Oma returned to consciousness feeling flushed and...wet?
An ancient and almost forgotten memory from her first life identified the feeling as that of being mostly submerged in hot water, making her blink her eyes open and look around while the disorientation of sleep receded.
Apparently they'd moved onto a whole new form of self indulgence while she'd been asleep, as the four of them were now sitting in a wide, circular depression filled with hot water.
She was on one side, while the other three were directly across from her. Naruto was in the middle, leaning backwards with his arms resting on the rim, hanging over the shoulders of the two women on either side of him.
"Welcome back to the land of the conscious." He said to her with a smirk, obviously amused that she'd fallen asleep.
Oma simply sighed and sank a bit further into the water, wondering if they were ever going to get down to the actual reason that she'd come here or if they would just keep on going from one hedonistic activity to another until she lost patience and asked to be released from this body.
Not that it wasn't enjoyable, just like the massage had been. The walls of the massive circular tub were padded with something very comfortable and the water felt nice, but this was getting ridiculous.
"Now that we are here, I believe it is time we got to business." Xanna declared seriously.
Huh?
"In the bath?" Oma asked, unable to keep the incredulity out of her voice.
"I do some of my best thinking while bathing, why would we do it anywhere else?" The horned woman asked back, seeming genuinely puzzled by Oma's confusion.
Oma had no real argument against that, knowing full well by now that trying to gainsay either Naruto or Xanna when they'd already decided something was useless.
"Very well then." She sighed in resignation.
Xanna hadn't been waiting for Oma's agreement and already had a colorful plastic container of some sort in hand, from which she squeezed a a large portion of what Oma guessed was some kind of liquid soap.
A series of black symbols that made no sense to her at all became prominent all along the walls, somehow forcing the water to move in ways that acted as if there were pressured air jets placed along them as yet another form of massage and also turning the water choppy.
In short order, the bath was full of bubbles.
"Bubbles." Akitsu said happily, smiling at the abundance of floating soap bubbles and poking a few that came too close.
"Yes, bubbles." Naruto agreed, sounding very amused and poking a few of them himself.
"According to my easily distracted husband, " Xanna paused to look pointedly at Naruto, who was still poking bubbles with Akitsu. "you have offered to aid us in the advancement of our empire."
"I have." Oma confirmed with some caution.
She had not envisioned having this discussion in a bubble bath, but she could adapt. There were only so many ways that Naruto could think up to rattle her composure and his sexual predator act from the last time had been worse than this.
"Then you should be made aware of the situation." Xanna stated and created a floating image of Erius, zooming it in on the city in which they were currently located.
"The people that Naruto brought back from Ratania have either settled into homes formerly occupied by people who have left them to make their own settlements or new ones were built for them. This is not counting those who have elected to move elsewhere after getting their bearings."
The image zoomed out and ten smaller settlements began to slowly oscillate to highlight them.
"There are all the population centers currently existing on the planet. They were built by people who wanted to live further away from us, who disliked how crowded Hesa was becoming or those who wished to preserve their own way of life as much as possible."
"Most are cooperating with us even if they would prefer to be left alone and are not resisting the changes we are implementing to their lifestyle, such as education, improved sanitation and a local garrison to protect them from animal attacks as they build and to act as a police force."
"I thought we didn't have crime yet." Naruto interjected curiously.
"Thus far only minor acts of theft." Xanna said dismissively. "Most of those you brought back were too beaten down to have the spirit for anything more severe, but theft occurs as soon as currency is implemented. I have also been using those soldiers to funnel any would-be prostitutes here so that they can be used as teachers since the total education level is still abysmal."
The talks continued for some time, during which Oma only listened rather than suggesting anything. Much of it she knew already from her own observations, but it was good to hear it from their point of view.
All in all, their rule was surprisingly benign and not at all the way that most dictatorial regimes tended to be. This was likely due to the fact that they weren't mortal and felt no need to feed their own egos by oppressing their subjects, nor did they in any way care to regulate the personal lives of those they ruled.
Xanna was arrogant, condescending, self-centered, lacking most any morals or ethics and outright dismissive of those she considered to be beneath her(which was nearly everyone). Strangely enough, that didn't translate into cruelty, merely cold pragmatism as long as things were done her way.
Naruto on the other hand had a similar egotistical certainty that he knew best combined with lack of care for how other people lived as long as it didn't hit one of his mental triggers. He also seemed less interested in any actual ruling than he was in having fun, though he still put in the work...he just tended to not be particularly serious while he did it.
Oma could only breathe an internal sigh of relief at the fact that they seemed to be capable of grasping the idea that the success of an empire was measured by the prosperity of the people who lived in it and not, as the Goa'uld seemed to think, on how many planets you conquered and how big your army was.
"While our efforts to make everyone at least literate if not highly educated are being obstructed by the need for child labor,-" Xanna was saying, only to be interrupted by Naruto.
"What do you mean need for child labor? Why would it be needed?"
"Because your constant raiding has resulted in our food stores being depleted rapidly, necessitating a similarly rapid expansion of farmland, leading to a shortage of labor that is currently being filled by children." She explained dryly.
"Aw crap." Naruto muttered. If he'd known that, he wouldn't have gone and raided a planet with a population as large as the one on Ratania.
Most of the time that he wasn't spending with her and Akitsu was taken up by training the army and making sure they understood the fact that they weren't there to keep people in line as many of them were used to, but to keep them safe. He hadn't payed much attention to the goings on in the other areas of their growing empire.
While he was not someone that should be trusted to properly raise a child due to his own unconventional upbringing, Naruto did grasp the fact that child labor was generally a bad thing.
"Couldn't we just cheat a little and enhance the food stores instead?"
"I have been doing so, but it is getting to the point where even these dimwitted peasants are beginning to wonder at where all the food is coming from. If we continue doing so, they will begin to get dependent on supernatural aid. Better that they suffer a small shortage of food now than to have them think that all of their problems will be solved in such a manner."
"So...no more raiding?" Naruto asked wryly.
Taking the situation that Xanna had laid out into account he'd probably be unable to go on another raid like this for several years at least.
Erius had a population of just under three hundred thousand these days and many of the people he'd brought along from other planets eventually trickled off and formed their own villages and towns. So far, Xanna had been siphoning off a relatively small number of his warriors to make sure that each of these new settlements had a small complement of soldiers that had gone on at least one raid with Naruto to act as both a police force and a visual reminder that they were not being left to their own devices.
Not all of the warriors were Jaffa anymore, the occasional baseline human having shown interest in training and been accepted. This was all to the good, as many of the people Naruto brought back tended to be resentful of the Jaffa's presence, so having the occasional regular human around made them feel better until they dissociated the Jaffa from the Goa'uld. It helped that Jaffa were in general very disciplined and not inclined to abuse of power. There were a few that needed some re-education on the matter of course, but some Youthful Exercise was usually enough to dissuade them from repeat offences.
She'd also made certain to that at least one or two teachers in an effort to spread education. Getting that off the ground was a hassle, but an unavoidable one.
With this newest population influx, Naruto knew that he wouldn't be able to keep on snatching people without risking the whole thing getting away from them. While it hadn't happened yet, it was only a matter of time before some would-be genius brought up the concept of that most annoying of ideas to someone intending to create an empire...independence.
It was a certainty that some hothead would eventually get it into his or her head that they didn't need his or Xanna's rule and could manage just fine on their own.
Perhaps true in the case of those who had lived on worlds without a local Goa'uld overseer, but if they were going to let people create their own factions right under his nose, they wouldn't have bothered starting at the bottom.
Besides, allowing the people that had been brought together from a dozen different planets to splinter into a dozen nations would not end well. That much had been learned back in the Elemental Nations.
Diversity was good, division was bad.
"Not for a while, the population here is still somewhat small, but not so tiny anymore that it would be needed. At this point it is more important that we make certain that all of these people understand that they are part of a single nation instead of refugees from dozens." Xanna spoke, echoing his own thoughts.
"Roads, you will need to build roads." Oma interjected.
Naruto and Xanna cocked their heads curiously at the sudden interruption.
Even Akitsu stopped popping bubbles for a moment.
"At the moment, most of these disparate settlements are not connected even with dirt roads. Building a road system to connect them will foster commerce and allow for better interaction. Eventually you will want to call the leaders of these villages to meet you as a show of loyalty or perhaps assign your own governors."
Naruto and Xanna exchanged glances and mulled it over for a moment before agreeing that this made sense. Neither one of them had ever been hindered by a lack of roads and Xanna's previous two empires already had such things when she'd taken over, so neither had thought of it.
"That seems a valid point, but we have other issues." The horned woman said, making four particular settlements glow red on the illusionary map.
"These four villages contain people that may be...problematic...for a while."
"Why?" Naruto asked, puzzled. If he didn't miss his guess, one of those contained people from the raid on Bastet's territory(that had been fun), one from Yu's and two from Ra's.
"These three," Xanna said, highlighting the three settlement on the map. "Do not like the way we treat women and have moved away from us solely because of that."
"But I've barely interacted with their women, and I'm pretty sure that I wasn't even being creepy at the time." Naruto protested, utterly baffled.
"It is a heavily male dominated society, they don't like the fact that we are not oppressing women." Xanna elaborated, smirking. "They may also have been upset at the idea of being ruled by a woman."
"They went off on their own because I wouldn't let them treat their women like a servant class?" Naruto asked just to be clear.
"Just so, they claim that it is part of their culture and that changing it would rob them of their identity." She confirmed.
Naruto muttered something to himself that was too low to hear clearly, but it seemed to imply that a broken neck would also rob them of their identity, and much more effectively at that.
"What about that last one then?" He asked, setting the issue aside for now.
"They come from a heavily female dominated society." Xanna explained, still smirking.
Naruto facepalmed, already seeing where this was going. "Let me guess, they don't like the fact that we're not oppressing the men?"
"A brilliant deduction husband, I am struck by awe at your masterful grasp of the obvious."
Naruto ignored her sarcasm in favor of muttering to himself sourly. "That explains why those bitches were giving me the stink eye when I marched them through the stargate."
Shaking his head, he looked at his wife and sighed in a put upon fashion. "My dear wife, do you ever get the feeling that you're surrounded by idiots?"
"It is the only feeling I have ever known." She responded haughtily.
Naruto shot his wife at short leer at what was most definitely an area-of-effect insult and then rubbed at his forehead with another sigh. "I guess I'm going to be paying those four places a visit and laying down the law."
"If you assert your will with force, you will only sow resentment." Oma cautioned. "It takes time to change the social structure of a society."
"I'm not feeling very patient right now and people tend to listen more closely if they're nursing a sore jaw." Naruto argued. "They can be as resentful as they like, but they will conform to the law of the land."
"It was you who brought them here, they did not choose to come. If you force them to obey you in such a manner after claiming that you would protect them from the Goa'uld, they will think you no different." She countered.
"They were just host bodies and slave labor for the Goa'uld, all I'm trying to do is get them to stop being fucking stupid." Naruto insisted.
"If you move on them with force, they are unlikely to see such direct interference in their lifestyle as helpful and benevolent, but rather as tyrannical and oppressive."
Naruto hmphed irritably and looked at his wife, who had been oddly silent during this exchange. "What do you think love? I guess I can see her point, but I still say a round of bitchslaps might do the trick."
Xanna mulled the issue over carefully before replying. "The last time I had to deal with unruly subjects, I ordered several executions..."
Oma was alarmed, and only kept from interrupting because of the warning glance that the horned woman gave her.
"...However, that only caused a rebellion to ferment among the people. It may be for the best to try a subtler approach and we can always resort to force if it fails." She concluded.
"I guess." Naruto agreed without enthusiasm. Was he doomed to solve problems like a supposedly civilized person for his entire tenure as Emperor? Would he never again get to settle arguments with his fists? Would he one day find himself sitting at a negotiation table with the System Lords and being serious as opposed to thinking of ways to humiliate and murder them creatively?
He sank a bit lower into the water at the thought of it and looked over at Akitsu, who seemed to be having fun building a soap mountain.
"Am I becoming a mature adult sweetie? Is that the terrible sacrifice I am making for all those cute Sekirei?" He asked her with despondent melodrama.
Akitsu blinked at him, having not expected to be talked to while they were having this serious discussion. But Naruto just looked so sad and sulky at the fact that he wasn't able to smack sense into people that she had to do something to make him feel better.
Determined to help him, Akitsu scooped up a portion of the soap and used her ice powers to harden its shape into what she wanted. Then she stuck it to his forehead and froze it into place.
"Triceratops." She chirped, proudly surveying the soap horn he now had on his forehead in addition to the regular horns higher on his head.
Xanna snorted with laughter, the expelled air blasting apart another pile of soap.
Naruto tried to contain the amused grin breaking out on his face at the ridiculousness of the situation, but quickly lost the battle.
Even Oma cracked a smile, though she wasn't sure which tri-horned animal Akitsu was referring to. There was more than one such in the galaxy after all.
"It suits you husband." Xanna complimented. "Now you need only walk on all fours so that it is immediately clear that you are a horny animal."
Naruto shot his wife an affronted look and splashed some water at her.
This time it was Xanna that looked affronted. "You would dare start a water fight with me? I am a goddess! I am-"
"Badly positioned!" He cut in with a grin and used the arm he still had around her shoulders to dunk her.
Akitsu floated over to Oma's side of the bathtub and they both watched as the horned woman tried to pry apart Naruto's headlock while air bubbles escaped from the water.
Apparently having had enough, the hitherto missing tails made a reappearance and grabbed Naruto around the neck and dragged him under the water as well.
The two women that were currently not participating in the mock battle/attempted drowning scrambled out of the water to prevent becoming collateral damage. Oma nearly collapsed due to the sudden headrush, but was saved from a pratfall by Akitsu.
Several minutes of rather vicious looking flailing later, they emerged from the water, Xanna pinning Naruto to the edge of the tub with her hands pulling on his soaked hair and glaring at him from a very close range.
Naruto grinned at her lustily and pecked her on the lips, getting an aggressive and violent kiss in return.
Oma had assumed that this strange interruption would pass and they would get back to the conversation, but when Xanna climbed into Naruto's lap with the clear intention of starting intercourse, she loudly cleared her throat to draw attention to herself.
She was ignored, so she did it again, this time even louder.
With an irritated growl, Xanna turned around to give her a narrow eyed glare and hissed "What?"
"Do we not still have something to discuss?" Oma asked with as much dignity as was possible for someone that was using her hands to cover her breasts and groin.
"I suppose we do." Xanna conceded grudgingly, getting off Naruto's lap and settling back down beside him.
As Oma settled back into her previous position, Akitsu tried to do the same, only to get pulled between Naruto and Xanna, causing a flush to creep onto her face that had nothing to do with the steam.
Oma started feeling incredibly uncomfortable as she saw that both of Akitsu hands were making repetitive motions of some sort under the water on each side of her, coincidentally at the areas where she estimated Naruto and Xanna had their respective genitals.
"I must confess to having little idea of how to do away with this foolishness without resorting to force. My thought was to assign a larger than normal garrison there and make compulsory education sessions that would beat the idea of gender equality into their heads." Xanna said with a smirk as if the conversation had not been interrupted.
"No matter what you do, it will take at least a few generations before such thinking is completely changed, but their populations are small enough that enough contact with a different culture will dilute their resistance to change. Commerce and perhaps having that female commander in your army take charge of the local garrison for a time should begin the process. Combined with proper education and it might sway the minds of the younger generation at least." Oma replied, studiously ignoring what was going on under the water.
"Setsuna's going to be pissed about that, but she'd do it if I asked." Naruto murmured, clearly paying more attention to Akitsu's ministrations than to the conversation. "That only works for the male dominated ones though."
"Have you considered hosting a celebration of some sort?" Oma asked further.
Two horned heads cocked to the side in curiosity. "A celebration? Of what?"
"Of their liberation from Goa'uld oppression or some such thing. At the moment, most of the common people see you either as an unstoppable conqueror or an aloof and distant ruler." Oma explained, looking first to Naruto and then to Xanna and trying to ignore the fact that they were starting to breathe more heavily than normal. "A celebration attended by both of you would serve to make the people feel closer to you, show them that they are not at all different from each other and mingle the differing cultures you now have on Erius."
"She has a point, a good party always makes people forget that they're supposed to hate each other." Naruto said pensively.
"True, I had forgotten that most of these monkey brained humans have the attention span of a rabid squirrel." Xanna agreed.
Oma relaxed her stiff spine at their agreement. Potential tyranny averted for now and replaced with a far more sensible approach. They had clearly been interested enough in the suggestion that even some of the sexual charge in the air had dissipated.
They had good enough intentions, that was clear. Their reasons might be strange and their regard for the people they ruled appallingly low, but the end result they were going for was good, admirable even. Their problem lay mostly in the fact that they were too at home with using violence and force to solve problems.
"That is all that I have to say for now. Release me from this body and I will be on my way." She said, feeling exhausted, both by the mental effort of steering them away from what might have been the first step on the road to the creation of yet another oppressive empire, and physically from the steam that was making her feel woozy.
She felt satisfied with the effort though. Hopefully, the centuries of taking care of their people that lay ahead would smooth over some of the sharp edges from their personalities. At the very least, she hoped that force would stop being the first thing they considered when they needed a solution.
"Not yet you won't." Naruto said sharply, snapping Oma's attention back to him. "When you first suggested this, I figured you were going to be making some kind of half-baked suggestions, but this was actually useful, so you're going to stick around for a few minutes longer and share a toast with us."
"A toast?" Oma questioned, puzzled.
"Yep, here, have some Sex on the Beach." He grinned and handed her a glass full of a colorful red-orange liquid.
"This drink is called Sex on the Beach?" Oma asked while Naruto brought out more glasses for Xanna, Akitsu and himself. Oma was glad to see him do this, because Akitsu had to take her hands away from what they'd been doing so far.
"Yes." He nodded firmly.
Akitsu took a small sip of the concoction and smiled at the taste, quietly murmuring something about liquid candy.
"Why?" Oma pressed further, turning the glass around and trying to see how anyone could name a drink such a strange name.
"Who knows?" Naruto shrugged. "Maybe the inventor was having sex on the beach when he or she thought of it, or maybe the colors reminded them of a sunset on a beach where they once had sex. Or maybe, and this is my guess, it's named that because fuck you, that's why."
"There was most certainly some fucking involved in the naming of this drink." Xanna agreed.
"Ah...could we have sex on the beach?" Akitsu asked, her cheeks red.
"We are having Sex on the Beach." Naruto said, grinning.
Akitsu visibly fidgeted and sipped on her drink. "I mean...could we go to the beach and have sex?"
"An excellent idea." Xanna declared and drained her entire glass in one shot. "We are going immediately."
"Defile ALL the sand!"
"Yay."
"Wait! What about..."Oma trailed off as the trio vanished, the water splashing as it rushed to fill the emptiness they left behind.
"...me."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX