In the silent of the dormitories, a student no older than seventeen sat motionless. His eyes were nearly closed, and the room was spinning all around him.
Ayanokouji looked toward the door. He stared at the handle for a long moment wondering if his legs would hold until the medical wing or if the floor would meet him before he reached there himself....
The handle began to blur.
For days, a fatigue had been settling into him.
The medical tests had returned with nothing, leaving the doctors in confusion. They found no toxins, no illness, and no physical cause for the failure of his body.
Yet, as the days passed, the fatigue grew. Now, sitting alone, Ayanokouji reached into his pocket and sent a urgent message to the medical team.
He forced himself to rise from the chair as he almost fell... He scanned every corner of the dorm.
He reached the basin and splashed water onto his face. There was barely any sensation. He struck himself, the sharp pain a desperate attempt to tether his consciousness to the present, but he knew the timer was reaching zero.
The control he once held over his environment was gone. There was a time when the world moved according to his design, but now he was moving according to a rhythm he could not see.
He was becoming a chess piece on someone else's board.
He looked up and saw his reflection in the mirror. He saw a man who had reached a limit. His eyes were dull, and sweat covered his face.
𓁹𓁹
I looked at my state in the mirror, watching as I was stripped of everything that made me... Me.
Right now, all I see is someone who is tired, meeting his end, but there isn't any logical explanation for this.
Reports didn't show anything absurd.
It just started as a little yawn and led to this. My skin was pale, and my grip on the edge of the basin was slipping.
I am certain that this is my end. I am sure of it...
It's almost as if I have instinctively understood that this is the end... Of my life in ANHS.
I went through countless medical terms for this situation to be explained, yet I could not find any.
Just this feeling of something massive awaiting me.
Suddenly, the wall besides me started to come closer to my vision.
I put my hand forward and stopped myself.
I had just staggered and almost collapsed onto the wall.
My breathing was ragged and I could barely stand.
When someone's end is coming, they probably try to run from it... I want to... Too. But it's like my body has already accepted it.
This is a weird experience.
I don't know how, but I have already accepted my fate.
My journey here began when the white room was shut down for a little while.
During the suspension of the White Room, I had been placed under Matsuo's care, away from the sterile hallways and the constant pressure of the instructors.
"Kiyotaka-kun... I know a place where you can be free for three years."
I still remember the day Butler Matsuo looked me in the eyes and spoke of a place where I could be free for three years.
I had searched his face for a trap, for a hidden calculation designed to measure my desire for escape, but I found only a quiet, heavy truth. For the first time, I chose to gamble on someone else's sincerity. I chose to run.
I admitted myself here a year ago to run from the White Room.
Here, I had freedom far more than the White Room ever gave. I learned how to eat something that's not meant for your benefit.
I experienced going inside a pool not for any objective or data collection, but just to find the meaning of who you are... just to have fun.
I went back to the chair and sat down, my hands moving towards a cup of coffee on their own.
They were trembling now, the fingers barely able to curl around the ceramic.
Everything was going well. I started to make friends, to see other people grow. Even if barely, I had peace. I had everything till I didn't.
One day, that man came to the school and demanded me to drop out.
The world began to black out as my eyes began to close. I rubbed them. I had almost fallen asleep.
Huff.
Let's continue.
It was just a few days before the winter holidays when that man found his way to me.
Even those who held the highest positions at this school had bowed before his authority. And I had simply stood there, silent, accepting what felt like an inevitable outcome.
So Matsuo had been wrong.
There was no place in this world where I could hide from him.
Even if I couldn't see them, I knew his guards were nearby. He never went anywhere without them.
Eventually, he and I began to talk. He pulled out a stack of documents. Withdrawal papers. If I signed them, I'd be agreeing to leave this school.
That was when it hit me. I still had control. As long as I didn't sign, he couldn't take me away.
When I refused, he began speaking about Eichiro... Matsuo's son. He told me the boy had been accepted into a prestigious university, just to get expelled afterwards.
That even after his father had betrayed that man to help me escape, Eichiro never said a single bad word about him.
He worked part-time jobs, endured quietly, and kept moving forward.
Then he said something else. He told me Matsuo had burned himself alive. That he had done it in a desperate attempt to earn forgiveness.
I didn't show a reaction, but inside, I froze. He kept going. He said that after Eichiro learned about his father's death, he committed suicide. Hung himself from the roof. Refused to live in a world without him.
My thoughts had begun to race, but my face remained the same. He was trying to trap me in guilt. But there was something I understood well.
A tongue can mimic truth, but evidence does not lie. Trust spoken without proof is trust offered to a shadow.
He had brought no proof. No death certificate. No photos. No reports. Nothing. Just words. He could've been lying.
And even if he wasn't... even if it was true that they both died... that only made my decision more certain.
If they gave their lives to give me this chance, then I owed it to them not to waste it.
I wasn't going to leave. I had more than reason. I had resolve. Because for the first time in my life… I truly wanted to stay.
The world had gotten dark around me. I could barely open my eyes now. My heart was a dull, slow pulse in my ears.
There's this girl I met at the start of the year. Her name is Kei Karuizawa. Truth to be told, she is a parasite. She clings to those with influence and sucks off them until she has the same influence as them.
Over the months, I made sure to manipulate the way she sees the world for my own benefit.
I needed her influence over the girls for my plans. I needed her own intelligence, too.
I even purposely put her in danger many times. And now, I have started to go out with the so-called parasite.
I intended to test our relationship until the second year ends.
I don't really know how these stuff works. I wanted to see if someone I loved for an entire year... would it be enough for me to feel love for them?
That if I think of breaking up with them, will there be any hesitation?
If there's even a tiny part of me that does not want to break up with her... then that is love.
That has to be. But if not... I will just break up with her and attempt the same with some other girl. I will do this until I feel love.
But one thing is for sure, When this year ends, Karuizawa will no longer be a parasite. She will be her own independent person.
But sadly... I don't have that luxury. My end is here. I have already accepted my fate.
My chin slumped toward my chest, the muscles in my neck no longer able to support the weight of my head.
Finally, the world had gone black as my eyes shut off.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
The sudden noise of the door woke me as I put both of my hands to my head.
I realized I was stuck on a loop.
My entire thought process was too explicit, and it looped around one particular thing...
Me accepting my fate. But how can one's mind loop in such a way?
Knock. Knock.
I was still trying to find the reasoning behind the loop, but the knock on the door just got louder and louder as they were trying to barge their way in.
This loop almost felt supernatural.
The nausea has gotten worse and my eyes sting now. I won't be able to carry on for more.
But I know this is not the end. If anything...
KNOCK.
It's just the beginning. I somehow understand this.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
The door is almost about to be broken, but there's nothing they can do now.
The sensation of the chair beneath me vanished as I slipped into the void.
I.... have already fallen unconscious.
[Aspirant. Welcome to the Nightmare Spell. Prepare for your First Trial…]