In that moment, Aucuses felt no joy... only boundless shock, disbelief, and a fear that nearly consumed him.
If he had become a god, if he had become the Sun, then what of his lord?
Instinctively, Aucuses searched for the Ancient Sun God's presence, but he found nothing.
No, not entirely nothing. He saw Leodero transform, as if beyond his control, into the Lord of Storms. He saw Heraberge follow, ascending as a god of the White Tower pathway.
The Ancient Sun God had fallen, and the three of them had become the most shameful betrayers.
Aucuses could finally remain lucid for longer, but at the cost of his lord's fall.
Afterward, the divine kingdom crumbled, and the eight Kings of Angels scattered. Medici and Ouroboros chose to follow the True Creator, a fusion of Sasrir and the Ancient Sun God's negative emotions. They seemed to believe it was still their lord.
Adam and Amon made no such choice, refusing to acknowledge the True Creator as their lord.
Coincidentally, Aucuses felt the same.
How could that be their lord?
It wasn't even Sasrir anymore!
Aucuses couldn't accept that a maddened deity could be the Ancient Sun God he once knew. Nor could he forgive himself for contributing to his lord's complete fall. But he harbored even greater hatred for Leodero and Herabergen, who had also played a part in it.
Perhaps they, like him, had been powerless, but what did that matter?
Aucuses loathed himself... how could he not loathe them?
Yet, his deepest hatred was reserved for the Primordial God Almighty who had awakened within him and orchestrated it all.
Pathetically, no matter how much Aucuses despised the Primordial God Almighty, he was powerless against it. Even as a Sequence 0, he remained weak and helpless before it, his situation seemingly unchanged.
No, that wasn't true.
Aucuses would sometimes think this when he looked in the mirror. The Primordial God Almighty's will had awakened within him, robbing him of much of his self, but it also granted him knowledge of secrets unknown to others.
Thus, Aucuses learned that the Primordial God Almighty seemed to be planning to collaborate with the Mother Goddess of Depravity.
"How could I let you do that? At the very least…"
"You'll never use my body for such things again."
Staring at his reflection, Aucuses thought this, then gave a self-mocking smile.
He should have done this long ago. If, in the Third Epoch, he had chosen to end himself before it all began, would things have been different?
Aucuses didn't know. He only prepared in silence. The proud Sun refused to bow to the Primordial God Almighty. He'd rather face death than become a vessel for its schemes to ravage the world.
But Aucuses never expected that, in this era on the brink of apocalypse, as he prepared for his end, he would encounter someone he thought he'd never see again.
Nor did he anticipate that this person, knowing everything, would look at him so calmly and say, "It wasn't your fault."
How could it not be his fault?
It was clearly his fault!
"It's been tough on you all these years, Aucuses."
Hearing the Ancient Sun God say this, feeling the familiar pat on his head as if nothing had changed, Aucuses's voice came out hoarse. "Why… why don't you hate me?"
He looked up at the Ancient Sun God, his eyes filled with an indescribable complexity, his voice almost accusatory. "Why don't you hate me? You should hate me!"
"I caused it all. I caused your fall. I… became the Primordial One's puppet!"
By the end, his voice trembled.
The Ancient Sun God seemed to sigh, then said, "If we follow your logic, shouldn't I hate myself the most?"
Aucuses froze, staring at him in disbelief.
The Ancient Sun God continued unhurriedly, "You say your fault was becoming the Primordial God Almighty's puppet, but I was no different. In that era, I, too, became its puppet. The Primordial God Almighty awakened within me, and I had no recourse but to choose my fall."
"And because I chose to fall, I gave the Primordial God Almighty an opening. So, the true culprit behind my fall is none other than myself," He said, his reasoning sound and compelling.
"No, that's not right…" Aucuses instinctively protested. He wasn't one to stumble over words, but in that moment, he struggled to respond, managing only, "How could it be your fault? It's clearly the Primordial God Almighty's fault!"
"Exactly. So you see, it's all the Primordial God Almighty's fault," The Ancient Sun God said, finally breaking into a smile, one tinged with a hint of cunning. He looked at Aucuses gently. "Aucuses, it's all the Primordial God Almighty's fault. You and I are both victims."
"No…" Aucuses still wanted to argue.
But the Ancient Sun God cut him off, his expression turning serious. "Do you think I'm the kind of harsh judge who demands perfection from victims?"
"Of course not. My lord is the most merciful…" Aucuses shook his head instinctively.
"Then why would I blame you, Aucuses?" The Ancient Sun God said earnestly.
Aucuses pursed his lips, unable to find words. He could only gaze silently at the Ancient Sun God before him, finally saying in a dry voice, "But I can't forgive myself, my lord."
The Ancient Sun God seemed to sigh again, looking at Aucuses. "Aucuses, do you still wish to follow me?"
"I will always follow my lord," Aucuses replied without a moment's hesitation.
"If you still wish to follow me, then I command you, Aucuses: stop punishing yourself," The Ancient Sun God said seriously. "I don't want the child I watched grow up to live in pain over a mistake he shouldn't bear."
Aucuses's body trembled. He fell into a long silence before suddenly saying, "No, my lord, you can't come near me. You can't trust me. I… the Primordial God Almighty is awakening within me again. I'm not worthy of your trust."
"I don't even know if my actions now are my own will or its."
He looked up at the Ancient Sun God, his voice resolute. "Since you're here… kill me!"
"Don't let the Primordial God Almighty revive within me!"
In that moment, Aucuses seemed to forget that the Ancient Sun God was only a temporary visitor to this era. All he felt was an instinctive yearning for redemption and release.
The proud Sun would never bow to the Primordial God Almighty, but he would forever offer everything for his lord.
***
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