"Uh... is something wrong?"
Ethan Vincent scratched his head, staring at the wardrobe that had begun to leak a psychedelic, swirling mist. He fell into deep thought.
[Attribute: Path]
[Functions as a connection gateway for otherworldly existences. Allows for the painless summoning of partial bodies of extraterrestrial entities into reality, though the consequences are uncontrollable.]
"Wait, did I seriously just hammer out an Eldritch God?" Ethan muttered.
Several writhing tentacles slithered out from the gap in the wardrobe doors. They curled and stretched tentatively, looking for all the world like a human's toes testing the temperature of bathwater.
A crushing, harmless yet suffocating pressure descended like a giant hand, seizing everyone present. Even Albus Dumbledore's expression shifted instantly.
"What... have... you... done?!"
Severus Snape hissed through gritted teeth, his eyes bulging. He felt as if a thousand tons of weight were bearing down on him, pinning him in place. His bones creaked and groaned under the strain, and blood rushed to his head in a dizzying surge.
—Damn that Ethan! Did he just suddenly decide to launch a global extinction plan?!
"Tsk," Ethan clicked his tongue as he watched the wardrobe doors, which looked like they were about to burst. "The spells recorded in the Necronomicon really are a bit on the dangerous side..."
What book?!
Snape and Dumbledore whipped their heads around simultaneously, staring at Ethan in utter shock. They looked at this madman who spoke of the most forbidden, supreme tome of the magical world as if it were nothing more than One Hundred Simple Cooking Tips.
Snape felt like he was about to spit out a mouthful of blood.
"Dammit... I should have resigned years ago...!"
A look of numb despair flickered in Snape's eyes. Even the Defense Against the Dark Arts post—the position he had craved for years—couldn't sway his heart now.
A man had to learn to grow. Especially when stuck in this famous cesspool known as Hogwarts.
"Don't panic. Life is all about trial and error," Ethan said breezily. He raised the silver-white heavy hammer for a second time.
No one said he couldn't "re-roll" the attributes! As long as the next attribute could suppress this "Old God" vibe, wouldn't he essentially be getting a more powerful wardrobe for free?
It was a win in his book!
Ancient, cryptic incantations began to flow from Ethan's lips. The edges of his cobalt-blue pupils were gradually stained with a streak of crimson. The silver-white hammer in his hand let out a shrill, piercing shriek!
Crimson flames, like those of a forge, erupted instantly, incinerating the flesh and gore that had begun to grow over the metal like vines. Sensing the rapidly rising heat, the tentacles protruding from the wardrobe writhed even faster, as if panicked.
The next second—
"CLANG!"
Ethan struck the wardrobe for the second time!
Sparks flew as a dense, magical firelight instantly enveloped the wood. The brown, solid oak shell was seared red, releasing waves of blistering heat.
"Ngh."
Ethan's brow furrowed slightly. The silver-white hammer had become as hot as glowing iron, searing his palms with a sizzling sound. It hurt like hell.
But the pain only made Ethan more excited.
Let's see what new attribute we pulled this time...
["The Universe in a Wardrobe" has gained the "Concealment" attribute!]
[Concealment: This is a wardrobe that can appear anywhere. It will silently and invisibly replace your existing furniture—even within your dreams.]
["My cabinet moved on its own. I'm done, I'm quitting the game!"]
—There it is! The attribute I wanted!
Ethan's eyes lit up. With the "Concealment" attribute, he could ignore terrain and use the wardrobe anywhere. He could use it to seal away fast-moving creatures—like Naga the Snake Woman.
"Pulling a key attribute on the second try... talk about luck," Ethan murmured. "But..."
"It's still not enough!"
The tentacles, shrouded in that psychedelic mist, were still forcefully trying to squeeze out of the wardrobe.
Thump!
As the mist spread, Ron Weasley suddenly collapsed to his knees. His skin began to swell like a bruised tomato, his veins rippled beneath the surface, and he stared into the void with a dull, rigid expression.
He began to babble strange, nonsensical words:
"Giant chicken legs... the Great Drumstick Empire... Long live the Doctrine of the Poultry...!!"
Harry silently took half a step away from him. He couldn't bear to watch.
"Ethan!" Miss Gemma shouted over the chaos, struggling to maintain a protective barrier. "Do something! Shut down this rampaging wardrobe!!"
"Only one thing for it—hit it again," Ethan thought, his expression remaining eerily calm.
Fortune favors the bold. This upgrade method was actually quite fun; it even gave you the "joy" of facing an Old God face-to-face. Could any other spell do that?
"It's going to be the most explosive, unique wardrobe in the entire universe."
Ethan's eyes burned with intensity. He tightened his grip on the hammer, his palms now practically fused to the handle due to the heat.
For the third time, he recited the Casting Incantation and raised the heavy hammer high!
Just then, a cool, gentle sensation enveloped Ethan's hand.
"I've told you so many times, Ethan. Don't try to carry everything alone," Luna Lovegood sighed softly.
There was a hint of reproach in her blue eyes, but mostly heartache. Ignoring the lava-like heat of the handle, she pressed her palm firmly over Ethan's hand.
Immediately, a refreshing coolness spread, significantly dulling the agony of the burns.
Ethan: "Pain is a torment, and torment is a grace! I shouldn't hide—"
"Shh."
Luna placed her index finger gently against Ethan's incessantly rambling lips.
"Shut up," she said warmly. "Let's strike it down together."
Ethan nodded silently. He turned back toward the clattering wardrobe and, together with Luna, raised the flaming hammer high.
Then—they swung with everything they had!
"CLANG!!"
Sparks exploded in concentric circles! Like the rings of a planet, a magnificent display of fireworks erupted. Radial scars were instantly scorched into the surrounding floors and walls.
At the same time, the tentacles were forced back into the wardrobe as if by a massive physical impact.
The silver-white hammer, now fused with bits of charred flesh, slipped from their palms and hit the floor with a heavy thud. The veins and blood-red eyeballs covering its surface shriveled painfully in the fading flames. It wouldn't be usable again anytime soon.
"The final strike!" Ethan stared intently at the wardrobe, his heart pounding with a mix of excitement and anticipation. "What did we gamble for...!"
["The Universe in a Wardrobe" has gained a new attribute: "Fairy Tale"]
With a pop, a burst of glittering confetti exploded, accompanied by the sound of childish cheering. It sounded exactly like the winning jingle from some old-fashioned children's TV show.
Fairy Tale? Ethan's eyebrows shot up. What kind of attribute is that?
[Fairy Tale: Modifies all existences within to appear cute and harmless. It grants a natural sense of friendliness, making people unconsciously want to step inside.]
["The Universe in a Wardrobe" has accumulated the attributes: Path, Concealment, and Fairy Tale!]
[Artifact Rank Upgraded!]
["The Universe in a Wardrobe" → "Cosmic Anchor: Home Sweet Home"!]
[Rank: Tier 4 · Golden Legend!]
[Type: Item]
[Description: Bad kids go in the wardrobe, good kids go in the wardrobe—we're a fairy tale, after all! Everyone deserves a chance to turn over a new leaf.]
[Effect: A magical wardrobe capable of capturing any existence, at any time, in any location. Its cute, playful appearance has received unanimous praise from the majority of people.]
[You want to know the opinion of the remaining tiny minority? Oh, they're all inside the wardrobe now.]
[Evaluation: "No... do-don't trust the d-dolls!! They are ■■■—— (Signal Interrupted)"]
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