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[THE WEDDING RECEPTION, THE HEAD TABLE]
[JOFFREY watches the party. OLENNA approaches SANSA.]
"You look exquisite, child. The wind has been at you, though. I haven't had the opportunity to tell you how sorry I was to hear about your brother. War is war, but killing a man at a wedding, horrid. What sort of monster would do such a thing?"
"You have something planned" Margaery whispered.
"Perhaps" Olenna mused. She definitely had something planned.
[TYRION enters and sits.]
"Lord Tyrion, you see? Not as bad as all that. Perhaps if your pauper husband were to sell his mule and his last pair of shoes, he might be able to afford to bring you to Highgarden for a visit. Now that peace has come and all is right with the world, it would do you good to see some of it. You must excuse me. It's time I ate some of this food I paid for."
[MARGAERY is enjoying the performance, but JOFFREY is bored. He stands and throws some coins at them. The musicians scramble to pick up the coins and depart quickly. MARGAERY moves to calm JOFFREY. JOFFREY stands and clanks his goblet for attention. The crowd applauds as JOFFREY sits and MARGAERY stands.]
"We are so fortunate to enjoy this marvellous food and drink. Not all among us are so lucky. To thank the gods for bringing the recent war to a just end, King Joffrey has decreed that the leftovers from our feast be given to the poorest in his city."
[The crowd applauds, and JOFFREY adores it. CERSEI comes over to MARGAERY. CERSEI compliments the new Queen and kisses her on each cheek.]
"My sister is a strong woman. It took her a lot to compliment her in that manner without any veiled comments or threats" Tyrion said solemnly.
"Yes, she is. Meaning she is about to do something stupid" Jaime muttered.
Tyion cackled, poking Jaime's arm with his chalice.
Jaime took it and inhaled the content
[LORAS stands in the distance and catches OBERYN's eye as he cuddles with ELLARIA, LORAS accidentally backs into JAIME.]
"Ser Jaime, I'm very sorry."
"Ser Loras, it's quite all right. Your sister looks very beautiful."
"As does yours."
"So, looking forward to your wedding?"
"Yes, very much."
"Our Fathers are both rather keen on the prospect. Perhaps they should get married. If you were to marry Cersei, she'd murder you in your sleep. If you somehow managed to put a child in her first, she'd murder him, too, long before he drew his first breath. Luckily for you, none of this will happen because you'll never marry her."
Tyrion sighed dramatically, taking the chalice back from his brother.
"You have lost the right to this for that" Tyrion muttered and inhaled the wine once the chalice was completely refilled magically.
Jaime rolled his eyes.
[LORAS pats JAIME on the shoulder, and exits. BRIENNE approaches the head table, and bows. MARGAERY stands and shakes her hand.]
"Lady Brienne. So good of you to come."
"I'm no lady, Your Grace."
"Unless she magically grew a cock" Olenna rolled her eyes.
"Did you just bow?"
"Apologies, Your Grace. I never did master the curtsy."
"You're the one who put a sword through Renly Baratheon."
"That's not true, my love. Brienne had nothing to do with it."
"A shame. I'd knight the man who put an end to that deviant's life."
Renly smiled sharply. How he would enjoy seeing the bastard be killed. And if not killed and exiled... well accidents happen.
"I just wanted to congratulate you both and wish you good fortune. The country has been at war too long. I hope your reign is long and peaceful."
"Yes, yes."
"Thank you. I hope we see more of you."
[BRIENNE departs with a bow, and CERSEI follows. The scene shifts to the head table. PYCELLE has cornered a maid.]
"No, no, come to my chambers and I will examine you personally."
Everyone made a face at the man's actions.
"She'll do no such thing."
"Oh, Your Grace. Yes, well, this young lady sought my advice..."
"You should see Qyburn. He's quite good."
"Your Grace."
[The MAID exits.]
"Qyburn? Deplorable man. Disgraced the Citadel with his repugnant experiments."
"More repugnant than your gnarled fingers on that girl's thighs?"
"Your Grace, I am a man of learning."
"Betting how much he says that every time he corners a maid?" Oberyn challenged out loud.
"None of us here are stupid enough to make a losing bet, Prince Oberyn" Tyrion threw back with a smirk.
Oberyn chuckled.
Robert grumbled softly, looking away to hide his blush. He would have made that bet.
"My little brother had you sent to the Black Cells when you annoyed him. What do you think I could do to you if you annoyed me?"
"I never meant to annoy anyone."
"But you are. You annoy me right now. Every breath you draw in my presence annoys me. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to leave my presence. Leave this wedding right now. Go to the kitchens and instruct them that all the leftovers from the feast will be brought to the kennels."
Myrcella inhales deeply before exhaling.
"How can she be this petty" the girl seethed. "The food would have helped a lot of people!"
"Your mother does not care about that" Tyrion explained. "Your mother has hardly cared about anyone but herself. This, to undo any good that might be done that is not linked to her? She would do it without a second thought. She is vindictive, selfish, petty and everything else you can imagine."
Myrcella frowned. She did not have an image of her mother being some saint. She was young, not stupid. But she had thought that perhaps Joffrey's happiness would have changed her some since everyone agrees she cares deeply for her children.
Guess Myrcella was wrong about that.
[JOFFREY and MARGAERY watch a fool juggling. Once again, JOFFREY is not amused. He stands and offers a gold dragon to whoever knocks his fool's hat off. The fool is suddenly pelted with food, and he runs off. CERSEI and TYWIN enter.]
"You're in rather a good mood."
"I suppose I am."
"By sabotaging her son's reputation" Jaime rolled his eyes.
Daenerys filled in Elia on why Cersei was happy. The Princess snorted disdainfully after.
"I won't ask why."
"Small pleasures."
[OBERYN and ELLARIA enter.]
"A wife?" Elia sat up a little excited.
"Paramour, my dear sister" Oberyn laughed. "I haven't changed much in that regard."
Elia rolled her eyes.
"Children?"
"Eight daughters," he said proudly.
"They are known as 'The Sand Snakes' by the Dornish, Snakes for their father, and Sand for their bastardry" Doran explained.
Oberyn looked very proud of that fact.
"You must tell me more about my nieces" Elia implored.
"Of course!" Oberyn grinned.
"Your Grace. Lord Tywin."
"Prince Oberyn."
"I don't believe you have met Ellaria. This is the Lord Hand Tywin Lannister and Cersei Lannister, the Queen Regent. I suppose it is the former Queen Regent now. Lord Hand and Lady Cersei, Ellaria Sand."
"Can't say I've ever met a Sand before."
"We are everywhere in Dorne. I have 10,000 brothers and sisters."
"She exaggerates" Oberyn clarified. "It's somewhere in the hundreds, close to thousands."
"That is still too much" Catelyn muttered. As a devout of the Seven that was One, she could not accept it. Bastards were sin and devilish creatures. Look at Joffrey!
"I expect it is a relief, Lady Cersei, to give up your regal responsibilities. Wearing the crown for so many years must have left your neck a bit crooked."
"I suppose you'll never know, Prince Oberyn."
"Naturally. I'm not a woman, hence I can't be Queen" Oberyn scoffed.
"It's a shame your older brother couldn't attend the wedding."
"Please give him our regards. With any luck, the gout will abate with time and he will be able to walk again."
"They call it the rich man's disease. A wonder you don't have it."
"Noblemen in my part of the country don't enjoy the same lifestyle as our counterparts in Dorne."
"People everywhere have their differences. In some places, the highborn frown upon those of low birth. In other places, the rape and murder of women and children is considered distasteful. What a fortunate thing for you, former Queen Regent, that your daughter Myrcella has been sent to live in the latter sort of place."
"Oberyn..." Elia frowned.
"It's only a comment and observation" Oberyn shrugged.