"Holy sh**!!!!!!"
Nicklaus was now poring, thumbing, and flicking through Nursing home lady's sensitive material, that she had willingly provided and offered up for his perusal…
That was the Nursing home agreement that included the Santa Claus clause of course! - all whilst the Audience stressed their refusal!
-at anything to do with aspersions that Nicklaus and Nursing home lady might be a thing… even though the fact that their 'names both started with "N"' meant that this ship had a bit of a ring…
To it 🫢✨.
"Don't do it!"
"Absolutely not…" In the Audience, one esteemed reader cried foul.
"A-And yet… w-why do they have chemistry somehow!?!?!"
This indeed was yet another one of the great mysteries of life, perhaps up there with how a seemingly terrible man might have a beautiful wife, but even as Nicklaus was leafing through the contract, with nursing home lady looking on, we might do well to also take a leaf from Gertrude's book, and also continue on… 🫢✨
After some searches and some more in-depth researches, the truth now, finally, emerges…
Mor Mun Ni Co. Pty, Ltd.
They were behind this Santa Claus beard harvesting villainy…!!!
It turned out that the authentic shorn beards were being sold for astronomical sums
Whilst the nursing home residents were still living like bums…
"Wait… *That's* the problem we're seeing here?!?!" Pep-Z Guy, the uncrowned king of saying true but unpopular things, once again chimed in and made his stance clear…
Was this really Nicklaus' greatest fear?
Was the punch in the gut, the rut in a hut -
["Rut in a hut is not a thing!!!" Pep-Z Guy yelled, but with retorts of "Shut up!!!" and "It is now, Pep-Z Guy!!!" "Get down!!!" "Sit down mate!!!" his outburst was soon forcefully quelled]
-The fact that the pensioners didn't get their cut?!?!
Well, this was part of it. But it wasn't only about the money, as we would soon see.
The Santa Claus Clause - and indeed, it turned out, the Nursing Home agreement in general - was worded in a manner that was extremely predatory.
*Excerpt of Section 6-7 S.C.C. The Santa Claus Clause for the esteemed readers' reference* [tucked away and embedded at the bottom of page 69, written in extremely fine print]
N.B. Please note. If you wish to opt-out, be sure to fill in the form in Appendix C, along with a signature from the relevant authority…
That is in charge of the Activities that your Nursing Home offers… if you do not wish to receive the money in your coffers…
*And on it went…*
*End of excerpt to minimize outrage, boredom, and to spare Author having to write any more of it and saving the esteemed readers the trouble of skimming it* 🙄🫢⏩✨
As Nicklaus read, he felt a feeling of dread.
There was no way that the residents would be able to comprehend - the amount of legal jargon from beginning to end…
On the surface it all seemed right and fair, they were compensating residents after all, for just some measly beard hair…
But the lack of transparency raised ethical concern, as Nicklaus - who had Awoken - soon came to learn!
Then again. Rights and respect. It was a noble ideal. But in reality, if they could, why would people not steal?!
Strangely enough, Nicklaus understood why this had occurred. Why so many people had unquestioningly concurred
To what was essentially taking advantage of those who couldn't fight back
-Due to their lack!
In the name of profit and self-interest and self-professed 'need', fueled by rationalization, desire, and plain old human greed…
Even so! Just because things were the way they were now, didn't mean that this was the way that they should be.
Nicklaus began to find himself increasingly heated
Even as he began to imagine himself seated…
On his special reindeer-powered sleigh, and making a stand,
Soaring across the skies and across the land
Until he paid a personal visit to these people in charge…
And put a stop to these corporate villains at large!!!
___
But he couldn't be reckless. Well…
At this, he surveys his nursing home room, which is currently in disarray, his dinner tray and cup flown away, and even catching sight of himself in a mirrored reflection clad in his authentic Santa Claus costume, not to mention recollecting his earlier actions and interactions with nursing home lady… 👀✨
Well not *too* reckless at least…
[At this, Pun Enjoyer *whispers audibly to a fellow Audience member* "or is that reck…laus" 🫢✨]
[*Pun Enjoyer has been pun-ted from the Audience theatre…*]
Nicklaus luckily missed the terrible wordplay, and continued on with what he had to say.
"Hmm… Indeed." He would need to first prepare. Before he took himself and his sleigh, up to the air…
He pulled out a sack, and then fished out an old scroll - which looked like some kind of list with various names written on it - and tossed it, since it was the modern age, after all.
Luckily, he had a laptop with Externét access.
He slowly typed, using one finger only - since he wasn't used to it but eventually he got it done - into the AI-assisted search engine.
"Mor Mun Ni, P-t-y L-t-d…" "Per-son re-spon-si-ble for the San-ta Claus Clause…"
"…"
Oh. Let's see… Mor Mun Ni…?!
A cheesy picture of some business guy in a suit grinning facetiously at the camera against a 'professional', contrived-casual background appeared on some site called Linkédout.
Nicklaus clicked in.
Well that was rather easy to find out…
He thought as he then leaned in.
So the company was named after himself huh… How neat.
Nicklaus stroked his premium authentic [and don't forget 100% original] beard right on beat.
Very soon… this 'Mor Mun Ni' would be getting a treat…