I woke sitting upright, strangely surprised to find my senses intact. Nanobandages wrapped my head, but my thoughts remained clear. I felt clean, hydrated, and fed.
Greenish walls surrounded me. The lighting was soft, comfortable on my eyes. My ankles and wrists were restrained by nanocuffs, though a strange peace permeated me. What had happened? My memory faltered.
Several documents lay scattered across a long table stretching from one end of the left wall to the other. White holoscreens flickered above it. To the right, medical equipment occupied the space.
Was I dreaming? Why did I feel so well? The nanodoor opened.
I had never seen him so… disheveled. He wore a white shirt with rolled-up sleeves, black dress trousers, and polished shoes. His beard was neatly trimmed, but his once-impeccable hair was now messy. He still retained that elegant, arrogant air.
"Well, I see the medication worked. You seem stable." His voice remained just as cold. He didn't even look at me. Instead, he approached the holoscreens and switched them on. I swallowed, unable to react, uncertain what I should feel.
Riki. My father.
"I-I'm confused…" Immense sadness struck me.
The memories returned. It was a nightmare. Real. The client… It was my father. His eyes remained indifferent. There was no emotion in them. Nothing. Not even one of those camouflaged expressions I had grown accustomed to searching for. They were pure in their indifference, unmasked and empty, reflecting the dark window of his soul. Riki almost smiled but restrained his lips.
Why was he acting like that? Did he see me? I was his daughter… Wasn't I?
"Confused about what, dear? Akiko, be clearer." Riki opened a case. He began assembling a syringe with familiar meticulousness, his movements slow and precise.
My eyes filled with tears, blurring my vision. Why did this feel so much like grief? Why?
The meaning of the Eight of Cups resonated within me: Abandonment of an emotional bond in a doomed relationship. Sadness, grief, emptiness.
I lowered my head, unable to face him and admit that he, Riki, my father, could do this. Had Saymon known that, like Trix's father, mine would do this to his own daughter? What did he gain from it all? Had our relationship always been doomed?
It took me a while to understand what I felt. My father was alive. But the grieving had happened cycles earlier, when he died inside me. I had killed him in that place where, for so long, I had wanted to receive something good from him simply because he was my father. Some affection. Anything. Anything good to remind me that I truly was his daughter, rather than just another of his test subjects.
"Why are you doing this?" I searched for a reason. Any justification that would make the situation comprehensible.
"Who else could undergo this test besides a mind trained by me?" His measured voice concealed an unsettling impetuousness.
I frowned. "Test? What are you talking about?"
Riki sighed impatiently, as though forced to explain something elementary to someone he considered inferior. He put on gloves and walked toward me, holding the syringe. Cleaned my forearm. Why was he doing that?
I bit my lips. The needle stung. A burning traveled through my veins, as though setting my blood alight. "What is that?" I asked desperately. I felt the pain. Yet my body showed no reaction. It remained serene. My heartbeat, breathing, and blood pressure stayed normal.
Why did it seem as though I felt nothing? What had he injected into me? I was trapped inside myself. I wanted to scream but couldn't. That absence of reaction disturbed me. It was different from Sentinil. Worse. Much worse. All I could do was churn through my own thoughts. Shit. What was happening?
"Know what I discovered after cycles of research?" Riki prepared another syringe. "With NeuroSync, I discovered something fascinating. Naturally, every experience differs. Some people who experience death report feeling peace. Others see deceased loved ones or entities. There are also those who claim to have understood that their souls transcended, leaving the body. For them, it would be a cycle of rebirth. And so on." He drew up a bluish liquid.
"What is that? What are you going to do?"
"I reconfigured NeuroSync's algorithm after analyzing the deceased's final memories. The conscious mind revealed varied experiences." Riki raised a finger. A cruel gleam shone in his eyes. "The unconscious, however, vibrated with the most painful memory. That is everyone's final memory, without exception."
"What are you going to do?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Sometimes I realize how much you inherited from that woman, considering how fearful you are. Even so, I expect you to be a success, unlike the failure she was."
Failure? Had he done this before? Hideaki wasn't an… experiment. Neither was I.
"The most interesting part is that the conscious mind masked that final memory with pleasant sensations. But the true feelings were anger, sadness, and regret. Every negative emotion surfaced. And that is what will guarantee Mentis Imperium's success!"
My eyes widened. What? Mentis… That… No. It had to be a lie. "Da…" No. A real father should be loving. "R-Riki… Riki, what are you talking about?"
He approached. "My dear Akiko will be the perfect test subject. I admit I thought the mercenaries would bring you sooner. When I learned you had left Zenith, I put out the contract. Even though they took their time… Well, that's irrelevant now. What matters is that you're here." He gave a cold, cutting smile that seemed to tear through all of me.
Then he touched my neck and clicked his tongue. "Your missing biochip will be a problem, since I won't be able to regulate the effects. You'll feel everything. Whatever."
"S-stop. Why are you doing this?" Sadness threatened to break its chains within me.
Riki straightened. "Why? I trained your mind to make it more resistant. More than mine." His face took on a proud expression. He treated me like a project. Injected another liquid.
"You…" Swallowing became painful. "Planned this since…?" Accepting it was impossible. It had to be a lie. Please, no. This could only be a joke, right?
"Your mother was a failure. But you… Meet my expectations and be a success." He removed his gloves.
"What happens now?" I asked.
"The Sentisurge liquid will circulate to your heart. It will make it stop and bring you back to life several times over the next few hours. Of course, you'll survive, because your trained mind will resist. Gradually, it will yield to the emotions. The nanites will force out every feeling in your unconscious. Then your most painful memory will emerge."
Riki continued as though describing a routine procedure. "You'll relive it until your resistance reaches zero. Then you'll be ready to receive Mentis Imperium. If I succeed with you, the others will be…" He gave a suggestive smile, leaving the sentence unfinished.
"No! Why?!"
"Ah, almost forgot." Riki picked up another syringe and drew up a multicolored liquid. A hallucinogen. He turned my neck.
I tried to protest, but it was useless. I was utterly powerless.
Riki had reduced me to another of his experiments. "This will intensify the experience. Very good. The effects will begin in five minutes." He patted my cheek. "Don't disappoint me, my dear." His smile was genuine.
I wished it were all a mask. But no. This was true. He was being faithful to himself.
Riki left.
I looked around desperately, searching for a way to escape. I would dwell on our father-daughter relationship later. Now I needed to endure this and get out. But I was immobilized. Was there nothing I could do?
I cleared my throat. Would this really happen? Finding no other way out, I began counting the seconds. I would die and come back to life? I would… Would encounter my most painful memory again? My heart hurt. No. Not that one…
Two hundred and ninety-eight. Two hundred and ninety-nine. Three hundred seconds.
An electric discharge traveled through every atom of my body. I stiffened. My head snapped backward. It was as though my brain were frying. Electrons seemed to concentrate in my heart, violently accelerating my pulse and raising my blood pressure. Tachycardia. I gasped for breath. My veins and organs seemed about to explode. I was going to die.
My heart stopped. I was dragged into the dark depths of my mind. To a place I had torn apart. Scattered its fragments as far as I could, wishing to keep an eternal distance. I had wanted to erase it. But now I would have to relive it.
Once? No. Countless times.
And with every repetition, my soul would be shattered.