When I reached the apartment, I fell to my knees. The weight in my chest spread like waves of ever-deepening water until it crashed over me in a devastating torrent. Leaning against the door, I hugged my knees. Then I gathered what little courage remained and dragged myself down the corridor. My swollen eyes blurred my vision. My reddened skin burned, and tears ran down my heavy body. Inside, there was only emptiness. Nothing but a persistent numbness.
The Nativity decorations, once colorful, joyful, and comforting, seemed to have lost all their color. All their life. All their joy.
Maia, you knew, didn't you? I shook my head in disbelief. "Y-you knew. You knew, YOU KNEW!" The scream tore through my throat.
I ripped down the ornaments, unleashing sadness, anger, and indignation. Knocked over the Nativity mango tree. Stomped on the decorations. Destroyed everything. Hurled the damned sacis against the wall.
"YOU KNEW! WHY DID YOU ASK ME TO CELEBRATE NATIVITY EARLY? BECAUSE YOU KNEW! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I screamed with every bit of force my vocal cords could produce. I fell to my knees. Cried, inconsolable. Miserable tears. Desolate. Regretful.
I punched the floor and tore the skin over my knuckles. My arms were numb, but I kept forcing them to move. Anesthetized, I struck the floor until blood stained it. I only wanted to feel something. "Why? Why didn't you…" I vomited.
Pain overflowed. My soul escaped me in embittered spirals.
I rested my forehead against the floor. "Why, Maia? Why did you endure everything alone? Why didn't you trust me?"