Chapter 549: Shinji's Discovery
These descriptions, to Shinji—whose impression of his mother had always been blurry, existing only in a single photograph and scattered conversations—were like rain after a long drought.
He listened greedily to every single word, attempting to use these fragments to piece together a more vivid, multi-dimensional image of his mother in his mind. What he heard was not merely a abstract concept of a "mother," but a living person with her own thoughts, ideals, and pursuits.
This added an indescribable closeness and yearning to his feelings for her, far beyond simple longing.
At the same time, through Fuyutsuki's descriptions, he caught a faint glimpse of the emotional bond that had once existed between his parents. This gave him a highly subtle, complex understanding of his cold father: Gendo Ikari had not been born the way he was today.
The conversation didn't last very long. Fuyutsuki balanced his boundaries well, stopping at appropriate junctures before touching upon potentially sensitive areas.
But for Shinji, this was already an impact filled with a massive volume of information.
When he left Fuyutsuki's office, his heart felt heavier than when he arrived, yet he felt as if some brand-new, indescribable things had been injected into his core. He hadn't received a direct answer regarding his mother's "disappearance," but Ryo's objective had been achieved.
The blank space in Shinji's mind regarding his parents had been partially filled, giving rise to more concrete curiosity and doubt regarding the truth hidden behind NERV. Concurrently, a highly subtle yet definitely existing channel of communication had been established between him and Vice Commander Fuyutsuki.
In the future, Ryo might utilize this channel to acquire more critical information. Meanwhile, Shinji himself continued forward amidst confusion and exploration, carrying these heavy fragments of the past.
Shinji Ikari sought out Ryo once more. This time, his emotions were significantly more stable than before, but his eyes held a few more degrees of heavy contemplation.
He recounted the fragments of the past regarding his mother, Yui Ikari, that he had heard from Vice Commander Fuyutsuki back to Ryo. Those details about his mother's talent, ideals, and how she met his father were precious emotional comfort to him, as well as an important addition to his cognitive puzzle.
Ryo listened quietly, his brain operating at lightning speeds, cross-referencing and integrating these emotionally colored pieces of memory with the classified intelligence he had acquired from Ryoji Kaji, his own technical analysis of the EVAs, and the memory framework transmitted by his main body.
Although the information Fuyutsuki disclosed omitted the core, his descriptions of Yui's research inclinations, personality traits, and her shared research trajectory with Gendo perfectly matched the portrait of a key figure during the originating phase of the "Human Instrumentality Project." This further deepened his understanding of the historical research surrounding the EVAs.
After Shinji finished his narration, Ryo could perceive the mixture of fulfillment from gaining information and the greater confusion regarding the unknown within the boy's heart.
Instead of evaluating those past events, he spoke in a peaceful tone, attempting to help Shinji organize his thoughts and steer the topic deeper: "This information is highly valuable. It draws you closer to your parents, especially your mother. But, Shinji-kun, based on this information, have you ever considered a more fundamental question?"
Shinji raised his head, looking toward him with confusion and a trace of anticipation.
"What exactly is the true essence of an EVA?" Ryo tossed out this heavy question, but he didn't provide his own answer, instead guiding Shinji to look at the core of the problem. "This is not a simple technical definition. It was the ultimate subject your mother poured her life's blood into, and perhaps even paid with her life to explore."
He paused deliberately, letting this sentence settle within Shinji's heart, before continuing: "Perhaps, understanding what exactly she was researching and pursuing back then is a key to understanding Unit-01, understanding your father, and even understanding why you yourself are standing here."
These words were like a pebble tossed into Shinji's heart, which had just slightly quieted after learning about his mother's past, triggering deeper ripples of contemplation. Ryo didn't offer a definitive answer, but gently placed a series of grander, more root-touching questions right before him. He guided Shinji's emotional remembrance of his mother as an individual toward a rational exploration of the deeper truth she represented.
Shinji froze, his eyes filled with complex thoughts. His mother's research... the essence of an EVA... everything seemed bound together by an invisible thread. Dr. Ryo's words seemed to open a door for him. Though the path behind the door was unknown, it appeared to be an inescapable road toward understanding his own situation and his family's past.
Looking at the intertwining expression of confusion and exploration rising within Shinji's eyes, Ryo knew his guidance had taken effect.
Under Ryo's seamless guidance, Shinji Ikari began attempting to touch upon those heavily veiled past events in his own way.
Following Ryo's prompt, he didn't directly interrogate the sensitive truth, but visited Kozo Fuyutsuki once more with a pure posture of "wishing to understand his mother's academic footsteps back then." This time, he even altered his form of address, cautiously utilizing the title "Professor Fuyutsuki," which carried a stronger nuance of academic legacy.
Fuyutsuki was somewhat surprised by Shinji's second visit and his pursuit of his mother's academic career, faintly sensing a trace of the unusual. However, before the respectful posture of a student that Shinji had deliberately crafted, he didn't exhibit any overt wariness, continuing to share limited recollections of Yui's early research concepts and academic temperament as an elder and teacher.
However, after this meeting, Fuyutsuki informed Gendo Ikari of the matter.
When Gendo learned from Fuyutsuki that Shinji was touching upon Yui's past in an unprecedented, probing manner, a powerful, near-irresistible emotional wave surged within this man's inner heart. His gaze, hidden behind orange lenses, suddenly turned profound, the knuckles of his crossed fingers pressing against his chin turning slightly white from the force.
Gendo's emotions toward Shinji were far from simple detestation or redirection of anger. He didn't choose to distance himself simply because looking at his son caused him pain by reminding him of his deceased wife.
Quite the contrary—the ultimate driving force pushing everything deep within his heart was precisely to reunite with Yui Ikari. The core, most private objective of the "Human Instrumentality Project" he was plotting was to break the boundary between life and death, creating a world capable of allowing him to gather once more with his lost wife. To this end, he did not hesitate to use the entirety of human civilization as a wager and a price.
Within this extreme, twisted obsession, his emotions toward his son Shinji were complex and filled with contradictions. It wasn't that he didn't love Shinji, but in his blueprint for the plan, this life jointly created by him and Yui—this proof symbolizing their past existence and union—instead became an "unneeded" presence.
He envisioned reuniting with Yui in the post-Instrumentality world where there was no death or separation, and naturally, there would be no need for a symbol of life's continuation like an "offspring." His exclusion of Shinji from his plans and his deliberate maintenance of a cold estrangement were, to a certain extent, a twisted, self-righteous form of "atonement" within his heart. He was about to destroy the existing world for the sake of his own wish; he felt he was unworthy, and could no longer enjoy, the identity and warmth of being a father.