~Trigger Warning
+ Discussions of past relationship trauma and emotional healing.
Nyx
Pavo didn't rush us. She let the moment settle before her fingers nudged a shallow bowl of stones slightly toward me.
"Let's shift gears and move on to our exercise for the day. This will give you a good idea of how I conduct my in-person sessions. The exercise will also let me know if I need to adjust my methods." Her voice was low but clear.
"We are going to try something a little different from your usual exercises. Nothing invasive. We are going to try letting your body speak without your mind filtering what it wants to say."
Her sunny smile and sweet floral scent helped me stay calm after the emotional high of the moment I just had with Aspen. She pushed over a tissue box. Aspen and I each blew our noses, then wiped our tears. She winked while clicking her pen in an energetic pattern.
It amused me to find something about my future sister-in-law that would get on my nerves quickly. I observed Aspen looking at the clicking pen with a twitching eye. I could tell he was already plotting how to switch it out for a non-clicking one. Good luck, brother. From where I'm sitting, I see at least five more pens in different colors in her backpack.
I figured no harm would come from keeping this tidbit of information to myself. I have years of messing with my brothers to make up for it anyway. Using a tissue, I hid my smile from Aspen. Can't let Mr. Emotional Radar pick up anything. Surprises should not be spoiled.
"Just for the record, I enjoy yoga too, so I will certainly keep up the therapeutic yoga tradition." I giggled when Aspen looked like he wanted to say something but then pouted and kept his mouth shut. Choosing not to poke fun at him, I looked down at the bowl of stones.
"What am I supposed to do with these?" A flicker of amusement passed through Pavo's expression before it returned to her usual calm expression. "Patience, Lady Nyxara. Before we begin the exercise, Aspen is going to connect with you. He will monitor your emotions and essence system."
"We want to make sure this exercise will not disrupt your established sync ratio. While the exercise itself isn't dangerous, it could make you emotional enough to cause a flare-up."
I was now curious what exactly we would be doing that could cause a flare-up. Looking at the items on the table, I could not imagine a music sheet or a paint set causing me to flare-up. I was intrigued now, so I waited to see where Pavo would take this session. Pavo gave Aspen a look and Aspen nodded. He then guided me to get comfortable facing the table.
Once I was settled, without another word, he closed his eyes and placed a hand on my back.
"He is going to go deeper than the surface to help you remain stabilized," Pavo continued. "While he is in there, he is going to trace the outline of your essence system. Focus a part of your attention on following him as he moves along your circulation." She paused for a moment. When I didn't ask any questions, she continued.
"If anything feels like too much, you let us know. We will stop and assess what you are feeling in that moment."
My gaze flicked between them, then settled. "Okay. I'm ready." Aspen exhaled, and then our link was re-opened. This time looking internally at my system felt different. My perception was deeper—my system visualization has gone from feeling 2D to 3D.
I felt on the edge of understanding this perception upgrade. The sensation isn't sharp or overwhelming. Just…there. Like a chapter in a book revealing a long-awaited scene.
The first brush of Aspen's essence came soft, warm, and familiar. Not pressing. Not searching. It was just present. I instinctively felt that if I traced our link back to his system and meditated on what I saw, it would bring me a step closer to whatever revelation I was on the edge of, but it was bad manners to peek where I wasn't invited.
With three measured breaths, I felt the tea's intention align with the moment in a way that brought me clarity. I embraced the tranquil mindset this clarity gifted me.
"Good," Pavo murmured. "Stay there." She placed the music sheet that I now recognized as something I had been playing around with and had shared with Aspen in a previous session.
"I want you to hum and/or sing this song while using this paint, canvas, and brush to freeform paint whatever you feel led to paint."
Everything was placed within reach, then she sat back to observe. Internally, Aspen began to trace the shape of my system. I hummed the first note of my song, picked up the brush, closed my eyes, and let my hand choose whichever color it touched. I painted, hummed, and sang, all while following Aspen internally as he mapped my system.
When we reached certain areas, my singing and sightless painting faltered. "Don't worry about perfection. This is going to be messy and imperfect, yet your unfiltered truth. Embrace it. Don't try to shape it into something it's not ready to be."
I hesitated for half a second longer, then let out an altered, louder hum. It wasn't the same melody as before. It was just an unfiltered, raw note. Low, steady, almost instinctive, but it was uniquely mine.
I held the note until I felt it resonate through my cores. The note shifted into a song I couldn't consciously tell you the words to, but I knew it instinctively like something my soul had always known.
The song resounded and flowed without effort, my breath threaded through it like it had always known the path. "Now reveal your unfiltered truth," Pavo said softly. I set down the brush to use my fingers. The cool wetness was a contrast to my warmth.
I could practically taste the scent of the different colors and canvas before me. I kept singing, humming, and painting until Aspen completed a circuit of my system. I let my hands hover above the wet canvas of my painting.
"Let me clean your hands, then you can open your eyes to see what you created." I felt Pavo's calloused hands hold mine while Aspen used a warm washcloth to clean my hands. Once they were done, my eyelids slid open to take in the chaotic painting on the table.
Silver edges and constellations of gold sparks were what I noticed first. There at the center of the canvas was a black sunburst, but blues, purples, and pinks circled and intertwined through the darkness. I felt a sense of disconnect and anticipation when I saw a red and white circle near the bottom.
I examined my work, and I felt that epiphany tease my understanding, but I did not push it. I will understand when I understand. There is no point in stressing over something I can't control. Pavo placed a stone from the bowl into my hand.
"This is labradorite. It represents transformation, inner strength, and protection against negativity." I felt drained at first, but then the stone in my hand became warm with a subtle pulse. My exhaustion receded.
I held the stone for the next three minutes. When Aspen disconnected from me, I returned the stone to the bowl. "Good. Good. I will set your painting to dry in my office, and you can pick it up to take back with you tomorrow. I'm sure you are feeling physically energized but still a bit mentally drained, so let's do a quick check-in on some topics we discussed previously before closing out today's session."
"How are things going with Elias? Has he told you who gave you that gift of s'mores yet?"
Aspen's neck snapped to look at me so fast I was surprised he hadn't snapped his neck. I gave Pavo an annoyed look, to which she smiled obliviously. I see how things are. She is getting a bit of revenge for Aspen. She knows good and well Aspen is going to join the other two in harassing me about Elias now.
"Nothing is going on with Elias, Pavo. And no, he didn't tell me, but he did promise to convey my thanks to the person." Aspen looked fierce and battle-ready when he looked at me with narrowed eyes.
"You accepted a gift from some unknown person just because it was given to you by Elias? You trust him that much already? I thought you didn't even like him, with how often you complain about him."
"Why wouldn't I trust him? He means me no harm. He was cleared by all of you to be my trainer and occasional guard. Plus, it has been made very clear, both subtly and plainly, that most of you approve of him."
Aspen's reaction was not what I expected, so I was highly entertained by his behavior. Aspen's conflicted expression was completely adorable as he kept opening and closing his mouth. In an attempt to help him out, Pavo asked a question.
"Is there reason to believe Specialist Cress would harm the Lady, Aspen?" Maybe she isn't trying to help him out.
Me thinks the lady might have a slight sadistic streak. I'm here for it! Aspen can be unintentionally arrogant at times, so Pavo occasionally humbling him would probably be good for his character.
"No! Of course not. He is…no…he is a good man. No worries in that aspect, just worried that Moonbeam isn't ready for any romantic entanglements. She still needs to clear up matters with Koba Dillard after all." He argued but then realized who he brought up, and the room went still with their tension.
Koba Dillard. Yes, how could I possibly forget about him? I didn't get closure in my last life, but I will get it in this life—for me and Grey. Love and time do not heal all wounds.
Sometimes only pain and a baptism of flames will allow a person to begin again. When I didn't respond after a moment, Pavo placed her hand upon mine gently. "Well, since your brother stumbled us over to the topic, how are you processing your situation with the Dillard scion?"
"One day at a time. Some days not at all. Other days I remember the good days. I'm managing. I look forward to severing my personal entanglement with his enclave. With distance and time, maybe I won't feel like wanting to break his face on sight." My tone was monotone, but I wasn't feeling numb.
I was grieving. More for the Koba of this life than the one from my old world. It throws me for a loop, but I journaled and analyzed my emotions enough to be able to discern my personal truth.
I don't understand it, but it is what it is. It's like if I let him go, I will be losing a vital part of myself. Yet, I cannot condone what was done to Grey. I don't know if I can be with someone I feel so repulsed by. Maybe once I fully understand their relationship, we can in time become friends.
"I see. Then continue processing however you feel comfortable and keep journaling. How about we close out the session with another round of tea? Maybe something more soothing. We can chat until it's time for you to go." I nodded faintly, smiling.
Pavo handed Líma a container of loose-leaf tea from her backpack to brew. Aspen was so suspiciously quiet that I poked him to make sure I wasn't sitting next to a corpse. He didn't respond at first, but when I began tickling him, he reacted.
He tried to evade my hands, but I flowed around his blocks to his frustration and Pavo's laughter. The rest of the session devolved into me sitting on Aspen while tickling him, drinking tea, and talking to Pavo. When it was time for me to head out, I gave them both a hug, then rushed out.
Right as the door was closing, I saw Aspen had pulled Pavo into his arms, tickling her and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. My grin was so big on my way to my lesson with Korran that by the time I entered his office, the first thing he asked me was, "What mischief are you up to, dear one?"
I hugged him tightly since I hadn't seen him for 48 hours. "Nothing, Korran. Just had a great session with Aspen and my new therapist, Pavo."
Korran looked intrigued as he set me down in my usual chair next to him behind his desk. "Oh? Do tell. Does it have anything to do with the photos and video you sent to the family chat group?" My grin turned my eyes into crescents as I recounted the events of my session. By the end of my retelling, Korran's eyes were crescents.