The Hedgehog Strategy was a resounding success.
"GAH!" Shira howled in agony, holding his right arm.
A fraction of a second before she was hit, Sakura had sprouted countless sharp bone spikes all over her body, covering herself in diamond-hard spines. Although her Shikotsumyaku had not yet reached the level of the All-Killing Ash Bones, her manipulated bones seemed to inflict unbearable pain on anyone they struck…
…though all things considered, it was more likely that Shira's pain was actually coming from the fact that he had embedded his fist into one of Sakura's new horns. The bone spike had driven a torturous wedge between the knuckles of his middle and ring fingers, splitting his forearm all the way down to his elbow.
With a mighty jerk, Shira wrenched himself free, his pale face contorted with pain as blood spattered everywhere. His Seven Heavens Breathing Method was causing him to haemorrhage at an accelerated rate, killing him with every beat of his overtaxed heart...
"Where do you think you're going?" Sakura spat, catching him by his broken arm. "You came all this way, so you might as well stay!"
"Get away from Shira, you big meanie!"
A teary-eyed little girl broke away from the group of Sand-nin encircling Sakura (from a relatively safe distance). They were so weak as to be inconsequential that, until now, they had contented themselves with remaining on the sidelines, making sure Sakura couldn't run away from her duel with Shira while occasionally firing long-range ninjutsu at her, which her Wood Clones could easily repel. After the Asura Path had laser-beamed them, Sakura had assumed most of them had run off... but apparently not.
"Yome!" called her teammate fearfully as she ran out after her. "Come back, you'll get yourself killed!"
Sakura vaguely remembered them from the Suna-Konoha Joint Chūnin Exams. The small, twin-tailed girl with the big eyes had excellent vision, and her tall, blonde teammate used some kind of genjutsu to fight… they weren't worth bothering with.
"Almighty Push."
With a wave of her free hand, Sakura sent them tumbling away.
"Yome! Sen!" Shira shouted in anguish. "You…!!"
Boom. Boom.
At this point, Sakura had grown rather used to hearing sonic booms after facing two opponents in a row that could break the sound barrier with ease, and since she was holding on to one of them right now, that could only mean…
"Lightning Release: Double Lariat!"
…that they were back.
Sakura jumped, flipping in midair to land upside down on an overhanging tree branch just in time to avoid being decapitated, the A-and-B combo's biceps slamming together where she had been standing only moments before. If they hadn't made a detour to get into position on opposite sides of her, she would have heard the sonic booms at the same time as they struck her… which is to say, too late.
"Sorry about this, little missy!" Killer B shouted. "You know how Brother A can get hissy!"
"Damn it B, take this seriously!" A roared, flickering away in a zap of lightning as Sakura flipped down with an axe kick, carving a massive crater into the ground. "Do you want to get sealed up again?"
Taking advantage of the arrival of the Sand's forces, the Raikage had run off to free his partner from the half-formed Chibaku Tensei Sakura had trapped him inside, and now she had to take down B and the octopus all over again...
"You're from Suna, right?" A said gruffly as he appeared next to Shira. "Hold out your arm… and make sure not to bite down on your tongue."
Shira extended his arm, gritting his teeth as A clamped his hand down over the wound, cauterising it with the crackling flow of his lightning chakra cloak. Shira's right hand was still useless except perhaps as a club, but at least he was no longer in any danger of bleeding out.
And meanwhile, while the enemy's side was treating their injuries…
"We might be in trouble," Naraka Path゠Paragon Sakura said worriedly as the Sakura Five assembled around Sakura. "It might be time to go all out, don't you think?"
Amongst the Sakura Five was an extremely damaged Animal Path゠Lesbian Sakura, whose entire upper body had snapped cleanly in two, the two halves hanging on either side with one breast each. Thankfully, her head had remained intact, though it was hanging rather precariously from a sliver of neck to one side.
"How are you even still functional?" Human Path゠Inner Sakura said snarkily, glancing at the Animal Path clone. "I thought you were done for when Shira flew through your chest."
"Yeah, yeah, but does anyone have any wood glue?" Animal Path゠Lesbian Sakura said miserably. "Or at the very least, could one of you push my halves back together?"
"Leave it to me, I've got something better," Naraka Path゠Paragon Sakura replied, summoning the King of Hell's head. "Just toss her in."
The King of Hell opened his mouth and vored the Wood Clone in question, but much to Sakura's surprise, he began talking instead of swallowing the defeated Animal Path's body, her body flopping up and down unceremoniously on his tongue as he spoke:
"Well, if it isn't Case File #117,704,052,493… Tsutomu-kun, right?" he exclaimed. Though he was speaking rather loudly, none save Sakura and her clones appeared to be able to hear his voice. "How are things? Happy with your reincarnation perks? How's the System? No complaints?"
It had been quite a while since she'd last heard the demon's voice… not since her death.
Sakura gaped. "Lord… Lord Enma!?" she stammered. "I… er…"
"Yes, 'tis I, Lord Enma," the King of Hell said, nodding his enormous head. "Or King Yemma, whichever you prefer."
Sakura actually had plenty of complaints, from being reincarnated as the wrong gender without her consent to not being given the System she'd specifically asked for, but seeing as the person she was speaking to was the big man downstairs himself, she swallowed them all... after all, it was probably best not to make him angry when she was bound to have accumulated an impressive amount of bad karma, what with being responsible for loss of life on a continental scale. She wasn't especially keen on being reincarnated as a dung scarab the next time she died.
However, after everything was said and done, were she given the choice now to trade in the Breast Flow System and obtain the perks she had initially asked for... she would say no in a heartbeat. Over the past three years, she had accumulated many regrets, but living a life as Haruno Sakura wasn't one of them.
"Ouch, wood splinter on my tongue," Lord Enma said with a wince as he spat out a slobbering-wet, fully repaired Animal Path Wood Clone onto the ground. "Well, I'm a rather busy demon, so if there's nothing else, I'll be on my way now. Keep up the good work, we're all cheering for you back at the office... ta-ta for now!"
Poof!
And just like that, the King of Hell vanished in a puff of fire and brimstone.
"…does that mean we're not going to hell?" said Inner Sakura quizzically. "He seemed rather happy with us."
There was simply no way of knowing that answer except by dying again... but Sakura had no intention of kicking the bucket just yet.