(A/N: How's the new Cover Pic?)
The Yuuki household living room had been somewhat restored to working order. Almost all of the massive, ton-heavy Devilukean crates had been stored away, leaving the smaller ones pushed securely against the walls, transforming the space into a bizarre hybrid of a cozy suburban lounge and a sci-fi cargo hold.
With the heavy lifting done and the slime incident resolved, Lala had enthusiastically insisted that everyone take a well-deserved break to watch her absolute favourite Earth television program: Explosive Heat Girl Magical Kyouko Flame.
The seating arrangement on the living room couch, however, was a chaotic masterpiece of harem dynamics.
Rito sat dead center on the sofa. Clinging tightly to his right arm was Lala, happily humming along to the show's opening theme song. She was pressing her incredibly soft, bouncy breasts directly against his bicep, completely oblivious to the heat she was radiating or the way Rito's heart was thumping in his chest.
On Rito's left side sat Mikan. She was sipping a freshly brewed cup of green tea, her small, comforting weight pressing warmly against his other arm. She was the anchor of normalcy in the room; her eyes focused on the screen with a look of mild amusement.
Sitting gracefully in the adjacent armchair was Momo. She had her legs crossed elegantly, a cup of tea resting on a saucer in her lap. She wasn't watching the television as much as she was observing the people in the room, a faint, mischievous smile playing on her lips as she analyzed the friction between her siblings and her host.
And finally, sitting stiffly on the far edge of the couch, putting as much distance between herself and Rito as physically possible, was Nana. Having successfully changed out of the towel and into a stylish, layered purple skirt and a cute, off-the-shoulder black top. Her twin-tails twitched with agitation, and she spent more time glaring daggers at the side of Rito's head than she did watching the glowing screen.
"Oh! It's starting!" Lala cheered, squeezing Rito's arm, sending another delightful, squishy sensation straight to his brain.
On the television, the episode played out with its usual absurd pacing. The protagonist, Kirisaki Kyouko, introduced herself as a student with no time for romance, only to immediately get literal hearts in her eyes when her Senpai showed up. After a brief, nonsensical exchange, the villain, General Mojack, began handing out flyers that magically gave innocent civilians terrible afro hairstyles.
Determined to stop him, Kyouko attempted to transform. But due to a comedic error with her magical cat, she was forced to change her clothes manually. Running behind a building, she screamed in embarrassment when someone walked by, eventually forcing her to hide and change inside a men's restroom stall against her better judgment.
Her perverted Senpai, having chased after her, let his lecherous nature take over. He peeked over the top of the wrong stall, only to be chased out of the bathroom by a furious, random middle-aged man.
The moment the Senpai's perverted actions played out on the screen, Nana immediately pointed an accusing finger directly at Rito.
"See?!" Nana yelled, her violet eyes narrowing into furious slits. "That's exactly what a beast like you would do! You're probably scheming to peek at us right now! I bet you're just waiting for one of us to let our guard down!"
Rito nearly choked on his own saliva, his face instantly exploding into a bright shade of red. He waved his free hand frantically in the air, accidentally jostling Mikan's tea.
"W-What?! No! I'm not!" Rito stammered, his usual shyness setting in. But then, his honesty bypassed his verbal filter. "Why would I ever need to sneak into a bathroom like a creep when I'm already surrounded by such incredibly pretty girls right here?! I-I mean, I'd be too distracted just looking at you guys normally!"
The living room fell silent for a fraction of a second.
Nana's brain completely short-circuited. She had expected him to deny being a pervert, but instead, he had essentially complimented her as incredibly pretty while admitting he was constantly looking at them. Her face turned a violent shade of crimson, the blush spreading all the way down to her collarbone.
"B-B-B-BEAST!" Nana shrieked, frantically crossing her arms over her chest. "D-Don't say embarrassing things like that! You really are a shameless pervert!"
From the armchair, Momo giggled softly behind her hand, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "My, my. Rito-san is quite the smooth talker today. You're making Nana blush too many times, you know."
"I-I didn't mean it like that! I was just being honest!" Rito whined helplessly, his face burning hot as Mikan let out a long, long sigh beside him.
On-screen, the chaotic battle escalated. Kyouko dramatically appeared on a rooftop, exchanging banter with General Mojack. They traded fire attacks and afro-beams back and forth. Suddenly, Kyouko tripped over her own feet. The camera angle shifted perfectly to expose her white panties to the villain.
Kyouko got furiously embarrassed, retaliating with a massive, overpowered fire attack that burned the hair completely off Mojack's head and inadvertently destroyed a nearby vendor's entire cart of freshly grown watermelons.
Lala completely ignored the panty shot. She leaned forward, her emerald eyes glowing with scientific fascination. "Wow! Did you see the thermal output on that blast, Rito? If she managed to instantly incinerate organic matter while simultaneously reversing the quantum entanglement of the afro-magic, her core temperature must exceed four thousand degrees!"
"I... I don't think it's that deep, Lala." Rito sweat-dropped.
Nana, however, was still highly agitated from Rito's previous comment. Seeing the panty shot on the screen made her hyper-aware of her own outfit. She huffed, shifting her weight defensively on the couch to scoot even further away from Rito's perverted presence.
However, the fabric of the Yuuki household sofa was a bit grippy.
As Nana slid sideways, the hem of her cute, layered purple skirt caught firmly under her thigh. Without her realizing it, the fabric rode up dangerously high, exposing her upper thighs and completely laying bare what was underneath.
Rito, who had just turned his head to her again, caught the view instantly.
His eyes locked onto the sight. She was wearing a pair of adorable, baby-pink panties with tiny white stripes. They hugged her petite curves perfectly.
The old Rito would have screamed, covered his eyes, and thrown himself onto the floor in a panic. But the honest Rito's brain simply processed the beautiful sight, appreciated it immensely, and unfortunately, connected directly to his vocal cords.
"Ah..." Rito murmured, a dopey, completely genuine smile crossing his face. "Pink stripes really suit you, Nana-san. They're cute."
It felt like time stopped.
Nana froze. She slowly looked down at her lap, realizing the cool air of the living room was brushing against places it shouldn't be. She saw her skirt bunched up around her hips, and she saw Rito staring directly at her pink striped panties.
"Hyaaa...!"
A sound that could only be described as a boiling teakettle escaped Nana's lips. Her face turned so red it rivalled the fiery explosions on the television screen. She grabbed a heavy, embroidered throw pillow from the armrest, reared back, and slammed it directly into Rito's face with all of her Devilukean strength.
WHACK!
"DIE BEAST! DIE! FORGET WHAT YOU SAW RIGHT NOW!" Nana screamed, repeatedly bludgeoning him with the pillow while frantically trying to pull her skirt back down with her free hand.
"Wait! Wait! I just looked by accident!" Rito muffled through the fabric of the pillow, though he was making zero attempt to fight back, accepting his punishment like a man who knew he had just enjoyed a very nice view.
Rito suffered through the beating, and eventually, the rest of the absurd television plot.
On-screen, the Fire Chief approached Kyouko. He scolded her for the collateral damage, then shockingly stripped down to a loincloth, demanding to be burned by her magical flames.
"Well," Mikan commented dryly, taking another sip of her tea. "That man needs to be arrested immediately. This is deeply concerning programming for a Sunday afternoon."
Then, the convoluted family drama hit. The creepy Fire Chief whipped out a camera, revealing he had taken blackmail photos of Kyouko changing. But just as Mojack reappeared, the plot twisted into a pretzel: The Fire Chief was actually Mojack's father. The mother arrived, angry that the father had cheated. And to make matters worse, she too admitted to cheating, and the man the mother had cheated with turned out to be the Senpai's older brother.
Eventually, the mother decided they should all just get back together, and the entire cast randomly linked arms and started doing a cheerful, upbeat folk dance.
Rito rubbed his temples, feeling a massive headache forming behind his eyes. "This... this makes absolutely no sense. What does any of this have to do with magical girls?"
Momo, on the other hand, found the convoluted Earthling relationships absolutely fascinating. She leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand.
"Actually, Rito-san, this is quite intriguing," Momo observed, a scholarly glint in her eyes. "This web of infidelity and blackmail reminds me heavily of the Third Succession War. Using romantic entanglements and familial betrayal as political leverage is a classic tactic. Though, resolving it with a synchronized dance is a uniquely Earthling approach."
"It's just a poorly written kids' show, Momo-san." Rito sighed.
On the screen, the perverted Senpai tried to use the festive opportunity of the folk dance to cope a feel off Kyouko. He reached out, only for the magical girl to ruthlessly elbow him straight into the pavement, leaving him groaning in a crater.
Lala, however, was completely hyped up by the upbeat music and the dancing on the screen. She didn't care about the plot; she just liked the rhythm.
"Yay! Let's dance too, Rito!" Lala cheered, suddenly jumping up from the couch.
She grabbed his right hand and yanked him upward with her alien strength. Rito, who was still slightly off-balance from dodging Nana's pillow strikes, stumbled to his feet.
"Wait, Lala! There's no room in here to—woah!"
In her excitement, Lala took a step backward and her heel caught hard on the edge of the wooden coffee table.
She let out a surprised squeak as her center of gravity vanished. She tipped backward, her grip on Rito's hand tightening reflexively. With his superhuman strength, Rito could have easily stayed standing, but his instinct to protect her took over. He let himself be pulled forward, trying to twist his body to cushion her fall.
But the physics of the small living room were not in their favour.
They crashed directly back onto the sofa, right onto the section where Nana was sitting.
CRASH! SQUISH!
It was a classic and chaotic three-way pile-up.
Rito landed hard, but the impact was immediately absorbed by the most incredible, heavenly pillows known to the universe. His face was buried dead-center in Lala's soft, deep cleavage, her breasts squishing up around his cheeks and filling his nose with her sweet, intoxicating scent.
But that wasn't the worst, or best, part.
His right knee had slammed into the cushions, accidentally forcing Nana's thighs wide open and pinning them to the sofa. And his free left hand, which he had thrown out blindly to brace his fall, landed squarely between Nana's pinned legs.
His palm pressed firmly against the soft, incredibly sensitive mound of her pussy, just over the thin fabric of her skirt and those pink-striped panties.
The living room fell dead silent, save for the cheerful folk music blaring from the television.
Rito froze. His face was currently residing in heaven, but his left hand was resting in absolute danger. Through the thin fabric, he could feel the distinct, soft curve of her anatomy, and the shocking, radiating heat of her body.
And because he was an honest, red-blooded teenage boy whose body was highly primed from the morning's activities, his fingers involuntarily twitched, giving the soft mound a tiny, reflexive squeeze.
Nana's brain completely shattered into a million pieces.
"H-H-H-HYAAAAAA!!!"
Nana let out a shriek that sounded like a dying banshee. Her face turned so violently red that steam practically poured out of her twin-tails. Tears of sheer, unadulterated embarrassment and panic welled up in her eyes.
"B-B-B-BEAST! Y-YOU STUPID, PERVERTED, BARBARIC BEAST!" Nana stammered incoherently, her words tripping over themselves as she began to furiously kick her pinned legs and punch Rito's shoulders with everything she had. "W-WHERE ARE YOU TOUCHING?! GET YOUR HAND OFF ME! DIE! DIE! DIE!"
From beneath Rito's face, Lala just giggled happily, wrapping her arms around his head and pressing his face deeper into her boobs. "Ehehe! Rito is so clumsy! But it's fun! Are we wrestling now?!"
Momo remained in her armchair, delicately lifting her teacup to her lips. She took a slow sip, her shoulders shaking as she stifled her laughter at her sister's utter misfortune. "Pfft… First the slime, and now a direct assault. Rito-san really doesn't hold back, does he? How bold."
Mikan, who had calmly leaned out of the way of the crash, just sat on the edge of the sofa and let out a long, deeply tired sigh. She looked at her brother, who was currently being beaten to a pulp by a blushing alien princess while suffocating in another's cleavage.
"I suppose," Mikan muttered, setting her teacup down, "this was to be expected. The house has barely been full for an hour, after all."
The television episode concluded with a chaotic three-way struggle between Kyouko, Mojack, and the creepy Fire Chief, everything burning down in a blaze of comedic glory.
In the Yuuki living room, a similar struggle raged on. Lala was laughing, Nana was crying and swinging her fists with a bright red face, Momo was giggling behind her tea, and Rito just closed his eyes, accepting his fate in the soft warmth of the harem couch.
Life on Earth was definitely never going to be boring again.
*****
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