "But I lack practical knowledge of traditional human courtship. If you require romance, you'll have to be specific in your requests. Do you want me to buy you flowers? Do you want me to write rhyming poems? I can learn if it increases your happiness level."
Raynare choked on the burger, coughing furiously as Mittelt slapped her on the back. The man was treating romance like a toaster instruction manual!
"No, no!" Asia laughed, a clear, genuine laugh that warmed Yugo's demonic chest. "It doesn't have to be a manual, Yugo-san. Just... moments like this. This is already a beautiful date for me."
Yugo surveyed the table. Four women were eating fast food while he drank coffee.
"If this qualifies as a quote, then my standards were dangerously out of calibration," the professor muttered. "But I'll accept it."
When they finished eating, they started walking toward the exit. On the way, they passed a huge arcade. Neon lights and 8-bit sounds filled the hall.
Mittelt stopped dead in her tracks in front of one of the claw machines. Inside, squashed under dozens of generic plush toys, was a dark teddy bear with bat wings that looked as if it had been designed specifically for her.
The little blonde girl pressed her face against the glass, gazing at the stuffed animal with pure devotion.
"Master..." Mittelt whispered, tugging at Yugo's shirt sleeve. "May I... may I try to get it out?"
Yugo looked at the machine. He looked at the falling coin. He sighed, took out a hundred-yen coin, and handed it over.
Mittelt inserted it with excitement, moved the lever with military concentration, and dropped the claw. The metal claw grabbed the bear by the head, lifted it a few centimeters, and then, with the frustrating programmed weakness of those machines, the pincers opened and the bear fell back down.
The disappointment on Mittelt's face was so absolute that even Raynare felt sorry for him.
"That machine's fixed, kid. Let's go," Raynare said, crossing her arms.
Yugo looked at the claw machine. Then he looked at the arcade employee, a teenager who was watching the scene with a mocking smile from behind the counter.
The history professor's tactical competitiveness kicked in. No one was cheating his employees on his shift.
Yugo approached the machine. He took a hundred yen coin from his pocket.
—Stand aside —he ordered in a flat voice.
Asia, Kalawarner, Raynare and Mittelt took a step back.
Yugo inserted the coin. His gray eyes scanned the inside of the machine. His mind, trained to calculate the cutting angles of swords at hypersonic speeds and plasma trajectories from kilometers away, applied the same combat physics to the metal pincers.
He calculated the tension of the claw springs, the center of gravity of the stuffed animal, and the frictional force of the glass.
I didn't need Brainstorm for this. It was pure murderous geometry applied to a teddy bear.
He moved the lever. It wasn't a smooth motion; it was a quick, precise strike. The claw descended, but didn't grasp the bear's head. The left claw caught precisely on the thick fabric tag on the teddy bear's back, where the weight was balanced, and the right claw pressed against the rear glass, forcing the mechanism to maintain tension.
The machine whirred. The bear rose, teetering dangerously, but perfect physics prevented it from falling.
Five!
The stuffed animal fell down the delivery chute.
Yugo bent down, took out the winged black bear and threw it to Mittelt, who caught it in mid-air with a shout of pure joy.
The arcade employee's mocking smile vanished, his mouth agape in disbelief.
Yugo wasn't finished. He pulled a handful of hundred-yen coins from his pocket. His gray eyes gleamed with a destructive intent directed solely at the machine's inventory.
—Tell me what else you want, Asia. Let's empty this thing.
For the next fifteen minutes, the "Discipline Demon" carried out an absolute massacre in the arcade. Using superhuman reflexes and mathematically impossible angles, Yugo grabbed seven plush toys in a row without missing a single one. Asia won a giant white rabbit, Kalawarner a plush Bengal tiger, and even Raynare, much to her chagrin, ended up holding a small red plush dragon, glaring at him with a furious blush as she muttered, "Not that I wanted it, but thanks."
The arcade manager almost burst into tears watching the bespectacled man dismantle his profit margin with the apathy of someone filling out a tax form.
As we left the mall, the sun had already set over Kuoh. The night breeze was cool.
Yugo walked at the head of the group, surrounded by four beautiful women laden with bags of clothes and giant stuffed animals. Asia walked beside him, gently holding his arm and humming happily. Raynare and Kalawarner chatted quietly about the softness of human fabrics, and Mittelt trotted along, clutching her gothic teddy bear, so as not to be left behind.
For a moment, under the flickering streetlights, Yugo looked at his strange, chaotic, and dysfunctional family. They were monsters, demons, fallen angels, and murderers. But tonight, they were just a group of people returning home from a shopping trip.
"I could get used to this," Yugo thought, adjusting his glasses as the Saturn minimarket appeared in the distance.
The war with the Underworld and the Gremory family's troubles could wait until Monday. Tonight, Sitri's Pawn just wanted to get home and serve them dinner.