New Jersey.
Princeton Teaching Hospital.
"Noisy woman?"
Dr. Wilson looked totally confused. "What's this got to do with Adam Duncan? Was she his ex-girlfriend or something?"
"Nope, even better than an ex," Dr. House said with a smug grin. "She's Duncan's good friend. For a guy like Adam Duncan—playboy extraordinaire with flings all over the place—those don't stick in his mind. But a good friend? That's a different story."
"You've got beef with Dr. Duncan or what?"
Dr. Cameron, the gorgeous doc, paused what she was doing and frowned at House.
"Let me take a wild guess," House said, glancing at her. "He called my office, you picked up, and now you think he's a great guy?"
"…Yeah, pretty much," Cameron admitted, still a little thrown by House's creepy mind-reading skills. She rolled her eyes. "Good thing you didn't say I fell in love with him over one phone call."
"Oh, you wouldn't!" House smirked confidently. "Duncan's got the whole package in a woman's eyes—perfect, right? But he's not your type."
Cameron's heart skipped a beat. She gave a self-deprecating chuckle. "Oh yeah? And what's my type?"
"You like the flawed, the broken—like me," House said, giving her a meaningful look.
"You're so full of yourself," Cameron shot back with a forced smile. "I'm gonna grab the phone book."
"House!" Dr. Wilson—the soft-hearted nice guy who's a sucker for damsels in distress—gave his best buddy a disapproving glare.
"What?" House plopped into a chair, swinging his leg up onto it casually. "We're doctors. We've gotta face our psychological quirks head-on. No point in pretending they don't exist."
Cameron quickly pulled herself together, grabbed the phone book, and came back in. She started flipping through it alphabetically, hunting down every "Rachel" listed, dialing one number after another.
Meanwhile, Dr. Chase—the handsome white guy—was diligently calling up every "Phoebe" he could find, hoping to hit the right one.
Dr. Foreman, the middle-aged Black doc, wasn't slacking either.
"Huh, I figured you'd put up more of a fight," House said, staring at Foreman—his usual rebel subordinate—with genuine surprise.
Of his three underlings, House secretly liked Foreman the most. He knew Foreman was the most like him, the one most likely to take up his mantle and become the next "House." That's exactly why he loved poking at him, tormenting him, just to see him push back. If Foreman could rise above it in some epic rebellion and turn the tables on him one day, now that would be entertaining!
"I was gonna," Foreman said with a cold smirk. "But since you're picking a fight with Adam Duncan, I'm more than happy to help with this kind of 'noble cause.'"
"You don't like him either, huh?" House nodded knowingly. "You just wanna see me duke it out with him. Doesn't matter who wins—you'd enjoy it more if I lose."
"We're doctors," Foreman shrugged. "No hiding from our issues. Gotta face 'em, right?"
House grinned and shot a look at Wilson, who just sighed helplessly. He could totally see the twisted glee House was getting out of this.
"…Phoebe."
Dr. Chase, the white pretty boy, was the first to get through. He glanced at House with a hint of "please notice me" vibes.
Not surprising—compared to super common names like Rachel or Ross, "Phoebe" was a bit of a rarity.
"Hey, Phoebe!" House motioned for Chase to hand over the phone, which he eagerly did. House smiled into it. "Remember four years ago when Rachel, thanks to your nudge, hopped on a plane to crash Ross and Emily's wedding in London? Guess who I am? Just a friend…"
After chatting for a bit and fishing out a phone number from Phoebe, he hung up.
"No need to keep looking," House said, already dialing while waving Cameron and Foreman off. When the call connected, he switched to a slightly younger-sounding voice. "Hey, Rachel! Remember that guy you sat next to on the plane four years ago?"
On the other end, Rachel was puzzled at first, but with House's prodding, it clicked. She shouted, "You're that snarky jerk!"
"Bingo! That's me!" House laughed. "So, how's life lately? Did you ever spill your guts to Ross in the end?"
"No! Happy now?" Rachel huffed. "But you were wrong! He and Emily were never meant to be. Ross and I are married now—our daughter's a year old. We're a happy little family."
"Oh, really?" House chuckled. "Congrats, then! Though, to be fair, I was just tossing out a guess back then. And hey, I was only repeating what your pal Adam said. You told me he advised you against it, right?"
"…But Adam never told me Ross cheated after we broke up," Rachel snapped. "You snarky jerk—you totally pissed me off!"
Back then, she'd been rushing to London on that plane, sitting next to House, her heart a mess and desperate to vent. She'd tried chatting with him, hoping for some support.
But House? He rudely popped on his headphones right away, signaling he wasn't interested. Then, when she started talking to someone across the aisle instead, he yanked them off, cut her off mid-sentence, and said, "You're a really terrible, terrible person."
When she snapped back, "You're wrong," he shoved his fist in his mouth and mocked her with an exaggerated, "Oh, nooo~"
Then he'd topped it off with, "By the way, it's pretty obvious you two were already broken up."
Ross sleeping with someone else the night they fought and "broke up" was her biggest sore spot—and her forever ammo against him. So House's snark? It'd infuriated her so much that even four years later, she could still vividly recall this jerk.
"Oh, you sure Adam didn't say that?" House slyly steered the convo back to Adam.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Rachel's curiosity was instantly piqued.
And just like that, House unleashed his mind-reading superpowers, playing Rachel's emotions like a fiddle, digging for dirt on Adam.
The others watching? They were floored—half-impressed, half-freaked out.
Chase shot a sympathetic glance at Foreman, like, "Dude, be glad House hasn't gone full throttle on you yet."
Foreman's mouth twitched. He totally got the look—and deep down, he had to admit, watching this from the sidelines was kinda chilling.
The chat dragged on for a while.
Finally, House hung up with a sly smile, then—under everyone's stunned stares—dialed Ross. "Hey, Ross! I'm a friend of Rachel's. Back then, I totally had your back. You owe me one…"
(End of Chapter)