( This chapter contains sensitive content involving emotional or physical abuse. Reader discretion is advised)
"So what are you doing here?" I repeated.
"I came to talk about… us."
Us?
That one word echoed in my mind like a stubborn ghost that wouldn't go away. Us? There was never such a thing. Or maybe I just didn't notice? No… that's impossible.
But what if it's true?
"We can go for a walk or drive somewhere. You've never been in my car," he offered.
He was right. I had never even sat in the passenger seat of his car. I was never allowed.
"What exactly do you want to talk about?" I asked quietly, feeling awkward.
"Can we go somewhere? I feel uncomfortable standing here in front of your house. If your parents overhear us, it could be a problem."
My stomach clenched like a tightened fist. A sharp pain followed.
"Fine, but only for a bit. My mom's not feeling well and I need to take care of her."
He nodded.
I hoped this would scare him off (or them, if more were involved) from doing anything bad.
"Where's your car?"
"Behind that tree," he pointed across the street. Luckily, it was near the neighbors' houses.
I closed the door and we headed to the car.
I looked inside to see if anyone else was hiding there, but it was empty.
I opened the door and got in.
It was cold inside. Uncomfortably cold. The seats were black and smooth to the touch. It felt strange to sit in Malachai's car.
"So what did you want to talk about?" I asked.
"I think I… fell in love with you."
Wait, what?
"F-fell in love? With me?"
Malachai wouldn't look at me. He looked embarrassed.
"I fucked up," he ran his hand through his hair. He always did that when he was stressed. The last time was during an argument with Ryan over something completely trivial.
"No… you didn't fuck up. You didn't," I tried to comfort him, though I shouldn't have.
"I'm sorry. I never wanted to see what they did to you. I never wanted you to get hurt. They manipulated me and threatened to hurt you even more if I interfered. I'm really sorry," he buried his face in his hands.
"It's okay, really. I understand. You don't have to explain."
Maybe he really was different from the others. I always thought Jeremy was the least dangerous, but maybe it was Malachai.
He wore a mask — and deep down, maybe he was hurting just like I was.
I touched his arm. His muscles were much bigger than mine from all the gym time. But something still bugged me. Had he only recently fallen for me? Or had it been going on for years And why now? Why tell me now?
"You're not a bad person, Malachai," I said. "You're not like the others."
"What about you?"
Silence. Then I answered.
"What about me?"
"Do you… love me too?"
My eyes widened. I had never really thought about it.
In fact, I didn't feel anything for him. He had never stirred anything romantic in me that I could admit.
"I don't know. I haven't thought about it," I repeated the thought in my mind. But then another question came.
"Is this a joke? Are they somewhere around here, and you planned this to laugh at me? Is this…"
Our lips met.
He kissed me.
What is happening?
It was the first kiss of my life. I felt a thrill of excitement… and an unexpected calm.
"I've seen the way you look at me," he said, then kept kissing me.
I pulled back.
"When?"
"Pretty much all the time. I see you in the halls, looking at my crotch."
No. That's not true.
"It's not like that."
"Then what?"
"I don't know. I'm not staring at your crotch. Or theirs."
We kissed again. It was getting more intense. I could feel where this was going.
Then I noticed he was unzipping his jeans.
I pulled back once more.
"What are you doing?" I asked, shocked.
"You don't want this?"
I didn't answer.
"Just remember, I won't tell anyone. It's just us here. Only we know what really happens."
"I know, but…"
"Is it because you're a virgin? Is that it? Am I right?"
He touched my hand, holding it gently.
"That's not it."
"Then what?"
I looked out the window. No one was around. No passersby, no one in the windows. No James, Ryan, Joshua, Jeremy.
"You're safe. With me. Nothing will ever happen to you again."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
"You won't ever burn me with cigarettes again?"
"I won't. I promise."
I touched his thigh and could feel it — the pressure building where he was getting hard.
"Okay, come here," he pulled me onto his lap. I could feel his erection growing beneath me.
"Let's ride," he whispered.
I pulled down my pants and underwear. He did the same.
"We're gonna need this..." he began, reaching into the wallet next to his seat. He pulled out a condom.
I didn't say a word. I just watched.
Malachai kept looking directly into my eyes, never breaking eye contact. He reached down toward his penis and slowly rolled on the condom.
His gaze flicked to my lips, then back to my eyes. Then lips again.
I felt intimidated. I couldn't tell if he was planning something or not.
"I love you, Mike," he said. "I've never felt what I feel now for anyone else. I think you're the one."
"R-Really?" I wasn't sure if this was another manipulation or if he was truly confessing his feelings. No... Malachai isn't like the others. He's different.
"Of course, silly. I love you, Mike."
My heart started pounding. My hand began to tremble. I had never felt anything like this before. He… really loves me.
"I won't let them hurt you again," he said seriously. "Never again."
A tear rolled down my right cheek. I had no words.
I kissed him, holding his face in my hands. He grabbed my ass firmly, lifted me up and entered me. I moaned — unsure if it was from pain or something else.
He started moving me more, and I felt numb.
I kissed him again, but this time more passionately. He loves me. For real. I wished I could take back all the bad things I ever said about him in the past. Not that they were that awful… but I started feeling guilty.
"You're really pretty," he whispered. His breathing grew heavier — mine followed soon after. He didn't move his hands from where they were.
We kissed deeply, tongues touching.
Nothing came to mind in that moment. No thoughts, no hesitations. Just excitement. But… what if he only wants to use me?
I pulled away. He looked confused.
"What's wrong, does it hurt?" he asked.
"No, it's not that," I said quietly.
"Then what is it?"
I didn't answer.
"What is it?" he asked again, this time with a sharp, aggressive tone.
"Nothing," I replied.
We kept going.
Then a waterfall of thoughts hit me — was it right to let him do this? Did I even agree to it?
He let go of my ass and placed his hands on my hips, rocking them left to right.
I moaned again.
"I love you so much, Mike," he said, panting harder.
I didn't respond.
"Do you love me now?" he asked next.
I touched his chest. He asked again. And again. He kept repeating it, demanding an answer. But I… I wasn't able to give him one.
"I don't know, Malachai."
It started getting hotter. Not in a good way. The feeling was uncomfortable — new, like something I hadn't felt before.
"Malachai…" I whispered.
"What?" he asked, still breathless.
"I don't know if I feel okay."
"That's normal, you'll feel better soon," he said, touching my hand. "Just feel this now."
My body felt like it was about to explode.
I bit my lip.
And then… it was over.
He let out one final moan — and I did too.
Everything faded to black.
***
I opened my eyes; it was slowly getting dark. But something was wrong. I wasn't in Malachi's car, but on the porch in front of the house. How long had I been asleep? When did he dress me, and why was I sleeping on the porch, and why did he leave me?