Sakura and Shizune frog‑marched Lady Tsunade into her office and dropped her into her chair. The older woman blinked blearily, taking in the mountain of paperwork on her desk— then her eyes rolled back into her head, and she promptly fainted again, foaming at the mouth.
"Alcohol first thing in the morning, marching into the men's baths, vomiting into the hot springs," Shizune said furiously, slapping her awake. "This is a new low, even for you, Lady Tsunade!"
Tsunade's head lolled to the side; she was out like a light. And this time for good, it seemed.
"I suppose it can't be helped," sighed Shizune, shaking her head. "I'll fetch a futon so she can get a bit of sleep. Sakura, why don't you start sorting those documents so Lady Tsunade can get to them as soon as she's feeling better?"
"Is that really okay?" Sakura asked, startled. "What if there's some top secret, classified documents in there that I'm not supposed to see?"
"Anything of actual importance is handed to her in person by the ANBU," Shizune sighed, rubbing her temples tiredly. "It should be fine, I often help Lady Tsunade with her work, anyway… just keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn't choke on her vomit in her sleep."
Sakura stood on her toe tips and began inspecting the documents at the top of the pile. It seemed being Hokage also came with a lot of responsibilities… mostly administrative. Balancing the budget, accepting or rejecting missions, allocating manpower, responding to foreign dignitaries' letters… she decided to start by sorting the paperwork between these four categories. She'd sort the missions by difficulty and estimate their letter grades later…
"I'm back!" called Shizune, appearing in the doorway with a rolled‑up futon under her arm a minute later. She tossed it onto the floor. "I'll leave the rest to you, I've a few things to report to the council."
And just as quickly as she'd returned, Shizune was gone again, leaving Sakura to shake her head. She didn't entirely approve of how Shizune often went behind Lady Tsunade's back to report her doings to those old fossils on the Konoha Council. She knew there had to be checks and balances and all that, but even so, it just didn't sit right with her, betraying their mistress's trust like that… never mind that time Sakura had tried to quit her job at the hospital on the down low.
Sakura unrolled the futon and gently settled Lady Tsunade onto her side on the bedding, lovingly brushing a hand through her golden hair before turning back to the desk. After glancing left and right to be sure no one was watching, she slipped into the Hokage's chair.
"Saru!" Sakura intoned, imitating Danzō's gruff voice. "You'll regret this!"
"Danzō, you forget yourself!" she then said, modulating her voice to sound like the Third Hokage. "I am the Hokage!"
Sakura allowed herself a little giggle, before clearing her throat. She had a better idea.
"Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
Followed by… Dog! Boar! Ram!
"Transformation Jutsu!"
"Iya~n!" gasped 'Shizune,' as 'Tsunade' pinned her against the bay window behind the desk with one hand. "Lady Tsunade, this is wrong— you're my superior!" she babbled. "This is inappropriate, we shouldn't be doing something like this, especially not here, and…"
"Shush, Shizune," breathed 'Tsunade,' pressing a finger to her lips. "I can't hold myself back any longer. The fact it's forbidden only makes me want you more…"
'Shizune' looked away bashfully, but 'Tsunade' caught her by the chin and forcefully turned her face until their eyes met.
"Not… under the portraits," 'Shizune' moaned, referring to the previous Hokage's portraits hanging above her on the wall. "At least, let's move away from the window, people in the street can see…"
"Let the Hokage of old and the entire village witness our forbidden love!" 'Tsunade' declared, sweeping her off her feet and carrying her over to the desk. "Let the world know of our bond!"
"Tsunade" gently lowered "Shizune" onto an empty spot on the Hokage's desk and straddled her, gazing deep into her eyes… until the sharp sound of shattering glass snapped Sakura out of her daydream. She and her Shadow Clone slowly peered over the edge of the desk— and promptly froze.
Broken shards of porcelain littered the floor, a wet blot slowly blooming across a mess of papers. When she'd climbed onto her Shadow Clone, she'd accidentally knocked a stack from the desk, and now the sheets were greedily soaking up spilled wine, the ink bleeding into blurred, blackish stains.
Apparently, there had been more than just sheets of paper in that pile of documents.
"Lady Tsunade's expensive sake!" gasped the Shadow Clone.
"Lady Tsunade's favourite sake cup!" cried Sakura.
They looked at each other, their faces draining of colour. Ink dissolves in alcohol rather well, doesn't it?
"The important paperwork!" they chorused.
"This is your fault, this has nothing to do with me," Sakura's Shadow Clone said shakily. "Good luck, and peace out. Byeee~"
"Don't leave meeeee!" Sakura screeched. "You damn traitorrrr!"
It was then that Sakura realised there were people standing in the doorway, staring at her wide‑eyed. The visitors were the Manyū clan leaders, Kyōko and Munakata, with their newborn, little Hatomune‑chan, cradled in her mother's arms— they must have heard of Sakura's return and come to thank her for saving their child.
"H-how long have you been standing there?" Sakura croaked.
"We were never here, Lady Hokage!" Lady Kyōko said hurriedly, nudging her slack-jawed husband. "Weren't we, dear?"
"Since 'Shush, Shizune?'" replied Munakata obliviously.
Kyōko freed up one of her hands and whacked him in the back of the head, before dragging him away by the collar.
…
A few hours later, Tsunade awoke with a throbbing headache to the sound of quiet sniffling. Blinking blearily, she noticed that the curtains had been drawn over her office windows. No wonder she'd slept so well, they kept out much of the afternoon light… and then she remembered that her office had no curtains at all. A closer look revealed that what she'd mistaken for drapes were, in fact, sheets of paper pegged to rows of clothes line.
"Sakura?" she said with difficulty, noticing a blurry red and pink blob nearby. Her tongue felt wooden. "What happened here?"
"I'm so sorry, Lady Tsunade!" Sakura cried, rushing to meet her. "I broke your precious sake bottle and spilled wine all over your important paperwork, and it's all my fault! Please punish me!"
To Sakura's complete and utter shock, Tsunade simply hugged her.
"It's okay, these things happen," she said soothingly. "I know you've been under a lot of pressure lately, but you can't let these things get to you, not when so many people are counting on you..."
Sakura sniffled. It felt warm and safe inside Lady Tsunade's cleavage… she wanted to stay there forever.
"To be honest, I've been under a lot of stress too, lately," said Tsunade gently, brushing a hand through Sakura's long pink hair. "We hold ourselves to impossible standards for the village's sake, but we can't be at our best all the time. In the end, we're only human… which is why we all have each other. Being Hokage is about leading, making difficult decisions and taking responsibility, yes— but it's also about surrounding yourself with people who can do the things you can't."
"Like Naruto, and Sasuke?" Sakura asked timidly, blushing slightly. "But, they're not here right now…"
"And by people who can do the things you can't, I don't mean thatthing only men can do," Tsunade warned. "I know what you're thinking, I was your age once. I've seen far too many promising young kunoichi have their careers cut short by stupid, youthful mistakes…"
Tsunade cleared her throat.
"Sakura‑chan, you're a clever kunoichi with a good head on your shoulders, but you've got to stop letting your urges rule you," she said sternly. "When you think about who you are, your first thought shouldn't be where you stand in relation to the men in your life, but of yourself! At the end of the day, you're the one who'll have to live with the consequences if something unexpected happens… so make sure your partner uses protection."
Sakura's face turned beet‑red. How exactly had spilling alcohol over Lady Tsunade's paperwork in her sexual fantasy‑fuelled delusions led to the talk… oh, right. She wondered how many times Lady Tsunade must've had this very discussion with Sakura in the original timeline.
"All right, that's enough of that," Tsunade said with a yawn, giving Sakura's shoulder a pat. "Go home and get some rest— off you go, we've a big day ahead of us tomorrow."
Tsunade glanced at the sheets of paper drying on the clothes lines, then looked ruefully towards the porcelain shards in the bin— soon to be joined by the ink-stained documents, to hell with what Shizune might say.
Still, her favourite cup ruined, how unlucky was that…
Unlucky…
Unlucky…
Unlucky…
"Hang on, Sakura," Lady Tsunade said abruptly, just as Sakura was about to step out of her office. "Odds or evens?"
Sakura turned around.
"Er… evens, I suppose?" she said, thinking how a pair of ones— snake eyes— looked rather like boobies.
Tsunade waited until Sakura was out of earshot before drawing a pair of dice from her trouser pocket. She rattled them in her spare sake cup, her chest jostling with the motion, then turned the cup upside‑down on her desk. All she had to do now was lift the cup and see the result…
A drop of sweat rolled down Tsunade's cheek. Sakura had chosen evens, so her wager would be on odds. Her gambler's spirit was screaming at her to lift the cup…
…
BOOM!
Startled, Sakura nearly tripped over her own feet as she hurried down to the ground floor of the Hokage Residence. Going downstairs was tricky enough at the best of times, since she couldn't even see her feet— and localised earthquakes certainly weren't helping her keep her footing!