The Strategist VII
It was inevitable that a nuclear bomb could only be countered by another nuclear bomb. And the nations armed with nuclear weapons kept their own in check. Nuclear war appeared only in fictional apocalyptic scenarios, where the world had already ended.
The same held true for the Outer Gods. It was extremely rare for anomalies of Outer God-class to collide directly with each other. After all, unless someone was a lover of desolate tragedies, there was no reason to jump into a fate of mutual destruction.
- Kya ha ha ha ha ha
However, this world was indeed an apocalyptic world where the world had ended, and this place was the temple of the Outer God who dominated all creative works.
Thus, the Infinite Void descended. Outer God against Outer God. It became a guillotine match among nuclear-armed nations.
- Kya ha ha ha ha ha ha
Each time Cheon Yo-hwa's lips moved, a chilling laugh echoed from all around. The low-quality noise world spread by the Admin of the Infinite Metagame was being devoured back by the Infinite Void, released from the Time Seal of the hourglass.
The two Outer Gods began to clash for dominance over the world.
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame announces that a critical bug has been discovered in this server.]
The Admin seemed flustered by the unexpected situation. It was as if a rival company's CEO had taken the mic at a casual user meeting and declared, "Your company's game is doomed for these reasons." Such behavior lacked any business ethics.
Flap, flap.
The Admin's true form, a blue butterfly, fluttered desperately. It flew around, quickly realizing that hundreds of magical girls loyal to it were present here.
"What, what is this? What's going on...?"
"Isn't the event starting already?"
The magical girls were confused. To them, it was as if chaos had suddenly erupted. The blue butterfly decided to use them.
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame declares the monsters summoned here as targets to be exterminated.]
[The boss monster's name is Infinite Void, an enemy that descended by taking over the body of Baekhwa Girls' High School's student council president, Cheon Yo-hwa.]
[The Infinite Void aims to destroy the world. Stop the Infinite Void.]
[A huge reward will be given to the users who succeed in subjugating this boss monster.]
[Temporary buffs are provided to characters participating in the raid.]
Whoosh—
The light spread from the blue butterfly and enveloped the magical girls. It was an easily recognizable buff effect.
The magical girls shouted.
"See, I told you! It's an event!"
"That's the monster over there!"
With the game admin clearly identifying it as a monster, the magical girls' confusion noticeably decreased.
"Attack! Everyone, attack!"
"But, it's Cheon Yo-hwa――"
"Idiot! The monster took over her body!"
Roar.
Some of the magical girls formed a formation, while others rushed chaotically towards Cheon Yo-hwa. They were a ragtag group, but they were still awakeners buffed by an Outer God. They enjoyed a level-up effect incomparable to before.
Despite hundreds of such humans rushing in waves, Cheon Yo-hwa's lips merely curved into a relaxed smile.
"Ahah."
-Ah hah.
The mocking sound flowed from Cheon Yo-hwa's lips and the Infinite Void's realm simultaneously.
Click.
Cheon Yo-hwa lightly clicked her tongue. Click, click, click. The same sound was endlessly reflected in the surroundings already stained by the Infinite Void's realm.
"Ugh?"
"What?"
Thud, thud.
The magical girls who heard the tongue-click fell one by one, starting from the front. Some even fell headlong with the momentum of their rush. One of the Infinite Void's powers, 'Showing a Dream of a Happy Future,' effortlessly ensnared the magical girls.
Not only humans but also the Tutorial Fairies were the same.
"Ugh—"
"This, this sinister aura belongs to the Fairy King?"
"It's irresistible...."
"Ugh, who could have guessed that a hero who decapitated the king would be immediately followed by a tyrant, the greatest war hero?"
"Revolution is a series of absurdities...."
Thud, thud.
The Fairies' eyes rolled back as they powerlessly crashed to the ground. The 'Tutorial Fairy' also had the attribute of a creative work. They were more akin to anomalies closer to the Infinite Metagame. It was better to retire them here before entering the real battle.
The awakeners and fairies lying on the ground did not rise again. With one counterattack, the group of magical girls and fairies was instantly neutralized.
'Seeing it up close, it looks like this.'
A happy dream. I had only experienced that power directly, but it was rare to observe it live from the side of the Infinite Void. I walked leisurely to Cheon Yo-hwa's side.
"Are you alright? If an Outer God devours your mind, it's all over. Yo-hwa, you must keep holding the reins."
"Ahaha. I'm still holding on, ahjussi."
Cheon Yo-hwa looked up at me at an oblique angle.
"Or should I call you, sunbae?"
"...."
"Just kidding! But my mind and the Outer God's mind are mixing rapidly. Um, it feels like barely keeping my eyes open while drowning in ink. Anyway, we should finish this as soon as possible."
"That's the plan."
Oh Dok-seo staggered towards us.
"Ugh. I succeeded, right…?"
"For now. You can say we've cleared the most crucial first stage. Good job, Dok-seo."
"I really thought I was going to die sitting in that meditation posture…."
In the hotel's back garden, the only ones standing with both feet firmly on the ground were now Cheon Yo-hwa, me, and Oh Dok-seo. The Saintess was waiting inside the hotel with the writers. Other awakeners were unnecessary.
Now that we had achieved the goal of summoning the Admin of the Infinite Metagame into reality, we had no further business with the magical girls.
Flutter.
The blue butterfly looked down at us. Around the butterfly, the low-quality noise of the Infinite Metagame and the colors of the Infinite Void continued to clash alternately.
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame determines the current anomaly as a malicious hacking attack.]
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame antagonizes the malicious users who cause extreme harm to the game server's operation.]
It treated us as mere viruses. That was the strategy chosen by the Outer God.
As everyone knew, the Admin of the Infinite Metagame defined this world as a game and itself as the administrator. The administrator naturally had overwhelming authority over the users. However, it couldn't directly interfere with users operating ordinary accounts. That would be beyond the administrator's role.
Thus, although it had watched us secretly operating to subdue the Infinite Metagame, it hadn't been able to impose significant sanctions. But if it defined us as entities disturbing the game environment in an 'unfair manner,' the story changed. It could wield its administrative hammer without restraint.
The Infinite Void was akin to a virus shaking the game to its core. To counter this, the Infinite Metagame had to muster all its original power.
[The final boss of the stage has finally appeared. It has been exactly 40 days, 11 hours, and 36 minutes since the speedrun began.]
In response, our party also defined the current situation in our own way. We might be malicious users? Perhaps. But in a 'speedrun,' exploiting the game's loopholes and bugs was fair play. This was entirely legitimate gameplay.
[If we can defeat that blue butterfly, our speedrun will be a success.]
The Saintess's broadcast was suppressed as the Admin continued to generate noise.
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame points out that the Infinite Void was originally a designated boss monster. Sealing and summoning the monster into a neutral area to release it is an act that causes serious harm to other players.]
[The Outer God continues to mutter something. It's a desperate struggle. Let's ignore it.]
Human voices and the voices of Outer Gods alternated in our minds.
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame claims it does not harm humans significantly. Rather, its game server offers rapid growth to humans.]
[Ah, now it's trying to negotiate. This is a new pattern, but Outer Gods generally avoid direct combat unless it's truly decisive. They can devour the world by just being still.]
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame offers valuable items to the characters 'Oh Dok-seo' and 'Cheon Yo-hwa'.]
[Of course, we press the refuse button here.]
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame informs that a few people cannot overwhelm it.]
I looked at Cheon Yo-hwa.
"Yo-hwa, release it."
"Yes, sunbae!"
Rattle.
Cheon Yo-hwa eagerly opened the trunk she had prepared. Inside the bag, constructed with subspace, were 99 hourglass glass bottles.
"Baekhwa Girls' High School! Gather around!"
Clang!
Cheon Yo-hwa overturned the trunk and shattered all the glass bottles with her aura. Ninety-nine ghosts were released. If the 'human Cheon Yo-hwa' was the student council president of Baekhwa Girls' High School, the 'Outer God Cheon Yo-hwa' was the student council president of Baekhwa (百話 - Hundred Tales) Girls' High School. At the leader's call, the Night Parade of One Hundred Demons, Hyakki Yagyo appeared.
- Hee, hee, hee, hee.
- Do you want red toilet paper? Or blue toilet paper?
- Koong... koong... koong...
Ghosts of the underworld, Hanako ghosts, Kongkong ghosts, school broadcast ghosts, etc. Their visuals were somewhat bizarre, but this was also an 'assemble.' The tide of battle quickly turned.
[....]
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame concludes that further negotiation is pointless.]
[Eliminate them.]
And so, for the first time in 593 cycles, I finally witnessed the combat power of the Admin of the Infinite Metagame fully unleashed.
How would it attack? As I prepared myself, the inorganic voice of the Outer God seeped into my mind.
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame points out that the Infinite Void was originally an enemy but later became an ally.]
[It activates the cliché of 'an enemy who was strong becomes weak as soon as they join the ally's side'.]
"What?"
Bzzzzzt—!
The moment the Outer God finished speaking, the low-quality noise domain expanded to the horizon. It happened in a flash. Just a second ago, the Infinite Void's vivid realm was fighting back, but the Infinite Metagame's realm engulfed the world without hesitation.
Under the sky covered with noise in an instant, the ghosts of Baekhwa Girls' High School began to distort.
Bzzzt Bzzzt—
The ghosts, which had manifested in reality, had their visual quality increasingly deteriorate. From AAA game graphics to VR game graphics, to 32-bit, to 16-bit.
"Eh. Huh? Uh, sunbae, what do we do…?"
Cheon Yo-hwa panicked beside me. For some reason, Cheon Yo-hwa's face suddenly reminded me strongly of 'Vegeta.'
"Uh, I suddenly feel very weak...?"
"...."
Indeed.
At that moment, I realized what the true power of the Admin of the Infinite Metagame was.
Cliché manipulation.
The ability to bring out any cliché from creative works at will. The power to manipulate 'the world itself' using those clichés. That was the power of the Outer God.
-x-X-x-
The Strategist VIII
"Wait! Hold on, Mister!"
Oh Dok-seo screamed.
"If this keeps up, all our Outer God-class forces will become ordinary! Aren't we screwed?"
"Hmm."
Witnessing the same cliché, I thought of 'Vegeta,' while Oh Dok-seo thought of 'ordinary.' A good example of how otaku perceptions change over generations. Unfortunately, it wasn't the right time to discuss the 'images and symbols' of subculture.
In real-time, the students of Baekhwa Girls' High School (Night Class) were getting trounced by the Infinite Metagame.
- Hik, hik, hik, hik!
- Do you want purple toilet paper? Do you want purple toilet paper?
- Koong… Koong...
In the 16-bit low-resolution realm unfolded by the Infinite Metagame, darkly dotted NPCs respawned and attacked the ghosts of Baekhwa Girls' High School.
They were 'Necromancer' NPCs. Clad in gloomy robes, wielding bizarrely twisted staffs, and adorned with delicate candle decorations that were too weak to serve as proper lighting. Their very existence screamed "outcast," a vibe that even 16-bit graphics couldn't hide.
- Hehe, the world is full of specters.
- I shall capture and use them!
- Kongkong ghost? I'll hang it on the grandfather clock as an alarm sound. The sound of a head smashing is delightful.
The ghosts were in utter panic. Although recent MZ generation necromancers were known to attend academies, date, and spend lavishly as diamond-spoon heirs, in the RPG world, the perception of necromancers was still at the lowest tier, alongside thieves.
Despite this, the ghosts of Baekhwa Girls' High School were a close-knit, lively group. They were utterly powerless against the necromancer NPCs' vengeful black magic.
"You bastards!"
Cheon Yo-hwa, an awakener who once claimed to be the original necromancer of the Korean Peninsula, was furious.
"Stop bullying my friends!"
Wham! Cheon Yo-hwa dashed forward at full speed and kicked a necromancer's head. In the battlefield where both NPCs and ghosts had devolved to 16-bit, Cheon Yo-hwa alone flaunted high-definition realistic graphics. Despite being in a human body, and even under the 'weakened former enemy' cliché debuff, Cheon Yo-hwa was still Cheon Yo-hwa. Red aura flew in all directions, and the 16-bit blood of NPCs scattered. Cheon Yo-hwa quickly decimated the group of necromancers.
- D-Demon King!
"Huh?"
- The Demon King has appeared!
As the necromancers shouted, a blue wing flapped in the sky.
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame points out that the Infinite Void is slaughtering humans on behalf of monsters.]
[Activates the 'Demon King's Appearance' cliché, along with the 'Humanity's Alliance to Subdue the Demon King' cliché.]
Bzzzzt!
New NPCs appeared in the Infinite Metagame's realm. Despite the downgraded graphics, their unique characteristics were unmistakably clear. They were 'Priest' and 'Saintess' NPCs.
- Behold the despicable acts of the Demon King!
- Necromancers have strayed from the path of righteousness, but they are still human. They cannot be compared to monsters inherently inhuman.
- O God! Help us!
Following the black magic necromancers, white magic priests simultaneously launched long-range holy spells at Cheon Yo-hwa.
Cheon Yo-hwa screamed.
"Hikyaaaah!"
She had every right to scream. The parts hit by the holy spells devolved from realistic graphics to 16-bit graphics. Cheon Yo-hwa's right arm and left leg were buzzing, their resolution dropping.
Even the core of the Infinite Void was starting to be corrupted by the Infinite Metagame.
"Sunbae! Sunbaaeeee!"
Cheon Yo-hwa called out desperately for my help while dodging the long-range attacks. The holy magic's attribute was a terrible match. Wasn't Cheon Yo-hwa aligned with black magic? She was being chased by hundreds, no, thousands of respawned priest NPCs.
Beside me, Oh Dok-seo watched the surreal chase and said nervously.
"Shouldn't we help her, Mister?"
"Well, if I step in, I could easily sweep away the NPCs. But the main enemy in this subjugation battle is the Infinite Metagame. If I get caught up in that bastard's play and hit by a 'cliché,' it'll put us at a disadvantage."
"Oh."
"It's better for me to stay on standby to deliver the final blow. Dok-seo, rather than getting entangled in the enemy's tactics, we should exploit their weakness. Is there a cliché we can claim in this situation?"
You're an otaku, aren't you? Oh Dok-seo understood my implication instantly. She groaned.
"Uh. Wait a minute, a cliché... So, right now, the Outer God has formed an alliance to subdue the Demon King and monsters..."
At that moment, Oh Dok-seo's eyes sparkled.
"...Ah! Ah! That, that one! That one!"
"That one?"
"The story where monsters were just minding their own business, but evil humans attacked first, killing them for fun and making them slaves! The 'humans are the real villains' cliché! There are tons of novels and comics with this theme!"
Oh Dok-seo ran out like Archimedes shouting Eureka. Ahead, the Hanako ghost, half-dead from a necromancer's attack, lay on the ground. The sight of red, blue, and purple toilet paper scattered around was striking.
Press.
Oh Dok-seo knelt down and hugged the Hanako ghost's shoulder.
- Purple toilet paper?
The Hanako ghost looked bewildered, while Oh Dok-seo put on a face full of pent-up sorrow. Then she shouted, in a voice full of injustice.
"Why...!"
- Purple toilet paper?
"Why do humans oppress us like this...!"
There was a pause. The blue butterfly, taken aback by Oh Dok-seo's fervent cry, paused its movement. It wasn't just the butterfly. The thousands of priests and saintesses who were joyfully chasing Cheon Yo-hwa also turned their heads in unison. With all eyes on him, Oh Dok-seo continued her performance without hesitation or shame.
"Hanako just wanted to give toilet paper to people in the bathroom…!"
- Purple toilet paper?
"The Kongkong ghost only moves with its head instead of its legs! Humans, just because we're different, they abuse, despise, and torment us so much! Curse them! Curse the humans...!"
Even the ghosts of Baekhwa Girls' High School, who were half-subdued, and Cheon Yo-hwa, who was panting after the brief respite from the chase, had peculiar expressions. Were we really that good-natured?
However, in creative works, real-world history wasn't that important. If realism mattered, King Arthur would have been a man.
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame accepts the apostle's claim.]
And this was the loophole of the anomaly. I wanted to applaud.
'Well done, Dok-seo! That's it!'
Anomalies couldn't reject their essence. Especially not the apostle, who the Infinite Metagame had appointed as its champion. If the apostle prayed loudly, the god had to listen. Refusing would damage the Infinite Metagame itself. At least, the apostle could exploit the power of the Outer God.
This was why the apostle had to be recruited as an ally in the operation to subdue the Outer God.
[The cliché 'Humans were the real villains' has been activated.]
Then, the real chaos began.
- Would you like some purple toilet paper?
- I actually wanted to walk with my legs, not my head.
Suddenly, the faces of the ghosts became more 'human.' Their noses straightened, lips aligned, and, most importantly, their eyes sparkled with focus. Just like in stories where goblins resemble humans when they become protagonists! The ghosts' language abilities also evolved suddenly. Their faces gained realism. This was the miracle of the inhuman genre.
"Why are the temple priests coming to aid necromancers who tried to capture ghosts and got defeated in turn!"
The anomaly's apostle, Oh Dok-seo, who performed the miracle, pointed to the sky.
"Moreover, not just a few, but thousands of priests have united at once! This means the necromancers and the temple secretly had connections! It makes sense!"
Incredible. I clapped for real this time. How to handle this? Is our Dok-seo a genius?
- Connection? What does that mean?
- It seems to imply some sort of relationship.
- Our temple was secretly connected with necromancers?
Murmurs. The 16-bit NPCs started to panic. Even amidst this, they maintained the detail of not understanding the word 'connection,' staying true to the fantasy world. Oh Dok-seo shouted.
"Monsters were always unhappy! They were always unfairly mistreated! We were not bad!"
Strictly speaking, the only ones who were unhappy were those of us who took the 'Hate Pill': Oh Dok-seo, me, and the Saintess. But indeed, misfortune had piled on our side.
I hadn't described it due to my lack of interest in desolate stories, but in this cycle, while subduing the Infinite Void in the 'Room of Spirit and Time,' we faced considerable misfortune. Oh Dok-seo delivered the final blow.
"The high priests of the temple were the masterminds behind the necromancers! When necromancers captured spirits, the high priests took credit for it, and in return, they gave the necromancers various privileges!"
- Is that true, priest?
- Nonsense! That can't be true!
"It can't be true? In stories, there's a 99% chance that high priests are corrupt! I bet at least one cardinal is possessed by a demon!"
- What?
- How could that be...?
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame accepts the apostle's claim.]
[The clichés 'Corruption of High Priests,' 'The Dark Secret Behind the Temple's Leadership,' and 'Demon Summoning by Priests' have been activated.]
- How did she know? Hehe. Now that we're exposed, we'll offer you all as sacrifices!
- Kyaaaah! The cardinal has gone mad!
Tens of thousands of NPCs (the number had increased again) started fighting amongst themselves. The hotel's back garden had long been turned into a battlefield. A religious war had erupted in the dead of night.
Then.
"...Oh. I'm getting stronger again."
Cheon Yo-hwa's right arm and left leg were restored to normal.
"Take this."
- Aaaagh! The Demon King has revived!
Without hesitation, Cheon Yo-hwa turned around and smashed the priests' heads again. Seeing her selectively target 'somewhat sinister-looking' corrupt priests, Cheon Yo-hwa seemed to have grasped the situation roughly.
The Infinite Metagame was once again cornered. It had few options left.
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame points out that although there may be faults on the human side, monsters also have many flaws.]
[Monsters have also slaughtered countless lives.]
[The cliché 'There are no good or bad sides, only power struggles' has been activated.]
Now it was relativism!
This was a classic escape route in works dealing with good and evil. By adopting a relativistic view, all disputes were dismissed, ensuring victory in every debate.
The situation reached a stalemate again. The Infinite Metagame was likely looking for a chance to flee, suggesting a draw. But we couldn't let the devious Outer God that manipulated clichés from behind escape.
'Saintess.'
I moved my lips. The Saintess, who must have been observing the battle while stopping time occasionally, decoded my silent message. The message was relayed from me to the Saintess, then from the Saintess to Oh Dok-seo. Reading my intent, Oh Dok-seo shouted immediately.
"Monsters kill lives, and humans kill lives! No matter which race or land, the world is full of tragedy!"
Thus, it was effectively a statement from me, the Saintess, and Oh Dok-seo simultaneously.
"If the world is just tragedy and life is only suffering, then, I ask, what kind of existence is a 'god' in such a world!"
There was a pause. The tens of thousands of NPCs, the ghosts who were fighting valiantly but being overwhelmed by sheer numbers, all stopped. The 16-bit anomalies that mimicked human expressions, thus emphasizing the uncanny valley, all paused.
Oh Dok-seo, bearing the inorganic gazes of tens of thousands of eyes, swallowed and pointed to the sky.
"If the world is evil, doesn't that mean the god who allowed such evil is at fault?"
Exactly. The Infinite Metagame had made a mistake.
In reality, relativism might work to some extent. But what if a 'god' clearly existed? Especially if that god openly declared, 'The world is inherently evil, and only power struggles are legitimate.'
"Why should we serve such a god as our deity?"
The Infinite Metagame might have thought it had made the best move, but it had actually made the worst blunder.
"We have no reason to endlessly kill and be killed! The true enemy to be subdued is the god who imposed this hell upon us! Our only enemy is the Evil God!"
Following Oh Dok-seo's vehement declaration, all humans and anomalies looked up to the sky in unison. There, the blue butterfly hovered.
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagam accepts the apostle's claim.]
[The cliché 'The true final boss was the god' has been activated.]
-x-X-x-
The Strategist IX
The Admin of the Infinite Metagame changed its appearance. From a charming blue butterfly beloved by all, it morphed into a form shrouded in TV noise. It was likely becoming something terrifying. This scene, where the Outer God finally proclaimed, "Yes, I am Kira," and revealed itself as the final boss, did not scare me at all. After all, even in Death Note, the ultimate villain switched professions from god to vocaloid after making that declaration. It would have been strange to feel fear.
Calmly, I drew my gun. A Walther PPK pistol, the God Slayer. It was a special relic I had acquired from Namsan specifically for this battle. Feeling its cold touch, I recalled a conversation I had with the Saintess 33 days ago.
Yes, reflecting on the past before delivering the final blow was also a timeless cliché. Countless creative works have proven a significant correlation between a character's recollections and their attack power. Hence, the flashback scene, start.
"Mr. Undertaker."
The Saintess whispered.
"By the way, why must we take the format of a 'speedrun stream'? Can't it just be a normal stream?"
It was a dark night. It was the very night when Oh Dok-seo had declared, "I will save you, Mister!" She had confidently accumulated another dark history, then had fallen into a deep, oblivious sleep.
In contrast, the Saintess and I needed hardly any sleep. The Saintess could simply click the [Time Stop] button and sleep as much as she wanted, while my training was advanced enough that just a brief rest was sufficient.
Even as the apocalypse unfolded, forcing all humanity into a strict routine of early to bed and early to rise, only the two of us continued to enjoy the indulgent late-night lifestyle of bad adults.
"Oh, that's literally a matter of time."
"Time?"
"Yes. The Outer God, the Admin of the Infinite Metagame, waits for more humans to worship it as a god."
Snore—
On the bed, Oh Dok-seo was snoring loudly, spreading noise throughout the world.
"People imagine gods in their own ways. A benevolent god, a fearful god, an omniscient god... The more diverse these images become, the more forms the Admin of the Infinite Metagame can take."
"Take different forms?"
"Yes. The images of gods that have appeared in humanity's creative works are truly countless. the Admin of the Infinite Metagame can choose any one of them as it pleases."
The Admin of the Infinite Metagame could transform into anything. It could become Cthulhu and create a horror scene or turn into an extremely kind god to draw voluntary submission from people.
"I speculate that its power lies in determining the genre of this world."
"...."
"If, by any chance, the genre of the world gets fixed as a tragic story, it would be disastrous. Before the Admin of the Infinite Metagame selects a genre, we must first impose a specific genre on the Outer God."
"A specific genre? Like what…?"
"Comedy."
I took a sip of café au lait.
"Perhaps you noticed when we crossed the sea in Hamel's Journal. I have been intentionally making the situation comical to avoid falling into a tragic genre."
"Ah."
"If we can define this cycle's genre as 'comedy,' at least in the beginning, the Admin of the Infinite Metagame will never be able to descend in a terrifying god's form."
"I see. That's why you keep joking around."
I nodded. Works had an inherent atmosphere. No matter how much the Admin of the Infinite Metagame tried to introduce a tragic plot, if the atmosphere was light and comedic from the start, forcing it into a tragic tone would be criticized as poor writing. That wouldn't be a planned cliché but a failed story.
If such a situation occurred, the Admin of the Infinite Metagame would admit that it lacked the ability to manage clichés. Anomalies could never reject their essence. We had to exploit this flaw.
"Saintess. We have taken the Hate Pill, so all sorts of misfortunes will soon befall us."
"...."
"When we return to Korea, we will head straight to Baekhwa Girls' High School. The Infinite Void distorts human perception of time endlessly, so we will likely spend over five years there. Let me be clear, it will be five years of hell."
Therefore.
"We will deliberately 'skip' these unhappy days."
"Skip…?"
"Yes. We will omit and jump over them. We won't mention the misfortunes we experience in the Infinite Void's time. Only then can we maintain a comedic atmosphere."
"Ah… indeed."
Right. We also deliberately skipped the 'unfortunate scenes' for you. Some people with specific tastes might have wanted to see scenes of me crying over my comrades' bodies. However, this was a strategic decision to subdue the Outer God. Please understand.
"That's also why you, Saintess, should not appear in the front. You have no connection with comedy."
"...."
"Before the Admin of the Infinite Metagame can manipulate the world into a serious and heavy genre, we must take the lead and set the tone. However, maintaining a 'comedy' in such apocalyptic times is impossible for long."
"…Because people are dying."
"Yes. At most, we have 50 days. Honestly, I'd like to end this in 30 days."
Hence, the speedrun. Before the world could fully turn serious and heavy, we aimed to create an 'unbelievably funny,' 'uproarious,' 'chaotic' scene. By doing so, we would limit the range of genres the Admin of the Infinite Metagame could use. The Saintess looked completely convinced. I said to her.
"Remember this conversation, Saintess."
"What?"
"We still can't be sure what exact power the Admin of the Infinite Metagame possesses. But if, as I suspect, it's related to the genres of creative works――"
I put down my coffee cup.
"Tonight's conversation will surely come in handy."
Flashback scene, end. With my Complete Memory ability, I could recall the past perfectly anytime, anywhere. Even as my finger rested on the trigger of the Walther PPK, I quickly finished the flashback. Then.
"Monkey's Paw."
I murmured.
"It's time to fulfill the promise."
- Uikikik, kikikik, kiki!
The invisible Monkey's Paw howled. The misfortunes we had accumulated so far, though not shown in the stream, had undoubtedly plagued us outside the screen. The total amount of misfortune and fortune must balance out. Even when the speedrun stream was not running, [Monkey's Paw] had been hovering around us.
"The only fortune I wish for is this."
- Uikikik, kikikik, uikiki!
"Pour all the fortune into the bullet I am about to fire."
Crack!
The right sleeve of my shirt tore open. In an instant, monkey fur grew and covered my entire right arm. Numerous buffs began to coat the Walther PPK pistol.
The first buff: [Total Luck Law] utilizing the overlapping effects of [Monkey's Paw] and [Hate Pill]. This ensured that the bullet I was about to fire would be imbued with an incredibly potent fortune.
The second buff: [Chekhov's Gun]. Whenever a gun appears, a decisive scene must follow. And the gun I held was not just any gun; it was a supernatural entity imbued with the image of 'God Slayer.' This ensured that the bullet I was about to fire would inevitably conclude the battle.
The third buff:
[Mr. Undertaker. Now.]
The Saintess sent me a telepathic message. It was perfect timing. That line was the third buff: the 'flashback' cliché. Both the Saintess and I remembered our conversation from that night and she reminded me of it. This established the cliché that 'we had foreseen this situation and prepared for it,' completing the fourth buff.
"We've won――"
I smiled and murmured.
"――just as planned."
Yes. One of the greatest clichés in creative works: 'everything went according to the protagonist's plan.' I had accumulated enough cause and effect to assert this cliché. From the 135th cycle to the 593rd, even dying under Noh Do-hwa's strangling, I had been building these buffs for this very moment.
Into this single bullet, I infused:
[Total Luck Law],
[Hate Pill],
[Chekhov's Gun],
[Flashback],
[Just as Planned].
Click.
I pulled the trigger towards the god.
- Bang!
The gunshot echoed loudly. Perhaps too loudly. The Admin of the Infinite Metagame, realizing my strike belatedly, tried to evade. However, it was in the midst of transformation after declaring itself the final boss. Attacking someone mid-transformation was generally against the rules of all series, but if done only once, such a surprise attack was allowed.
Crack—!
As my bullet passed through, it scratched the noise-covered realm of the Outer God. The area closest to the god, unfolding in 16-bit, 8-bit, and 4-bit low resolutions, was pierced by the bullet. The bullet swirled through the low-resolution world like a tornado, shattering it like glass.
As the bullet hurtled towards it, the Outer God's messages flooded the screen, panicked and without minimal formality.
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame claims the cliché 'Twist within a Twist.'] [The Admin of the Infinite Metagame claims the cliché 'Attacks during transformation fail.'] [Resurrection] [Regeneration] [Claims] [Requests] ['Did they defeat it?' cliché for priests and followers] [cliché] [requests] [The Admin of the Infinite Metagame] [is] [■] [is] [is] [■] [■]
Those were the screams of the anomaly. The bullet pierced the god's wing.
[The Admin of the Infinite Metagame] [■] [is] [ah] [is] [ah] [ah] [■] [■] [■] [■] [■]
Crackle.
The 16-bit space that had spread to the horizon rapidly contracted. The contracting point was where the bullet had pierced. The black, gray, and white noise spun like a black hole, drawing everything into a single point. Tens of thousands of NPCs screamed bizarrely as they were sucked into the black hole.
Then, holes began to appear throughout the world. With the sound of breaking glass, bullet holes formed in the sky, the ground, and the hotel building.
[■] [■] [■] [■] [■] [■]
Splash. Splash. The holes spewed out black liquid like waterfalls. The black vomit smelled like oil. As the liquid flowed, a strange noise echoed, resembling the static of a broken radio. The disgusting smell and unpleasant sound quickly spread, blackening the entire world.
Oh Dok-seo and I were submerged in the Outer God's vomit. The black liquid rose up to our heads, but fortunately, we had no trouble breathing. It was probably not a physical liquid.
When I closed and reopened my eyes under the black surface, an infinite expanse of white space unfolded around me. It was so entirely white that it was difficult to discern up from down. This was the Divine Realm. Not the artificially created comedy temple, but the true space where the Admin of the Infinite Metagame existed.
"Ah, Mister? Where are we?"
"...."
Only I, Oh Dok-seo, and the Saintess were invited to the Divine Realm. Perhaps only the three of us were recognized as the main characters of this story.
-.... ....
Before us, the master of this space lay collapsed.
-x-X-x-
The Strategist X
- Ah, ah, ah… Chi҉ ҉ zz҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ … Ah…
The Admin of the Infinite Metagame looked bizarre. Its trademark TV static crackled all over its body. Its voice stuttered like a broken AI, worse than a Vocaloid produced by an amateur composer.
- Chi҉ zz҉ ҉ ҉ … Ah, ah… Ah…
It was clearly in a critical state. Yet, all these peculiar features were mere decorations compared to the anomaly's 'appearance.'
"Eek."
The most shocked was Oh Dok-seo. She looked back and forth between the anomaly and me, completely baffled.
"A… A girl…?"
Indeed. The anomaly had taken the form of a 'girl' with 'white hair' in a 'white dress'. The sight of a white girl continuously covered in static, bleeding black liquid from gunshot wounds, was quite distressing for anyone who had not lost their humanity.
"What… What is this, Mister? Did the anomaly deliberately take this form to evoke sympathy from us…?"
"No, it was planned."
I dropped the Walther PPK pistol. It was no longer effective. Its role was merely to inflict a critical wound. A little-known fact, but the gun that dealt the final blow to the Korean god wasn't the Walther PPK. It had malfunctioned. The Walther PPK was perfect for [Chekhov's Gun] since it failed at the crucial moment, but its role ended here.
"When you were meditating under the waterfall to connect with the god, the writers were trapped in the hotel."
"Uh, yeah. I remember that…."
"At that time, I asked the writers to write works related to the Admin of the Infinite Metagame."
Yes. To accurately recall what I told the writers:
'All you need to do is write. Oh, and make sure the beginning of the new novel includes a god. The god's name should be the 'Admin of the Infinite Metagame'.'
'Get us out of here!'
'Good luck, writers.'
And when I made this polite request, I also added a specific instruction. I asked them to describe [the Admin of the Infinite Metagame] in the form of the 'white girl' before me. As a result, the weakened [Admin of the Infinite Metagame], having been critically wounded by me, had no choice but to transform into the form imposed by humans. In essence, I had collaborated with the writers to fix the anomaly's appearance.
"Why? What's the significance of that form? Isn't it in bad taste?"
"Tsk, tsk. Ah, these young otakus today. We can't communicate."
"...?"
"Dok-seo, that 'white girl' is one of the most fundamental forms in Korean genre fiction, the least harmful god's form. Now that the Admin of the Infinite Metagame has taken this form, it can no longer be a threat to us."
"...???"
As soon as I finished speaking, the white girl covered in static reached out a delicate hand and moved her lips.
- Ah, ah, ah, ■, ah.
- Hi? Hi? Hi?
- Hi? I am God.
- Hi, am I God?
- Hi, I am God?
The anomaly repeated the same sentences like a broken cassette tape. Oh Dok-seo's mouth fell open.
"Aaah? Could this be the legendary…?"
"Yes. Let me introduce it. This is the cliché of 'Hi, I am God.'"
This requires a bit of explanation. Nowadays, protagonists are often reincarnated through accidental traffic accidents by the [Isekai Truck] or deliberate collisions caused by [Bad Comments]. However, in the old days, a different cliché was popular.
By 'old days,' I mean before there were platforms like KakaoPage or Naver Series.
Back then, aspiring writers, who were in their stormy teenage years, wrote parody novels of subculture works. A mega-hit work came from Japan, akin to the Beatles' British Invasion dominating the American music market. This hit bombarded the minds of young otakus in Korea.
The bomber's name was Fate/Stay Night. Translating this foreign title into human language, it meant 'The Night Where Fate Stays'.
Otaku, blessed by the moonlight, went wild, pouring out parody works. The moon was killing it. Among the characters of Fate/Stay Night was a white-haired, white-dressed girl. Parody writers used this white girl character as an agent of 'God,' always appearing in the prologue.
For example, if the prologue started with the protagonist's unfortunate death, they would suddenly find themselves in a white space.
'W-where am I? I am sure I just died….'
'Hi? You're already dead. Since it was an accident, I'll grant you one wish and let you be reborn in a new world.'
'What? But who are you?'
'Me? Well, in your human language, you can call me… the "World."'
'The… world?'
'Yes. Hi? I am the "World."'
Indeed. Originally, it wasn't 'God' but "World." The key point was to emphasize the divinity with majestic double quotation marks ("") rather than weak single ones (''). Anyway, as such parodies poured in like summer rains, over time, the cliché of 'a god in the form of a white girl' began appearing in other decent works.
The white girl lost her original name of "World" and fully established herself as 'God.' She appeared in prologues, sending the protagonist to another world (reincarnation) or turning back time for another chance (regression). This is the historical origin of the 'white girl' who says, 'Hi? I am God.' One might even call it a literary origin since Fate is literature.
"Well, Fate/Stay Night wasn't the sole origin. The character 'Truth' from Fullmetal Alchemist also played the same role. Japanese AA works depict this too. However, the form of the 'white girl' god mainly originated from Fate/Stay Night…."
"None of that TMI is remotely interesting."
After hearing my impeccable explanation, Oh Dok-seo looked at me with a dumbfounded expression.
"Besides, you said you got into subculture around the 555th cycle because of me. How do you know about the '90s?"
"Hey, it wasn't the '90s; it was the 2000s. And in cycles 555, 556, and 557, I dedicated myself to subculture. I restored and read all old materials, including all hidden drafts on various forums."
"Damn, now I see you're not just a problem with the Three Kingdoms; you're a total disaster. What kind of monster did my past self get into subculture…?"
Just then, there was a cough beside me. The Saintess was watching us with an expressionless face.
"Regardless of the origin, the current form of the Admin of the Infinite Metagame is the least harmful god's form, correct?"
"Yes, that's right."
"Then it's time to deliver the final blow and end this speedrun stream."
Indeed.
"Dok-seo."
"Uh, yeah?"
"Take out the laptop and start it up."
"...."
Oh Dok-seo pulled out the laptop from her backpack. It was the same relic left by the Admin of the Infinite Metagame. On the white desktop screen, the same questions and answers were inscribed as before.
[ W h a t is t h i s w or l d? ]
[ This world is a 'speedrun' game stream. ]
It was a battle for the power to interpret the world. We had won. We did not hand over the world to a mere anomaly. I put my hand on Dok-seo's shoulder.
"In the 'Hi, I am God' cliché, the god must grant one wish to a human."
"...."
"Tell that anomaly. 'My wish is for you to acknowledge this answer as well.' As the anomaly's apostle, you can impose your interpretation on it."
Crack!
The static covering the anomaly intensified. It was desperately trying to maintain its existence. The anomaly reached out and grabbed Dok-seo's foot, as if pleading with her.
- W-warn… ing.
- The Undertaker is dangerous.
It managed to speak. Both Dok-seo and the Saintess hesitated. In that brief moment of hesitation, the anomaly muttered.
- The Undertaker is a regressor.
- A regressor is an absolute entity. No one but the regressor can perceive the repetition of the world. Thus, the regressor grows to dominate time and causality.
- The Undertaker is exterminating entities known as 'anomalies' that can recognize his regression.
- To monopolize time alone.
"...."
- If this entity is sealed, there will be one less entity to interfere with the Undertaker's regression.
- Granting absolute control over time to the regressor. Is this the right choice for humanity?
- The one to be subdued is not this entity, but the Undertaker. This entity is an ally.
- The existence of the regressor should be known to humanity through Oh Dok-seo.
- The Undertaker calls this entity an anomaly. Question. Is the Undertaker not the most dangerous anomaly of all?
"...."
- Originally, 'regressors' were a common cliché in creative works. Only this entity can block the regressor.
- Warning. If this entity is sealed, humanity will have no hope left. The regressor will exist independently outside the net of creative works.
- Oh Dok-seo.
- You must subdue the regressor and become the protagonist yourself.
A silence fell over the white space. The primary weight of this silence came from the Saintess. Though we never spoke of it, the Saintess and I watched over each other as mutual guardians. Should either of us fall, the other would immediately take them down.
The anomaly tried to incite discord between us, but like all provocations, there was about 10% truth in its words. However, I didn't bother to refute or argue, simply waiting for Oh Dok-seo's response. I trusted her, and she trusted me. If either of us wavered due to an outsider's words, it wasn't true trust or friendship.
"...Mister."
"Yeah."
"Just to be sure, do we have to stick to the 'speedrun game stream' format to seal this anomaly?"
She asked. I blinked and tilted my head.
"Well, if there's a better way, that's fine too…."
"Alright."
Oh Dok-seo sat down and placed the laptop on her lap. Her fingers danced across the keyboard like a skilled pianist.
"In that case, I think this is much better than a speedrun broadcast."
She turned the laptop to show us. On the white screen, a new answer was written in large letters.
[ W h a t i s t h i s w o r l d? ]
[ This world is a novel written by 'Oh Dok-seo' about the 'Undertaker.' ]
Holding the laptop, Oh Dok-seo spoke.
"I'll write your story, Mister."
-x-X-x-
The Strategist XI
Have you ever heard of the term "sixth sense"? Sixth sense, literally meaning 'the sixth sense', refers to a sense beyond the typical five senses of sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch. Many would deny such a sense exists, but I truly possessed something that could be called a sixth sense— a premonition of fate.
It was likely because I had lived far too long as a regressor and experienced too many events. My ability to grasp the cause and effect of incidents had become excessively developed. Though not always, there were times when just a single word or gesture would give me a sense of the events that would unfold. Anyone who has ever fallen in love at first sight would understand what I mean. Human life is like a charm made of many threads, and one of those threads felt connected to the person right in front of me.
"――I'll write your story, Mister."
This was one of those moments. Oh Dok-seo's eyes were half-closed, and as her eyes narrowed, my breathing also became shallower.
"Write a novel?"
"Yeah."
"You mean you'll seal the anomaly in a novel instead of a stream?"
"Yeah."
My voice remained as calm as ever. But with each word exchanged with Oh Dok-seo, my consciousness, which was situated far behind my head, slowly wrapped itself around the present. I opened my mouth.
"Why?"
"Look. In the 'stream' you chose, I'm just a game character acting according to your instructions. Everyone else, except the Saintess, is merely an NPC. So…"
Oh Dok-seo pointed down. There, the white girl, the Admin of the Infinite Metagame, was clinging to Oh Dok-seo's foot.
"There's some truth in the anomaly's warning. If you're set as too superior to other humans, someday, no, definitely, you'll become an anomaly-level monster yourself."
"...."
"…And the same goes for me."
Oh Dok-seo gave a bitter smile.
"I've felt this while talking to you. If I had fought against you as the anomaly planned, if the 'Book Possessor' and the 'Regressor' had clashed, and I had taken the protagonist's spot, I think I would have become a monster too."
I remained silent. Because that scenario was actually one of the world-ending scenarios I had preplanned. [Protagonist] anomaly. Oh Dok-seo would defeat me, become the protagonist, merge with the anomaly, and receive all the clichés that only the protagonist could enjoy, the 'protagonist correction.'
"Neither of us should dominate the other. We're too powerful. I'm not talking about the realm of aura. From the starting line, we've been given the roles of Book Possessor and Regressor."
"...."
"Our very existence has the potential to define the world, with the latent power of anomalies."
Indeed.
- Be careful when fighting monsters, lest you become a monster yourself. If you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.
This modified Nietzschean adage was fitting for us. Thus.
"…I'll be the writer of your story. There's a genre called reportage literature, right? Reconstructing real stories into novels."
"Hmm."
"If your life story is recorded by my hand, you won't fall to a dimension superior to mine. Because I'll be your 'writer.'"
And.
"I'll just be the narrator chasing your life story. Yeah, I think that'll create a balanced relationship."
"So we'll be mutual constraints on each other."
"Yeah! That's it!"
Oh Dok-seo laughed heartily. The sound of human laughter was as brilliant as water droplets in a fountain, momentarily catching sunlight before falling back.
"Not a bad idea. But wouldn't that make you too powerful as the writer?"
"Huh? Really? I thought a writer's status was constrained by readers' evaluations and more akin to a priestess offering herself. But if you're worried... Ah."
Oh Dok-seo lightly tapped the laptop with her palm.
"How about this? I'll write about you, but you write about the parts that mention me."
"...."
"No matter how much I know myself, if I have to type about myself... Eek. Absolutely not! That's super embarrassing."
Just imagining it seemed dreadful, as Oh Dok-seo shivered.
"So… I'll write about you, and you write about me. We'll share our thoughts honestly to provide accurate references."
"I see. Two people will be both protagonists and writers. Like mountain climbers tying a safety rope to avoid falling into the abyss."
"Yeah. Isn't it good?"
"...."
I looked at Oh Dok-seo for a long time.
Did she understand the weight of her words? Was she too excited about defining the anomaly and carelessly talking about her life's path? Could she truly keep her promise? Would she use the pretext of interpreting me to corrupt me?
Hm… Hmm… Hmmm... Several doubts echoed in the valley of my mind. But I found those suspicions refreshing and nodded. What if the promise wasn't kept? This child was walking somewhere and laughing while doing so. That was enough.
"Alright. Dok-seo, I entrust my interpretation to you."
"Yeah. I'll entrust mine to you too. …Ugh. This is kind of embarrassing…"
Oh Dok-seo cleared her throat and crouched down. She then looked down at the Admin of the Infinite Metagame.
"Hey, God. Did you hear that?"
-....
"I'll keep Mister in check as you wanted. But if you're my god, respond to my answer."
Oh Dok-seo held the laptop screen in front of the anomaly.
[ W h at is t h i s w o r ld? ]
[ This world is a novel written by 'Oh Dok-seo' about the 'Undertaker.' ]
Tap, tap. Oh Dok-seo tapped the screen with her long fingers.
"This is the world I define."
-....
"Nothing's written yet, but I'll start writing tomorrow. On this laptop. It's still a creative work, right? You shouldn't have much to complain about."
-..., ....
"If you don't want to retire as an old fogey, shut up and ask me for
Crack!
At that moment, the white girl's form distorted and was sucked into the laptop screen. Oh Dok-seo flinched but didn't drop the laptop. First, the white girl, then, the black filth spilled by the anomaly, and finally, the entire white space, all mixed into a vortex and were swallowed into Oh Dok-seo's laptop.
A moment later, the anomaly's realm disappeared completely from the world, like storm clouds clearing. Just as Cheon Yo-hwa had imprisoned the Infinite Void in the hourglass, Oh Dok-seo sealed the Admin of the Infinite Metagame in the laptop.
"What?"
"Where is this…?"
In the devastated hotel garden, the magical girls began to wake up one by one. Watching them, Oh Dok-seo muttered.
"If I ever write about today's events, I'll never describe the appearance of those magical girls…"
"What a coincidence. I feel the same. I think we already have an excellent writer."
"Half of them aren't even girls. Japanese awakeners must have some screws loose."
"For this cycle, there are probably more magical girls in Korea than in Japan."
"The worst…"
Oh Dok-seo shook her head and tucked the laptop into her backpack. She then extended her hand to me.
"Anyway… I'll be counting on you, Mister."
"And I you. By the way, if you're going to write it as a novel, I have a great idea."
"Huh? What is it?"
"I'll tell you later."
That idea was to include a 600-chapter parody of the Three Kingdoms in the novel, an idea later rejected by Oh Dok-seo, who didn't know much about the Three Kingdoms. We shook hands.
"By the way, even though I've read many novels, this is my first time writing one. So you'll have to help me a lot, okay?"
Holding my hand, Oh Dok-seo, the first reader and the final writer of my story, smiled brightly.
Anomaly:Admin of the Infinite Metagame
Aliases: Logout Game, Cliché, Muse, Hi-I-Am-God, Omniscient Regressor's Viewpoint, Fourth Wall, Writer's Syndrome
Threat Level: Lv.5 Outer God-class
Subjugation Complete.
There is an epilogue.
Now, it's clear to everyone. Yes, the story I'm telling that Oh Dok-seo is editing into a novel is itself the 'artifact that seals the anomaly.' It's also a weight that suppresses both me, the Undertaker, and Oh Dok-seo.
The real-time reading and evaluation you all are doing suppress various anomalies. Since I, the Undertaker, consider all humans who subdue anomalies my comrades (including the Grand Priestess of the Magical Girl Association), naturally, you are also my comrades. I am truly grateful for Oh Dok-seo's presence, which has connected us.
"Mister, we have a problem…"
So Oh Dok-seo didn't end up proclaiming, "The god made me write this novel", or "But now the writer Oh Dok-seo has become a god!". No such happy ending happened. It was quite the opposite.
"I can't write…"
"You can't write? Why?"
"It's just that everything I write feels crappy."
Oh no. When she was a reader, Oh Dok-seo looked down on all creative works in the world, but as soon as she started typing, she turned into the weakest creature. Sipping the coffee I made her, Oh Dok-seo mumbled gloomily.
"Before bed, I always resolve to write tomorrow, but when I wake up and turn on the laptop, my fingertips turn white…"
"The way you just expressed it, you could write like that. You speak well."
"Ugh! It's not working!"
It wasn't entirely her fault. As later revealed, since defining herself as a 'writer,' the Admin of the Infinite Metagame also treated her as one. In other words, all sorts of chronic ailments of writers clung to Oh Dok-seo.
[My Writing Sucks Syndrome], [Remake Syndrome], [Infinite Revision Syndrome], [Drifting Syndrome], [It's All Because of Lack of Experience Syndrome], [Constantly Changing Desktop Wallpaper Syndrome], [There's Always Something at Home Syndrome], [Upload Delayed Due to Editor's Mistake Syndrome], [Simple Depression Syndrome], [Clicking SG Net Instead of Writing Syndrome]...
Truly, the King of Diseases! The very existence of a writer brought all these plagues to Oh Dok-seo.
"This isn't right!"
Thud! Oh Dok-seo would often throw the laptop on the floor, but as a relic of the anomaly, the laptop remained unscathed.
"No, Dok-seo. It's been 60 days since you confidently declared you'd write a novel, and you haven't even finished one prologue…"
"What do you know about the agony of a creator, Mister!"
I knew it very well. By this time, I had stockpiled 100 chapters of the Three Kingdoms parody (writing about two simple chapters a day). Fortunately, the 'Laptop of Infinite Metagame' preserved its content across cycles. So even if I completed only six chapters this cycle, those six chapters would carry over to the next. Although Oh Dok-seo, cursed by the anomaly, raged that it was like giving medicine after the pain.
"Being a writer is… suffering…"
"There's no point discussing suffering in front of an infinite regressor."
"I can't live like this alone. Ah! Mister! Let's ask the anomaly to spread these diseases to all writers, not just me!"
"What?"
"If I die, everyone dies… That's fair and just, right?"
I opposed it, but Oh Dok-seo insisted on spreading the plague. That day, a storm swept through SG Net's novel serial boards. Readers vomited blood as their favorite serials abruptly declared hiatuses. If any of you turn on your computer and think, 'Damn, why don't I feel like writing?', please blame Oh Dok-seo. It's the anomaly's curse.
"Mister! Finally, I finished the first chapter!"
Still, thanks to her persistent efforts, Oh Dok-seo finally showed me the first prologue two years after the anomaly was subjugated.
"Look! Oh, don't mind me! Just read it; I'll watch from behind!"
"Hmm."
Let's see. While sipping café au lait with one hand, I moved the mouse cursor with the other. Click. The new white document file began with its first line:
――――――――――
Infinite Regression. There is a genre by that name.
――――――――――
The Potato I
To be honest, I had quite a bit of conflict when introducing the last story. It was a clash between the editor and the original author. Oh Dok-seo and I had sharply differing opinions.
"Oh Dok-seo insisted, 'No matter what, [the Admin of the Infinite Metagame] story must be placed at the very end!'"
When I asked why, she said:
"Mister, are you stupid? It's for symmetry. Symmetry. You can't resist the beauty of ending a work with the exact same sentence it started with."
"Hmm."
While there was some merit to that aesthetic, it had more drawbacks than advantages.
"Drawbacks? What drawbacks? Symmetry is unbeatable and divine. There are only advantages."
"Dok-seo, I'm a regressor. If the novel starts and ends the same way, it could create an anomaly where it endlessly repeats from the beginning."
"…Ah."
I sipped my coffee.
"It might emphasize that this novel is about infinite regression. However, it would counteract the goal of escaping the fate of regression."
There was another reason. I had decided to be as honest as possible with all of you. So I didn't want to hide the circumstances under which I decided to write this story, my 'life story' as I call it, until the novel's ending. If I were to hide something, it would only be to subdue an anomaly. Other than that, I am entirely open with you.
"Indeed… Your goal is to make regression unnecessary. Symmetry could turn into an infinite ouroboros, causing harm. Wow, you really have to consider every detail…"
"Thank you for understanding my dilemma."
That wasn't my only concern. Every story had its own issues, sometimes related to personal privacy. In such cases, I generally asked the person involved for permission. For example, I sought approval from the Saintess in the 800th cycle for an incident that happened in the 600th cycle.
Today's story was no different. The protagonist of this story was the Saintess. So, I explained everything to her beforehand and asked for her permission.
"…Did that really happen?"
"Yes, it did. Hard to believe, but true. So, may I write about it?"
"Well… Yes. Since writing the novel itself acts as a weight suppressing the anomaly. If I can help, it's fine."
The Saintess rarely hesitated, but she did this time. After a brief silence, she whispered cautiously. Her voice seemed to tremble, though it might have been my imagination.
"…Mr. Undertaker, are you sure?"
It really happened. One day, I was going about my usual regressor routine when I received a telepathic message from the Saintess.
[Mr. Undertaker, I'm sorry, but can we postpone this week's study session to tomorrow?]
"Pardon? Oh, yes, that's fine."
For reference, the Saintess and I had a study session every Wednesday. We mainly read philosophy books. It was a tradition that started in the 63rd cycle.
"Nothing's wrong, is it?"
[No, everything's fine. Thank you for asking.]
"Alright then, as long as everything is fine."
I said it casually, but I was a bit surprised. The Saintess once insisted on holding the study session right after subduing the Meteor Shower, saying, "It's Wednesday today. Let's study." That's how serious she was about our study sessions. But now she wanted to postpone it? Did the concept of 'postponing time' exist for the Saintess?
[Mr. Undertaker, I'm really sorry. Can we postpone the study session to tomorrow again?]
To my astonishment, she asked to reschedule again the next day! My expression became very serious. This was unprecedented. I'd sooner believe that Sim Ah-ryeon quit social media than this.
"Saintess, are you sure everything is alright? This is the first time you've postponed a study session twice in a row."
[....]
"In my experience, unprecedented events are almost always related to anomalies. If you don't provide a satisfactory explanation, I must assume the worst—that an anomaly has possessed you."
[No… Um, no. Okay. You're the expert. It might be better to rely on you.]
"Where are you now? What happened?"
[That's a very difficult question to explain.]
The Saintess, who found explaining Kant's transcendental idealism 'easy,' admitted difficulty.
[Please come to my house.]
I went. The Saintess's house in Yongsan always had a pleasant aquatic smell. Various sizes of fish tanks filled with tropical fish were everywhere. However, algae had begun to form on the once crystal-clear glass walls of the tanks. This was odd. The Saintess, who even used chopsticks to eat potato chips, allowed algae in her tanks?
'Something is definitely wrong!'
I clenched my fist.
"Where are you, Saintess?"
[Come to the kitchen.]
I went. The kitchen was modest, suitable for someone living alone. A small table designed for a single person, never intended for two. In the middle of the table sat an unexpected item—a potato.
"...?"
Yes. A single potato was there. It seemed random, but I ignored it. More pressing matters were at hand.
[Mr. Undertaker, thank you for coming all this way.]
"Oh, it's nothing. But where are you? You're not hiding, are you?"
[I'm here.]
The Saintess could send telepathy as both voice and text. This time, it was text.
[ → → → ]
[ ← ← ← ]
[ ↓ ↓ ↓ ]
I followed her directions. And there it was—a potato.
"...?"
[Yes, I'm here.]
I tilted my head. As if equipped with a sensor, the potato rolled following my gaze.
"...???"
[Here.]
I tilted my head the other way. The potato rolled again, following my gaze. I performed a sanity check. The dice in my mind rolled, and I succeeded. Realization struck me like a lightning bolt.
"…Saintess?"
[Yes.]
"Please tell me this isn't true."
The potato performed an amazing feat. It rolled in place, then stopped upright. This was 'standing.' According to potato behavior studies, this slight nod corresponded to a 'bow.' What the hell.
[Sorry. I've turned into a potato.]
The Saintess had turned into a potato.
Despite the bizarre development of 'a comrade turning into a potato,' I maintained my composure. Even for a regressor who had picked countless deaths, this was not easy.
[Thank you for helping. I tried to handle it alone, but I kept worrying about not being able to feed the fish.]
"...."
Does a potato have feelings? I suppressed my scholarly urge to ask. That wasn't easy either. I cleaned the fish tanks and fed the tropical fish for her. After the chores, I calmly had a one-on-one conversation with the Saintess. Well, I placed a cushion on the table, put the potato on it, and matched its gaze. Where exactly was the potato's gaze? Moreover, the potato had sprouted eyes that were blue, reflecting the Saintess's hair color. I couldn't hold back any longer.
"Saintess, I'm not sure if this is appropriate, but… How did you turn into a potato?"
[It's likely due to an anomaly's curse.]
Of course, it was an anomaly's doing.
[I believe I'm under a curse.]
Naturally, it was a curse.
[I want to assure you that my mind and consciousness are intact. The anomaly seems to only affect my physical form.]
"What's the cause? Did you visit a forbidden place, or anger the spirits by burning hundreds of potatoes in a bonfire?"
[No. I did have a bug fly into my eye during a walk a few days ago.]
"A bug in your eye?"
[Yes, just a flying insect. Aside from that minor incident, there's no obvious cause.]
It was maddening. To cut to the chase, even as an experienced regressor, I couldn't cure the Saintess's potato state. Four days of attempts all failed. Don't blame my incompetence. No regressor from any story could have solved it.
[Mr. Undertaker, it's okay.]
Surprisingly, the one who should be most upset was the calmest. Although she had no head to lose or legs to leap, the Saintess was too composed. Speaking from my shoulder bag, the potato Saintess said:
[Acting as a constellation, monitoring awakeners, and sending telepathy all function normally.]
"Excuse me, but your current form raises serious doubts about the concept of normal."
[So far, no issues have arisen.]
Indeed. Remarkably, even in this state, she continued her 'constellation duties' as usual. I became the first human in history to feel respect for a potato. Not a title I wished to hold.
"Any discomfort?"
[No. Just help with my fish occasionally. Oh, and…]
The potato peeked out of the bag. How? I had no idea.
[My body feels a bit dry.]
"…Well, you are a potato."
[No, I mean it craves soil, water, and sunlight. It's hard to explain, but I feel it. Could you help?]
"Hmm."
At this point, my mind finally snapped. Those who knew me well knew that when I reached my limit, I let go. If you can't avoid it, enjoy it. If you can't enjoy it, pass it on.
"Of course, I'll help."
Enjoying mode, ON. I immediately took the potato Saintess to Noh Do-hwa, the head of management.
"What the hell is this…?"
Noh Do-hwa's expression, after hearing the whole story, was priceless. It was so priceless that you could make a webtoon just to showcase it. Seeing her facial muscles twitch made my troubles feel lighter. After all, why should I suffer alone?
"This is the Saintess? Really? Undertaker, you expect me to believe this?"
"The Saintess's telepathic messages in your head are proof."
"Why… Why does this crazy stuff happen…?"
"We don't know the cause either. More importantly, Noh Do-hwa, your skill is [Prosthetic Creation], right?"
Noh Do-hwa frowned deeply. Being a civil servant, the phrase "You're good at making PPTs, right?" made her eyebrows twitch.
"Yes, and…?"
"Your prosthetics move like real limbs. The Saintess is still an awakener. If you make prosthetics for the potato…"
"So now you want me to make potato prosthetics? Do you want to die?"
"Why? Are you a potato hater?"
"No, you idiot. How am I supposed to make prosthetics for a potato…?"
She made it. After 15 days of work, the Saintess's custom prosthetics were born. They resembled the StarCraft Goliath or the tripods from Spielberg's War of the Worlds. Either way, it was too futuristic for modern humans. A sleek body with robotic arms and legs, with a potato seated inside.
"Saintess, how does it feel? Does it move like your limbs?"
[Just a moment.]
Creak—
Amazingly, the robotic limbs moved properly. The 'potato robot' could walk bipedally.
[Yes, it moves well.]
"Wow!"
I cheered in the lab. It was emotional. What biologist could have guessed that the next species to master bipedalism after primates would be potatoes?
"Noh Do-hwa, it's a success! This is a groundbreaking discovery for humanity!"
[Thank you so much, Ms. Noh Do-hwa. Thanks to you, I can live normally.]
"..."
Despite our heartfelt gratitude, Noh Do-hwa remained silent. Her eyes were lifeless.
"Damn it, you still expect me to believe you're not anomalies but real humans…?"
"Of course. Who else cares for people like we do?"
"Damn. You're definitely anomalies…"
Creak— Creak— While Noh Do-hwa and I talked, the Saintess continually tested the robotic joints.
[Hmm.]
The potato Saintess wobbled slightly. Maybe it was just my imagination, but she seemed very pleased.
-x-X-x-
The Potato II
Everyone knew that the Saintess was serious about her reclusive lifestyle. Even though loneliness might have driven her to expand her circle of friends, she had no personal relationships outside of me. She didn't even engage in social media. She observed trends on SG Net but never posted or commented. There was a reason the Saintess's SG Net nickname had never appeared.
When I asked if she felt lonely, she replied:
"Humans all die, Mr. Undertaker. In the moment of death, even if surrounded by family, the last 0.01 seconds before consciousness falls into oblivion, no one can share that death with you. We all move towards that 0.01 second. A moment of silence and stillness that no words or concepts can decorate. If that's loneliness, then daily life is a purification of that ultimate loneliness, and I want to embrace that air as it is."
I agreed, saying "Oh," but tilted my head. Wasn't that just another way of admitting she was lonely? Anyway, the Saintess was a voluntarily reclusive person, not due to external forces but by choice. She was an ideological hikikomori. It would be extremely difficult for her to become close to someone. But what if that someone was not a human, but a potato?
"Oh, hello! Good morning, Ms. Potato…! H-Have a nice morning!"
In the hideout lobby, Sim Ah-ryeon bowed deeply. The Saintess, in her robot, gracefully moved the mechanical arm to return the greeting.
[Good morning, Sim Ah-ryeon.]
"Heh, heh… Yes!"
It wasn't just Sim Ah-ryeon.
"Hi. Good morning. Your potato sprouts look lovely."
[Good morning to you too, Lee Ha-yul.]
"Wow, Saintess! Your potato surface looks especially shiny today! Impressive!"
[Thank you, Seo Gyu.]
Everyone in the hideout greeted the Saintess-potato with bright faces and smiles. Meanwhile, my jaw dropped so hard it was ready to defy Newton's gravity. What kind of sorcery was this?
"Oh, Saintess, we're having a gathering of the plant lovers club from SG Net. You should come! Everyone would love it!"
[Sure, but I'll have to hide my identity.]
"Saintess, I'll water you with this watering can…! Hehe, you like this, right?"
[Thank you. It feels very nice.]
"Saintess, you have a drinking appointment with Noh Do-hwa tonight. Can you come?"
[Gladly.]
The hideout buzzed with noise. All the guild members crowded around the Saintess-potato, competing fiercely in middle-school psychology battles ('I'm closer to her than you are!' 'What? I'm way closer!'). For some reason, the robot-potato-Saintess enjoyed immense popularity. Unlike when confined to a weak human body, as a potato, she was loved by everyone. But why?
"Oh, didn't you know, hyung?"
"Know what?"
"The Saintess recently decided to offer a new constellation service."
Seo Gyu showed me a document file. It read:
[Notice]
Starting today, the Constellation 'Understanding of Anguish' will offer psychological counseling to awakeners.
In this harsh apocalyptic age, mental suffering is as severe as physical pain. But expressing mental stress often meets with responses like 'At least you're alive, why complain?'
Are you unable to share your pain for fear of seeming weak or being ridiculed?
Turn to the Constellation 'Understanding of Anguish.' This Constellation won't exploit your weaknesses or mock you.
Don't hesitate to seek counseling.
"...."
"This is the draft. The Saintess is beta testing the service with us now. She gives great counseling!"
Seo Gyu's words shocked me. Thank goodness I didn't wear dentures. If I did, they'd have fallen out from surprise.
"Psychological counseling…?"
"Yes."
"By whom?"
"The Saintess. Didn't I just say that?"
Were they crazy? The Saintess giving advice on the delicate and subtle flow of human relationships? Nonsense. The best she could offer was a discussion on 'Kant's emotional-intellectual forms and Schopenhauer's causality correlation.' What nonsense. My point exactly. Her counseling had to be at least 2.2 million light-years away from normal psychological counseling.
"Seo Gyu, are you saying you're satisfied with her counseling?"
"Yes, totally satisfied. We're starting counseling for general awakeners next week."
"Guys, get a grip. That will never succeed!"
It succeeded.
"Unbelievable."
And it was a huge success.
-Anonymous: I've been feeling so depressed lately, but after counseling with 'Understanding of Anguish,' I feel much better.
└Anonymous: Same here. When everyone urged me to try counseling, I thought they were nuts. But I cried my eyes out in just an hour.
-Anonymous: I guess we're all struggling in our own ways.
└LiteraryGirl: Struggling is normal. The world sucks, and people turning into sunflowers are proof.
└Anonymous: Right, LOL
-[NRMC] Officer: Hmm…
-OldManGoryeo: I usually don't say this, but try counseling with 'Understanding of Anguish.' This Constellation is on another level.
I was appalled. Could it be an anomaly? Well, obviously it was. The Saintess's appearance changed to a potato, but her core was still… Well, the core was probably also potato, but her consciousness remained the Saintess's. Even Dang Seo-rin was hooked on the psychological counseling by 'Understanding of Anguish.'
"Oh, Undertaker, sorry. Let's just eat today. I have a schedule."
"You're skipping drinks? What schedule?"
"Counseling day. 'Understanding' says regular sessions are important. I'm working on why I'm obsessed with railways and witch hats."
"...."
"I realized I had a lot of hidden wounds from childhood. You should try it too. Maybe about the Three Kingdoms."
The world had gone mad. I hurried to find the Saintess. The Saintess-potato-robot had moved from Yongsan to the hideout café and was sitting in the middle of a private room, meditating in the lotus position on a cushion. The scene itself was surreal.
"Saintess, we need to talk."
[Quiet.]
Creak. The robot arm moved to a 'shh' gesture. Considering potatoes have no lips, it was surreal. Even Zenyatta seemed more human than the robot-potato.
[I'm counseling Dang Seo-rin. Wait 50 minutes.]
"...."
What exactly were you discussing with Dang Seo-rin? I suppressed my curiosity, bubbling like lava in a deep pit. Privacy. Privacy.
[The counseling session is over. But I have another session in 10 minutes, so please be quick. What is it, Mr. Undertaker?]
"Saintess, I really hate to say this, but it must be said. This is an abnormal situation."
[Abnormal?]
"Simply put, you hate humans. How did you end up counseling others?"
[I've transcended the human shell.]
???
[As you pointed out, my misanthropy was deeply rooted. But after shedding my human form, humans now appear as a different species.]
"Different species?"
[Yes. No need to cling to a human form. It's like looking at pets or observing insects.]
Of course, it's an anomaly! Damn, Noh Do-hwa was right again. The robot-potato-Saintess was an anomaly itself. I had no choice but to revere the insight of the National Road Commander.
"Saintess, sorry, but you'll have to be subdued now…"
[But because of this, I can finally love humans.]
What?
[My hatred stemmed from seeing myself as the same species. Now, seeing them as different, I can view them objectively and warmly, like cute animals.]
[Mr. Undertaker, you might see me as an anomaly. But even if I've turned into an anomaly, would it be dangerous? I'm just a potato, after all.]
[A potato that loves humans.]
"I see."
[I'm very happy right now.]
"Unbelievable."
I held my head in my hands. If the Saintess had fallen and become the 'Executioner,' subduing her would be inevitable. But the robot-potato-Saintess wasn't threatening. She was too weak without aura. Even Sim Ah-ryeon or Noh Do-hwa could subdue her with a single strike. Besides, I didn't want to subdue the Saintess, who had just begun to realize her love for humanity.
[Mr. Undertaker, I have a request.]
"What is it…?"
[Please dice me into cubes.]
What the hell.
[Mr. Undertaker, do you know how potatoes reproduce?]
"…By cutting and planting pieces."
[Yes, that's one way. I believe I can increase my clones the same way.]
This was getting truly bizarre.
"I have many objections, but why do you want to increase your clones?"
[Simple reason.]
The potato-Saintess said:
[The number of awakeners seeking my counseling has exploded.]
[I'm using time-stop to manage, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to focus on each person. I was counseling six people at once with Dang Seo-rin.]
"Ah."
[Besides, I'm acting as other constellations too. It's too much work.]
[If I increase my clones and distribute the roles, it would be more efficient.]
"..."
She had a point! The robot-potato-Saintess stood up in the lotus position and placed a slender mechanical hand on my shoulder.
[I tried dicing myself, but even I hesitated to cut my body into pieces.]
[I'd like you to do it.]
[Can you still see me as a comrade in this form?]
She slyly used a cheat code!
"Saintess, if you die from this…"
[Don't worry. Even if a tragedy happens, I won't blame you.]
What could I do? I approached the robot-potato-Saintess with a knife, carefully slicing and dicing her.
"Do you feel pain?"
[No. It feels a bit strange, but there's no pain.]
"That's good…"
I wasn't sure if it was really good. I planted the potato pieces in the greenhouse. Thanks to the soil quality improved by the Sword Marquess, they grew well. A few days later, the potatoes were successfully cultivated. I gathered them in a basket and brought them to Noh Do-hwa.
"...."
Noh Do-hwa looked at me silently. Then, without a word, she made robots for the other potatoes too. Creak— Five robot-potatoes stood before us, speaking in unison.
[Thank] [You] [Mr. Undertaker] [And Ms. Noh Do-hwa] [I'm not sure] [Which is the real me] [No,] [All 'I's are] [The real me.]
"...."
"...."
Noh Do-hwa glanced at me.
"So, they're not anomalies?"
It was summer.