They both decided to stay and sleep at the clinic. There were several rooms that could be used to live in and had brick beds, so they wouldn't feel cold. But they decided to use only one. Since the letter, Liu Sheng didn't leave Jingting's side. Sometimes he even grabbed the hem of his sleeve and walked around like that.
But once they were in the room, Liu Sheng was the one who bent over the bed and started the fire. He was the one who poured himself and Jingting the tea that was prepared on the table. He checked the bed and the bedding if it was enough. Yet, he did it without a single word.
And that made Jingting's heart hurt. He felt worse and worse.
"When are you leaving?" he asked, trying to ease the silence he couldn't take anymore. Liu Sheng just raised his gaze from the fire he was looking into and shook his head.
What did it mean?! Jingting was confused at the headshake. Did it mean he wasn't going? Or that he didn't know when? What did it mean? He rubbed his face and felt lost. He hated the feeling of helplessness. Usually, he would do anything, but now, the only thing he could do was to keep Liu Sheng company.
"Do you need another hug?" he asked, really confused. Liu Sheng looked at him. Stood up, and hugged him once again. Now he was standing, and Jingting awkwardly tried to get up so the position would be more comfortable, but when he tried that, Liu Sheng let go and went back to his fire.
"Can you please talk to me?" Jingting laughed, but it was the weird laughter people would do when completely helpless. It carried a hint of sadness. Yet… Liu Sheng said nothing. And Jingting was almost ready to cry. It was breaking him to see his strong general like this.
So he decided to ignore it. Running was now his safest choice because if he said something bad… it could end up worse. So once they finished the food, the servants brought it, of course, in silence. Jingting just took down his outer robe and placed it on the rack close to the bed so it would be warm in the morning. And lay on the bed. He was lying on his side with his back to the room, because he really didn't know how to face Liu Sheng.
He was almost asleep when he could feel the colder air as the quilt rose and Liu Sheng slipped in. Jingting tried to calm down and pretended to be asleep. He even closed his eyes.
Liu Sheng was lying on his back at first, but staring at the dark ceiling didn't help his head. His thoughts were too scattered, too random, too confusing. He needed the anchor that Jingting was the entire day, so he turned around and spooned Jingting from the back. He copied Jingting's body with his, sharing the warmth and comfort he needed. And once again he buried his head into the neck of his.
"I don't want to go. I will miss you too much. But it's my father," he said his thoughts aloud. Or more like whispered. It was his bad habit, blurting out what he thought when nobody was listening. It was like talking to himself more than anything.
"I don't want to go…" he whispered once again, but now his voice almost broke. Why did he have to choose between his family and his soulmate?
That's what Jingting felt like. His soulmate… there was something about the two of them, their mutual understanding, their… feelings. That made Liu Sheng fear leaving. And he knew he couldn't take Jingting with him. For a while, maybe...
But when he saw the Bright Pavilion today, he knew how important Jingting was. Not only for Liu Sheng but for people. When he saw him burning, sewing, cleaning, and patching the little girl today, he wanted to cry. Why did they have to fight? She was definitely stabbed by the northerner's sword because of the curve and look of the wound. He saw too many like that.
But who would do it? What monster would injure a five-year-old who couldn't protect herself? Was that the reason he was fighting? Or was it just because some high-standing official wanted power? Because the emperor needed more land?
Lost in his thoughts and doubts, Liu Sheng almost missed when Jingting took his hand and in sleep, clasped it between his own hands. The warm feeling filled the hollow heart he had just a few moments before. And thankfully, because of that, he fell asleep too.
In the morning, they had breakfast together, they did not talk. But Jingting's plan was definite, since yesterday night he knew what he had to do.
Once they arrived back at the sanctuary, Jingting grabbed the first servant who went around and whispered something in his ear. Liu Sheng was still grabbing and holding onto his hem, so he had to be really careful.
"Don't you need to train?" he asked Liu Sheng, but more like he barked it at him. Jingting felt his heart breaking when he saw Liu Sheng's expression, but it had to be done. His eyes filled with tears, but he turned around and breathed out. He looked up, trying to blink away his tears and calm down. But it wasn't helping much. Not when he felt that the little weight he had on his sleeve disappeared.
"As you wish…" The three words almost made Jingting turn around and comfort the poor soldier. But again. It had to be done… It had to… Once he heard Liu Sheng walk away, he went to the closest empty room and squatted down, face in his hands. He sniffled, trying to hold together and not to be heard. When he was done, calmed down once again. Tears away from his eyes, he walked out. The servant was already standing there on the small square with all the things inside a bag.
"The armor is already by the horse in the stables. I told Xiaoqi to keep it saddled…" Jingting thanked him and grabbed the bag. He looked at the plum tree that was showing signs of blossoms. They were not blossoming yet, they were already there. With a deep breath, he went to find Liu Sheng.
"Sheng!" he called out when finding him. Once he knew he was paying attention, he threw him the bag with his clothes. At first, Liu Sheng's expression looked like he was confused.
"You are no longer my patient, you are healthy. You are not a student here, you are not a servant. You no longer belong here! Leave immediately. Your horse is ready." Now Liu Sheng looked like a lost puppy. Like on the verge of crying… Jingting couldn't take it, and so he turned around.
"Help General Liu to his horse, he is no longer welcomed," he said to the servants loud enough so Liu Sheng heard it. And then walked away. He walked into his room, falling onto the bed. At first, he wanted to cry, but then he decided tears were not needed. What was needed was his usual work pace and him saving patients. As he did before, General Liu Sheng.
As he did before all of this happened.