"Ohhh! This one is top-tier! I definitely have to include this in the research!" Jiraiya muttered, wiping away a stray nosebleed. He sat cross-legged on the roof, refusing to lower his telescope for even a second.
Beside him sat a massive roll of toilet paper. Don't misunderstand, Jiraiya wasn't so lecherous that he'd use it for that; it was entirely for stemming the tide of his nosebleeds.
"It's been a while since I was last in Konoha. Has the quality of the village's ladies risen this much? How could anyone bear to leave?" Jiraiya clicked his tongue.
Just as he was reaching the height of his enjoyment, Minato appeared behind him, looking utterly helpless. "Jiraiya-sensei... perhaps you should stop doing this?"
"Stopping is not an option! This sort of thing is my, Jiraiya's, romance! How could I possibly—" Jiraiya responded instinctively.
Halfway through his sentence, he realized who was speaking. He hurriedly lowered the telescope and turned around with an awkward look. Sure enough, his star pupil, Minato, was staring at him with a face full of resignation.
"Ahem, Minato! Your teacher is a man, after all. I'm not like you, with a wife as cute and beautiful as Kushina. I... I..." Jiraiya stammered for a moment, realizing nothing he said sounded right, before finally blurting out, "In short, you've got to understand your Sensei!"
"It would be very embarrassing if you were caught, Jiraiya-sensei," Minato said, wearing an expression that suggested he truly didn't know what to do with his mentor.
"Ahem! Now you're questioning my professional skills. Do you think I, the Great Toad Sage of Mount Myoboku, would ever get caught?" Jiraiya declared with immense confidence.
Seeing Minato remain silent, simply staring at him, Jiraiya scratched his head sheepishly and stood up. "Alright, alright. I promise you, I won't do this anymore while I'm in the village."
"Does that mean you'll keep doing it the moment you leave Konoha?" Minato pressed.
"Ahem... let's not talk about that. Why aren't you at home with Kushina? The war isn't over yet; you might be sent back to the front lines at any moment. Spend time with your wife instead of looking for me." Jiraiya quickly changed the subject.
Seeing this, Minato didn't push further. Instead, he said, "We discovered earlier that Rodriguez Diarmuid has come to Konoha."
Jiraiya's expression, which had been one of mild annoyance at being interrupted, shifted instantly. "Where is he? You haven't engaged him yet, have you?"
"Uh..." Minato paused. "Currently, he's in the Lord Third's office."
"You guys are really bold! Aren't you afraid that guy will take the chance to kill the old man?" Jiraiya said urgently. Without waiting for Minato, he leaped into the air and sped toward the Hokage Residence.
Minato scratched his head. "I don't think so... he seemed quite friendly..."
It was a good thing Jiraiya had already left. Otherwise, hearing those words, he would have sternly reminded Minato that ten minutes before Diarmuid killed the Earth Daimyo, he had been drinking and scouting oiran with Jiraiya!
Inside the Hokage's office, Hiruzen wasn't processing any paperwork. Instead, he sat cross-legged across from Diarmuid, a game board placed between them.
Shogi!
Back at Marine Headquarters, Diarmuid had often played Shogi with Zephyr. The rules here were the same, so he was quite skilled.
Stroking his chin, Diarmuid pushed his Rook (Hisha) forward. "Konoha has already seized the advantage in the war. Why not strike with everything you have?"
"Externally, perhaps. Internally, it is a different story," Hiruzen replied. He spoke in generalities without explaining further; there was no need to detail the village's internal struggles to an outsider like Diarmuid.
"Is that so? Every family has its own cross to bear," Diarmuid smiled.
"Perhaps..." Hiruzen mused, before asking naturally, "What about you, Diarmuid?"
"What about me?" Diarmuid watched Hiruzen place a piece, then made his move in response.
"The Third Raikage, the Earth Daimyo... why do such things?" Hiruzen asked. He paused slightly before adding, "I'm merely curious. If it's inconvenient to say..."
"It's not inconvenient. The Third Raikage was fated to die in the Land of Earth anyway. I was simply interested in his Lightning Release Chakra Mode, so I stepped in. As for the Earth Daimyo, I wanted to make a name for myself to make future business and money-making easier. Case in point: if I hadn't done those things, would the Third Hokage be sitting here playing Shogi with me? Hahaha." Diarmuid spoke with complete composure.
"I see..." Hiruzen replied. He didn't doubt the truth of Diarmuid's words; the man had no reason to lie. Looking at Diarmuid again, he realized just how reckless the man was. To do such things for such reasons...
"Speaking of which, was the secret bounty on the Earth Daimyo issued by Konoha?" Diarmuid suddenly asked out of curiosity.
Hiruzen blinked and shook his head vigorously. "No, Konoha did no such thing. Please don't misunderstand. We are—"
Hiruzen wanted to offer some polite platitudes, but looking into Diarmuid's smiling eyes, the words died in his throat. After a long silence, Hiruzen placed his Gold General (Kinshō) on the board. "It truly wasn't us. Konoha's bounty was for the Water Daimyo..."
As expected, the Five Great Shinobi Villages are behind all of this!
"The Land of Water?" Diarmuid looked at Hiruzen curiously. Why was Konoha targeting the Land of Water? He didn't ask; he knew Hiruzen wouldn't answer. Now it was perfectly understandable why Kirigakure was giving Konoha such a hard time.
"Please, don't repeat what I just said," Hiruzen said, raising an eyebrow. It seemed like a gesture of trust, but it was hollow; with Diarmuid's reputation, no one would believe him even if he did talk. However, Hiruzen's behavior was a deliberate attempt to build rapport.
The old fox...
Diarmuid didn't reject the gesture. "Don't worry. I've already forgotten it."
"I know how you and Jiraiya met, but what about Orochimaru? Have you known him long? He's never mentioned you," Hiruzen probed.
"Ah, not very long. I simply asked him to help me break the mental seal on the Third Raikage's brain. That was our first meeting," Diarmuid said.
It was the truth, but it served as a cover for Orochimaru's more illicit dealings.
"I see." Hiruzen nodded. So that's what Orochimaru was doing during those six months away...
"Speaking of which, does Konoha have any ninjutsu available for trade?" Diarmuid asked.
Hiruzen was taken aback. "Trade? In what way?"
"Well, I have quite a few Lightning Release techniques from Kumogakure. I could trade those. That's one way. The second... you could hire me. If Lord Third has any tasks that are inconvenient for Konoha to handle, I can do them for you. Payment can be settled in high-level ninjutsu," Diarmuid said with a grin.
He paused, then added casually, "I wouldn't even mind wiping out the Uchiha for you..."
Hiruzen's expression stiffened. He quickly replied, "That won't be necessary. The Uchiha clan is a vital part of Konoha. Please, do not entertain such thoughts!"
"How strange. Aren't you the disciple of Tobirama? That man had very little patience or faith in the Uchiha. Honestly, I've always felt that if he hadn't died so suddenly, the Uchiha wouldn't even exist in Konoha today. Hahaha!" Diarmuid laughed loudly.
Hiruzen found himself at a loss for words. Diarmuid was speaking the truth. His teacher, the Second Hokage, indeed held deep-seated prejudices and animosity toward the Uchiha. If Tobirama tripped over a rock, he'd probably mutter, "Damn Uchiha." It was that exaggerated, yet entirely real.
However, Tobirama hadn't intended to use brute force to eliminate them. Instead, he seemed to have planned to achieve their downfall subtly, waiting for the right moment. Unfortunately, he died before his ambitions could be realized.
Seeing Hiruzen's discomfort, Diarmuid didn't dwell on the topic. "If the opportunity arises in the future, be sure to keep me in mind."
"Checkmate," Diarmuid said, placing his piece.
Hiruzen snapped back to the game. He realized that his distraction during their conversation had led to several poor moves, allowing Diarmuid to take his King (Gyoku).
He shook his head. "You look so young, yet your temperament is more composed than mine."
"I only look young," Diarmuid replied. If Hiruzen weren't genuinely older than him, he'd have loved to flex a bit more.
"Oh?" Hiruzen looked intrigued, but before he could speak, Jiraiya burst through the door.
He looked tense, but seeing Diarmuid and Hiruzen calmly playing Shogi, he let out a sigh of relief. His gaze landed on Diarmuid. "What are you doing in Konoha?"
"Just looking around. What about you? Why are you back?" Diarmuid asked.
Meeting Jiraiya was actually a bit awkward. Last time, Diarmuid had confidently told him that they'd meet again when Jiraiya was ready to give him Mount Myoboku's address. Yet here they were, meeting again just a few days later. Diarmuid had expected their next meeting to be when Jiraiya started hunting Orochimaru; he'd planned to use info on his "best friend" to trade...
As for what Orochimaru would think, Diarmuid figured he'd probably be grateful. Despite his cold, "tsundere" exterior, Orochimaru still cared deeply for Jiraiya and Tsunade.
"I'm a man of Konoha. Coming back to gather material is perfectly natural," Jiraiya said shamelessly. He glanced at the board and acted surprised. "Old man, you lost?"
"Ahem!" Hiruzen coughed irritably. Did you have to say it?
Seeing that Diarmuid truly harbored no ill intent, Jiraiya relaxed. If the man wanted to cause trouble, he wouldn't bother with pretenses.
"The Hokage's work is never done. Go back to your duties, old man. I'll take Diarmuid out for some fun in Konoha," Jiraiya told Hiruzen.
Hiruzen nodded. He had the same idea; as Hokage, he couldn't personally shadow Diarmuid indefinitely. But he couldn't let the man roam free without supervision. Having Jiraiya take him out to "play" was the perfect, natural solution.