"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, we're so happy to chop, we're riding on the subway..."
After entering the city, Wade insisted on taking the subway, saying that flying around could easily make him look like Santa Claus, and it wouldn't be good to be hit by anti-aircraft missiles from naughty kids.
Su Ming didn't mind, subway, tunnels, underground rivers, sewers, these are all terrains he's good at.
In the subway carriage, Deadpool bobbed his head while singing, looking very happy, and the surrounding citizens were weirdly friendly to his appearance, with children even asking for his autograph.
After signing a few photos, Wade smugly winked at Su Ming: "My Twitter followers have surpassed a hundred thousand. I'm famous now."
"Are you sure people are following you, not you following a hundred thousand people?" Su Ming leaned on the subway bench, looking at the snow-white lights on the ceiling. It's Christmas Eve, and there weren't too many pedestrians, otherwise, the New York subway would really be deadly.
"Mutual follow, mutual." Deadpool turned his head away, not looking at his cousin's mask, as if the red lenses on it could see right through him.
"Hey, Wade, spending Christmas with family? Where are you going for a massacre?" A man in a green uniform walked over from the carriage, raised his hand to greet Deadpool.
Deadpool looked up, the small eyes on his mask crinkling: "Isn't this Bob? You dog, last time I killed everyone else in your division, why didn't you say 'wait for me', so we could conveniently share a cab?"
Despite saying this, Wade still high-fived him, performing a set of street moves with the guy.
"Couldn't help it, Midnight Express called me, my ordered oven arrived, the courier urged me to go home to sign for it, so I left first. Next time." Bob shrugged helplessly.
Wade nodded indifferently, scratching his armpit, a smell like a fox's urine wafted out: "By the way, you haven't met yet, Bob, this is my cousin Deathstroke. Cousin, this is Hydra's Bob, my pet."
"Of course, I know Deathstroke, world's number one mercenary." Bob took out a notebook, with Hydra's emblem on it: "Can you sign an autograph for me?"
Deadpool's face dropped, eyes turning into a dead fish state, he pushed Bob: "Just leave, I don't fancy you."
"Why are you so stingy?" Bob stumbled, sitting on the carriage floor with a crisp sound: "Oh no, something's broken, the bomb's activated."
"What bomb? Hydra is still running events on Christmas Eve? That's tiring." Wade hugged his own arms, not budging, the bomb wouldn't kill him anyway, if everyone else on this train died it wouldn't concern him.
"I have no choice, working overtime during Christmas gets five times the pay, I want to buy a new refrigerator for my family." Bob said, as he climbed up and pulled a bomb out from his big backpack, handing it to Deadpool.
The previously calm passengers in the carriage freaked out when they saw that bundle of red detonators with a big timer on it. Even idiots knew what it was, so they screamed and started fleeing, at least getting away from this carriage.
"Looks very ordinary, just detonators for mining." Wade flipped the bomb, took a look at the countdown, then handed it over to Deathstroke: "Cousin, am I right?"
Su Ming took the bomb, weighing it in his hand: "Hydra has so many new products, how come you're here with ones that are a century old?"
After that, he handed the bomb back to Bob.
Bob sighed, rubbed his head helplessly: "I'm just a third-level inspector, there are thirty-five layers of leadership above me, do you think I'd have anything good in my hands? I joined Hydra only for dental insurance."
As he spoke, he handed the bomb to Deadpool.
"I don't know how you haven't gotten diabetes eating so much sugar, S.H.I.E.L.D.'s benefits are still better than Hydra's in some ways, right cousin?"
Deadpool handed the bomb over to Su Ming again.
"Bob has a Hydra background, he can't get into S.H.I.E.L.D., but you could try AIM, they also hire security."
While talking, Su Ming tossed the bomb back to Bob.
"I've considered it, but AIM's security job requires proficiency in eight foreign languages and a master's degree in kinesiology or medicine, I am powerless." Bob said with a tone full of helplessness, tossing the bomb to Deadpool.
"Requirements so high? Want me to talk to Modok for you? Let you go through his back door." Deadpool tilted his head and suggested, then handed the bomb back to Deathstroke.
"Forget it, Modok hates you, you snatched too many of his jobs, if he knows Bob is connected to you, Bob will be done for." Su Ming looked at the timer, then handed the bomb to Bob again.
So, as they chatted, the red bomb kept passing back and forth among the three, circling over ten times.
"Ding!"
The subway arrived at the station, and the carriage, now empty except for the three, as other passengers dot the glass doors of the next carriage, regretting not being slim enough.
As soon as they reached the station, everyone ran away.
Deadpool stood up and patted his butt, stretched his back: "Alright, we've arrived at Bayek Park, my cousin and I need to switch to the number six line, see you later, call if anything comes up."
Bob hugged the bomb, waved at Wade with a smile: "Merry Christmas, you two."
Su Ming patted Bob's shoulder, scratching his head speechlessly: "Merry Christmas to you too, and next time tell your leaders, don't set the timer to an hour."
..............
The cousins switched to the 6th line, rode a few stops, and arrived at the southern district of Brooklyn. Wade led Su Ming back to the surface, crossed streets and alleys, walked increasingly secluded, and finally headed for a shopping mall.
It's not a good mall; the building looks very worn down, and the sign on the roof is missing a few letters, giving it a haunted house vibe, not to mention the lack of business—it's deserted.
Usually, good malls still have some busy people doing last-minute shopping on Christmas Eve.
But here, not even a ghost can be seen, even the Santa in the first-floor window, the actor has taken off his beard to smoke, with a look of misery visible from afar.
Deadpool noticed his cousin's gaze and turned to glance at the window: "Oh, you're looking at him? He's a good guy, loves giving well-behaved kids tiny pills that make you super high."
"..." Su Ming was speechless: "What are you bringing me here for?"
"My office is here, I couldn't really think of any well-behaved kids, so I'm back to ask Negative Sound Wave 'Likes Young Girls' Bullet. She should know quite a few naive young ladies." Deadpool answered naturally, pushing open the rusty mall door, straight up to the third floor.
He walked to the entrance of a shop selling plush rabbits, went in and greeted: "Hey, Jimmy, how's business today?"
"Don't mention it, nobody wants any goods on Christmas," the toy store owner replied to Deadpool, calmly sewing a small bag of laundry powder-like stuff into the rabbit's back: "How are you today?"
"Christmas, you know, nobody wants to kill anyone today, I only got one job to take out Santa Claus." Deadpool picked a rabbit with cotton showing from the counter: "Put this on my tab first, gotta prepare some small gifts for my friend's kid."
The toy store owner waved nonchalantly, gifting Deadpool the rabbit without hidden goods, since he traded in big business after all.
Deadpool stuffed the rabbit into his crotch, dropped a 'thanks', and expertly pushed open the warehouse door behind the shop. Sure enough, there was another small door inside, looking like an old-fashioned detective agency, only with a sign saying 'Deadpool All Things House'.
"All Things House? Are you serious?" Su Ming was too lazy to even mock.
"Name coined by Xue Xu, I think it's fine, anyway the key isn't my business skills, the name doesn't matter." Saying so, Deadpool pushed open the frosted glass door: "Jimmy doesn't store his goods in the warehouse, so he subleased it to me, ta-da, come in."
Su Ming sighed and stepped into the agency.
The room is neither too small nor large, it's a suite, with an outside room holding a table and two rows of folding chairs, maps and all sorts of beauty posters collected by Deadpool plastered on the walls.
A girl in a leather trench coat, with a buzz cut, was lounging with her legs atop the desk, chewing gum and playing with her phone; she didn't even glance at Deadpool upon entry.
"Hey, Negative Sound Wave 'Supposed to Welcome Clients But Only Plays on Phone' Bullet, your boss is back, not planning to give me a Christmas kiss?" Deadpool pulled off his mask, beaming and jiving over with jazz dance moves.
The girl didn't lift her head, rapidly thumb-typing messages, blew a bubble and coolly flipped Deadpool the bird.
Her movements were skillful, flicking the finger at lightning speed, a sure sign she often did this.
Wade twisted his face towards Su Ming, shrugged helplessly: "See, she doesn't answer calls, doesn't reply to texts, doesn't even care when I come back myself."
"No normal person would care about you, right?"
Not to mention Bullet, even Su Ming didn't want to bother with his young cousin.
"No! Cousin, you can't kill her, she's disrespectful and rude to me, but she's my good friend, you must not impulsively act." Deadpool suddenly jumped in front of Su Ming, clawed his arms, and pressed Su Ming's chest with his shoulder, shouting emotionally.
Meanwhile, he kept turning his head sneakily to check Negative Sound Wave Teenage Bullet's reaction.
This drama king act left Su Ming standing still, inexplicably labeled as planning murder by Deadpool.
Unfortunately, the girl just flicked him another finger, refusing to take the bait.
Strangulation slightly struggled, and Wade's arms dislocated, hanging like noodles.
Wade's face darkened with a look of desperation, glanced at Su Ming, slowly stretched his shoulders trying to use teeth to realign bones: "You see, she begged me to keep her as a secretary back then, but now she doesn't work at all."
"Who OM begged you, you stinking pile of stinking dog shit, not only did you deceive Professor and Beast, I couldn't even go to the bathroom, you SOB poked your head beneath the stall begging me to help, I had no choice but to come! F**k you! No pay and no OM holiday on Christmas too, f**k you!"
Negative Sound Wave Teenage Bullet slammed her phone on the desk and stood up, unleashing a string of sweet curses, her hands swinging combo middle fingers like an assemblage of uppercuts at Deadpool's chin.
Wade's eyes widened and mouth gaped, as if her words struck him with shock, his face showed an ashen defeat, retreating several steps.
"I didn't expect, I'm such a failure in life..." Wade shook his head gently and turned, dropping his pants, exposing a rotting rear to the girl: "Then as you wish, come on! F**k me! But go easy, I have colorectal cancer."
"Hehe, Jimmy's plush rabbit?" The girl sneered.
Golden light, like that of a Super Saiyan, enveloped Negative Sound Wave Teenage Bullet. Under the influence of special energy, her boot collided powerfully with Wade's rear through the rabbit, Deadpool penetrated several walls, flying directly into the night.