Perspective of a person a random person in a novellike world

Looking at my cousins my friends at the top i want to be like them i want to be at the top! i-i dont want to betray the trust and believing im the best. Why whyyyy...why cant i be better why cant i be live in the present why why can i not be good at something! what can i do what can i do to be better... huh?where am i?who am i?where is this place nonono i dont want to be like the novels i like my peaceful life i like my life nonono even if my life previously was not that bad please i want to come back feeling as if i was stripped all of my experience and was here in a blank state in this unfamiliar world...