The fear that crowned the silence had come to light. As cowards and bonds blended a bloody game with fire covered in crimson ashes, time had stopped like a pulse. I was issuing a challenge. To those here. By standing up against their innocent poses. To the mechanism. By abandoning every kind of surrender they tried to resist here. And to death. By winking at every kind of disappointment it would leave behind after taking me. "Death?" I asked myself in that tiny fragment of time. "If there is something more real than me, is it death or my resistance?"
Not a sound was heard, but the scenery was the only thing changing the atmosphere of the environment. I thought the square step beneath me would open and write for me the fate of the woman who died when I first arrived here. Fate, after all, was two lines of writing. What I sought was to tear a piece from the bosom of eternity. "Why don't you answer?" I shouted; my finger on the trigger was sweaty. I could breathe only with difficulty. As if I were in the world's narrowest cave, I repeated, "Why?"
The first strange feeling I experienced here was that no one opposed me at that moment. Not even with the slightest word. I didn't see the slightest regret in the eyes of either Mert or the blonde woman. They certainly didn't feel any pangs of conscience for leaving the weapon on that square. And the others... in all of their eyes, there was a reflection of something they wanted to do themselves, a fire they wanted to light themselves.
In the face of that moment, which I never expected and where I couldn't escape their gazes for even a second; suddenly, that robotic voice that would leave me defenseless was heard. My heart thudded. My blood was gliding under my warm skin as if it were about to flow immediately. Along with the gun pressed against my temple, I involuntarily listened to the voice:
[The mechanism chooses what is best for the patients. The non-compliant behavior you are currently displaying may cause a series of unpleasant events. Please leave the weapon in your hand on the marked tile!]
I only laughed through my nose. "A series of events? A series of unfortunate events? I don't care. I am not letting go of this gun! Even if you set the square I'm standing on on fire, even if you send me to the bottomless pit of hell!"
My blood seemed to flow faster now. The sweat on my forehead trickled down to my temples. The holo-screen reappeared, and a new 30-second countdown began there.
"A second chance?" I asked; "I don't want a second chance because I refuse to play this game!"
My voice echoed in that web of silence between the walls. My thoughts about the gun were becoming serious. Should I use it? On myself... No, I was still afraid to say it. Death was still a terrible separation for me. Still, wouldn't an honorable death be better than a bowed head?
While looking at the 30-second text on the screen, there was a sudden, unexpected pause. 30 seconds... The seconds that should have already dropped below the twenties were frozen on the screen. Why? Why wasn't it moving? My stomach cramped. I looked at my feet in pain. I was trembling all over.
[Don't you want to know why you found that letter?]
Time shattered like an ice-covered frame. The mechanism... was it talking to me? As the robotic voice seeped into the deepest parts of my veins, death faded away.
[Don't you want to know why you found that box in the tunnel? If you have the courage, it means you are willing to go to your death without finding a single meaning among all of this.]
It was only trying to manipulate me with these words. Still, I thought. Was that letter for me?
"I thought I wasn't the owner of the letter," I thought.
I didn't want to contact the damn mechanism. But somehow, I uttered this sentence. This time, a half-surprised, uncomprehending expression began to rise on people's faces. The uncomprehending expression on the blonde woman's face shook me so deeply... Mert's face, standing right to her left, expressed nothing. But just then... I noticed him clenching his fist. His face was squeezed by his expressions as if it were mounted somewhere. I watched his Adam's apple move as he swallowed heavily.
I stopped holding the gun tightly in my hand, which was slowly losing strength. My arm slowly lowered to my side. The coldness or anger in Mert's gaze seemed to increase along with the gun in my hand. At that moment, a silent look passed between the blonde woman and me. She looked at the gun in my hand and then at my face. As if wanting to imply something.
I left the gun on the marked tile in front of everyone's eyes. It was like confessing sins in front of everyone. Mert's eyes were fixed on me.
[You know the person who placed the letter!] The high-pitched robotic voice gradually lowered. [Until you solve the mysteries, goodbye Four Hundred.]
Four hundred?
The square the gun was on opened, and the gun fell into the lost pit. With the closing, which brought a more violent sound, the square merged with the ground again. The words "Four Hundred" were ringing in my ears.
A few people turned around and started walking in the other direction. A few in the opposite direction. And he... he was watching me, leaning his back against a corner of the walls: Sis (Fog). There was an expression on his face as if wanting to promise something. But it was as if it were a destiny he could never touch. How would I find out... how? While my feet fixed me where I was, I took a few steps toward the blonde woman to sit in the corner of the wall.
Mert's gaze sharpened with this move of mine. They were looking at me as if they thought I had lost my mind. When I came beside the blonde woman, she turned around and fixed her gaze on me.
"Why did you do that?"
The question seemed to hang in the air. I wanted to open my lips to answer, but my mouth was locked. The coldness and hesitation in Mert's gaze did not inspire confidence.
"The letter in the Sis," I said; only my instincts were speaking. I didn't know if I could trust the blonde woman on this matter, but I had to try my luck inside this trap. Her gaze softened slightly. She shifted her eyes toward Sis. Just like me, it couldn't be said that she understood anything either. While the coldness of that gun metal still lingered on my fingers, I turned to Sis's ice-cold expressions.
"Everyone has already returned to their own state," spoke the blonde woman in a muffled voice.
Muffled voices used to hurt me so much... they would always be filled with the weight of things that couldn't be said.
"What is your name?" I asked with a bitter smile. "You still haven't told me that."
I thought she would brush this off again. But this time, her gaze wandered gently over me: "Hülya."
And she added.
"Someone wanting to know my name this much has brought me a new breath to live..."