S-2878 • L4 Abeluna • D27 Silenri
"Abeluna gathers brightness into a slender curve.Silenri seals the thread at the edge of the sky.The tide breathes silver in a gentle return.The story already feels the portal beginning to glow."
I sent Maia messages about the blood draw, but there was no reply.
Nearly a whole lunation without any sign of her.
I opened the bioscreen.
Closed it.
Checked again.
Maybe I had missed some notification.
But the silence remained.
"Akiyama?"
Daren tapped lightly on the door.
I sighed, searching for patience.
Sending a message was so simple.
"Come in."
Daren sat down.
"Sorry to bother you, but where are the samples from the last quarter-lunations?
I'm close to the testing phase."
I pressed my lips together.
"I already explained that.
She is out of the study, officially."
"I know, I know.
But there's so little left…"
I shrugged.
"My hands are tied."
"Alright.
I'll wait.
Please let me know if you hear anything."
He forced a pale smile and left.
I rubbed my temples.
I was exhausted.
CogniSynth.
Daren.
Maia.
The weight in my chest grew every time I thought about her.
Of course something was going on.
She lived a life…
My head throbbed.
I wanted to rest.
To shut down.
Just for a little while.
The idea became more attractive with every passing minute.
Before leaving, I opened a hidden compartment in my desk and took out a vial of Pefentanil.
I wanted to escape reality.
I decided my mind needed to switch off.
At home
I changed into comfortable pajamas, prepared some snacks, and went to the living room.
Everything was ready.
Soft lights.
I turned on a random channel that was showing a romance film.
I picked up the vial and the syringe.
Drew a few milligrams.
I hesitated for half a second.
Maybe it was a bad idea.
Maybe…
No.
I needed this.
I injected it into my forearm.
The biochip accelerated the effect within seconds.
I threw my head back and closed my eyes.
Dopamine flooded my brain.
My perception sharpened.
I smiled at that delicious wave of euphoria.
I let my thoughts wander through unknown places.
I blinked.
Bright pixels came toward me, filling my eyes with beauty.
The music played, pulsing hard.
The characters' voices distorted.
Deep sounds. Fast. Slow.
Everything turned into slow motion.
Sound and image blurred together.
I frowned.
It was so weird and funny.
I laughed, relaxing further.
The doorbell rang.
A little trill entered my mind.
trin trin trin
I don't even remember how I got up.
I laughed at the thought.
How do I even do things again?
Wait.
Did I order food?
Did I eat and forget I ate?
I laughed harder.
I forgot to check the security holoscreen.
Ah, whatever.
It must be something I ordered.
I opened the door.
Seconds. Minutes. Eternity seemed to pass.
"I am in-cre-du-lous."
I waved my hands in front of me.
"I'm hallucinating."
I laughed softly and closed the door.
Maia stopped me.
She was staring at me, brow furrowed.
I brought my face closer to hers.
Loose strands of hair fell across her forehead.
Her eyebrows and lashes so very white.
"It looks real."
I tilted my head.
"Did you take something?"
The mirage's voice vibrated in my ears.
My eyelids drooped.
"Even the voice?
It feels so real.
Even when I try to run away from you, my mind materializes you.
So confusing."
After hearing my confession, the illusion of Maia stepped inside.
She looked sad.
"Why do you want to run away from me?"
"Yeah… you can only have come from my little head."
I covered my mouth as I laughed.
"Am I talking too loud?
Doesn't matter.
I thought it was food.
Maybe I already ate."
I went back to the sofa.
Maia came right behind me and picked up the vial of Pefentanil from the couch.
"Now everything makes sense."
Her words sounded delayed, as if the sound reached me a second later.
As if I were in a dream.
"Wow… you're so beautiful.
Even more so in real life."
I touched her face.
Caressed her brows and moved down to her cheek, lightly squeezing it.
"Wow!
My mind captured every detail of you.
I'm impressed.
But you… you…"
She placed her hand over mine.
"Aki…"
"I don't want to run away."
I ignored her.
After all, she was only an illusion.
"I just want to think about you less."
My mouth felt dry.
I was thirsty, so I drank some water.
"This is the most delicious water I've ever had in my life!"
I let out a soft laugh, adjusting my hair.
"This feeling is so inevitable, so crystalline…"
"Hey, you're not—"
I silenced her by pressing a finger to her lips.
"Illusion, why do you sound like Maia?
In my head, you say things like:
'You're beautiful.'
'I missed you.'
or
'During these quarter-lunations this happened…'"
I sighed.
"But what is this?
Will you tell me?
Someday will you let me know your world… the way you know mine?"
Maia smiled, dazzling.
Something inside me boiled.
The dopamine surged.
I smiled, rubbing my nose against hers.
"You really are beautiful."
The mirage caressed my neck.
"I know…
But you are the only color in this world."
"Hmm… now you sound more like the Maia in my head."
I laughed quietly.
"The real Maia would say something else."
"Hey, she would."
I bit the inside of my cheek.
"Seeing you, even if only as a mirage, makes me so happy that all the anxiety disappears."
Before I could react, Maia kissed me and pressed my body against hers.
My brain exploded with dopamine and serotonin.
The euphoria intensified and filled me completely.
I kissed her back with the same intensity.
She slid one hand down my back and held my waist gently.
Every touch felt so alive.
"It's so unfair.
You're only an illusion," I muttered when we pulled apart.
I ran my fingers over her flushed cheeks.
"It's unfair for you to be like this and me to be unable to do anything."
Her disappointed voice contradicted her predatory aura.
She bit her lip.
Held me tighter.
My face burned.
Even as a hallucination, she affected me deeply.
I shook my head.
"I wish you were here.
Where are you?
What are you doing?
Do you think about me too?"
Maia's laughter filled my ears.
"Your laugh feels so good."
I rested my forehead against hers.
She nibbled my cheek.
Made me face her amber eyes.
Her gaze reached all the way to my soul.
"I am here with you, and I only think about you."
I stood up, too embarrassed even to face an illusion of Maia.
"I even captured the way you destabilize me.
Go away."
I waved my hand, trying to make her image disappear.
She remained perfectly clear.
"Do you want me to go away?"
The illusion moved closer.
Held my wrists gently.
"No.
But I wanted the real Maia.
You vanished.
Disappeared without saying anything."
That thought brought sadness.
All the euphoria disappeared.
"Feeling this is so new to me.
The idea of losing you is terrifying."
My eyes burned.
Was I really saying this?
But… it was true.
I wanted her by my side.
The life she lived seemed so…
Maia embraced me.
She let me cry.
Caressed my face and wiped away the persistent tears.
"Aki—"
"No. Don't say anything.
You're only an illusion."
I sat on the sofa.
She only said what I projected.
I rested my head on a cushion.
Drowsiness. Lethargy. A faint depression.
My mind drifted.
Everything darkened quickly.
My inner voice receded, distorted.
I surrendered to sleep.
"I'm sleepy.
When I wake up…"
Hours later
I woke in panic.
My heart raced as if it were about to leap from my mouth.
Breathing was impossible with the weight in my lungs.
My muscles ached.
My hands trembled.
Chills moved through my body.
Cold sweat ran across my face.
I rubbed my feverish forehead.
The post-euphoria effects had thrown my body out of balance.
"Hey. It's okay."
Her familiar, calm voice echoed through me.
She stroked my hands.
"It'll pass soon."
A sleepy Maia, rubbing her eyes, was looking at me.
I frowned.
Slowly, a lightbulb switched on in my head.
"N-no… impossible… tell me that's a lie.
It can't be."
My chest tightened.
My mind still struggled with logic.
She should have been far away, and yet she was here.
Maia smiled, amused.
"N-no… that was really you yesterday?
Tell me it wasn't."
I covered my face, peeking through my fingers.
Tell me it wasn't, please.
She nodded.
"Oh no!
I should have…"
I groaned.
Maia stretched as she stood up.
I confess, even ashamed as I was, I could have woken to that sight every day.
"I'm going to make our breakfast."
I buried my face in the pillow and closed my eyes.
"It was real."
Soon after, Maia returned with a tray:
chocolate pancakes, a bowl of red berries, plain yogurt, and apple juice.
She sat in front of me.
We ate together.
"This is delicious!
My pancakes are baby food compared to yours."
I tried to forget what had happened and focused on the sweet taste of the food.
I chewed slowly, as if I could swallow what I was feeling.
She raised an eyebrow.
"Feeling better?"
"No.
Even with the biochip, it'll take time for the withdrawal to pass.
I'm going to take a bath to help relieve the symptoms."
Maia narrowed her eyes mischievously.
"Hmm, I'd love to help."
I frowned.
"You're bold! You don't need to."
Maia smiled sideways, provocative.
"You sure?
I can reach places you can't—"
I threw a cushion at her face.
She laughed out loud.
I sighed, defeated.
"Maybe later…"
Maia lit up, eyes glowing.
We finished eating.
I stretched, trying not to think about the urge to inject more Pefentanil.
The truth was, Maia's presence was enough for me.
She alone gave me all the dopamine I wanted.
Maia stepped closer.
Her piercing gaze crossed every one of my defenses.
"Why did you do it?"
Well, I still wasn't ready to say certain things.
"Because life requires a little numbness."
Maia made a face that said she knew I was hiding the truth.
"About what you said…"
"No… please.
Pretend none of that happened."
I tried to force a smile.
Failed.
Maia kissed my fingers and pressed them against her face.
"I wish you saw it differently.
That you felt good… and if you cry…
that it would be different from yesterday.
The sadness I caused you.
I…"
Her voice lowered, heavy with guilt.
She placed my arms around her neck.
"No…"
Words escaped me.
The opiate's aftereffects dazed me.
The sadness in my heart numbed me.
"I'm afraid.
You came into my life and showed me a side of myself I didn't know existed.
I'm lost in how to deal with that."
Maia hugged me, stroked my hair, and kissed my forehead.
"Why are you here?"
She smiled, sweetly.
"To see you."
That was when I noticed a nearly faded bruise around her left eye.
Maia noticed where my attention had gone.
She touched her face.
Her smile faded.
I rested my head on her shoulder and poked her cheek.
"Someday will you tell me?"
I searched her eyes.
Tried, in vain, to reach the soul hidden beneath so many layers.
I wanted to ask, but maybe some truths needed to remain in the dark.
Maia held my gaze.
She communicated through the invisible lines that connected us.
The only answer that was enough.
"You know what?
It doesn't matter.
Whatever is hidden behind that… behind you…"
Maia kissed me.
"Yeah…"
I was breathless when we pulled apart.
"You understood."
Our laughter blended together.