The Unusual Universe
Zazm walked across ground that couldn't decide whether it was soil, jelly, or personal insult. He shoved his hands into his pockets, tilted his head up at the violently pink sky, and said,
"Hey, Zephyra… this universe seems really gay."
Zephyra glanced up. "Well, it doe—"
A whisper slid through the air, soft and intimate.
Your hairline is receding.
Silence.
Zazm slowly turned his head. Hands still in his pockets.
"…So we're in agreement," he said carefully, "that wasn't just me?"
Zephyra nodded. "Yeah. Unfortunately."
Zazm squinted at the empty space around them. "I don't see anything, to be honest."
Zephyra looked down. "Don't touch the snow. It's hot."
"What?"
Zazm immediately sat down and pressed his palm into the snow.
"…Oh. Yeah. It is."
Before he could process that sentence, Zephyra scooped up a chunk of snow, compressed it into a ball, and lobbed it at him.
Her eyes widened.
The snowball hit Zazm and launched him like a defective missile.
"ZAZM—"
"What the FUUUU—"
His scream echoed across the empty land as he vanished into the distance.
He crashed with a heavy thud, skidding across something solid. He lay there, gasping.
"I could've die—"
Something shifted behind him.
Zazm turned his head.
A steak was standing there.
"…Okay what the actual fu—"
The steak grabbed him with both hands and began chewing on him.
It did not have teeth.
Zazm snapped his fingers. The steak vanished from existence.
"…Damn it."
Zephyra arrived moments later, skidding to a stop. "Are you okay?"
"Physically? Yes," Zazm said, standing up. "Mentally? Absolutely not. What even is this universe?"
"This is some serious nonsense," Zephyra muttered.
Something poked her foot.
She looked down.
A sausage stood there, prodding her ankle with a tiny fork.
Zazm burst out laughing. "I think he wants to eat you."
Zephyra sighed and crouched, staring at the sausage. "And what do you think you're gonna do?"
The sausage froze. Took a cautious step back. Slowly raised its fork like a warrior accepting fate.
Zephyra tilted her head.
The sausage exploded.
Zazm laughed so hard he had to bend forward. "Would you look at that."
Black dust settled over Zephyra's face. Her purple hair stood straight up.
"…Come on," she said flatly. "Can one normal thing happen today?"
Another sausage waddled toward Zazm.
He grinned and teleported it directly in front of Zephyra.
She caught it without effort and hurled it straight back at him.
Zazm laughed, about to teleport it again—
The sausage split into ten smaller sausages midair.
He teleported one.
The other nine detonated directly into his face.
Zephyra sighed."Would you look at this—they multiply."
"These assholes," Zazm muttered.
The wind whispered again.
Your hairline is receding.
"Oh, it's FUCKING NOT," Zazm snapped, spinning around. He yanked his hair back aggressively. "SEE? USE YOUR DAMN EYES."
The wind did not apologize.
"Let's find water," Zephyra said. "Please."
They walked. The sky changed colors like it was indecisive or having a breakdown.
"My head hurts," Zephyra muttered. "And has the sky changed color for the fourth time?"
Zazm squinted upward, half-dead. "Let it be. It can't decide."
The wind leaned in again.
You're ugly.
"…That's not even funny," Zazm said.
"That's just rude."
He suddenly pointed. "Oh look. A river."
Zephyra instantly perked up. "Teleport us. Now."
They reappeared beside the water. Zephyra knelt to wash her face—then froze.
"Wait."
Zazm paused. "What?"
She pointed at the river. "What if it's sulphuric acid?"
"That doesn't look like sulphuric acid."
She pointed at the sky. A cloud bounced happily above them, smiling.
"And that doesn't look like a cloud."
Zazm sighed. "Then what do you suggest?"
He glanced around—and blinked.
"Is that a mermaid?"
Zephyra leaned closer. "Looks like one."
They approached.
"I've heard mermaids are extremely beautiful," Zazm said. He waved. "Heyyy."
The mermaid turned around.
Pale hands.
Green orc-like face.
Weird teeth.
A beard.
Tongue hanging out.
In a thick, gravelly voice, it said, "Do you want me?" and blushed.
Zazm dropped to his knees and started puking.
Zephyra rubbed his back.
"I think," she said calmly, "it's asking for a one-night stand."
Zazm wiped his mouth, eyes dead. "It's asking for a one-night never get up like a stand."
A skinned chicken suddenly sprinted toward him.
Zazm teleported it into his hand and threw it at the mermaid. "Here. Sayonara."
The chicken did not explode.
It grew.
It ate the mermaid.
Then it bowed.
"…That gross thing just thanked you," Zephyra said.
Zazm stared. "What is going on."
The happy cloud from earlier was now circling them.
Zephyra smiled. "Perfect. Test subject."
She grabbed it and threw it into the river.
It floated back out.
Wet.
Crying.
"You made it cry," Zazm said. "It was so happy."
"Let it be."
They washed their faces.
Zephyra looked at her reflection.
"…Wh—what?"
Zazm glanced over. "Zephyra… why are your eyes closed?"
"How would I know," she snapped, panicked, "and why are your eyes like those uwu anime girls?!"
"What?" Zazm leaned down—
His eyes widened.
"Hey wait—what?"
He turned to her. "How can you see? Your eyes are closed."
Zephyra freaked out. "WAIT—YES—HOW?!"
The wind laughed.
You look better finally.
---
Within the Dome
Zephyra and Zazm ran across the distorted land, their footsteps echoing unnaturally.
"How far are we?" Zephyra asked, slightly out of breath.
"Almost there," Zazm replied. He pointed ahead. "I can see the dome."
"Oh. Yeah. That dome."
"You remember Nova?" Zazm added. "That's his power."
Zephyra nodded. "I already know him. And the others. From your memories."
"Right," Zazm said simply.
They crossed into the transparent dome.
"Zazm?" Nova exclaimed, genuine surprise flashing across his face.
Jennie immediately stood up. "You're safe… that's a relief."
Ai frowned slightly. "Where did you even come from?"
From the ground, Kiyomasa lifted his head. "Zazm's here? Good… good."
"One at a time, please," Zazm said. "I'm fine. And I got here by running."
He paused, then pointed. "What happened to those two?"
Nova waved it off. "Don't worry. They're just asleep."
Jennie gestured toward something outside the dome. "You see that weird insect? If you make eye contact with it for five seconds, you fall asle—"
Zazm collapsed instantly.
Ai clapped once. "Wonderful timing."
"He didn't even let me finish," Jennie muttered.
Nova sighed and smacked his own forehead. "This idiot…"
A moment later, Zazm sat up like nothing happened.
Minos blinked. "Oh, you're up too? Heard you fell victim to Sleeper as well."
"Sleeper?" Zazm asked, grinning.
"That's what we're calling it," Miwa said, pointing. "Five seconds of eye contact, boom—sleep."
"How did you calculate five seconds?" Zazm asked.
Nova shrugged. "They've been experimenting for a while."
Ai crossed her arms. "I helped aswell. Ten minutes. That's how long the sleep lasts."
From the floor, Kiyomasa groaned like he was about to throw up. "Zazm… please get us out of here. I can't take this universe anymore. It's a complete package of—"
"Kiyo," Jennie said gently. "Don't curse."
"Sorry," he muttered. "…It's Nova and Ai's fault."
"What?" Nova and Ai said at the same time.
Jennie sighed. "Don't be a bad influence on him. Or Miwa. They're younger."
Zazm clapped his hands once. "Alright, everyone—before we do anything else, I want you to meet someone."
"Who?" Miwa asked, hopping forward eagerly.
Zazm turned to his side. "You can come out now."
He waited a second, then added quietly, "Don't worry. We can trust them."
Ai narrowed her eyes. "Did he develop schizophrenia in the void?"
Nova rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Possible. Prolonged isolation can create extremely realistic hallucinations."
Jennie tilted her head. "So… an imaginary friend?"
"Please reveal yourself," Zazm said calmly, "before they take me to a mental hospital."
A soft chuckle sounded.
Then, suddenly—
A girl stood beside Zazm.
Her hair fell in soft waves of purplish black, catching light like ink touched by starlight. Violet eyes looked out from beneath long lashes—deep, calm, and strangely vast, as if galaxies had been folded into them and left there to rest.
Tiny points of light shimmered within her gaze, subtle and distant, giving the impression that she was looking at the world from somewhere far older than it.
Her skin was pale, smooth, almost luminous, not fragile but refined, as though the universe itself had taken time shaping her. She was tall and slender, her posture relaxed yet composed, every movement effortless and natural.
Sharp but gentle features framed her face—elegant rather than delicate—giving her a quiet authority that didn't demand attention, yet drew it all the same.
There was something undeniably beautiful about her, but it wasn't the kind that struck loudly. It settled instead—soft, steady, and impossible to ignore.
Her presence felt unreal, not because it was overwhelming, but because it seemed to belong somewhere just beyond the world, as if she had stepped out of a place where existence itself moved differently.
For a moment, no one spoke.
Everyone took a step back.
Even Kiyomasa scrambled to his feet. "W-What is that?"
"Who is she?" Nova asked.
Zazm proudly pointed at her with both hands. "This is Zephyra."
"…Wait, what?" Nova said.
"Yeah," Minos added. "Who exactly is she?"
Miwa stepped closer, eyes sparkling. "She's so damn pretty."
Zephyra replied flatly. "Thank you."
Jennie joined Miwa, eyes wide. "She really is beautiful… I don't think I've ever seen anyone more beautiful."
Zephyra waved her hands slightly. "I don't think I'm that pretty."
Ai stepped forward, arms crossed. "Our question still stands."
"I told you," Zazm said. "She's Zephyra."
Ai sighed and turned to her. "Leave this ret— I mean… who are you?"
Zephyra tilted her head. "Zephyra."
"What is Zephyra?" Ai snapped.
Zephyra tilted her head further. "Zephyra is Zephyra."
Ai stared at her for a second, then gave up. "Forget it."
Nova stepped forward, smiling. "So. Who are you really?"
Zazm laughed. "I met her in the void. She's been with me ever since. Apparently, she knows something about how we got our powers."
Every pair of eyes snapped to Zephyra.
"Just to be clear," she said gently, "what I know are only small things."
"They're details," Nova said seriously. "They matter."
He smiled. "You're Zazm's friend. That makes you ours. Welcome to the team."
Zephyra expressed her gratitude by boowmg a little.
Zazm stretched his arms casually, his joints popping with the sound of bubble wrap. "Okay," he said, rolling his shoulders. "First official group decision—someone explain why the sky is lagging."
No one answered. Mostly because everyone was still staring at Zephyra.
She stood there with the serene posture of a saint, despite being observed by seven confused who looked like he'd been awake since the invention of fire.
Ai broke the silence, her voice flat. "…So, we're just accepting the fact that you brought a cosmic entity into the group without telling anyone?"
Zazm blinked. "'Cosmic entity' is crazy but she's just… Zephyra."
Zephyra raised a finger politely. "I'm not cosmic." A pause. She looked at her hands as if checking for stardust. "…Probably."
Nova leaned forward, eyes narrowed. "Define 'probably.'"
Zephyra thought for a moment. Then, with total sincerity: "I have never paid taxes."
The silence that followed was heavy enough to sink a ship.
Kiyomasa, still vibrating from Sleeper exposure, whispered, "That's not a definition. That's just a flex."
Miwa nodded, her expression grim. "That's suspicious though. Only billionaires and tax evaders are that calm."
"I mean nearly all billionaires are tax evaders." Minos replied.
Zazm clapped once, trying to shatter the awkwardness. "Okay, team meeting energy is going downhill. Let's reset."
Jennie raised a hand. "We were already downhill. We're currently in the trench, Zazm."
"And we are gonna get deeper at this rate," Zazm said immediately.
DING.
A distant, high-fidelity notification sound echoed in the air. Everyone froze. It wasn't a magic chime; it sounded exactly like a default 2010 smartphone alert.
Zephyra tilted her head. "Not this notification sound again."
The ground beneath them briefly turned into glass. Then back into dirt. Then into a lukewarm, chunky tomato soup.
Ai stepped back, her boots making a squelch sound. "I hate your universe. I hate it so much."
Zazm pointed at her, offended. "Hey, this is not my universe. I'm just… borrowing it. It's a rental."
The soup-ground started spinning slowly like it was reconsidering its career path (just like every engineering major).
Zephyra crouched and poked a floating crouton-rock.
The ground immediately grumbled in a deep, baritone voice: "Don't touch me."
She pulled her hand back instantly. "…Okay," she said. "It speaks."
Zazm nodded. "Yeah. This one's actually polite. The last floor I walked on tried to sue me for emotional distress and then there was—"
Jennie slowly turned her head, her eye twitching. "There was a worse version?"
Zazm opened his mouth, looked at the soup, and shut it. "…I kind of started leaving that part out… yeah."
Nova rubbed his face. "We're going to die here."
Miwa raised her hand, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Wait, I have a question." She pointed a finger directly at Zephyra. "Are you like… dating Zazm?"
Zazm immediately started hacking like he'd swallowed a bone. "WHAT? No—why would you—we were in a VOID—"
Miwa wasn't done. "I mean you were in the void for years, right? Was she with you? In the dark? All alone?"
Zazm paused. The silence stretched. "…Yeah."
The entire group's volume dropped to zero.
Ai narrowed her eyes, scanning Zazm for any sign of smoothness. "So you were together for years? In a place with literally nothing else to do?"
Miwa leaned forward, hands on her cheeks, grinning like a shark. "Who knows what could've happened~ Maybe some void-romance~"
Zazm slammed his palm down on a patch of soup-ground. "Nothing happened. NOTHING. We spent most of the time training. Well I was training she just messed around."
Minos smirked, crossing his arms. "Ohhh~ Zazm didn't know you were smooth like that. The 'training' excuse. Classic."
Zazm opened his mouth to retort—
The wind whispered immediately, in a voice that sounded exactly like Minos:
Ohhh~ Zazm didn't know you were smooth like that.
Zazm slowly looked up at the sky, his face turning a shade of red that shouldn't be biologically possible. "…MotherFucker," he hissed. "Mind your own business, you atmosphere-dwelling snitch."
Nova was howling. "Nah bro, even the universe is shipping you! Reality is literally fan-girling!"
Ai pointed a finger at his cheek. "Why are you blushing like that? You look like a pressurized tomato."
"I'M NOT FUCKING BLUSHING."
The sky instantly turned a violent, neon pink. Small, foamy hearts—the kind you find in cheap cereal—started falling like defective snow. They made a piff sound as they hit the soup.
Zephyra caught a foam heart. "This seems inaccurate."
The wind whispered: Shy boy.
Zazm stopped smiling. His Nexus gaze flickered, the air around him beginning to distort into static. "…I will delete this fuckass universe."
Nova and Jennie lunged forward, grabbing his arms.
"Hey hey hey—calm down!" Jennie yelled. "Don't kill us because the sky is a bully!"
"Yeah, breathe!" Nova added, straining. "Don't erase reality over a blush! Think of the croutons!"
Zephyra stood there quietly, watching the hearts melt in the soup.
Miwa walked up to her, invading her personal space to peer into her eyes. "Your eyes and hair are insanely pretty," she said with total, blunt honesty. "Like, it's actually offensive how pretty you are."
Zephyra blinked, unbothered. "Thank you."
Jennie stepped closer, nodding in agreement.
"Yeah… we don't mean any harm it's just how beautiful you are that we can't help ourselves."
Even Ai crossed her arms and muttered, "…Yeah, fine. She's ridiculously pretty."
Nova turned back to Zazm, who was still vibrating with rage. Nova leaned in and casually placed a hand over Zazm's shoulder, leaning his head on Zazm's shoulder.
"Real talk," Nova whispered loudly. "There is no way a girl that pretty would date you. You're basically a sentient trash-can with a god complex."
A vein thick as a pencil popped in Zazm's forehead.
Ai nodded. "Yeah. Zazm is bottom of the trenches. He's the guy who gets rejected by NPCs. She lives in the skies."
Minos shrugged. "I think they'd look good together. In a 'Beauty and the Disaster' kind of way."
Jennie spoke saying, " jokes aside those two would go well together, and you guys are talking like our Zazm lacks anything."
Kiyomasa, surprisingly, gave a thumbs up. "Yeah… actually. I agree with Jennie. Zazm and she looks good together."
Zephyra suddenly slid next to Zazm, hooking her arm through his. "Shall we go somewhere else," she said calmly, "before your friends start planning the wedding catering and your grandkids' names?"
Zazm exhaled, the pink sky fading slightly. "Okay. Come on. Let's drop this—"
BAM.
The ground shook. The soup splashed. Everyone stumbled.
Ai's expression dropped instantly. "Something is coming. Something heavy."
Nova's voice sharpened into its combat tone.
"Don't worry. It can't enter the Dome. Nothing passes the barrier."
THUD. THUD. THUD.
The air felt like it was being squeezed by a giant hand. Then, looming over the transparent wall of the Dome, a shadow fell.
It was a giant, 20-foot saltwater crocodile.
It was standing on its hind legs. It wore a pink silk tutu that was clearly five sizes too small, and a pair of glittery fairy wings that flapped uselessly. On its head sat a glowing gold halo held up by a visible wire. It held a massive, heart-shaped bow made of what looked like pink neon tubes.
Ai stared, her jaw hitting the soup-ground. "…What the actual fuck is that."
Minos leaned forward, squinting. "That looks like a crocodile cosplaying as Cupid. And he's clearly skipping leg day."
The crocodile smiled, revealing rows of jagged teeth, and spoke in a voice like velvet and honey. "My blessings to the newlyweds. May your hatchlings be fierce and your swamp be plentiful."
Silence. A foam heart landed on the crocodile's nose.
Miwa blinked. "It speaks?! And why is it wearing a skirt?! Eeeewww"
Zazm raised a hand, looking exhausted. "Yeah, thanks for the blessing, Steve, but no newlyweds here. Move along."
The crocodile tilted its massive head, its tail swishing and knocking over a nearby (non-existent) tree. "I am certain I caught a scent of love."
It sniffed the air dramatically, its nostrils flapping. "Well… I suppose none of you are married yet."
Kiyomasa nodded slowly. "Yeah, that's accurate."
The crocodile nodded like a seasoned professional. "Then you should be. Efficiency is key to a stable ecosystem."
Nova burst out laughing, doubling over. "Just get married atp, Zazm! The crocodile has spoken! You can't argue with a reptile in a tutu!"
The crocodile reached behind its back, fumbled with its wings, and pulled out a tiny, gold-plated flip phone. It flipped it open with a delicate click of its claw.
Everyone watched in stunned silence as the giant predator scrolled with its pinky.
"Who is he calling?" Ai muttered. "Animal Control?"
A second later—POP.
A massive grizzly bear appeared in a puff of glitter.
The bear was wearing a three-piece pinstripe suit, tailored perfectly for a 1,200-pound predator. It had a monocle over its left eye and carried a leather briefcase. It adjusted its glasses with a paw and cleared its throat.
"Greetings. I understand there is a lack of structural planning in this union."
Silence.
The crocodile pointed proudly with its bow. "This is my brother, Barnaby. He is a high-end marriage consultant. He plans your next ten years, handles your taxes, and predicts your future via the alignment of the stars."
Zazm stared at the bear. "…I bet he can't even tell what he'll eat tomorrow."
The bear opened his briefcase, pulled out a chart, and looked at Zazm over his monocle. "Salmon. 3:00 PM. Don't be trite, young man."
Miwa sat down in the soup-ground, defeated. "I'm just gonna enjoy this. My brain has officially left the building."
Minos sat next to her immediately. "Pass the croutons."
Jennie was leaning against a wall, wheezing. "This is the most ridiculously funny thing I've ever seen."
Jennie stopped and looked at the bear again and burst out laughing again. " Is that bear wearing cufflinks?"
Ai spoke still dying of laughter. "We have a full professional team assembled for Zazm's love life. Why is the bear looking at me like I'm a bridesmaid?!"
Nova leaned toward the crocodile again. "By any chance… you got a therapist? Our black-haired friend here is currently considering universal genocide because of his feelings."
The crocodile calmly flipped the gold phone open again. Click-clack.
A few seconds later—BLOOP.
A large goldfish appeared, walking on the land.
The fish was wearing a white doctor's coat and a stethoscope. It drifted toward the group, its gills flapping with professional authority.
The crocodile nodded. "This is my sister, Dr. Finly. She specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy and trauma."
The fish adjusted its tiny glasses (how?!) and stared at Zazm. "It seems you all are in desperate need of help. Especially you, the one with the glowing eyes. You have the emotional stability of a damp firecracker."
Miwa stopped laughing. Her face went pale. "…Wait. A crocodile, a bear, and a fish?" She looked at the crocodile. "…Were your dad just going around the zoo having se—"
She paused, seeing the crocodile's encouraging nod.
"Actually never mind. I don't want to know.."