If somebody asks me what would be the thing I would keep in my utmost memory, it would be those days I spent in Paris with Neymar.
"Luka, you're looking good."
I got an electric shock all of a sudden when I heard it. It made me uncomfortable each time if someone says something good to me. It is not praise, maybe it has no specific name. But I hate the feeling.
I turned around and faced Neymar standing some meters away from me. He was spreading his eyes, I captured his amaze right between my heart. The words only make me uncomfortable. I showed the true feedback. "It is not like that. I usually look like this. Stop praising much." "I was not praising. I was giving my feedback. Actually, I think black suits you, Modric. Not gonna lie." Neymar was vivacious while saying all those. He was trying to approach me by admiring my look. Although it is God gifted. But I did not bother turning away. He closed the distance between us, leaned on a little bit, and brought his face beside my ear. I moved my face a little bit aside. I had clenched my eyebrows. What was he doing?
I could not ignore the narrowed eyes on his face. I could not ignore the trifle movement just after he entered into the room. Every time, I wondered what his purpose was. He looks different each time, what made everything difficult at once. And I found him thinking about something. I never wanted to ask. But after that, he looks so pale. It seems like he has struggled so much.
I never mentioned those things to him. I wondered how things would turn if he listened to one of my unspoken questions. But several empathy back then had been shown down to his sake. Whenever he thought it as mercy, the weight of the measurement rose up straight way. Maybe I can say I never wished him to face those highness. And I chose to put those in the list I am never going to ask.
"Sometimes you should see yourself through someone else's eyes. To look at the difference, I appreciate the truth in another way." He hushly told me. Every word of him makes me feel more uncomfortable. I could not take it. I looked at him, and he did the same. After he moved back I saw it in the mirror where he was pointing out.
"See?" I know what he was trying to tell me. It was only a reflection of me in the mirror. I was looking at him, and only him. I was turned into vagueness in his eyes when I settled mine.
Speaking all the words through the sight. Turned into a door to his soul. I knew it back then how it captured thousands of emotions. How it gathered pain and hopes. I could not move my stare aside to ignore dimmest twilight. It wasn't reflecting me. It was showing the depths of his inner being.
"You're right. Everybody should see themselves through another's." But I turned the situation. Still had not turned the glare. He moved back. And turned his sight first. I know every answer of each of his every useless movements. He did not get what I meant to say. "You should, too." But that time, I did not hide the thing. I told him to see the reaction. I could proudly say I got more than I expected. As he was shocked and wondered. I suddenly realised the difference he told me about was the thing he should see first. I was a bit heartbroken too, realising- it is normal for a single person to not hear those things. But with someone, if you feel lower than your actual position, the relationship would never bring peace. I studied his face and got clear. "Hey. Don't you think we are late for dinner?" I changed the topic. I had no right to ask anything about his beloved one. I was only trying what was left with him. Some temporary happiness would work with us perfectly. "Oh yeah. Let's go. I've parked the car. First, let me take the keys." I nodded as he was leaving from the room. We were going out for having a dinner together. But suddenly, he paused after opening the door.
"You are actually looking beautiful." Before my turning, he left. I opened my mouth to speak but did not find anyone to hear. Alright, I appreciated.