Marvin walked out of the house in a trance. Two black Inspector shuttles were parked outside; two giant, glistening shells in the rain. Saeyung was led to one, Marvin to the other. A ragged-looking Sparrow stood beside the latter, holding Legionnaire's severed head by its side. Sienna's mech swiveled its own head like an owl as Marvin passed, tracking him. He felt only the slightest unease. He had another thing preoccupying him.
Why didn't you click the button?
While it was likely that a backup of Caroline's memories were out there, who knew how long that would take to find? How could he have let the answers slip away? Was it really his humanity preventing himself from doing something morally gray, or had Caroline put something in his code to prevent him from compromising her?
Marvin entered the shuttle and sat across from James in the back. They would go back to Renee's apartment, where he would face Caroline again. His friends would have so many questions for him, and he would have no leverage against them.
Why should I even go back? he wondered. I don't gain anything from helping them. If Saeyung is right—
He caught himself from going down that rabbit hole. For all he knew, Saeyung had been trying to traumatize him, dissuade him from looking for his body.
Yet it made sense, didn't it? His Core and his brain were two separate entities. How could his experience just transfer over?
Maybe it went beyond science. Maybe the magic in the world permitted this kind of thing.
He doubted it.
As the shuttle headed back into Sector 8's city, Marvin tried to banish all thoughts from his mind. Too much had been thrown at him, and he was exhausted. He wanted to go back to a time when Ainsel was just a famous company, when Legionnaire was just another mech, when Caroline, Ben, and Renee were just three friends who'd offered him a home. Hell, he wanted to go back further to when he lived with his uncle, when he piloted Saberstar and not Sabersong, when he could still feel the Rain Festival's downpour on his skin and the megacity's artificial breeze on his face.
But then again, those moments were never his. They belonged to another boy named Marvin Yao.
-----
The flight to Renee's apartment felt shorter than it was. They met Caroline on the bridge that connected hovercraft to building, and Caroline pretended to take control of Marvin using a remote. He followed her into the hallway, making each step stiff and robotic, while James' shuttle departed into the rain.
They walked in silence, the mech shadow periodically eclipsing the human one. Got to the door. Caroline opened it and motioned for Marvin to step in. He didn't bother reading her face. The confrontation would happen one way or another.
Renee's apartment was empty. A single overhead light was on in the living room. The bedrooms' doors were closed. The kitchen was silent, and the dining table was clear.
Caroline stepped in and closed the front door. Marvin sat down on the couch, facing her. She gave a strained smile.
"Amir told me everything. You saved us. Thank you."
Marvin didn't respond. Now get to the point. Ask why I betrayed you.
And she did. "But why did you cut the feed, Marvin? What did you see?"
He was too tired to feel shame. "What did you see?"
"I don't know," Caroline replied with a wince. "I was going to be fine. If you had just let me see the rest of the place—"
"You really don't know? You don't have any recollection of Ainsel AI?"
"We wouldn't even know if it's something specific to Ainsel. It could've been some random object—"
"Your name was in their files," Marvin cut in harshly. "You visited the lab."
Caroline's mouth fell open. "When?"
"I don't know. When did you get your memories removed?"
Caroline pursed her lips and lowered her gaze.
She doesn't even know. How is that possible?
"Does it give you any comfort to hear that I genuinely had no idea about Ainsel?" she said quietly.
Marvin observed the girl carefully. Her eyebrows were furrowed and her hands were jammed in her pockets. Her mouth was open in a small O like she was on the cusp of saying more. She did not.
"I just…" Marvin sighed through his vents. "I wish I knew for sure."
Caroline nodded. She didn't look as guilty as Marvin might have expected, but he supposed it made sense. She'd offered—albeit hesitantly—to let him read her memories. He had blown two opportunities on some nonexistent sense of morality.
She would deny involvement either way, he thought. At this point, it stopped being what she remembered, but what her character was at its core. Was her nature defined by her memories, or something deeper? If she had been Ainsel's accomplice before, was she capable of that same cruelty now?
"Saeyung didn't tell you where your body is, did she?" Caroline ventured.
"It doesn't matter where it is," Marvin said. "I won't be able to transfer back."
Caroline narrowed her eyes. "Why?"
"Saeyung thinks me and the human Marvin are separate. That if we're both alive right now, we physically can't share the same consciousness."
"We don't know that for sure."
"But it makes sense, doesn't it?"
"I'm not sure it does—"
"If you made a copy of your brain right now, it'd have a separate consciousness. You and it would exist at the same time. I'm living proof of that."
No reply. Dread was beginning to set in. Dread that the past six months had been for nothing.
"I don't think I can become human." Marvin's voice cracked with static. "And if I could… I don't know if I want to risk it." He didn't want to shut down this version of himself forever. He didn't want to die.
Caroline's shoulders stiffened. She curled her hands in her pockets. The air conditioning in the apartment droned into Marvin's microphones, the only sound to be heard. Irrelevant shadows passed by the windows.
The question hung in the air. They both knew what it was. If I never get my body back, why should I keep piloting for you?
Sure, he enjoyed mech-fighting, but what drove him before was his dedication to his uncle's dream. Then, it was the promise that his teammates would help him find his body. Now, there was nothing.
"Why do you want to win Mecha Realm?" he asked at length. The first time he'd asked this, Caroline had claimed she simply wanted the world to see her and her teammates on that podium. He'd been willing to believe it then, but now, after they'd come so far, after going through all the effort to keep piloting illegally with a consciousness implant, he was convinced there had to be more.
"You're not gonna like the answer," Caroline replied softly.
"I don't care."
Caroline walked over and sat down on the couch, far away from Marvin. Marvin kept his gaze forward, on the ground. Caroline did the same.
"I don't remember ever wanting much," she began. "None of my friends' hobbies seemed that interesting. I didn't care to hang out with them and make the most of my childhood or whatever. Or about getting into a relationship or having a crush. But I liked to build mechs. It was all I did in school—clubs, camps. It was the only thing I did." She leaned forward, gaze still locked on the floor. "In college, I joined a mech team. It was terrible. Everyone was so unfocused, working on classes, other clubs, obsessed with their future career and treating the team as a joke. At that point I started to get scared—if I didn't make a name for myself, if I didn't put all I've learned to good use, my life would've been wasted.
"So I dropped out and started my own team. I had enough money from my parents' stipend and enough resources from that farm workshop. At first, the plan was to build up our reputation over a few years and eventually poach a good enough pilot to get us to Mecha Realm. But then we found you and, well… you know how much of an advantage a consciousness implant can be. We started to think this could be the year we win it all." She turned her head to look at Marvin, and he held her gaze out of the corner of his periphery. "This is the truth, Marvin: there's no ulterior reason why I wanna win Mecha Realm. I'm going to win because it's the only thing I ever wanted."
Marvin adjusted his cameras, expecting her to say more. But that was it. That was her confession.
He didn't get it. How could it be so shallow? How could all the work Caroline put into Sabersong be explained by a simple, "because I want it"?
She's not lying though, he thought. She wouldn't disclose that much to cover something up. Had no reason to.
"Do you think it's selfish?" Caroline said.
Yes. No. He had no idea what to make of it. A part of him—a large part—didn't want to pilot for a dream like that. After all the work his uncle put into Saberstar, who was Caroline to believe she could not only make Mecha Realm but win it in a single year?
Still, he didn't doubt that her dream came from a pure place. A place he didn't understand, that was clouded in the ambiguity of her missing memories, but a place she had no reservations inviting him to.
Just say it, Caroline. Say you'll understand if I don't want to pilot for you anymore. Acknowledge that our deal is impossible to fulfil.
But she was silent. Marvin wanted to believe she would let him go if he asked. It wasn't in her character otherwise. He recalled her holding him back from the edge of the roof, saving him from the Manhunters, giving him all those smoke grenades every time he went somewhere risky. She truly cared about him.
Or she cared because she had something to gain.
"I need time to think," he said at length.
Caroline's posture tensed slightly. "Do you… want to go somewhere else?"
Marvin nodded.
"Alone?"
Nodded again. They both knew what that meant.
Caroline stood up to transfer his head to his cyborg frame. He let her, not feeling any less safe.
-----
He didn't know where he was going. He hadn't even asked where his other friends were. Not like he was in any mood to see them right now.
He walked down the hall, towards the elevators. He went to the top floor. Found the staircase and walked to the rooftop. The rain grew louder and louder, and he tried to focus on the individual droplets. He counted them as they accumulated by the hundreds in his head.
As he entered the open air, he heard the dying whir of a shuttle engine. To his left, a black hovercraft—but not of Inspection design—touched down on the roof, fumes blowing out, doors opening, steps unfolding. A lone figure holding an umbrella walked out.
Sienna. What's she doing here?
Marvin didn't pay her much attention at first, thinking she was here to visit Caroline and the others. Maybe James had sent her to see if the apartment was holding up. But when Sienna's eyebrows shot up and she began approaching Marvin, he quickly gained focus.
She crossed the roof. Her pace was languid, her expression now relaxed after that initial surprise. She stared at the section of roof just shy of Marvin's feet.
Marvin didn't want to theorize what she could want with him, but judging off her vibes, it didn't seem like anything serious. Just a check-in, probably.
Sienna slowed as she neared, lips turning into a slight smile. Marvin stayed still, back to the rooftop door.
"Didn't think I'd find you up here," Sienna remarked, looking around awkwardly. "Do you have a minute, Marvin?"
Marvin tried to push Caroline out of his mind for the time being. "Yeah—"
Wait, what? He stared at the pilot, wondering if his microphones had manipulated the input. Sienna stared back, her smile slipping away. Only then did Marvin notice the coldness in her eyes.
She called me Marvin.