"Ah-da!" Simon grabbed the fake snake, "These little tricks can't scare me."
Su Xiangli patted Simon's shoulder, "As expected of you."
Simon smiled and turned around. At this moment, a small dark shadow slid down his shoulder. His movements were like lightning. He raised his hand, clamped it, and held the thing firmly.
He raised his hand and looked closely, and in his palm lay a large black spider, hairy, with large chelicerae, and six or seven jet-black eyes, piled up densely like the pale, dead fish on a cutting board at a seafood market.
"Ah—!" Simon shuddered in fright, and the toy spider flew half a classroom away, landing on a little girl's desk in the front row.
The little girl was playing with a Rubik's Cube, surrounded by a circle of friends. The fake spider flew through the gaps between their heads and landed smoothly. Suddenly seeing an eight-legged monster on her desk, the girl playing and those watching her play with the Rubik's Cube immediately screamed, scattering in a rush. The little toy stood steadily on the desk, looking imposing.
"There's a spider!"
"Where? Where?"
The classroom grew noisy, and the commotion spread like lightning from one end to the other. Everyone heard there was a spider and rushed towards the girl's seat. Those in front stood on tiptoes and glanced, indeed seeing a spider, so they clamored with strange cries. Those in the back, unable to see, grew more anxious, urging those in front, asking, "Is it real or fake?" "Is the spider big?"
Simon stood up indignantly and confronted Su Xiangli, "You know I don't like spiders!"
"Hehe, the noodle god says, 'If you know yourself and know your enemy, you will never be defeated.' I bought the spider precisely because I knew you were afraid! How about it, did I scare you?"
"No way! And besides, 'know yourself and know your enemy' was said by Sunzi." Simon stubbornly denied it. Being scared by a little kid, oh, Someone Lu didn't want to lose face!
Su Xiangli covered her mouth and chuckled. She still had a fake spider in her hand, and as she covered her mouth, the spider toy's legs peeked out from the edge of her palm. Simon pouted, saying, "How disgusting." But he still felt a bit unnerved.
What's wrong with a big man being afraid of spiders? These things just look troublesome, and they're weird-looking. We primates aren't familiar with arachnids, and they say they're poisonous, yet they also say they're beneficial insects. Anyway, as long as they don't come near me, we're still good friends…
Simon cheered himself up mentally, and then he saw that after Su Xiangli lowered her hand, the area around her lips was bruised.
He was startled, "You've been poisoned?!"
When he yelled that, others looked over. The paint Su Xiangli had applied beforehand to the spider toy's abdomen was quite deceptive, and the other students immediately fell for it. Suddenly, rumors of a student being bitten by a spider quickly reached the office. Teacher Li, who taught English, rushed over, followed by two unremarkable male teachers, like attendants or sycophants.
Simon realized Su Xiangli was just teasing him. As soon as the teachers entered the front door, Su Xiangli had already slipped out the back door.
"Who was bitten by a spider?"
Simon raised his hand, and then Teacher Li anxiously came over and grabbed his arm, "You were bitten? Where? Does it hurt? The medical robot will be here soon, don't be scared."
"Uh, Teacher, no one was bitten. This was a joke."
Teacher Li let out a long breath, "Are you really okay?" She clutched her chest, her face flushed like a begonia—Simon had never seen a begonia in bloom, but he just felt that this teacher had a gentle air, as if she couldn't withstand the evening breeze.
The two ordinary male teachers were peeking, appearing like gentlemen, but in reality, they were just full of unexpressed lust.
Teacher Li was really a good girl, Simon felt a bit tipsy, truly a good teacher who made people feel like they were bathed in spring breeze.
Just then, another student shouted, "Teacher, there's another spider up front."
Zhang Yingxuan and Zhou Ping entered the classroom. Zhou Ping immediately saw the toy on the desk. He walked over and, under everyone's admiring gazes, easily picked up the fake spider.
"Oh, this thing, wasn't it bought by Su Xiangli?"
This sentence was heard by Teacher Li.
The last class of the morning was math, and Su Xiangli stood at the back of the classroom, leaning against the wall, listening to it.
After the bell rang, the students rushed to the cafeteria. Su Xiangli returned to her seat dejectedly. There was still a bit of paint around her lips that hadn't been wiped clean, making her still look like she had been poisoned.
Simon took out a handkerchief, wet it with drinking water, and carefully wiped her face.
"Bad boy, I found out you're not that bad after all." The little girl's mouth was covered by the handkerchief, but it didn't prevent her from speaking.
Simon held her chin and complained, "Don't talk, if you move around, I won't be able to wipe it clean."
"I want to talk. My mouth is idle anyway, might as well talk. Bad boy, let's go find that video store this weekend, and then I want to eat noodles."
"Eat, eat, I'll definitely let you eat, like a little pig."
"What do you know! This is me partaking in a holy sacrament! The great noodle god bestows His divine body upon us, allowing us to comprehend the mysteries of steam and starch."
"Steam? Alright, alright, I won't discuss that with you. It's clean now, let's go eat. If the cafeteria has 'holy sacrament,' you should try it quickly, don't be greedy."
"Then you have to eat it with me."
"I want to eat rice with toppings, not noodles."
Simon said that, but in the end, he still held a bowl of noodles in the cafeteria and slurped them up.
He spoke grandly to Su Xiangli, a follower of the Flying Spaghetti Monster Church, "Mmm, slurp, if, if there really is a flying spaghetti monster in this world, then His body must be enveloped in a layer of sacred chili oil!"
"Nonsense! The great noodle god must love scrambled eggs with tomatoes!" Su Xiangli declared that he was a heretic and not allowed to distort the doctrine.
"Speaking of which, the noodle god was originally Italian pasta, right? It indeed often descended with the two saints, tomato and cheese, to perform miracles." Simon mumbled, "But if deities and ghosts come to China, they have to take on Chinese characteristics. If the noodle god went to Shaanxi Province for further study, there would definitely be variations of biangbiang noodles. So, chili oil is also a saint."
"Chili oil, chili oil, it definitely won't taste good." Su Xiangli was full of disdain, planning to unilaterally deny the religious status of chili oil.
Simon scooped up a roll of noodles, "Come, open your mouth, ah—"
Su Xiangli leaned back, "No, it definitely won't taste good, ah, mmm…" She symbolically resisted, but Simon still fed the noodles into her mouth.
"How is it?"
"Cough, so spicy. Mmm, hiss hiss—" Su Xiangli slurped her saliva, "It's so spicy! Take it away."
Simon pouted and slurped his own noodles. After a while, Su Xiangli glanced at Simon's noodle bowl out of the corner of her eye.
"Again, let me try another bite."
"None left, none left! Is it much? No, it is not much!" Simon picked up his bowl and scraped it.
"Stingy!"
Su Xiangli huffily put down her own bowl and went to the food window to order another bowl of chili oil noodles.
"Can you finish all that? If you can't, you'll have to write a self-criticism." Simon said sarcastically.
Su Xiangli froze, the chili oil noodles in her hand suddenly didn't smell as good.
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