I stared at the ocean in front of me as Isabella, Leo, and Matteo played in the water like idiots. God, that made me smile so much.
I turned back to the stupid idiot next to me, who was reading a book, "What are you reading?"
"Some crappy romance, I don't know."
"Since when have you ever read a book?"
He looked up from the book and gave me these sexy ass eyes and then looked back down at the page.
Something about my shirtless man reading a romance book on the beach really does it for me.
"Answer me!" I said, laughing while kicking him lightly.
He put the book down and continued to look at me with those sexy eyes. "I bought the book a long time ago, and it was on display like most of them are, and it's hard to see my phone with the sunlight, so I decided to bring the book."
"That's actually a good reason. I'm sorry for hating."
Dominic looked over towards the water, with a nervous look on his face, "Why don't you go get in the water?"
"Because I don't want to leave you alone," I said, smiling at him, and he turned back to look at me and smiled, "That's sweet."
"Yeah," I said, and I lay on my side and stared at him.
It was the perfect day for the beach, too. A nice breeze, the sun was out, and I don't think it can really get better than this.
"Are you gonna take off your shirt?" Dominic asked with a smile.
"Yeah, once I get in the water."
"And when are you gonna do that?"
"When either one of them comes back or all of them, because I don't really wanna leave our stuff out on the beach," I said.
"I can stay here and watch it."
"But I want to go with you," I said, smiling.
"So we can get dragged out to sea? I don't think that's a good idea."
"We aren't going out past your waist, because I can swim great. But what I can't do is swim with your big ass on top of me."
He laughed and rubbed his eye with a smile.
"That's not a bad idea."
"We would need to reapply your sunscreen before we go out, though." The two of us were sitting under an umbrella that Matteo had the bright idea of taking from the backyard, and then we were sitting on a really big sheet that I had never seen before.
Dominic was surprisingly really ready for this for someone who was very insistent on not going, which was funny.
I had made us a few sandwiches, and the rest of the bag was full of junk food. And then Isabella had her schoolbag because she insisted that she would somehow get work done out here, but by the way she has been in the water for the past 2 hours, I don't think she's getting anything done.
Matteo had also brought some reading stuff, and Leo kept saying that I should work on my acting application out here, but I just told him I wanted to relax, so he didn't bring the computer, but it was a nice thought.
I would probably lock in tomorrow and get it done, because I don't have that much left to do.
I sighed.
It made me happy that my long-put-down dream is coming back. Makes me so happy. And it's all thanks to Dominic and his…stalking. Which I feel less happy about, but he was just being thoughtful, I guess, so I will let it slide this time.
I wonder if I'm even still good at singing, at acting, at all of it. I don't know.
Part of me thinks that I should just let the dream go to rest because it's been too long, but the other part of me thinks once I get my GED and all that stuff out of the way and just focus on the acting classes, it will come back. Or at least that's what I'm hoping for.
Acting and singing are just one of those things that you have to practice, and with enough practice, you can get it back in no time. Which is good.
Being with Dominic has made me realize there are so many possibilities in the world when you have money.
And even now I don't want to seem like I'm using him for his money, but just the thought of doing the things I love again makes me so happy I can't really explain it.
It's like that itch that I have been waiting to scratch for so long, but I couldn't. Because I was trapped in the same mundane, boring routine every day.
Smoke, knit, park, pick up Eliza and Brandon, eat, sleep, cook, repeat. Same things all in weird orders that hardly made sense even after doing it for years every single day because I really didn't think I could accomplish anything else in life.
And I guess that's sad to think about.
I just don't think the world treats people who look like me kindly. Especially if they want to pursue more creative fields.
It's like you have to be a doctor or an engineer, or else you failed in some kind of way. And I hate it. I just want to be happy, shouldn't that be enough?
"We should open a restaurant," Dominic muttered, looking up from his book. I hadn't even noticed he went back to reading.
"That's so random," I said, sitting up all the way because my arm was hurting, and then turning to face him.
He held the book up, "The people in my book did it, and it sounds really romantic."
"The thought of cooking 24/7 and worrying about money, and all of the business stuff, does not sound romantic."
His face turned sour, "I didn't even think about that, I was just thinking about you in a stupid little apron."
"We don't need a restaurant for me to wear that."
Dominic raised his eyebrow at me, "That sounded sensual," he said, putting the book down and moving over to me quickly.
He wrapped a hand around my waist, "I didn't mean for it to be, I just…" I said, laughing as he lifted me up and started to hug me as I sat in his lap in a weird position.
"You're so fucking cute, I can't get over it," he said, kissing my neck.
"I'm glad you think that, but there are other people on this beach trying to enjoy a nice family day at the beach, so hands off," I said, and he lifted me up and somehow rolled so I was now under him as he had two hands on either side of my head.
"How did you even do that?" I asked, laughing.
"I don't know, but that fucking hurt."
I looked down at the bandages on his stomach, "You probably shouldn't go into the water with these," I said, reaching out and touching them. "Does that hurt?" I asked.
I pulled my hand back instinctively as his sexy eyes were back, and they were very much looking at me, all crazy.
"Not at all."
"Get off of me," I said sternly, and he just laughed.
He basically did a push-up to kiss me and then went back to hovering over me, "We are going to traumatize the children," I mumbled.
"Oh, I can more then tramuatize them, get…"
Dominic's voice was cut off by yelling, "Dad, you have to get in the water, it feels so good!" Isabella yelled, and Dominic rolled off me, and the two of us sat up normally.
Now we wanna have some shame.
"I'm sure it does."
Isabella flopped down on the sheet face-first, and Matteo and Leo strolled in after her.
Leo sat down on his knees in front of Dominic and me, "She was getting body slammed by every single wave."
"I was not!" Isabella said, sitting up.
I watched as Matteo grabbed one of the towels and walked back over to Leo and handed it to him.
"Thank you," Leo said with a smile and wrapped it around himself.
Matteo stood behind him. They are so fucking weird.
"If the waves are strong, I'm not going out there."
"They are strong if you are 12, not if you are a damn 40-year-old man, just stand up, you're like what 6'0?" Matteo said and then sat down on the sheet next to Leo.
"6'5."
"Then you should not be afraid of the ocean," Matteo said, laughing.
"Okay, okay."
"Are you actually gonna get into the water?" I said, standing up.
"I guess."
"Wrap your wounds good," I said, as I did the same with my two casts.
After like 4 minutes, the two of us walked down to the water.
I felt my exposed foot step into the cold water as I froze.
"Is it cold?" Dominic said.
I nodded and slowly stepped in more and more, "You will get used to it."
I turned around and watched Dominic tense up, "Oh my god, it is so cold. It's so fucking hot outside too, why is the water so cold?"
"That's usually how the beach is. Have you ever been to the beach?"
Dominic's face paused as his feet got farther and farther into the water, "I don't think so. Maybe once when I was a kid, but I couldn't swim, so I didn't ever get in the water."
"Oh, well, first time for everything," I said.
Dominic continued to walk in, and as it reached my waist, it reached his upper thigh, "This is far enough."
"I agree. I don't need a current sweeping you away from me."
"Where's the current?"
"Everywhere," I said and started laughing as Dominic gave me a mortified look.
"You will be okay," I said, and I got closer to him, reaching my arms around his neck and pulling myself up.
He picked me up, "That's not fair, you're not in the water," he whined.
I let go, and he put me back down as the cold water took over my lower body once more.
"What do you even do in the ocean?"
"You jump over waves and be dumb."
"That doesn't sound fun."
"Oh, it's so much fun, but we can just sit here and be a gross couple, because my arm and leg can barely keep me afloat, let alone your giant ass."
"Hey!"
I started laughing as I slowly walked away from him.
I heard him dragging his feet through the water, and then I felt his hands wrap around my waist and pick me up, pulling me to him, "you aren't getting away from me," he said, and the two of us started laughing.
I feel so at peace with the world.
As Dominic's laughter continued, I felt my body get all warm and fuzzy.
His deep voice and that stupid laugh made me happy beyond words. He made me happy beyond words.
I felt him let go of me as I turned to him, smiling, "Why are you smiling?" He asked me with a smile.
I swatted him lightly, "I should be asking you that. Why are you smiling?"
"Because you're so gorgeous, I can't help it."
"You too, with your big ass. Your stupid laugh is making me so happy right now."
Dominic continued to laugh, "My laugh is not stupid!"
"You're right, it's more cute than anything," I said, and I got on my tippy toes and pulled him in and pecked him lightly with a smile.
I went back to how I normally stand and let him go back up, "let me stop before we get a sequel of traumatizing families on the beach."
Doninic let out another laugh. God, I love him so much.
After more standing in the water and me slashing Dominic, we slowly made our way back to the shore.
I heard Dominic's footsteps stop. I turned around, "What?"
I turned back around to see what he was staring at.
I turned back around to look at him, "Are you looking at those rocks over there?"
"Yeah."
I grabbed his hand, "We can go check those out when the sun starts to set, that would be so cool."
He turned his attention back to me, and a giant smile came across his face, "That would be perfect."
I turned around and headed for the sheet with Dominic's hand still in my own, "That smile was way too wide," I said.
I felt a quick hand hit my ass, "can't I be happy to get some alone time with my man?"
I let go of his hand without looking back and kept walking, "fuck no. We are not going to the rocks, never fucking mind."
I felt his hands go on my waist as he lifted me up, again. I felt almost like a child; the way that he was holding me, it made me laugh.
"I'm joking, we won't do anything. I think just checking that out would be really cool," he said, and when we made it to the sheet, he put me down and then lay down next to me face-first.
I started laughing and grabbed some food out of the bag, "Please eat something and stop lying face down."
Dominic turned around and then sat up, taking the food from my hand, "Thank you. Sorry, the ocean has drained me."
"We stood in the water for like 20 minutes, I think you will be okay," I said, and started laughing again as Mr. Sexy laugh did as well.
"Where's…" My voice was cut off as my question was answered.
"He's gonna get ringworm," I said, laughing. Matteo was sitting with half of his body in the sand as Leo and Isabella buried him.
"I think that's for the best." I let out another laugh and pushed Dominic lightly.
God, I love him; he just makes me so fucking happy today. He makes me happy every day. I sighed and moved myself so I had my head in Dominic's lap as I ate.
"Why are you sighing?"
"I don't know. I just feel very at peace with the world and everything. I feel so proud of my life right now. I'm finishing my education, I have a family who loves me, I don't think it could get better than this, really." I smiled up at him as he smiled down at me.
"I feel like it could."
My face dropped, "No."
"Sex in that rock cave over there would be pretty fun, you have to admit."
"No," I said, sitting up as he started laughing, "I'm joking, I'm joking, but we will at least kiss once in there."
"Fine, I will give you that."
"Okay, now I can't wait," he said, his smile wild.
For some reason, I couldn't wait either.
Even if Dominic was definitely gonna have me doing something crazy in that dumb ass rock formation cave thing.
I was happy.
For the first time in a long time, I could just sit back and relax, just enjoy life, and be happy. I had so much to worry about constantly, especially with the way the world is. The way people treat people like Dominic and me. So much to worry about, but I wasn't really worried, because I had him.
Because I had the right to be myself without fear of judgment.
I am finally me. And my dreams, I'm gonna pursue them. I'm gonna be happy, beyond Dominic and also with him, because I love him and also…I love myself.
I love myself after so many years of hating who I was, who I had become. I love me.
After a while, the sun had finally started setting, and Isabella was very insistent that she wanted ice cream, and Dominic was pissing me off and telling her no.
"Do you not want ice cream?"
Dominci shook his head.
"Okay, how about Leo and Matteo go with Isabella and get ice cream, take the stuff to the car, and then we can go check out the cave?" I asked, pissed off.
"Okay, that's fine."
Dominic dug into the main bag and grabbed his wallet.
"Did Dominic actually get in the water?" Leo asked, also frantically. I turned around, "Yeah, didn't you see him?"
"I did, but I didn't really believe it," Leo said, and I laughed, "No, he really got into the water. Did we swim or get hit by any waves? No, his big ass was too scared, but we were in the water, and that's all that matters."
Leo started to look behind me with this frantic look on his face, "I'm impressed. Every time I wanted to go to the beach, he would always say that he would rather fucking die."
I started laughing again, "I bet. What are you looking at?" I asked, turning around.
Matteo, Dominic, and Isabella stood there in awkward positions.
"What are you weirdos doing?" I asked.
"I was putting my wallet in Isabella's backpack so she remembered it," Dominic said quickly.
"Right, okay."
After everything was packed up and everyone had actually had clothes on, we split up, and Dominic and I headed for the rocks.
After way too much walking, we were finally next to the rock formation thing, and there was a little makeshift cave.
I dragged Dominic into the cave, "See, it's not even a cave, it's just kind of meh."
"What if the tide comes in?"
"We won't be in here that long. I just wanted to check it out, and then we will go meet up with the others," I said, as I jumped from rock to rock on one leg.
"You are stressing me all out right now," he said, following me to the other part of the cave.
I turned around and smiled at him. I wrapped my hands around his neck and kissed him, "I love you, loser."
"I love you too, baby doll, more than life, actually," Dominic said, and he kissed me back.
"Gay ass."
"I have always been."
"That's a new answer," I said, still holding onto him as we were in this awkward ass, but still romantic position.
"I was thinking about it the other day…no, actually, this morning. I feel like I've always liked guys, and you aren't just a one-off."
I gave him a weird look, "I feel relieved? I don't know how you would like me to respond."
"I don't know how I would like you to respond either, but I feel like you have helped me find a part of myself that I have pushed down for so long, and I thank you for that."
I smiled, "to you the same."
"And I don't know if I'm gay, in the middle, whatever, but I know that I am willing to love you with all I have," he said with these soft eyes.
"Me too."
His eyes changed slightly as he pulled my hands off him lightly and turned around, "Look over there," he said.
I moved so I could see what he was pointing at, "Oh my god, that is so cute," I said, and I quickly, well as fast as I could on one leg, hopped over to the other side.
The sunset was coming into the cave, and it looked so beautiful bouncing off the rocks.
I made my way to the other side and called out for Dominic, telling him, "Come over here," without turning back as I bent down to look at the beautiful rocks.
"I'm coming, I'm coming," he said.
God, nature is so beautiful, "I wish I had my phone." I whined. I feel like I don't go outside enough and appreciate it.
I stood back up, "Dominic, for our next date, we need to go hiking or something like that," I said.
"That would be fun."
"Yes," I turned around, "so much…" I felt the words go raw in my throat as I made eye contact with Dominic.
He was…he was down on one knee, and in his hands there was a box, and there in that box sat two rings.
I feel myself start to blink.
"Aw, baby, don't cry, I haven't even said my speech yet."
"You're so stupid, I hate you, I hate you so much," I said as my lip started to quiver and the tears started to come down.
Oh my god.
"I know we said no lying, but you said you love surprises, and after the date, after everything, I knew I had to give you an actual proposal because you mean the world to me."
Oh my god, I'm crying like a fucking moron right now.
"One of the first words…" his voice started to crack, "that I said to you or you said to me, I can't even remember now, was I'm sorry about that, you have a nice day. And every other day since that has been a great day, because I have you by my side."
"You're so stupid," I said, trying to rub my tears as they kept coming.
"I'm really surprised you didn't know. I felt like I was being so obvious, especially with the beach thing. It was all my idea, because you had so much fun on our date, so I thought, why not propose here?"
"Damnit, I didn't even know, I thought it was all Isabella's idea, oh my god," I said, rubbing my face.
"And I had all this time to plan something long to say, but my head is fucking empty right now, and all I can think about is how much I love you. But…I know…eres el amor de mi vida y…" Oh my god, I am not okay, I will never be okay.
The tears kept coming: "No quiero pasar ni un solo día sin ti. And lo siento, my español is very bad, but for you I will do anything, because I don't wanna wake up if you're not there. I don't want to do anything if it means I won't have you next to me every day, because I…te amo. Te amo, more than life."
This is stupid, dumb ass, I hate him, oh my god. He has me crying like a moron in a stupid cave. Fuck.
"And I bought you an an…an."
"Anillo."
"Anillo, I got you two…dos because you deserve it. And I know that you won't like the big shiny ring, and you would think it's too flashy, so I got you two, and now that I think about that means you have three rings, now, but these two will actually fit. And para los promixos anos. I want to spend the rest of my life with you because you are mi amor. And you...eres muy guapo even now when you are crying your eyes out. Even when you are gonna get old like me. Even when we are ghosts, you will always be the most handsome man I have ever seen. And the thought of you makes me so happy I can't describe it. And I want you to feel the same happiness I feel for you. Whatever you want, don't hesitate to ask. I will make it happen, no matter what it is, because you deserve it. Because you are perfect," he said with a smile.
"And I know that our relationship won't always be perfect, we will fight, argue, I know that's bound to happen. But I can tell you one thing, I can't stop us from fighting, but…I can make sure that we will always make up. You will never go to bed angry, never worry about walking around on eggshells around me, and I will make sure of it, because every day I will try. I will try to be a better person for you, because I love you."
"And I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for not only me, but for my daughter. Even when you really didn't have to, but you did because that's the kind of person you are, you are kind, selfless, and make sure that everyone's voice is heard. You care for Isabella like she's your own, like she's a friend. And thank you for caring for Leo and Matteo the same…" he started to cry again, "every day I hope that I am more like you. With your caring attitude, with your kindness. Even when you are yelling at me, calling me stupid, I can't help but smile, because I love you and nothing will ever change that, not now, not ever. And I know that I sound like a broken fucking record, but it's because it's true and it grows every single day. Thank you for all of the food you have cooked us, when you didn't have to, all of the times you have calmed me down, taught me new things, and the first and second chances I was given. The best sex of my life, the best hugs, the best kisses. I thank you for all of it."
Just like everything else came full circle, so did his proposal. And all the tears, the tears that for such a long time were never happy, and now they finally were, as our love story came to an end.
"Thank you so much…will you marry me?"
I felt myself jump, "Yes, yes. Oh my god, yes, you don't even have to ask, yes. Oh my," I said as he started laughing as he slid both the rings on my finger.
He shut the box, and I quickly jumped on him.
"I love you so much, I love you so much," I said twice as I kissed his face all over.
He held me as I wrapped my legs around his waist, "I love you too, baby," he said, laughing.
"God, I'm crying like a baby right now," I said as he wiped my tears, and I did the same with him.
"Me too."
I hugged him as he held me up in the air.
I pulled back and kissed him one more time.
"I love you.
"I love you too, baby doll…more than life itself."
I will love him to the moon and back from now until forever, because that's what love does to you, it makes you a fool in a cave.
A fool in life who is willing to chase dreams.
And that's the best thing that life has to offer: making you a fool.
God, I will never get over this.
Never get over him, because…
I can't move on.