"Did you read that book Tiernan kept recommending?" I asked Llewellyn some time after Niamh hung up—also because I didn't want him to bring up fanfic until I had a chance to go through it and see what was out there. "The one on Geusgnosis?"
"No," Llewellyn said with a sigh. "I didn't exactly have the time."
Yeah, same here.
"I was thinking of doing a nap-reading session with it," I said, scratching my head. I'd put it off last time after all, and the term kept coming up at the most inconvenient times. "Would you like to join?"
Llewellyn perked up.
"Sounds like a plan," he said. "I have nothing better to do anyway."
Ah, that was great. I was more in the mood for it now that I knew he was tagging along too.
***
About half an hour later we teleported to my Core Partition with Lumos and Penguin in tow, and settled on the bed with the book on the nightstand.
I pulled Llewellyn into a kiss and we made out for a bit.
"We should equip concealment and go to an Elemental Café sometime," I told Llewellyn. "So I can kick your ass."
Llewellyn seemed amused. "You're very confident."
"Nobody beats me at Elemental games, I'll have you know."
Llewellyn grinned, kissing me again, before looking down. Penguin had snuck between us, cuddling both us and Lumos, and was currently curled up on top of the covers already snoring.
We both grinned.
"Only if you do another training session with me," Llewellyn said, looking up at me. "Possibly more."
I scoffed. That was a given.
"Geusgnosis first," I said. "We'll make plans later."
Llewellyn hummed and kissed me again before we had the presence of mind to pull back and get settled for our nap.
The lights dimmed as usual. As my eyes closed, I could see the garden lights outside the big window and the fireplace crackling merrily in the next room.
***
The System woke us up an hour later.
We stretched out lazily and teleported back to Llewellyn's place, still yawning.
Llewellyn beelined for the espresso machine while I scratched my head, trying to collect my thoughts.
According to the author, who'd come up with the concept, Geusgnosis was a sort of inherent perceptual faculty all living beings have.
The term (from the Greek γεῦσις—geusis—which meant "taste", and γνῶσις—gnosis—meaning "recognition") basically implied that, just like we all have the faculty of taste to be able to perceive flavor, enjoy foods and figure out the ones we like or don't, we similarly have the faculty of Geusgnosisto be able to perceive the zest, richness, and intensity of life—what we'd like more of and what we'd like less of.
That was basically the whole point.
The book went on and on with a lot of technical and boring stuff—neurological and biological basis of Geusgnosis, scientific proof, cognitive explanations, parallels between Geusgnosis and interoception (even though it said it was something different)…
None of that was of any interest to me. Still, the idea of Geusgnosis as a perceptual faculty that shaped our immediate sense of aliveness was very interesting and made me wonder how it connected to Magic at all.
The reason the book had become so famous and its concepts had ended up embedded in our popular culture, even among people who'd never read it at all, was likely the last part—basically a glorified essay about what it means to live well in apocalyptic times, where a Knot can burst out any moment, taking everything from you. The author's thesis was that, when we can't rely on fixed external circumstances anymore and can't tell what's going to come next, Geusgnosis is the only reliable compass we have to learn to readjust constantly and still have a good quality of life.
It felt like my Intuitive Drift, somewhat, but only for the good stuff.
Llewellyn mumbled something, still half asleep.
"What?"
"Nothing," he said with a yawn, turning the espresso machine on. "I was just thinking that my Geusgnosis worked just fine even without reading the book."
"Does it though?" I asked, just to tease him.
Llewellyn raised his eyebrows, amused. "I'm with you, am I not?"
"…"
Uh. Damn. That had been smooth.
My chest did something weird.
Should I kiss him again?
Besides, when he put it that way, I supposed I'd also lived my life trying to readjust toward things that gave me energy instead of exhaust me, even if it was just Elemental Cafés, visiting Gran, or following Llewellyn's heroics online.
I mean, my life had mostly sucked, but… I had things I liked.
People now, too.
The book's other main argument was about the difference between Geusgnosis and chasing things because you think you should (which the book called "mental calculation").
It basically said that, just like tasting a dish we hate won't improve our experience even though we can mentally talk ourselves into thinking we like it because everyone says it's good, using Geusgnosis the same way was a way of warping and misusing it. It's not possible to override your taste faculty with your mind—and that's actually a cruel thing to do to yourself.
The author's point seemed to be that Geusgnosis used properly brought good to the person without harming anyone else because it has an intrinsic heart impulse—a genuine movement toward the liked and loved. Whereas any warping of Geusgnosis through mental calculation rarely did that, because it often removed, bypassed, or ignored the heart impulse.
I had nothing to say to that, to be honest. Though I did wonder how that tied into the System and Magic in general. For example, hadn't the System said that a thriving bond boosts Geusgnosis? Why? What was the point?
"I guess we can ask Tiernan what he thinks about it the next time we see him," I said, scratching my head.
Llewellyn eyed me. A second later, he put his mug down and crowded me against the kitchen counter.
Huh.
"I also don't need an academic text or Tiernan's commentary to know what my Geusgnosis would very much like right now," he said, hovering close.
"…"
Damn. Looked like he was even more single-minded than me.
Well, I definitely wasn't complaining.
I pulled him into a rough kiss.
***
I left a few hours later, after a call with Emma during which we agreed to meet her soon to discuss how to best organize my account and what to formally request from the agency.
To be honest, though, after reading that book, my mind was on something else.
Gran and I had never resumed our Dungeons and Realms sessions after she'd moved and, while she was probably enjoying her new home with cinema, library, Elemental Café and whatnot, I did miss playing with her.
Still, what if I promised I would go every week and then I couldn't because I was pulled into a Knot? Wouldn't that worry her more? Maybe we could just agree to a game day a month and set up more spontaneous ones here and there.
The other thing I still hadn't thought of was a present for Llewellyn. It probably wouldn't work as a Valentine's Day gift anymore, but… I really wanted to give him something.
Ah, damn.
I'd just got home for a bit to do some laundry and make sure all my bills had been paid, when my Intuitive Drift activated out of nowhere.
Then the System chimed in as well.
[EMERGENCY ALERT! USER RYO IS ADVISED TO COLLECT IMPORTANT ITEMS AND OBJECTS DEAR TO HIM IN THE NEXT 90 SECONDS!]
[EMERGENCY ALERT! USER RYO IS ADVISED TO COLLECT IMPORTANT ITEMS AND OBJECTS DEAR TO HIM IN THE NEXT 90 SECONDS!]
[EMERGENCY ALERT! USER RYO IS ADVISED TO COLLECT IMPORTANT ITEMS AND OBJECTS DEAR TO HIM IN THE NEXT 90 SECONDS!]
What the—
[RELOCATION IN 87… 86… 85… 84…]
"What the HELL?!!!" I asked out loud.
Intuitive Drift was already pulling me to grab Penguin, then my laptop, phone, documents, Llewellyn's figurines, some old items that had belonged to my parents and Gran, some random stuff I cared about, and to chuck them all in my Inventory.
[…10… 9… 8…]
Fuck, fuck. I was putting my shoes and coat on, sliding Penguin into my pocket.
[…3… 2… 1…]
The room around me vanished.
The System had suddenly teleported me outside my flat, across the street and some distance down, far away but not enough that I didn't have a clear view of the building.
What the…
Before I could say anything, my flat exploded.