Clive Tyldesley: "The match is over! Manchester United advances to the quarter-finals of the Champions League with a 3-1 aggregate victory over Atlético Madrid!"
Ally McCoist: "Looking back at today's match, it wasn't particularly thrilling or close."
Clive Tyldesley: "Perhaps the outcome was already sealed once Atlético Madrid's three key players were suspended in the first leg due to accumulated yellow cards. Simeone had his hands tied."
Ally McCoist: "You know, in the past, Atlético Madrid was an ordinary, unremarkable team—no massive star players, no bottomless budget, and no real aura of a top European club. But with their iron will and passion under Simeone, they stood toe-to-toe with Real Madrid and Barcelona, even reaching the Champions League final twice in three years."
Clive Tyldesley: "Unfortunately, after so many years playing that incredibly demanding style under Simeone, the team might be experiencing a bit of burnout. I wonder if a change of environment might do both the manager and the club some good."
As neutral commentators, Clive Tyldesley and Ally McCoist still offered a few words in defense of Atlético Madrid.
After all, winners should always show a bit more grace, even when facing a particularly frustrating opponent.
In contrast, on the Sky Sports post-match wrap-up, Gary Neville had no such reservations—he happily praised Manchester United, Jeremy Ling, and Jose Mourinho.
"Many pundits used to genuinely believe that Manchester United's No. 7 jersey was cursed—not only limiting a player's performance under the immense pressure but also causing them to lose their identity, no matter how talented they were before arriving at Old Trafford," Neville analyzed on screen.
"But I say—" Neville's voice rose with genuine enthusiasm, "that's purely because the recent players weren't mentally skilled enough to truly master the weight of this jersey!"
"George Best's raw talent and personality, Bryan Robson's fighting spirit and relentless drive, Eric Cantona's sheer dominance and determination, David Beckham's technical brilliance..." Neville listed the legends.
"Every successful owner of this jersey has possessed a unique, undeniable personal charm."
"As for what makes Jeremy Ling special, I'll launch a poll on my personal Twitter account. Fans with the most insightful answers will receive a signed Jeremy Ling jersey," Neville concluded.
Beside him, Jamie Carragher nearly lost his composure while laughing.
'So, after all that passionate talk, it was just a setup to drive traffic to his own social media platform!'
Truly, his punditry partner never failed to pull off something like this!
...
Meanwhile, Ling was invited by the UEFA media team for a post-match interview.
Standing in front of the branded Champions League backdrop in the tunnel, he was asked, "Which opponent are you looking forward to facing in the quarter-finals?"
"Well, the teams already confirmed to advance tonight are Tottenham and Porto, while Real Madrid, Juventus, and Barcelona are highly likely to qualify," the reporter quickly listed a few options.
"Hmm..." Ling hesitated for a moment, scratching his chin before saying, "If I had to choose right now, I'd lean toward Real Madrid."
Since Cristiano Ronaldo left for Juventus, Real Madrid's performance had plummeted drastically.
Their previous head coach, Julen Lopetegui, was sacked after less than four months.
So, if Manchester United were to face Real Madrid again in Europe, Ling felt they stood a fairly good chance of winning the tie.
Finally, he added with a slight smirk, "Oh, Ajax would be fine too."
Who did he secretly dislike the most in his previous life? Without a doubt, it was Bald Hag and André Onana!
The former, no need to ask, often pulled questionable, confusing tactical moves and isolated key players.
Honestly, with those billion-euro signings at United in his past life, Ling suspected the bald-headed manager was secretly taking kickbacks on the transfers.
As for the latter, not only was he a frustrating "shot-stopper" in the Premier League who couldn't stop shots, but Onana also frequently blamed and publicly humiliated his own defenders.
If given the chance to play against Ajax this season, he'd love to personally test just how fast André Onana's reflexes were.
"Really? Real Madrid or Ajax. Interesting choices. Could you evaluate today's match?" the reporter asked, shifting the topic.
"Our performance today was quite good. We stuck rigidly to the manager's pre-match plan and achieved our tactical objectives to shut them down," Ling said professionally.
"And that first goal?"
"I didn't expect to score from there either. I was just giving it a try on the volley at the time," Ling said modestly, downplaying the brilliance.
Everyone knows how much the English media loves to hype things up.
If he exaggerated even slightly and claimed he meant it, he might see arrogant headlines like "Manchester United's Ling Confident in Defending Champions League Title" in tomorrow's news.
Next, Ling answered a few more questions briefly, took the Man of the Match trophy from the UEFA staff, waved to the enthusiastic fans still in the stands, and even threw his sweaty jersey to a little boy in the front row.
That boy was holding a cardboard sign that read.
"Thank you for showing me the real Manchester United!"
....
When Ling returned to the locker room, he found everyone dancing to loud rock music.
"Today was much easier than expected! Now we have plenty of energy to show Liverpool what the real Theatre of Dreams is all about!" Marcus Rashford shouted excitedly over the bass.
Ling didn't say cliché captain things like "don't get complacent" or "Liverpool is strong too."
After all, this was a time to celebrate a European victory, and there was no need to spoil the mood with lectures.
That night, when he returned to his villa in Hale, it was almost midnight.
After briefly reviewing the match highlights on his iPad, Ling went to bed early.
However, the city of Manchester remained lively.
Although Manchester United had won the Champions League last season, comfortably advancing to the quarter-finals by defeating Atlético Madrid still filled everyone with immense pride.
What did this prove to the fans? Premier League's second-best > La Liga's second-best!
....
The next day, news about Manchester United and Ling dominated all major social platforms.
The number of fan comments online was staggering.
@UtdFaithful: Ling's mouth is a bit uncanny. Last time he said he wanted to face Atlético, and then we drew them. Now he wants Real Madrid or Ajax...
@EuropeanNights: In my opinion, it's better to face weaker teams like Porto. After all, April's schedule is packed, and Manchester United is competing on multiple fronts for the title.
@FootballNerd: Speaking of which, there's no same-league avoidance rule in the quarter-finals, so Manchester United might draw a domestic opponent like Spurs or City. I think that might actually be easier since they know each other well.
@TacticsGuy: With Manchester United's current squad depth, they managed to hold up in the early and mid-season and even won the League Cup. But if they try to win the FA Cup and UCL too, they might collapse on all fronts due to fatigue!
@RedDevilsDaily: Let's focus on the present first. The next league match is against Liverpool. If Manchester United loses, they'll have to hand the title initiative right back to Manchester City.
@ScouseVoice: I checked Liverpool's schedule. Three days after this match, they have to travel to Germany to face Bayern Munich, so I doubt Klopp will go all out against United!
@MancunianWay: You're overthinking it. This is the North West Derby! Form and schedules go out the window!
As for whether Manchester United secretly bought any artificial online traffic?
Don't question the PR ability of the world's biggest "influencer club."
Since the 1990s, you could often see Manchester United dominating sports magazines and football newspapers.
Jorge Mendes also played a massive, hidden role in this online hype.
Since there was no World Cup or European Championship this summer, if Ling could replicate last season's Champions League performance, he had a very real shot at winning the Ballon d'Or!
So Mendes spared absolutely no effort or expense in public relations.
Moreover, with successful previous cases like Cristiano Ronaldo, many PR things were handled with expert precision by his agency.
For example, discreetly sponsoring media programs, paying for positive social media columns, and feeding exclusive quotes to friendly journalists, using financial backing to artificially boost global influence.
And the best part? Ling didn't even have to pay for it himself—his massive corporate sponsors were lining up to foot the PR bill!
These are just some of the football industry's inside secrets.
Earlier in the year, Mendes had said to Ling, "Do you really think having the skills on the pitch is enough to win the Ballon d'Or? Behind-the-scenes commercial operations and narrative building are essential, and every top player does it."
"Of course, skill is the primary factor," Ling had replied.
He didn't hold onto any naive saintly ideals either—when it was time to hype things up, he hyped, when it was time for PR, he did PR.
However, he always kept one vital thing in mind: he was a football player first.
He absolutely couldn't accept going down the distracting path of becoming a full-time internet celebrity like Lingard.
To put it in slightly sentimental terms: he truly loved this sport above fame!
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