...
{3rd Pov}
Emilia and Rem stood there in utter silence, completely speechless at the bizarre sight in front of them.
Subaru was down on all fours on the floor, supporting himself like some sort of human jungle gym, while Sylphy sat proudly on his back as if riding a miniature mount.
The spirit girl's expression was one of pure satisfaction, while Subaru desperately tried to adjust his balance every time she shifted her weight.
It was a scene strange enough to baffle even the most open-minded person, let alone people who had seen Subaru do many absurd things already.
Even Reina and the other spirits froze mid-movement, caught between disbelief and second-hand embarrassment as they tried to process what they were witnessing.
"This… Ram, what exactly is happening right now?" Emilia finally managed to ask, her voice trembling with confusion as she tore her eyes away from the spectacle.
Ram, who had clearly seen far worse during her months under Zero's command, simply released a long and weary sigh before answering in the most unbothered tone imaginable.
"Lord Zero has entered his father phase," she declared flatly, as if such a phenomenon was a normal, documented, and perfectly rational thing that could happen to a grown man.
Emilia blinked twice, Rem covered her mouth, and Subaru let out a muffled "Sylphy, not so hard—Papa isn't a horse!" while Sylphy happily bounced on his back, completely oblivious to the chaos she had caused.
"You say… father phase?" Rem stared at her sister with genuine confusion, unable to comprehend what she had just heard.
Ram nodded with total seriousness—as if this was common knowledge—and elaborated, "Lady Sylphy has awakened as a Great Spirit, and as you can clearly see, she immediately assigned herself the role of Lord Zero's daughter. Before I realized what was happening, Lord Zero began acting like this."
Rem blinked a few times as she tried to piece it together.
"Wait—wasn't Sylphy supposed to be a human?"
Emilia, who had been silently observing with equally troubled eyes, corrected her gently, "I think Ram means the wind spirit contracted to Zero… that Sylphy."
"Oh." Rem nodded with delayed realization, finally connecting the dots.
One must know things are bad when Emilia is the one to correct you.
Ram watched Rem with a twitching eyebrow.
To her, such a deduction should have taken less than a second. Instead, she watched her sister struggle through it like a puzzle.
'Perhaps my little sister should slow down so that her so-called 'wisdom' can finally catch up to her,' Ram thought to herself, nodding as if confirming a great truth.
And since it was a theory involving the Great Sage, clearly it had unimaginable weight behind it.
Emilia looked away from Rem and back at Subaru, whose hands and knees were spread firmly on the ground as he tried to keep his posture steady while Sylphy rode on top of him like a child riding a Dragon Carriage.
"I-I still don't really understand… why is Subaru acting like a ground dragon?"
At that moment, Puck appeared from Emilia's gemstone, flicking his tail casually.
"That's because he's playing with her," Puck stated without hesitation—his tone implying that such a ridiculous explanation made complete sense.
Subaru, meanwhile, let out a grunt as Sylphy leaned forward.
"Papa is strong—Sylphy's Papa is strongest!" she declared proudly, tightening her hold on him as if commanding him to march into battle.
Emilia could only stare, Rem tilted her head, and Ram simply sighed as if none of this deserved emotional reaction anymore.
"Oh!!" Emilia's amethyst eyes widened as if she had just discovered a secret of the universe.
"They're playing! It looks like some weird game, but it actually seems pretty fun! I wonder if I can join them and play hide-and-seek!" she said with a bright smile that was entirely too innocent for the situation.
Rem and Ram both turned their heads at the same time, staring directly at Emilia.
She remained blissfully unaware of the silent judgment she was receiving from both sides.
Rem then slowly shifted her gaze toward her sister with an expression that practically shouted, 'Nee-sama, why is Lady Emilia acting like a child?'
Ram responded with a dramatic eye-roll and a deadpan look that conveyed her answer without a single word: 'It's obvious, sissy. Lady Emilia has entered her child phase again.'
Rem nodded as if enlightened by ancient wisdom and accepted that explanation without question.
Meanwhile, at the other end of the room, Gloria and Beatrice were glaring daggers so sharp they could cut mana itself.
Their target: Sylphy, who sat comfortably on Subaru's back as if she owned the entire world, while he willingly played the role of her personal ground dragon.
Both spirits radiated pure displeasure, neither one appreciating the fact that Sylphy was monopolizing their contractor's attention.
Beatrice crossed her arms and puffed her cheeks while Gloria clicked her tongue and narrowed her golden eyes, already plotting a counter-attack in the battlefield known as affection rivalry.
"Even this concubine must admit that the world has chosen to challenge me directly," Gloria declared with exaggerated frustration.
Her golden eyes narrowed as she added, "But seriously, why didn't Father play with me like that? Why does the small one get the spoiled treatment?!"
Beatrice shot her a dry and unimpressed glance, eyes drifting to Gloria's chest, which was disproportionately developed for someone who insisted on acting like a maiden at the ripe mental age of one.
"Perhaps you should consider your size, I suppose," Beatrice said with cutting bluntness.
"There is no universe where Father mistakes a woman like you for a helpless little girl."
Gaea bobbed up and down in agreement, her mana form wobbling like gelatin.
"Indeed. Father would never treat a dirty-minded woman like a child. That would make no sense whatsoever."
"Umu! Incestuous daughters are spanked as punishment, not sung lullabies or given piggyback rides!" Agni chimed in, equally indignant, her tiny energetic form bouncing around like a sparkler.
Gloria's eyebrow twitched so sharply it was a miracle she didn't crack her skull.
She looked at the trio of spirits who, without even having mouths, managed to make loud, judgmental evaluations that pierced straight into her pride as if they were seasoned critics reviewing a stage tragedy.
Their synchronized commentary made it painfully clear how her so-called "mongrel sisters" viewed her: a perverted older daughter who did not qualify for the father-daughter privilege system that Sylphy was currently enjoying at full power.
"Though, the one most devastated appears to be Father's waifu," Aqua noted, her bluish spirit form turning toward Reina, who was seated sulking in the corner of the mansion.
The sword saint looked like a noble warrior who had just been defeated in a duel of pride rather than blades—face gloomy, shoulders drooping, aura of depression rolling off her like mist.
"I still cannot believe Sylphy defeated the Sword Saint," Gaea muttered in disbelief.
To her, this was practically a natural disaster written in history books: Sylphy, the Great Spirit of Wind—victor in the battle for Father's attention.
Reina did not argue.
She stared into the distance as if questioning her entire existence and her worth as a woman, a wife, and a supreme breadwinner of violence.
"She is being just a bit overdramatic, I suppose," Beatrice commented flatly, utterly unconvinced that Reina's depression was anything more than theatrical exaggeration.
"I agree with the mongrel on this matter," Gloria said, flicking her hair as if passing judgement from a throne.
"She is most likely acting in that pitiful manner so Father will shower her with more attention. A classic strategy of seduction and manipulation."
The four true spirits nodded as if Gloria had just delivered a thesis on romantic warfare.
Meanwhile Rem, Ram, and Emilia, who had been quietly listening to the spirits gossiping, all visibly shuddered.
None of them had ever imagined that Reina — the undefeated Sword Saint, the woman who casually bisected armies — could also be this manipulative when it came to emotional tactics.
The idea of her using depression as a weapon felt both terrifying and enlightening.
Reina, on the other hand, heard every word loud and clear.
Her eye twitched as she stared across the garden where Subaru was currently laughing and hugging Sylphy, rubbing his cheeks against hers like a doting parent who had just discovered fatherhood for the first time.
The sight was enough to make her grind her teeth.
Unbelievable.
Her entire act dismantled in less than five minutes.
She clicked her tongue in annoyance, inwardly cursing the heavens.
'How is that possible?' She genuinely wondered.
'Did Od Laguna replace my Divine Protection of Actor with some defective knock-off?! How can a technique that has fooled monarchs and demons for centuries fail me now?!'
She glared as Sylphy sat proudly on Subaru's back like she had conquered the kingdom.
In the end, Reina could do nothing but sit there, arms crossed, forced to watch the man she loved shower all his affection on a bratty Great Spirit who had only evolved five minutes ago.
And so the Sword Saint — breaker of nations, killer of beasts, the strongest human in existence — tasted her first true loss.
Not in combat.
But in father-daughter bonding.
...
"Say aaaah," Subaru said, lifting a spoonful of cake toward Sylphy's mouth.
"Aaaaah," Sylphy obediently opened her mouth wide, allowing him to feed her before chewing happily.
Subaru immediately followed up by patting her head with exaggerated approval.
"Good girl," he praised, his voice practically dripping with fatherly pride.
"Sylphy, what else do you want to eat?"
Sylphy tilted her head and declared without a shred of hesitation, "Sylphy likes whatever Papa feeds her."
In that instant, Subaru's heart took a direct hit from the unbearable level of cuteness radiating off the small spirit.
His lips twitched as he desperately tried to restrain himself from screaming 'Kawaiiiii!' like some deranged otaku.
Meanwhile, Beatrice sat across from them, staring down at the pastry in front of her as if it were suddenly the most tasteless food in the world.
Her eyes were narrowed, and her entire posture radiated insult and betrayal.
For the first time in four hundred years, someone had successfully stolen her rightful seat on Subaru's lap — and that someone wasn't even a hundredth of her age.
A newborn Great Spirit, at that.
Never in her life had Beatrice felt so thoroughly humiliated.
(A/N: Stop exaggerating Beako you barely know him for a year 😭)
Meanwhile, the waitress standing nearby stared back and forth between Subaru and Sylphy, then shifted her gaze to Beatrice, utterly failing to comprehend whatever strange household dynamic was unfolding before her eyes.
To be fair, this wasn't just any pastry shop; it was owned by Subaru himself, which explained why he always received a personal waitress and absurdly attentive service the moment he walked in.
It was practically protocol at this point.
The waitress, however, was familiar with Subaru's usual routine.
He almost never visited this shop without Beatrice, and every time he did, he would seat her across or on his lap, feed her pastries bite by bite, and casually refer to her as his 'imouto' with a straight face.
And while everyone knew Beatrice was Subaru's contracted Great Spirit of Yin and not his actual blood-related sister, the closeness between them was something the entire shop staff found pretty wholesome.
But today the scene was completely different.
Instead of Beatrice occupying the sacred lap position, there was a small silver-haired spirit girl clinging to Subaru, calling him "Papa," eating pastries out of his hand, and receiving head pats like it was the most natural thing in the world.
The waitress' expression gradually fell as she glanced toward Beatrice, who sat stiffly with a look of silent devastation plastered across her face.
The girl hadn't even touched her pastry.
Her tiny fork hadn't moved an inch.
The waitress had seen customers heartbroken over pastries before — but never because of pastries.
Only the waitress truly understood how serious the situation had become, because whenever Beatrice visited the shop with Subaru she would demolish at least ten plates of sweets without even slowing down.
The tiny spirit was a sugar-powered war machine.
But now that very same gluttonous sweet-devourer hadn't taken even a single bite of the pastry placed before her.
Not one crumb had been disturbed.
For Beatrice, that was equivalent to declaring national mourning.
The waitress' mind spiraled.
Why on earth was Lord Zero suddenly favoring this silver-haired girl over Beatrice?
And why was that girl casually calling him "Papa" as if that were the most natural title in the world?
The scene didn't make sense from any angle — not politically, not socially, and definitely not emotionally.
"Uh— Sir, would you require anything else?" she asked, stepping forward under the flimsy excuse of performing her job while, in truth, intending to get a grasp on what kind of cosmic melodrama she was witnessing.
Subaru finally turned, noticing Beatrice's untouched plate.
"Betty, you're not going to eat your pastry?" he asked, genuinely surprised, because in Subaru's internal rulebook the concept of 'Beatrice ignoring sweets' was listed under 'things that should never exist.'
Beatrice puffed her cheeks and turned away.
"Hmph! Betty refuses to eat such a soulless pastry, in fact!" she declared as if the pastry itself had insulted her lineage.
She tilted her head stubbornly, refusing eye contact, while Subaru let out a silent sigh.
'Man… can I really solve their problem? I love that they love me — honestly I'm grateful — but I also want them to learn how to function without treating me like the center of their universe every second,' he mused internally, realizing the situation was more delicate than any political meeting he'd ever attended.
Subaru wanted his relationships to be healthy — at least as healthy as they could be when spirits, sword saints, and assorted tsunderes were involved.
He didn't want the people he cared about to immediately plunge into emotional devastation or existential despair the moment he wasn't within hugging distance.
He simply didn't have that kind of time or stamina.
His days were packed from sunrise to midnight with paperwork, meetings, inventions, territory management, political maneuvering, training, and spending time with everyone who demanded attention.
It wasn't that he disliked it.
In fact, he loved each of them and was happy to spoil them to a reasonable degree.
But he didn't want anyone to feel like they were being pushed aside or loved less simply because another person was sitting on his lap or stealing a pastry.
If he let jealousy grow unchecked, the internal chaos would evolve into a full-on spiritual civil war — and considering his household, such a war was not metaphorical.
It could get very literal, very fast.
Up to this point though, Subaru realized he was leagues away from solving the "possessive daughter / jealous little sister / obsessive concubine / clingy sword saint / needy spirits/yandere witch" problem.
For some reason the universe seemed determined to make him weak to adorable affection and earnest devotion.
A single pout was enough to lower his emotional defense walls like a city surrendering to a siege.
'Who let me become this weak to the people I love?' Subaru sighed internally as he spread his thighs slightly and rearranged Sylphy's position, gently shifting the spirit girl to the opposite side of his lap.
Once she settled comfortably against him with her small hands clutching her teddy bear, he turned to Beatrice.
"C'mon, my imouto. My other half of the lap is yours," he said with a warm smile that struck directly into Beatrice's pride and loneliness like a well-aimed arrow.
She froze mid-pout.
For a split second she wrestled with the urge to maintain her indignation and insist she didn't care. But the sight of Subaru's offered lap shattered her resistance, and she melted in record time, plopping into the empty space like she had been waiting for it all along.
"Miss, get us the best pastries you have," Subaru called cheerfully, lightly patting both girls' heads in turn.
The waitress stared for a moment, then smiled — the kind that melted hearts — and nodded to herself in approval.
To her eyes, Subaru didn't look like a fearsome hero, a corporate mastermind, or a political titan.
He looked like a perfect, doting father figure managing two children who adored him more than anything.
She did not — and could not — comprehend how much more chaotic things would become when the remaining spirits inevitably climbed the ladder to Great Spirit qualification.
Blissfully unaware of that impending storm, she bowed politely and hurried off to fetch the pastries.
Thus, service continued for Lord Zero and his complicated, adorable, and very competitive family.
To be continued...
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