She didn't know when she'd fallen asleep. But sometime during the night, she did. And her dreams were stained with black and red. A suffocating darkness that watched, lurked, waited... and killed.
Though that wasn't exactly what unsettled her. It was finding her brother standing in the kitchen, placing two plates of fried bacon on the table. There were also two coffee mugs and a pitcher of orange juice.
Steve only made bacon when he needed to talk about something. A promotion; an achievement; a disaster. Mostly disasters. Nell wasn't sure she wanted to hear it this time. But what choice did she have?
—Morning—she greeted him, emerging from her hiding spot. Steve looked up and managed a smile. It seemed genuine.
—Morning— he replied. He lifted a mug and handed it to her—How'd you sleep?
—Fine.—She watched as her brother approached the table and sat down.
—Come on, eat something— he gestured toward the chair across from him. She obeyed-mostly because standing felt weird-and stared at the food. It looked good, but her nerves had killed her appetite.
—You have something to tell me, don't you?
Steve paused but didn't look at her.
—Steve...—she called. Then, finally, he locked eyes with her.
—First, I need you to promise me you won't do anything crazy— he started—Whatever I say, you won't be reckless, okay?
Now she wasn't just worried, she was alarmed.
—What are you talking about?
—Promise me, Nell—he demanded, with an odd firmness.
In the silence, she could hear her own breathing, shaky and trembling. She'd never seen him this concerned before; not like this.
—I promise— she assured him—What happened?
Steve leaned his elbows on the table.
—Yesterday I got a call from the Seattle clinic.
Her breath hitched like she'd been struck.
—Did something happen to Luke? Is he okay?
He raised his hand to stop her.
—He's fine. But they've banned us from visiting indefinitely.
Nell frowned. She'd spoken to the clinic four days ago; Luke was doing better than fine. How was this possible?
—What happened? Why would they...?
He didn't let her finish.
—Nell, I didn't want to tell you this. But I know you'll find out anyway.—He paused, and to her it felt like an eternity—Luke had a relapse.
For a second, she wondered if she'd imagined his words. If maybe her mind had twisted them. Perhaps she'd mixed up the past with the present, like she had so many times before.
—...his roommate was getting him Xanax pills by tricking some nurses—he added—They managed to stabilize him, but what he did was serious. Now they have him in a private room under supervision.
Eleanor started feeling crushed, dizzy. She stood up abruptly and left the mug on the table before heading up to her room.
—Nell—Steve called behind her. He stopped the door with his hand before it could close in her face—Wait.
—I have to go—she said. She rummaged through the closet and grabbed the first thing she found.
—Hold on a second.
—I can't wait, Steve!—she shouted—He was fine. Luke was fine. Something must've happened to him. Something must have...
She stopped and let the clothes fall to the floor. Never, not once since they'd arrived in Forks, had she stopped to think about how Luke felt through all of this. How scared he must be; how frustrated trying and failing.
Nell had abandoned him. She'd left him alone. She was his sister, but she couldn't consider herself that anymore. And her gift, the one that let her see everything, failed her this time. Because she hadn't been by his side.
Suddenly, Steve approached and she reacted.
—You're not stopping me, Steve.
—This isn't negotiable. You promised you wouldn't be reckless, and this is exactly the kind of recklessness I was talking about.
—We're talking about our brother! Do you even care?
—Damn it, Nell! I'm doing this precisely because I care!
Nell looked at him, surprised by that sudden outburst. At his flushed, heated skin and his wide eyes. Then, just as suddenly, his expression changed.
—I'm sorry—he added. He sighed and extended his arms toward her, taking her shoulders—I'm sorry, Nell. But I was serious earlier. I'm asking you, I'm begging you, don't do anything reckless. The clinic already announced they won't accept visits. I promise that the moment they grant permission, you'll be the first to know, okay?
She watched him; his face had changed again. Now it was worry that formed a crease extending across the lines of his forehead, bright and deep. Nell let out a sigh of resignation. She didn't know what to do, though, for the moment, she didn't have the energy to fight.
—Okay—she agreed.
—Can I rest easy knowing you'll go to school and won't go off course?
She didn't answer immediately. She knew it would be hard to fight the instinct pushing her to get him out of the way and go to the clinic as fast as she could. He'd practically forbidden her from visiting Luke and insisted she shouldn't worry. That only meant that what happened was even more serious than a relapse—which was already grave. So, what then?
—Yes, you can rest easy—she'd told him.
But she was the one who couldn't rest. She walked through the school hallways like in a dreamlike state; lost in her thoughts. And although skipping school was something Steve would consider reckless, the idea in her head remained fixed: check that her brother Luke was okay. This time with her own eyes. Nobody would stop her, not even a three-meter-tall bulky vampire.
—I could carry you in my arms if I wanted to— Emmett emphasized with a little smile, intercepting her path. Well, maybe it would be difficult to escape a vampire like him.
—You want to stop me too?—she huffed, with a defiant air.
—No. I want to come with you—He crossed his arms.
—It's not necessary.
—You're right.—Nell stared at him, confused, and wondered what kind of parallel universe she was in for Emmett-the overprotector of the year-to agree with her. But he wasn't finished—It's completely necessary.—There it was—And after last night, I'm not leaving you alone for a second.— He watched her face as she tried to process the bitter memories.
«What am I going to do with you?»
She made a face remembering it. Then, she sighed.
—You really can't help yourself...—she spat. Then that perfect, mischievous, seductive smile appeared. She had to run immediately before he noticed her blush—Fine. Let's go.—She passed by him. It wasn't the most dignified escape, but it worked.
●●●
They stopped in the parking lot. Emmett turned off the engine and sat in silence beside her. She should have jumped out the moment he finished parking but, for some reason, she was frozen.
She looked at the clinic darkly, differently than she'd seen it the first time. She understood it was a misperception. However, the stubborn determination she felt slowly turned into a haze of terror. She didn't want to find her brother in a catatonic state; unrecognizable. She couldn't bear it.
Suddenly, a hand landed on her leg. Nell looked at him quickly.
—Are you sure you want to do this?
She swallowed and looked down at her hands.
—I have to do it.—The weight of guilt inside her was drowning her. She covered her face and let out a low sigh—I should have realized something was wrong before...
Emmett gently removed her hands. However, his gaze was severe.
—It's not your fault, Nell.
—Believe me, I'm trying to believe that, really, but my feelings are stronger. The only thing I feel I need to do now is be with him.
He paused. His eyes were fixed on hers.
—So, how about you let me handle distracting the staff?—The mischievous smile returned—I'm good at that. Anyway, that's what you had planned, right?
She frowned.
—How did you know?
—Because you're easy to read, I already told you that.
She managed a dry smile.
—I hate it when you say that.
He laughed at Nell with tender eyes.
—So?
She thought about it. Most likely, even if she told him she'd rather do it alone, his ears would be tuned to every step and conversation that involved her.
—Fine.
To her surprise, Emmett got out of the Jeep and appeared at her window with speed.
—I'll see you inside—he warned her, then walked away. Midway, he turned with a dazzling smile. —Or, maybe not?
She watched him leave, thinking that, once again, she'd been dazzled. And that, probably, she could never stop being.
●●●
Nell crossed through the automatic doors alongside some elderly people before veering off. She could see Emmett at the reception counter, flirting with the nurses, and them smiling like schoolgirls seeing him. However, that didn't distract her from the mission.
She turned right down a hallway, passed a nurse, and pretended to bump into him to steal his badge. She apologized and continued on her way. She turned in another direction. The heat of nerves made her a little dizzy, but she would be fine. Then, something occurred to her and she looked at her bare hands. She had a sensation, something that pushed her to slide her hand along the wall. Though she pulled it away suddenly and closed her eyes; as if she'd been stung by a beehive.
Pain, fear, sadness. An accumulation of all negative feelings in a single touch. In a single body. Nell started feeling more heated, heavier. There was the smell of sterilizer in the air, plus sweat and grease. The hallway, where she'd stopped, was now dark and dim; the only thing shining was the neon sign above her head that said EXIT. Everything was confusing.
Then, she imagined Luke. Lying on a bed. Tossing a little ball in the air. His expression was bored. And, suddenly, the information appeared. Nell followed the steps in her mind: second floor, east wing, room 203.
She rushed up the stairs. Ran past the collection of half-open doors, the hushed murmurs of televisions and radios. The residents muttering to themselves. And, when she visualized the door, she burst in.
The first thing she saw was her brother, sitting on the edge of the bed. His eyes wide seeing her.
—Nell...?
Hearing his voice, she ran toward him and collapsed in his arms.
—Hey. You're shaking.
She made a choked sound, and he understood she couldn't speak. Instead of demanding, he pressed his lips and hugged her tighter, letting her take her time to calm down.
—You're okay—she murmured, pulling away slightly to analyze him carefully—You're okay.
Luke frowned worriedly.
—You're okay—she repeated for what seemed like the third time. She had an anguished expression on her face.
Her brother grabbed both her arms and stared at her fixedly, trying to read her mind.
—Tell me what happened. —now he seemed to demand it.
The anguish was gradually giving way to confusion and, at the same time, anger.
—That's exactly what I came to find out, Luke.—She opened her mouth to continue, but then closed it again. She was too stunned to speak. She did anyway—They told me you had a relapse.
Hearing those words, Luke shuddered.
—Who told you that?
—The clinic called home and...—Luke's voice, strong and hoarse, interrupted her story.
—No.—He shook her a little, surprising her—Who was it, Nell?
She sighed.
—The clinic called home and talked to Steve. He was the one who told me—she finished.
Her brother's arms fell to his sides, and his expression transformed into a bitter grimace. Nell watched him searching for answers. He had his eyes closed and his body, already thin, looked even thinner. As if he'd lost five kilos in a week. She noticed him rubbing the bridge of his nose and biting the inside of his cheek while thinking; that imperceptible action they both shared but that, even recognizing it, gave her no answer other than the obvious.
—Why did you do it?—she dared to ask.
Luke opened his eyes and looked at her with a face of horror.
—It's not true.
—What?
—What Steve told you isn't true. None of it is.
She heard the desperation in his tone, but she couldn't stop remembering her brother's worry when they'd talked about what happened.
—The clinic wouldn't lie about something like that, Luke.
—But Steve would.
Her face must have reflected what her words couldn't express, because he continued:
—He's my brother too, and I love him. But there's something off about him. A part of you knows it.
—No, I don't know. Actually, you're the one acting weird right now.
Luke shook his head, frustrated.
—You're not understanding. 'Steve' lied to you. He lied to us. Do you seriously think the clinic would let me keep sharing a room with someone? That they wouldn't lock me up or isolate me if I did something like that?
Nell sees him, but she doesn't really see him; instead she sees the bunk bed with two beds that was right behind him. And the room had been open from the start. She felt the need to sit down, but she didn't. She stood there, rooted, her gaze fixed and lost at the same time.
Luke approached and grabbed her arms again.
—I don't know what you're thinking right now, Nell. But even if you find me a liar, I'm asking you to be careful.
Her heartbeats accelerated.
—What are you trying to say, Luke?
Again, he bit his cheek. For the first time in her life, she wondered what he might be thinking.
—Luke—she insisted.
—Just be careful, okay?—He fixed his gaze on something and then looked back into her eyes—How long has it been since you used them?—he asked, pointing at her hands.
Nell looked at them. She was left with that question in mind. She wasn't sure of the specific moment that led her to stop using them. Though she could say that with Harris lurking and Shelly disappearing, it was more than enough reason.
—I'm not sure. A couple of weeks, I suppose.
—And you haven't seen anything strange in him?
The question left her stunned. She thought about the times she'd seen Steve avoid her gaze, as if he didn't want her to read him; the times he seemed nervous whenever she left the house without her gloves; the time he lied to her about what happened to Officer Swan; the unusual friendship that had formed between him and Harris; Even that very morning when he raised his voice in a way that made every vein in his face stand out.
—So you did notice—he deduced, reading her expression.
—Okay,—she said, in a tone harsher than she'd like—. He's been acting strange. He's the infamous kidnapper everyone talks about on TV. Is that what you wanted to hear?
—We already went through this once, Nell...
—Exactly. It already happened once. It doesn't mean it happens twice. Besides, Steve? Seriously? He's the 'No to Violence' poster child personified.
—Then why did you doubt?
His question was like she'd been slapped. A hit even more painful than the memory of seeing her mother dead on the carpet. But he was right. Why had she doubted?
—Listen, Nell, I'm sorry,—Luke apologized seeing her sorrow—I didn't mean to talk like that—He sighed—. It's just... I'm worried about you.
Nell held his gaze.
—I understand. But you have to stop saying our brother is a psychopath.
He observes her fixedly for a second. Then he let go and gave her a bitter smirk.
—Okay.—Before seeing her leave the room, Luke calls for her to turn around—Be very careful.
She didn't know what else to say, so, for her peace of mind, she nodded and got out of there.
Upon reaching the reception, she waited for someone to get close enough for her to escape without being recognized. The task wasn't difficult and, besides, for some reason, the counter was empty. She was very close to the patient list. So close, that she couldn't resist the temptation and took the book from the desk. Searching, she finds yesterday's section, the day her brother was supposedly transferred to a private room. She reviews the patient list. Her heart stops when she reads the notes:
Sobriety chip for 100 days - Stable - no signs of self-harm or rage behaviors - shared room.
There, with confused handwriting, was the proof of what—unconsciously—she'd been looking for.