Days passed , and everything seemed to go back to normal . Aizat buried himself in books , pages turning like clockwork . The mid-term exam was near , and he didn't want distractions — especially not from Nadia , he wasn't saying she was the distraction — the truth is , he's the problem . He couldn't control his feelings for her, and that had become his biggest distraction. He kept his phone locked away , trying to convince himself that studying was all that mattered .
Still , every night felt quieter than before. He missed their late-night talks — the random jokes , the soft goodnights that somehow made him sleep better. Lately , he hadn't been sleeping well at all .
One night , lying on his bed , he groaned softly ."Argh , what's wrong with me ?" he muttered , frustrated at how easily she still slipped into his thoughts .
He reached into his locker , pulled out his phone , and just as he was about to put it aside , a notification blinked on .
Nadia : are you asleep ? you haven't texted me much lately , are you busy with something ?
Before he knew it , his phone was already unlocked and their chat was open . He started typing a reply .
Aizat: my eyes wide open . i'm busy studying , you know , mid-term's near . gotta focus if i want to stay here .
Nadia : ouh , i also have an exam coming up .
Aizat : i know , isn't it obvious ? you keep complaining about homework every day .
Nadia : haha , fair . but you disappeared so suddenly , i thought you were mad at me or something .
Aizat : nah , just needed to clear my head . studying helps , i guess .
Nadia : hmm , you sure ? you don't sound like yourself lately .
She got me there . I wasn't myself lately . What should I even say ?
Aizat : I'm fine , really . Nothing to worry about .
Naida : If you say so .
Aizat : ... Goodnight .
Nadia : Already ? It's still early .
Aizat : Well , I'm already tired and sleepy .
Nadia : You said your eyes were wide open just now .
Aizat : That was before . Now I'm tired . I'm waking up early tomorrow to study , bye .
Nadia : Hmm … bye . Goodnight .
I sighed . The guilt hit me right after I sent it . I shouldn't have talked to her like that . Was I being too harsh ? Maybe I should apologize tomorrow ...
...
Aizat sighed . "What's happening to me lately ?"
"Yeah , I want to know too . Any idea ?" Nadia interrupted .
He froze . Nadia was smiling at him , resting her cheek on her hand , which was propped up on the table . Before he realized it , they were sitting in a café , her directly across from him , looking straight at him .
"Nothing much … just a feeling I can't really relate to anything . I'm confused ," he muttered .
"What are you mumbling about ? A feeling ?" she replied .
Our orders arrived . Nadia got a hazelnut milk tea and chocolate cake topped with a strawberry . I had a hazelnut cocoa . I watched her for a moment — she looked so cute in her purple outfit , the ribbon neatly tied at the back of her hijab . The way she enjoyed her drink and cake … I couldn't look away .
I glanced at my drink , then back at her . "Do you think I'm weird ?"
"Probably ? I don't know . To me, you're just … you . No one else . I wouldn't be talking to you if you were someone else . Got it ?"
Her words caught me off guard . A faint smile appeared on my face .
Tchik — a photo snapped .
"What are you doing ?" I asked .
"You rarely show that kind of cute smile , so I just wanted to keep it ," she said .
"Are you serious right now ?" I replied , half-laughing .
We continued chatting for a while , the conversation flowing effortlessly .
Then … I blinked . The café , the lights , her smile — all gone . I stared at the ceiling fan . It was dark . I was back in my dorm room . All my roommates were still asleep . 3 am .
"Was that… a dream ?" I muttered , smiling faintly at my reflection in the mirror . She said this smile was cute ? Haha .
I got up , took a shower , prayed a little , packed my bag , and headed to the cafeteria to study . The quiet and cold made me shiver . I studied for a couple of hours .
At 5:30 am , I packed away my textbooks and cleared my desk , took a quick nap , then woke up to the Subuh azan . I joined the Subuh prayer at the surau , returned to the dorm , showered again , got into my school uniform , and head to school .
I arrived at my class and immediately dozed off — I was just too sleepy . My classmate nudged me awake when the teacher walked in . Class went on as usual , but I was distracted , nodding off a few times while the teacher was talking .
By lunchtime , I had neither the energy to buy food nor the mood to eat . Hunger won in the end , so I dragged myself to the cafeteria .
I didn't have much of an appetite , so I just bought a glass of iced chocolate milk and found a quiet corner in the cafeteria . The place was loud — laughter , chairs scraping , the usual chaos — but it all felt distant .
I stared at the glass for a moment , watching the ice slowly melt . When I blinked , I almost saw her again — that same smile from last night , the café , her hazelnut milk tea . For a second , it felt real .
I let out a quiet sigh . "Get it together , Aizat ," I muttered and took a sip . The sweetness didn't help much .
Lunch time ended soon after . I left the empty glass on the table , grabbed my book , and headed back to class — still thinking about her .
When class finally ended , I headed back to the cafeteria . This time , I actually took a proper meal — just something simple to fill me up . After eating , I returned to the classroom to rest for a bit .
The moment I laid my head down on the desk , sleep took over .
"You shouldn't sleep that much, you know ."A soft voice — calm and familiar . I felt something lightly poking my head . I opened my eyes . A pencil .
We were in our old school library . And there she was — Nadia — smiling , teasing me for dozing off while we were supposed to be studying .
"I just can't help it . I'm too tired ," I said . She gave me that unimpressed look . "Are you even ready for the final exam ?" , "I don't know ," I muttered .
It was silent for a couple of minutes .
"You shouldn't keep looking back , Aizat . Focus on now . Make the best of it ," she said — serious , but somehow still cute .
I just stared at her , speechless .
Then I blinked — and the library was gone .I woke up .
"…Sigh."
I think that was a memory from last year , but I didn't remember her ever saying anything about focusing on the present back then .
I rubbed my eyes , trying to shake off the haze . Why would I dream about that day ? And why did she say something I don't even remember hearing ? Maybe my mind's just messing with me .
The classroom was quiet . Only the sound of the ceiling fan humming above . I leaned back in my chair and stared at the ceiling , wondering if I was missing something .
Maybe I just … miss her too much .
It was already late afternoon — around 4:38 pm . Aizat cleaned his desk , slipped his textbooks into his bag , and opened his favorite book .
Tucked inside was a folded piece of paper . He picked it up but didn't unfold it . On the outside , a few words were written —
"please don't love another girl :("
He stared at the words for a long time , the classroom quiet except for the faint hum of the ceiling fan .
Maybe she was right . Maybe he really was stuck somewhere between yesterday and now .
Still … part of him wished that one day , she'd say those words again — not on paper , but face to face .