"WOOOOO!"
"Go Hulk! Smash him!"
"Come on, flatten him!"
The roar of the crowd was loud in the massive arena. Mario sat in the VIP section, eyes fixed on the two figures clashing in the center ring. One was the Hulk. His opponent was Thor. Neither warrior carried weapons. This was pure, brutal hand-to-hand combat at its finest. Thor's eyes crackled with electricity, after some guidance, he'd finally mastered his innate lightning powers. Blue-white energy wreathed his fist as he drove it into Hulk's chest, sending the green giant flying backward.
"OHHHH!"
The crowd erupted in gasps and cheers. The supposedly reinforced barrier wall shattered like glass as Hulk's massive body crashed through it, disappearing into the darkness beyond. Thor stood ready, not letting his guard down for even a second.
The next instant, Hulk's roar echoed from the breach, and he launched himself back into the arena. Moving on all fours like a massive gorilla, Hulk became a blur. He closed the distance in seconds, raising both fists high for a double hammer blow.
The crowd went wild.
People screamed Hulk's name with fanatic devotion. Some waved photos of him like religious icons. The green guy had clearly become the arena's biggest star.
"Today Hulk beat electric man Thor!"
Hulk's speech was remarkably clear, much better than the barely coherent grunts Mario remembered from their first meetings. The big guy was learning.
BOOM.
Those fists slammed down onto Thor's raised forearms. The impact generated a shockwave, spreading out in visible ripples from the point of contact. The reinforced stone floor beneath Thor's feet spiderwebbed with cracks.
"I am Thor, God of Thunder, not Electric Man!"
Thor roared, muscles straining as he forced Hulk's hands aside. Lightning surged up his arms, forming crackling gauntlets.
Hulk didn't flinch. A real warrior fought head-on. His hands clamped down on Thor's lightning-wreathed arms.
"Hulk feel good..."
His body swelled slightly larger. Shaw's energy absorption ability was kicking in, siphoning power from Thor's electrical assault.
Thor's expression soured, though not because Hulk was absorbing his energy. The phrasing just made it sound... inappropriate. Like they were doing something other than fighting. He lifted his leg and drove his boot into Hulk's chest. The energy absorption rate was too slow to matter much in combat, but at least it reduced the damage Hulk took. Which for Hulk basically just meant "nice."
From his elevated seat at the arena's highest point, Mario felt his blood pumping. This kind of combat made every fiber of his being want to jump in and join the fight. Unfortunately, if he gave in to that impulse and charged in empty-handed, he'd just become a punching bag for these two titans. Well, they wouldn't break through his quantum suit's defenses, but they'd drain the power cells in about thirty seconds flat. He cradled the flowerpot containing Groot's clone. After weeks of cultivation and liberal application of bone meal fertilizer, the branch had grown into a vaguely humanoid shape. Still tiny though, like an infant, unable to even say his signature "I am Groot" yet.
"So, Tivan, what do you think?"
Tivan sat beside the Grandmaster, the two of them acting like old friends despite having just met. They were both members of that exclusive club of beings who'd lived so long that conventional entertainment had lost all meaning. One collected valuable objects, the other collected spectacular violence. Different hobbies, same existential boredom.
"Mmm, quite impressive..."
He set down his wine glass. Mario still couldn't understand how these aliens could drink so much without any food to go with it.
"I've been discussing something with the Grandmaster. I'd like to sponsor the arena, host a grand tournament and invite competitors from across the entire galaxy. During the final matches, I can announce which items I'm seeking for my collection."
Tivan was rich. Absurdly, incomprehensibly rich. The man had offered five billion credits just to acquire the orb containing the Power Stone. Sponsoring a tournament was pocket change.
Mario blinked in surprise, then muttered under his breath, "A Universal Martial Arts Tournament? What is this, Dragon Ball?"
After thinking it over, he eventually agreed. There was no downside, he might even discover some powerful individuals worth recruiting.
"You guys work out the details. If you need my input on anything, let me know."
Another ten minutes passed. The situation in the arena remained deadlocked. A non-berserk Hulk versus an unarmed Thor, they were evenly matched. The fight dragged on without either combatant taking serious damage. Eventually, they had to call it a draw. While the crowd applauded, both warriors made their way up to the VIP platform.
The Grandmaster's eyes lit up the moment he spotted Hulk approaching. Just as Tivan loved rare collectibles, he loved powerful warriors, especially fierce berserkers like Hulk who radiated raw strength.
Thor walked over to Mario looking exhausted and slightly frustrated. He dropped into the seat beside Mario and grabbed the beer waiting for him, downing half the mug in one pull.
The crowd erupted again as new gladiators entered the arena below.
Mario studied the noticeably more mature Thor. "Well? Hulk's pretty strong, right?"
Even someone as proud as Thor had to acknowledge the truth. He nodded, set down his beer, and a server immediately refilled it.
"Very strong. His body is incredibly resilient, and his healing factor might be faster than mine. My Stormbreaker is being forged right now. Once I have my weapon, I'll defeat him easily."
Mario just smiled and didn't argue. Instead, he changed the subject. "So what brings you here? You didn't come all this way just to spar with Hulk."
"I heard Loki is with you. I want to bring him home."
Loki. Mario froze for a moment. After handing Loki over to Lady Loki's... supervision... he honestly hadn't checked in on the situation. At all.
"Uh... hold on a second."
He pulled out his communicator and contacted Lady Loki.
"Yes? What do you want?"
Lady Loki's voice came through the speaker, along with the sound of a whip cracking, followed by a man's pained scream.
What the hell?
His imagination immediately went places he probably should have kept it from going.
"Um... what exactly are you doing right now? Someone's here looking for Loki."
Lady Loki's response was irritated. She stopped whatever she'd been doing.
"Come get this universe's Loki away from me. The pervert fell in love with himself. And another thing, you said you'd take me away for a year. It's been over a year now. When are you sending me back? I'm sure when Thor sees me, he'll be shocked."
Oh shit. The gossip potential here is off the charts.
Mario abruptly cut the communication, stood up, and waved at the thoroughly confused Thor. "You want Loki? Come on, I'll take you to him."
Thor let himself be pulled along, completely bewildered by Mario's sudden urgency.
---
After saying goodbye to Tivan and the Grandmaster, Mario used the teleportation beacon and returned to Endstar where he'd left the Lokis. Both Lady Loki and Loki were "detained" there, though "detained" was generous. There were no guards or locks.
Standing outside the door, they could clearly hear a lovely voice from inside. But that lovely voice was currently filled with helpless anger.
"Stop looking at me like that. If Mario hadn't told me to watch you, I would have gouged your eyes out already."
CRACK. CRACK.
"Listen, let me explain, just let me explain!"
Loki's voice came mixed with muffled groans of pain.
Thor heard those familiar sounds and his face showed shock. He wasn't that innocent 1,500-year-old anymore. Earth had provided plenty of education in various areas of life.
"Should we maybe come back later?"
Mario paused with his hand raised to knock. He turned to Thor with a grin. "No, this is perfect timing. If we come any later, I'm afraid Loki might not be alive."
Thor instantly understood that whatever was happening inside wasn't what he'd imagined. Worried his brother might be in danger, he charged forward and smashed the wooden door open.
"Let go of Loki! Whatever the problem is, take it out on me inst—"
He stopped mid-sentence, words dying in his throat.
Loki was tied up and hanging from the ceiling. A woman wearing a green battle suit and a horned headpiece was holding a whip, striking Loki.
"You two continue. I'm clearly in the wrong place."
SLAM.
Thor stepped back and closed the door.
Mario, standing outside, couldn't help but burst out laughing.
"What's wrong? Exciting enough? Stimulating enough?"
Thor's face had gone slightly red as he looked at Mario. "I thought we were friends. Why would you set me up like that? Is that woman Loki's girlfriend?"
"No. At least not right now." Mario forced himself to stop laughing as the door opened and Lady Loki appeared.
"Finally. Hurry up and take him away. That guy is hopeless. My recommendation? Just kill him."
Seeing her this angry, Mario grew intensely curious about what Loki had actually done.
Thor, meanwhile, stared at Lady Loki in confusion. He'd never seen this woman before, yet she felt strangely familiar, like they'd lived together for years.
What is this feeling?
Ignoring Thor's internal crisis, Mario whispered to Lady Loki, "What happened? Did he try something while you were sleeping?"
"If he'd done that, I'd at least think better of him."
Lady Loki rolled her eyes.
"No. If he tried anything like that, I would have killed him."
She lowered her voice further.
"He tried to peek at me while I was bathing. And he thought I was blind, standing there invisible right in the bathroom."
Mario suddenly understood. No wonder she was this furious. Loki had basically treated her like an idiot. They used the same magic, learned from the same source. How could she not notice him?
Walking into the room and seeing Loki tied up and looking utterly defeated, his face showed a playful smile.
"I like your style. You're way braver than I expected, much ballsier than your brother."
Loki had already lost all hope. Thor had seen him like this. He felt like he'd never be able to hold his head high again, even if he somehow became King of Asgard.
Thor followed them inside. Even though Lady Loki had whispered, his enhanced Asgardian hearing had caught every word. Seeing Loki's state, he walked over and lowered him from the ceiling.
"Loki, you must take responsibility for... pfft—" Thor couldn't hold back a laugh. "...for what you've done."
Loki's face went even paler when he heard his brother laugh.
Thor turned his gaze to Lady Loki, straightening up.
"Woman, I am Thor, son of Odin, God-King of Asgard. The God of Thunder. Rest assured, Loki will take responsibility for his actions. And our father will bless you both."
Loki, who'd been slumped in despair, suddenly jerked his head up in panic. "No! I just wanted to know if she was really a woman! I'm not interested in her! She's—"
Lady Loki cut him off. She stepped up to Thor, looking at him. A faint, pleasant scent drifted from her, making Thor's spine straighten involuntarily.
"Thor, God of Thunder?"
Such a shame... he's not the Thor I knew.
"Nice to meet you. And what a coincidence, my name used to be Loki too. But now, you can call me Sivir."
Thor blinked, then laughed awkwardly. "You share a name with my brother. What a strange fate..."
Sivir just stared at Thor, staring until he grew uncomfortable. He finally turned toward Mario, intending to ask about this woman's origin. But Mario was wearing the exact same expression as Sivir.
Thor slowly turned back to look at Sivir again. The familiar green robes. The horned headpiece identical to Loki's. That inexplicable sense of long familiarity. It felt like a lightning bolt struck his brain. He froze completely.
"Don't tell me she's someone you brought back from a parallel universe..."
Mario was genuinely impressed. "Holy shit, Thor... did you bring your brain with you today? Ahem... slipped out, ignore that. This is complicated. Let's sit down and talk properly."
Mario and Sivir led both Loki and Thor to the living room, settling onto the couches. Mario briefly explained Sivir's origins, another universe's Loki who'd chosen to become female before reaching physical maturity.
Thor's jaw dropped and stayed that way for a long time. Finally, he managed to summarize: "You're telling me... she used to be Loki, but now she's a woman?"
Mario nodded. "That's right. Frost Giants can freely choose their gender before they reach full maturity. You've been fighting Frost Giants for centuries, how do you not know this?"
Loki, slumped on the side like his soul had left his body, suddenly spoke, "Don't blame him. Even I didn't know. I don't have any inherited memories from the Frost Giants. That's why I wanted to know if she'd really become a woman... and that's why she misunderstood."
That still doesn't justify standing invisible in her bathroom while she bathed, dude.
Mario leaned close to Thor's ear and whispered so only the two of them could hear: "Just say the word. I'll keep her here for you and send your Loki back home instead. I promise, no problems at all."