Xiaobao was caught off guard for a moment, unable to recall even half of the explanation he had prepared. All he could do was look at Huai En with a mix of guilt, grievance, and hope.
Unfortunately, in a test of endurance, Xiaobao was clearly no match.
Under Huai En's relentless gaze, he admitted defeat completely and walked over with a stiff body, lowering his head and softly speaking in a pleading tone, "Are you still mad at me?"
Huai En didn't speak, continuing to scrutinize him with a probing look.
"I was really hurt that day... You were really harsh. Why couldn't you just listen to my explanation?"
This remark somehow struck a nerve with Huai En, who suddenly became angry, "You dare bring up that day!"
Xiaobao grabbed his sleeve in a hurry, saying, "You can't wrong me like this. I didn't do anything. I went to Boss Liu's house to get a therapeutic diet recipe for my dad. Who knew they were all there? I couldn't face them; I didn't want to go. I was planning to just have a drink and then come back..."
Huai En shook off his hand with a flick, coldly saying, "You didn't do anything, wasn't it because I arrived early?"
Xiaobao's eyes reddened, "You don't trust me at all. I know I had a bad reputation before, but now my heart only has you. How can you not listen to my explanation for this kind of thing... Why must you... Why is your heart so cruel?"
Huai En endured and endured, but his hand seemed to act on its own, slapping Xiaobao to the ground with a backhand and stepping on his chest, shouting angrily, "It's your own fault for being cheap, and you blame me for being cruel. It's your luck I didn't strangle you!!! Do you think after you've lain with other women, I should still sit down and have a long chat with you!! Is this the first time you realize I can be cruel? You have the audacity to play me, how come you don't have the guts to face the consequences!!!
You want to enjoy your flings, I'll let you have it!! Take your sweet nothings and so-called true heart and feed them to the dogs!!!"
Huai En was so angry that he clenched his fists in his sleeves, his nails digging into his flesh without him even noticing. He knew he had to leave before he lost all reason.
This was the most Huai En had ever spoken to Xiaobao since they met, and it was also the most devastating for him. He felt as if the world was collapsing around him, he had to grab onto something. Before his brain could catch up, his hands were already clinging to Huai En's legs as he attempted to leave.
As Huai En's anger surged, his movements paused, and looking down, he shouted, "What are you doing, let go!!"
Xiaobao clung to his legs, refusing to let go, crying and saying, "Huai En, I was wrong, don't go, I won't say anything anymore, it's all my fault, don't be angry with me, don't go, I won't dare anymore, I'll listen to everything you say, don't leave."
Xiaobao's tears flowed down his cheeks to his mouth, his speech becoming more and more indistinct, and increasingly pitiful.
He had already grown accustomed to being shameless in front of Huai En, so one more time made no difference. What of losing face, what of dignity, to hell with all that. If those things were of any use, would he find himself in such misery? If Huai En were to leave him, he'd have nothing left to want. Keeping face, what's the use? Just the thought of Huai En leaving him, no longer paying him any attention, felt like a knife twisting in his heart. The bits and pieces of their relationship were all fought for through his shameless persistence. He wasn't made of stone, of course, he knew the shame, knew the heartache, but that was all he knew. Even a smile from Huai En was enough to make him forget everything. Thus, he believed he must have been cursed, possessed; he was always this useless. His life was now in this person's hands, and yet, that person remained heartless. What else could he do but to offer his heart and soul?
Huai En looked down at Xiaobao's tear-stained face with a mix of disdain and compassion.
This face, always so expressive, laughing when happy, crying when distressed, complaining when dissatisfied, speaking up for what he wanted.
Even attempts at deception or cunning were transparent, from his character to his abilities, not worthy of appreciation, let alone forcing a word of praise. Just like he never understood what Xiaobao saw in him, he couldn't comprehend how he had unwittingly become indispensable to Xiaobao.
What was mentioned about letting go was just a moment of anger. From now on, whether Xiaobao likes it or not, he won't allow him to slip away.
Even if Xiaobao had not a single redeeming quality, only he knew that this was the only person in the world who was purely good to him, and sought nothing but him in return.
He didn't demand from Xiaobao literary or martial prowess, deep understanding or great righteousness; he only wanted Xiaobao to always be by his side, with eyes for no one else, to accompany him till old age.
Looking at that tearful face, even if he was angry, he couldn't bring himself to express it.
Huai En sighed heavily, dragging Xiaobao's arm, trying to lift him up from the ground, "Get up."
Xiaobao hugged his legs even tighter, choking up, "Are you leaving?
Please don't go."
Huai En didn't say anything, just exerted some force to pick him up, took a few steps back, and placed him on the bed.
Xiaobao then grabbed Huai En's arm, holding on tight and not letting go.
Huai En sat beside him, cupped his round face with both hands, and roughly wiped away the tears on his face with his thumbs, sighing, "How can you cry so much? You're an adult, and a man at that, aren't you embarrassed?"
Xiaobao blinked, looking at him.
"I really don't know what to do with you..." Huai En seemed to be talking to himself, then looked deeply into his eyes, seriously saying, "Tell me, will you go to that place again in the future?"
Xiaobao's eyebrows raised, a glimmer of hope in his eyes, he quickly shook his head vigorously, "Absolutely not."
"And will you like someone else, regardless of whether they're male or female?"
"Absolutely not, I only like you, and will only like you until I die."
Huai En pursed his lips, looked at him for a long while, and said, "Regardless of whether what you say is true or how much of it you can achieve, if you offend again, I will not spare you. Do you understand?"
Xiaobao nodded vigorously, almost unable to hold back his tears again, this time out of joy. Huai En had said so much, it seemed the storm was nearly over.
Huai En still had feelings for him, even if just a little, and that was enough.
Lightly pinching the swollen side of his face, Huai En frowned, feeling somewhat regretful, "Does it hurt?"
Xiaobao nodded, as if afraid Huai En wouldn't know, making a pained and aggrieved expression.
Huai En's cool palm rested on Xiaobao's face, gently rubbing it, "Don't make me angry again. If you do..."
Xiaobao shuddered, his shoulders shrinking, his head drooping down.
Huai En held his face, lifting it up, and said seriously, "Don't be afraid. If you make me angry again, I won't hit you."
Xiaobao's eyes widened, skeptically asking, "Really?"
"Really, you, with your delicate airs like a fine piece of porcelain, I never intended to hurt you. Yet, you turn out to be more delicate than the wolf cub I used to raise. You can't even move without complaining, and it wasn't even as heavy as one of your arms. I won't hit you again."
Xiaobao nestled into his arms, hugging his waist, and muttered, "Keep your word. If I do something wrong, just tell me. I'll change. I'll listen to you from now on, but please don't hit me. I'm really afraid of pain."
Huai En paused for a moment before responding, "I won't hit you, but there are plenty of other ways to discipline you. Just behave yourself, and don't even think about doing anything sneaky."
"I won't dare to do it again..."
Huai En held the person in his arms, feeling a vast emptiness in his heart.
He appreciated Xiaobao's care, not that he wasn't comforted, but it didn't alleviate his unease. He couldn't fully grasp or trust something he couldn't control. Xiaobao had a reputation, coming from a completely different world. Even if Xiaobao was infatuated with him now, what about later?
What if he aged and lost his looks?
If someone had told him before that he would worry about getting old, ugly, and abandoned, he would have broken their neck on the spot. Yet, now he found himself genuinely contemplating such ridiculous things.
What else could Xiaobao like about him besides his face? Even initially, it was only because he dressed as a woman that Xiaobao clung to him. A few years later, as he grows taller and his features become more defined, would Xiaobao still cherish him? If one day Xiaobao stopped caring... He couldn't think about it, nor could he let it happen. Given Xiaobao's fickleness and immaturity, if he couldn't be sure Xiaobao "wouldn't," he had to ensure Xiaobao "couldn't" and "wouldn't dare." Only by keeping Xiaobao firmly within his grasp could he feel at ease.
The person in his arms moved, raising his head to gently kiss from the corner of Huai En's mouth down to his jawline, then softly biting down on his Adam's apple, while his hands started to tug at his belt.
Huai En pressed down on Xiaobao's hands, looking down at him with a look that was clearly seeking to please him.
He glanced up at the window, realizing how late it had gotten already...
Xiaobao approached him, still wanting to kiss him, "Baby, let me take good care of you today. As long as you're not angry anymore, I'll do anything you say."
Huai En pressed him down, and the two of them tumbled onto the bed together.
Xiaobao still felt terrified from that day; he was so scared inside.
Although he had already recovered physically, it seemed to start hurting again. But after much thought, he believed this method was the most pleasing to Huai En. As long as it made him happy, he was willing to endure even if it killed him.
Unexpectedly, Huai En hugged him to lie down but didn't continue with any actions. Instead, he buried his head in the nape of Xiaobao's neck and whispered, "Don't move, just let me hold you for a while."
Xiaobao relaxed his limbs and hugged him back. The two lay there, close and peaceful, prompting Xiaobao to reminisce about the infinitely beautiful time in the cave. For some reason, the same actions made him feel blissfully happy then, but now, there seemed to be something pressing on his chest, a suffocating, indescribable feeling.
Neither wanted to break this rare tenderness and peace. Just as Xiaobao was dozing off, dreaming of reconciling with Huai En as if everything would be alright until dawn, a muffled sound of a bronze object unexpectedly broke the silence between them.
In his drowsy state, Xiaobao suddenly woke up, surprised to find the person he was holding reacting even more strongly, his body noticeably trembling. Xiaobao turned over and patted his back, "It's nothing, just the night watchman."
The person in his arms seemed to have unstable breathing and buried his head asking, "Xiaobao, you've done something wrong, and I'm not blaming you. If I were the one who did something wrong, would you blame me?"
Xiaobao was caught off guard by his question and replied without thinking, "Of course not, how could I bear to blame you."
Huai En lifted his head, his eyes shimmering with a strange glow in the darkness, "Really?"
Xiaobao subconsciously replied truly, but unexpectedly felt a surge of panic, "Huai En, what are you trying to say..."
He had never seen Huai En with such a look in his eyes, like the sea, beneath the calm surface were turbulent undercurrents. His brows, like distant mountains, were filled with intense struggle, as if he could neither advance nor retreat. However, these emotions were fleeting, and by the time Xiaobao sought to confirm them, only calmness and determination remained in Huai En 's eyes.
"Xiaobao, have I never told you my last name?"
Xiaobao stared at him blankly, feeling a tumultuous emotion screaming and wailing in his chest, unable to even catch his breath. He instinctively didn't want to hear anything else.
Huai En spoke with the indifference and calmness he had when they first met, each word clear, "Xiaobao, remember all that you have said, and remember my name, I am Zongzheng Huai En ."
Zongzheng... Zongzheng!!!
Xiaobao could no longer think. He felt a numbness in the back of his neck and fell into darkness.
Huai En's eyes, sometimes bright and sometimes dim, silently watched the person in his arms. His tightly pressed lips and the stiff line of his jaw revealed the turmoil inside him. He tenderly kissed Xiaobao's eyebrows, nose, and lips, wanting to engrave his sleeping face into his heart, into every inch of his skin.
Despite his reluctance, despite his confusion, Huai En, who never regretted his decisions, began to doubt. But he could no longer stop the progression of events. He only hoped that his decision was still the right one.
"Xiaobao, don't blame me, I will come back for you, don't blame me, wait for me." The soft murmur by his ear disappeared into the air in an instant, the warmth of the room was swept away by the night wind, leaving it clean and dry. The sudden drop in temperature caused the person on the bed to frown, but he did not wake up...