"No life decisions should be made lightly," Senator James Hwang says when asked reason for entering politics.
More couples are struggling to connect than in past centuries.
Zay tipped his head so his cheek brushed the back of Pandi's hand. "Decisive? And what is this decisive move?"
Pandi's hands slid up to curl around Zay's neck in a way that should have felt threatening but instead felt comfortingly intimate. "I like you, and I want to be with you for every possible moment. Will you let me?"
Zay smiled and felt his whole being relax. Maybe he really had found the man of his dreams at last. "I'll do better than that. I'll stay with you too. As long as you promise that you mean it."
"I promise." Pandi's hands were warm, soft, and strong. "I mean it."
Zay wanted to slump against Pandi's body and just soak in the comfort flooding the atmosphere. But there was something that needed to be addressed. "What do we do now?"
Pandi smiled awkwardly. "I'm not exactly sure. I've never done the dating thing. I mean, Aimee and I went out on a date before we decided to get married, but I guess that doesn't really count."
Zay shook his head, also smiling. "Nope. Doesn't count. Dating is a whole experience that we're going to figure out together cause, surprise, I've never dated anyone either." Now that he thought about it, he should have probably come clean about his other profession a lot sooner. "Um, I hope this isn't a dealbreaker for you, but there's something I really should've told you earlier."
Pandi's hands did not move, and his expression stayed serene. "Tell me."
"Camille and I are friends cause we both worked down at The Helix." Zay internally cringed, waiting for Pandi to put the pieces together.
Pandi blinked a couple times and then questioned softly, "Do you still work there?"
"Yes, technically. I'm currently off for the tennis season."
Pandi nodded slowly. "Why?"
Now it was Zay's turn to blink. "I don't know. I guess, I don't know, that it's someplace I can express my feminine side without judgment. I can't do that out on the court and certainly not in a therapist's office."
"You know I don't care what you wear, right?"
Say what? Zay frowned, but he recalled the times Pandi had commented on a complimenting color scheme or his eyeliner. Did he really mean it?
"I think everything looks beautiful on you, no matter which way it leans. I love seeing you in makeup and fancy clothes. Seeing your outfit in the morning is honestly the best part of my mornings." Pandi interlocked his fingers behind Zay's neck. "I don't feel threatened, Zay."
"I can stop," Zay offered. Was that what Pandi wanted? "I can stop working there."
Pandi frowned ever so slightly. "That's not what I meant. If you feel like that's your safe space to express yourself, I'm not going to make you stop."
Zay shook his head as much as he could with Pandi's hands still braced around his neck. "I don't really feel that safe there. It's just been an outlet ever since I started to do good in tournaments. I don't need the money. The pay's kinda crappy, and people are always taking swings at me. Though that's kinda my fault, since I'm just a tease. I literally don't do anything except sexually infuriate every customer I can. It's something I don't think I'll miss that much."
"If you're sure—"
Zay cut him off. "I'm sure."
Pandi nodded. "Okay. Then that's good enough for me."
"See? Not controlling."
Pandi's eyebrows drew together, and he actually looked conflicted. "I'm trying my best."
"And I'm gracious." Zay reached up and patted Pandi's cheek, enjoying the faint prickle of stubble against his palm far more than he had thought he would. "Don't worry. I won't let you become toxic, and I think you're pretty hard on yourself. I don't think there's anything to worry about, but we'll both keep our eyes out, okay?"
Pandi nodded. He pulled one of his hands away from Zay's neck to pin Zay's hand to his cheek. "I like this," he said sheepishly when Zay raised an eyebrow. "It gives me butterflies."
Zay felt his face melt into the softest smile he had ever given to anyone. "Butterflies just from one hand on your face? Will you melt into a puddle if I do this?" He put his other hand on Pandi's other cheek and felt satisfaction when Pandi's other hand shot to cover that hand like it was a grenade.
Pandi closed his eyes and seemed to visibly slump into the feeling. "I could get used to this."
Without even really thinking about it, Zay pulled himself closer to Pandi, got up onto his tiptoes, and pressed his first kiss to Pandi's warm lips.
Pandi's eyes shot open, and they stared each other down for a moment, both unsure of what move to make next. Then Pandi cupped Zay's neck again and tentatively kissed him back.
When he pulled back, they stared at each other again. Then Zay started giggling for absolutely no good reason, and Pandi quickly caved to the laughter. They collapsed against each other, simultaneously holding each other up and dragging each other down. Only when they both ended up on the floor did their laughter finally grind to a stop.
Zay panted to catch his breath, his head resting on Pandi's chest as they both lay sprawled on the floor. Was this what a relationship felt like?
Pandi's hands rubbed up and down Zay's back soothingly, and it seemed like he was doing it unconsciously because any conscious action like this would send Pandi into a spiral of overthinking. His chest was also heaving as he got his breathing under control again.
Shit, now Zay was kind of turned on. Don't think about Pandi breathing hard, he scolded himself, but that did nothing to repress any of what he was feeling. He lifted his head slightly when Pandi's hands paused their motions and met Pandi's nervous dark eyes. "What?"
Pandi chuckled, the very sound anxious in a way that made Zay's heart clench. "I was just about to say something really dumb."
"I doubt that. I mean, I barely got my associates degree. You've got, what? A PhD? I genuinely doubt that you could say something really dumb."
Pandi's hands tightened around Zay's sides. "Don't compare us like that."
Zay held up his hands as best he could in his position. "Okay, no comparisons. But seriously, what were you going to say? I don't think it'll be dumb."
Pandi looked away for a moment but then brought his eyes back to Zay's. "I don't want to rush things or put pressure on you."
Zay folded his hands on Pandi's chest and set his chin on top of them. "Are you thinking that you've never had gay sex before but you can't get over wanting me?"
Pandi gulped. "Are you a mind reader or something?" His voice was trembling. It was so strange seeing Pandi so unbalanced and unsure.
Zay smiled and tipped his head so his cheek was resting on his interlocked fingers. "Yeah, naturally. I do look like a mind reading kind of person, right?"
Pandi traced a finger down the serpentine coil of Zay's braid. "Maybe just a little."
Zay pulled himself up so he and Pandi were almost eye to eye and said, "To get back to the most pressing matter, I'm very much sexually attracted to you right now too."
Pandi's warm brown skin flushed a deep red. "Okay…"
Zay laughed. "I'm not gonna do anything to you, Pandi. Not unless you ask me to."
Pandi went even redder. "A-are you, like, a what do you call it?"
Zay fought down the urge to cackle as he realized where Pandi's mind had gone. "A top? Hell, no. I'm an omega, remember?"
"Oh." Pandi swallowed hard again. "My bad. You don't exactly act like a typical omega, so I tend to forget."
"I take that as a compliment," Zay replied. "I do my best to be anything but typical." He set his chin down on his hands again, putting his and Pandi's lips mere millimeters apart. "If you want to try anything, tell me. You don't have to get all red or anything. I promise, I've heard it all."
Pandi leaned forward just enough to touch his lips to Zay's. Then he said quietly, "I want to try everything. Not tonight, of course," he hurriedly added.
Zay grinned. "Yeah, that'd be insane. I don't think either of us have the stamina for that." He playfully walked his fingers up Pandi's chest. "But you do want to do something tonight, right?"