In that moment of high drama, I didn't notice the door to the kitchen was slightly ajar. Stunned by what they had overheard, my mother and Nikki burst into the room, their faces beaming with a terrifying level of joy.
"W-wait! How long have you been there?" I choked out, scrambling to stand up.
"Oh, my son! You have no idea how happy you've made me!" my mother cried, ignoring my question entirely.
She pulled me into a rib-crushing hug, weeping with a joy so intense you'd think she'd just won the grand sweepstakes. Marriage didn't mean much to me, but to my mother—who had nagged me about "settling down" every single holiday—it was a miracle. I had been a NEET for so long that she clearly feared I'd end up as a permanent fixture in my bedroom.
"My God, Blessed Virgin of Mercy! Finally, my prayers have been answered! My eldest is finally getting married!"
"See, Mama? That's the girl from the mall I told you about—the one Kuya didn't want to take responsibility for," Nikki chimed in, crossing her arms with a "told-you-so" smirk.
Lea sat there like a stone statue, simply nodding at every rapid-fire question my mother threw at her. She looked dazed, her eyes darting around the room as if looking for a vent to crawl into. This was what she wanted from the start, so why did she look like she'd just been handed a death sentence?
My over-the-top mother rushed over to Lea and practically lifted her off the chair in an embrace. Based on her tone, she had already added Lea to the family group chat. Wait, shouldn't she be vetting her first? Does she really trust my judgment that much, or is she just that desperate to get me out of the house?
Just then, the front gate clicked, and Romeo returned, balancing two pizza boxes and a large bottle of soda. He greeted Mom, looking confused by the tearful, celebratory scene in the living room. My mother, unable to contain herself, blurted out the news before he could even set the food down.
I'm dead. What have I done? I thought, my stomach churning.
"Huh? So... you two really are in a relationship?" Romeo asked, setting the pizzas on the coffee table.
I saw the shock on his face and braced myself. I expected the worst—I was ready to take a punch to the jaw. Who wouldn't be furious to find out that the woman they were courting was suddenly marrying their "useless" older brother?
"R-Romeo... I know this is a shock, but as you heard... there's something deep between Lea and me. We've been hiding it," I said solemnly, trying to sound like a man in love rather than a man on death row. "Please, just try to accept it."
Romeo walked toward me in total silence. I closed my eyes and braced for the impact, but instead of a fist, I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me. He pulled me into a hug, just like Mom did.
"I'm so happy for you, Kuya! You've finally changed. You're taking life seriously," he said, his voice full of genuine relief. "I'll support you no matter what happens."
"Huh?" I was floored. My brain felt like it was short-circuiting.
I didn't expect this. It was as if he didn't even care that I'd seemingly double-crossed him. I couldn't figure out who was more confused by the situation anymore—me, Lea, or the rest of the world.
"Nikki, go tell Aling Ruby to prepare a roast pig for Sunday! I'm going to call the aunts, the uncles, and all my friends—we're having a grand celebration!" Mom commanded, already pulling her phone out.
"W-wait, Mama, you don't have to do all that! It's just an engagement!" I tried to protest, but I was shouting into a hurricane.
They were already in motion. My mother is relentless when she has a project; there was no stopping the broadcast to the entire clan. She was practically planning a barangay festival, thrilled that her "problem child" was finally moving out of her hair. She hurried out of the room, her voice already echoing in the hallway as she started the first of a hundred phone calls.
"You really surprised me, Lea. You and Kuya keeping a secret like that... wow. You're a good actress," Romeo said, turning to her with a smile.
"Ah... eh... hahaha, yeah. Surprised, right? He-he-he," Lea stammered, her voice reaching a pitch only dogs could hear.
Even Lea couldn't find her usual witty retorts. Her fake smile looked like it was held up by invisible wires, masking utter panic. I don't think she expected my family to be this "extra" about the news. So, "fujoshi," did you think your little prank would be a small thing? I thought. I knew she hadn't thought that far ahead; she just wanted to watch me squirm.
"Well, in that case, Lea, you don't have to pay for our tutorial classes anymore. I'll even give you extra lessons for free—consider it my first wedding gift to my new sister-in-law," Romeo offered kindly.
"Tutorial classes? W-wait... pay?" I blinked, the gears finally starting to turn in my head.
Before Romeo could explain the financial arrangement, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He answered it, his face lighting up as he spoke to a woman on the other end.
"Hold on, I have to go outside, Kuya. My girlfriend just arrived; she's waiting at the corner. I'm going to go pick her up so she can meet everyone," Romeo said, heading for the door with a spring in his step.
"GIRLFRIEND?!" both Lea and I shouted at the same time.
I stood there, frozen like a block of ice, as the sheer, terrifying absurdity of the situation dawned on me. A massive alarm went off in my gut. I looked over at Lea; she was trembling so hard she knocked over her glass, spilling water all over the study notes on the table.
She frantically began wiping it up with her handkerchief, her movements jerky and completely out of it. She looked more shocked than anyone in the room. Seeing her panic—even accidentally wiping her forehead with the same wet handkerchief she'd used on the table—it became crystal clear: she hadn't planned for any of this.
She had made up the lie about Romeo courting her just to tease and annoy me. She had used my protective "big brother" instincts against me, and I had fallen for it hook, line, and sinker. The situation had spiraled into a full-blown wedding announcement simply because she was a troll and my family was incredibly over-the-top.
I felt like tearing my hair out. I looked down, trying to process the catastrophic mess I had made. I was now engaged to a girl I barely liked, all to "save" a brother who was already happily taken. This couldn't be happening—but was it too late to stop the gears of my mother's "roast pig" plans?
I slammed my hand on the table one last time, making Lea flinch and avoid my gaze.
"I'm giving you exactly one minute to explain yourself before I lose it," I growled, my eyes downcast.
"Ah... eh... 'I do'?" she replied with a weak, terrified, and incredibly nervous smile..