"GIRLFRIEND?!"
My eyes snapped open at the shout, my Sharingan activating on pure instinct. I sat up so fast the blanket flew off me, one hand already reaching under the pillow for a kunai, before my half-asleep brain caught up and realized the voice belonged to my father. However, I had to blink twice to confirm it, because with Dad, volume wasn't a reliable indicator of who was speaking. Especially this early... And how did he learn about it anyway?! I didn't say... Oh... Ooooh... That fucking traitor!
"MINATO!" I yelled, and I swear I heard something crash downstairs.
"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME—" Dad continued, interrupting me, standing and heaving in the doorway of my room.
"Oh no, I'm not having this..." I moaned as I threw myself out of bed, but my feet got tangled in the blanket. "Shit—!"
With a crash, I landed face first on the floor, but I managed to dodge Dad's arms this way, who was trying to grab me and shake the rest of the news out of me. I kicked myself free of my blanket, sliding between his legs, ending up at the other end of the room while I threw on the first shirt I could reach, and rushed downstairs while trying to flatten my hair with one hand.
But... Despite my escape, nothing could prepare me for what was waiting in the kitchen.
Mom stood over Minato, hands on her hips, staring at him and forcing him to explain everything in detail with her eyes alone. Ah... No wonder he spilled the beans!
"Minato..." I groaned, skidding to a halt. "Why did you look into their eyes? Haven't you learned your lesson?" I moaned as he looked toward me, both guilt-ridden and pleading with me to save him.
"Renji... I didn't mean to."
"YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!" Dad came back down right after me, repeating the same thing like a broken automaton while his hand grabbed my shoulder, shattering any chance to escape.
"...Good morning?" I muttered, looking back and forth between my parents.
"Don't you good morning me!" Mom spoke before Dad could yell in my ear again.
"Why not?" I asked with an innocent smile. "It is morning."
"Renjiro." Mom said, and her suddenly soft voice made me shiver... oh boy... That smile she had on her face... Brrr... "Sit."
Ah... There goes my simple morning.
"Sit down!" Dad squeezed my shoulder and pulled me toward the table.
"I was already going to!" I moaned, being lifted and placed onto the chair.
"Stop avoiding the important matter!" He shot back as I landed beside Minato, almost feeling like I was strapped down for an interrogation.
"What did you say so far?" I asked, leaning over and whispering.
"Your mother asked whether Sayuri enjoyed the ramen."
"And?"
"I said your girlfriend seemed happy."
"..." I just stared at him, feeling incredulous. "You're an idiot. Sometimes your brain misfires, turning all that smart juice into unfiltered dumbness."
"I know..."
"Since when?!" Dad slammed both hands on the table, interrupting our private discourse.
"Yesterday!" I answered in a panic, jumping in my chair.
"YESTERDAY?!" They both asked, leaning towards us.
"Why are you yelling?!"
"Because I'm your father!"
"So." Mom took over, patting Dad's shoulder to signal he should stop and let her do the talking. "Sayuri-chan."
"Unless there is another Sayuri I somehow accidentally started dating," I added, pursing my lips and pretending to sulk to soften them up even more, but Mom's smile just kept growing. She wasn't falling for such an obvious trick.
"Don't get clever with me now..."
"Sorry."
"How did it happen?" Mom asked, making me raise a brow.
"What do you mean, how?"
"Who asked whom?" Dad added, and Mom didn't even wait for my answer.
"You didn't ask her. That's for sure."
"I—" I started, but Minato lowered his head, and I noticed his shoulders move. "Are you laughing?!"
"No..."
"Fuck you!"
"Renjiro," Mom warned me, and not because of my language. "Answer me. Mommy is right, isn't she?"
"Technically..." I turned back to the two of them, my voice faltering just enough. "We discussed it. There wasn't a proper who-asks-whom thing. We mutually arrived at a conclusion."
Naturally, Minato made a choking noise, so I kicked him under the table. Then again, I was forced to retell everything, from start to finish.
"Her side isn't exactly happy about it." I finished with the part I knew would make them angry, watching my parents' faces darken a little.
"Did someone threaten her?" Dad asked, crossing his arms.
"I don't think so." I said with a shrug, "I just know their clan isn't as keen about it as ours. Or, well, you two."
"Too bad." Dad and Mom snorted in perfect sync while I just blinked my eyes, looking between them. Well... I don't know what I expected, really... This was exactly what I knew would happen.
"She's a Konoha kunoichi." Mom continued, "You're a Konoha shinobi; you're both from respected clans; she's polite, smart, and a good kid. No issues. None. Understood?"
"She is a very good girl indeed." Dad agreed. "And you're clearly stupid about her."
"Hey. I'm stupid by myself, too, okay?" I said, snorting a little.
"Not as much as the old foogeys." Dad countered, "Old-fashioned nonsense. Don't worry about them, or our side. Follow what you love, son. That's all."
"Mom?" I raised an eyebrow, wanting to hear her opinion, because Dad just called Fugaku old, yet they are close in age. Hmph.
"I wonder what kind of wedding you two will have..."
Scratch that, I don't want to hear her opinion. Nope. Marriage? Already? The last thing I need is a ceremony like that. Oh boy... Luckily, they relented a little, and we managed to have a breakfast, which, after about five minutes, devolved into complete nonsense. Dad wanted to know whether I'd already kissed her, but I refused to answer, so Mom immediately guessed yes. I considered activating my Sharingan and putting the entire household into genjutsu, especially when Mom asked whether Sayuri had kissed me first, and I remembered the peck on my cheek before heading to the Kage meeting... that was all she needed, because I hesitated to answer.
"HA!" Dad nearly fell backward, noticing it too.
"It was a good-luck thing!" I moaned, covering my face.
"Of course." Mom nodded. "And it worked. I will have to thank her for it."
"Mom!"
Minato had abandoned me entirely by then, sitting with his tea, wearing the peaceful expression of a monk who had transcended mortal concerns, and was not even there. Fuck you, buddy, I will remember this! The moment you do something stupid with Kushina, I'm going to bail and let you handle it by yourself! Hmph! I hope you make some big mistake, like getting her pregnant and... Wait... What if Naruto is born early? Can that happen? Will... Will that happen?! Wait, no, no, don't do that, I take back everything!
"You know," Dad said after calming down and pulling me out of my cascading thoughts, "I remember your mother doing something similar."
"Khm!" Mom's expression changed instantly. "Daizen."
"Oh?" I perked up at once, shaking my head, while Minato also set down his tea and listened intently.
"Before my first B-rank mission—" Dad continued, ignoring Mom's tone, which got lower and lower with every syllable.
"Daizen."
"She came running—"
Mom picked up a ladle instead of speaking to him again, and the moment it happened, Dad stopped.
"Anyone want more soup?"
"Mom, we are eating breakfast," I said, my eyes twitching. I didn't even know where that ladle came from, but she managed to divert the whole topic like that. Haaah... something embarrassing about my parents just got brought up and then buried again... too bad. Instead of learning about it, the topic was back to Sayuri and me, once again. I was about to try to escape when someone knocked three firm taps on the front door. What now?!
The whole mood shifted automatically; by now you learned to recognize certain knocks, and that was definitely a formal one. I hope it's not news that the Hokage is dead, or that the one-eyed fucker escaped, and I'm going into the Bingo Book. Am I in the Bingo Book? I need to get a copy for myself...
"I'll get it," Dad said, disappearing from the table, and then I heard his voice, exclaiming in surprise. "Chief?"
"..." Minato and I exchanged a glance, but then another voice came in from the front door.
"Morning, Daizen."
Jiraiya-sensei too? What the hell? I didn't have to wait long to learn more, because a moment later, Dad returned, with Fugaku and Jiraiya coming in right after him.
"Morning," Minato and I said cautiously. "You didn't come here for breakfast, I assume?" I asked.
"No." They said, even as Mom already made a place for them to sit down, but Fugaku politely shook his head. "Nobody died, so don't look at me like that, Renji. However, you have one week to prepare."
"For what?" We both asked, looking at each other.
"Intensive training," Jiraiya said, and he was surprisingly serious. "We can't say more, because it is classified. You will know things when they happen."
Something twisted in my stomach as I listened and started to say something, but Fugaku had already read my intentions.
"No," he said, looking me in the eyes. "Don't ask, because you won't be training together."
"We won't?" Minato looked at me, finding it weird, just as much as I did. I don't even remember if we ever trained separately, not counting my Sharingan training with Fugaku.
"Okay..." I still asked, wanting to get some info out of the two old-but-not-old bastards. They came here to tell us something, so then tell us already, seesh! "As in different training fields?"
"No." Jiraiya scratched his cheek, trying to skirt around it. "You'll be going to different places."
"Oh..." Minato inhaled, his brain's heavy gears already turning.
"Is Kushina going with either of us?" I asked, and Minato's thoughts crashed and burned the next moment as he flinched in his chair, clearly missing part of the equation until that point.
"No." Sensei answered us, "She has her own training assignment within her clan."
"So, Fugaku-sama trains me," I began counting, "Sensei keeps presenting preferential treatment to Minato, while Ashina-sama picked Kushina. Makes sense."
"You are insufferable." Jiraiya stared at me, twitching an eye. "That's why I picked Minato, just so you know."
"Got it." I smiled as Minato kicked me under the table, but I'd already said it, so it was too late.
"How long?" I asked the next important question, while Jiraiya's expression softened slightly.
"We really don't know. As long as it may take, which could be months. Or more..."
Yeah... Okay... This really sounds... intense.
"This isn't punishment, is it?" I asked suddenly, "Is it because of what happened in Amegakure? Oh, come on... That was really not on us!"
"In part," Jiraiya said, holding down a laugh, "But no, this isn't a punishment! It is a reward if anything."
"Are they being sent into combat?" My parents asked.
"Naori," Fugaku said calmly before Mom could ask anything else, "I cannot disclose that, and you know it. All I can say is that he will be with me the whole time." That somewhat calmed him down as Fugaku looked back at us and continued. "We have a mission before that, and no, we can't talk about it. All you need to know is that the others agreed to form a council, and the village's situation is under control."
"So..." I began, but Fugaku raised a hand, signaling me not to even try to ask. This was not something to be talked about openly. "Tsk... They are my parents..."
"I'm stopping you because we don't know who else is listening." He continued, and my parents didn't take it to heart at all. "You both have a week to rest and prepare. That's why we came and warn you in time. Spend it however you wish, but be ready, because we have to make sure the time we gain... will be spent on you two... So you are ready for when the war truly escalates."