Jaokhun woke up Wednesday morning and immediately regretted every decision he'd ever made.
His arms hurt. His legs hurt. His back hurt. Muscles he didn't know he had were screaming. Rolling over felt like dying. Sitting up was worse.
"Oh no," he said to the ceiling.
The ghost in the corner watched him struggle.
"Don't judge me," Jaokhun muttered.
Getting out of bed took five minutes. Standing up required holding onto the wall. Walking to the bathroom was a slow, painful shuffle.
His alarm had been going off for ten minutes. He turned it off and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He looked fine. Normal. But his body felt like it had been hit by a truck.
"This is fine," he said to himself. "This is normal. People work out all the time and they're fine."
He tried to lift his arms above his head to put on deodorant. His shoulders screamed in protest. He managed it at half-height, which would have to be good enough.
Putting on his shirt was an ordeal. Bending his arms hurt. Lifting them hurt. Breathing hurt.
His phone buzzed. Text from Nont: "You alive? I heard you groaning through the wall."
He typed back slowly, each finger movement painful: "I'm fine. Just a little sore."
"You sound like you're dying."
"That's an exaggeration."
"You groaned for ten minutes straight."
"Strategic vocal warm-ups."
"You're an idiot."
Jaokhun looked at his bank account. Still 47 baht. Still two more days until payday on October 1st.
He shuffled to the kitchen. Nont was making coffee.
"You look terrible," Nont said.
"Thanks."
"Do you want coffee?"
"Can't afford it."
"I'm making it anyway. You can have some."
"Then yes."
Nont handed him a cup. Jaokhun tried to lift it. His arm shook. Coffee sloshed over the side.
"Are you okay?" Nont asked.
"Perfect. Never better." Jaokhun steadied the cup with both hands. "This is what peak physical fitness looks like."
"You can't even lift a coffee cup."
"Strategic muscle preservation."
"You did twenty minutes at the gym yesterday. Twenty minutes."
"I'm building gradually. Very scientific." Jaokhun took a sip. Even holding the cup was exhausting. "This is part of the process."
"The process of what? Self-destruction?"
"The process of getting fit." Jaokhun put the cup down before he dropped it. "Six months. I have six months. This is day one. Well, day two. Technically. But day one of the real training."
"You can't move."
"Tomorrow I'll be better. The body adapts. That's science."
"That's not how science works."
"It's exactly how science works. Stress, recovery, adaptation. I'm in the stress phase." Jaokhun checked his phone. 7:15 AM. "I need to go."
"Can you even walk to the BTS?"
"I can walk fine."
He could not walk fine. Every step was agony. But he walked anyway, slowly, like an old man with bad knees.
The BTS ride was torture. Standing hurt. Holding the rail hurt. Existing hurt.
A spirit floated too close to his face. He tried to swat it away. His arm barely moved.
The spirit looked confused and drifted off.
He arrived at the office at 7:58 AM, shuffled up the stairs, and pushed open the door.
Grace looked up from her desk. "Good morning! How are you... oh. Oh no. What happened to you?"
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"You're walking like Khun Somsong after she carries the heavy supply boxes."
"I'm just a little stiff. It's fine."
"You look like you got hit by a car."
"I went to the gym yesterday. Very productive session."
Grace's eyes widened. "You went to the gym? On your second day here?"
"I'm being proactive about fitness."
"How long did you work out?"
"Twenty minutes. Approximately."
"Twenty minutes and you look like this?" Grace laughed. "Oh honey, you're in trouble."
Songsit walked past, carrying a coffee cup and looking annoyingly perfect. He was wearing a fitted shirt that probably cost more than Jaokhun's entire wardrobe, and he had the same limited edition Nike Dunks that Jaokhun owned. His hair was styled perfectly. He moved with the confidence of someone who had never experienced pain.
"New guy," Songsit said, nodding at him.
"Morning," Jaokhun managed.
Songsit paused, looking at him more carefully. "You good? You're standing weird."
"Gym. Yesterday."
"Ah." Songsit smiled knowingly. "First time?"
"Basically."
"How long?"
"Twenty minutes."
Songsit laughed. "And you can still walk? Impressive. Most people can't get out of bed after their first gym session." He adjusted his expensive watch. "Pro tip: stretch before and after. Drink water. Take it slow. You can't go from zero to hero in one session."
"Noted."
"What are you training for?"
"The assessment. Field agent position."
Songsit's smile widened. "Ambitious. I like it. You know the physical requirements yet?"
"Not exactly. I know there's a fitness test. Running, strength stuff."
"Yeah. It's not easy. But six months is enough time if you're serious." Songsit checked his watch. "They'll give you the full requirements closer to your assessment date. For now, just focus on general fitness. Cardio, bodyweight exercises, basic strength training."
"Right. Makes sense."
"Can you do a pull-up?"
"...Not yet."
Songsit laughed, but it wasn't mean. "Okay, so you're starting from the basement. That's fine." He checked his watch. "I need to prep some equipment. Good luck with training. Don't die."
He walked toward the equipment room, moving with the easy grace of someone who definitely passed his assessment on the first try.
Jaokhun watched him go. That was what a field agent looked like. Confident. Put-together. Expensive sneakers. Six years on the job meant he was probably making 75,000 baht per month. No wonder he could afford to look that good.
That was going to be him. In six months.
If he could survive today first.
He shuffled toward the filing room. Each step was carefully calculated to minimize pain. It didn't work.
Prart appeared in the hallway, carrying his clipboard.
"You're walking like Agent Malada did after her first assessment attempt," Prart said immediately.
"Good morning to you too."
"Delayed-onset muscle soreness. DOMS. You went to the gym yesterday, didn't you?" Prart adjusted his glasses. "Everyone makes the same mistake. Too much, too fast, no preparation."
"I went for twenty minutes."
"And you're this sore from twenty minutes?" Prart made a note on his clipboard. "That's actually impressive. In a concerning way. When I failed my physical assessment, I could at least walk normally the next day."
"Thanks for the reminder that you failed."
"I'm not ashamed. I'm a researcher. Physical fitness isn't my area." Prart flipped through his clipboard. "But I did research proper training methodology after my failure. You should stretch. Hydrate. Eat protein. Rest for at least 48 hours between sessions when you're starting out."
"I don't have 48 hours. I have six months."
"Then you'll injure yourself and have zero months." Prart made another note. "I'm documenting this conversation for the record. When you pull a muscle, I want proof that I warned you."
"You're very supportive."
"I'm realistic." Prart walked away, still writing.
Jaokhun shuffled to the filing room and opened the door. Heat blasted out. He'd forgotten about the heat.
"This is hell," he said.
"Good morning!" Lek appeared through the wall, floating happily. "You back! We do more filing!"
"Yeah. More filing."
Jaokhun stepped inside. The room was exactly as he'd left it yesterday. Filing cabinets everywhere. Papers everywhere. No air conditioning. At least 35 degrees.
He tried to pull out a drawer. His arms screamed. The drawer was stuck. He pulled harder. His shoulders felt like they were tearing.
"Need help?" Lek asked.
"I got it."
He didn't got it. He pulled again. The drawer came out suddenly, nearly hitting him in the stomach. Papers spilled onto the floor.
"Ow."
"You okay?" Lek floated closer, concerned.
"Fine. Just... fine." Jaokhun bent down to pick up the papers. His back protested violently. "Everything is fine."
He gathered the papers slowly. Each movement hurt. His arms hurt. His back hurt. Bending over hurt. Straightening up hurt.
This was going to be a long day.
Lek watched him struggle. "You move funny today."
"I exercised yesterday."
"What's exercise?"
"It's when you hurt yourself on purpose so you can be stronger later."
"That sound silly."
"It is silly." Jaokhun managed to stand up with the papers. "But necessary."
He spent the next hour trying to sort files while his entire body rebelled. Reaching for high shelves was impossible. Bending down for low drawers was torture. Carrying heavy folders made his arms shake.
Lek helped by pointing out files, but he kept getting distracted.
"Oh! Look! A spider!" Lek floated over to the corner where a tiny spider was building a web.
"Lek, I need you to focus."
"But spider is so small! And cute!" Lek watched the spider work. "He making a house!"
"That's great. Can you help me find the 1998 practitioner reports?"
"Okay okay!" Lek zipped away from the spider, then immediately got distracted by something else. "Oh! Dust is dancing in the sun! Look look!"
Tiny particles of dust were floating in the beam of sunlight from the window. Lek floated through them, giggling.
"Lek."
"Sorry sorry!" Lek focused again. "1998! I find it!"
He zipped through the filing cabinets, phasing through metal and paper, searching rapidly.
"Found it! That cabinet! Second drawer! Behind the green folder!"
Jaokhun opened the drawer. His arms hurt. Everything hurt. But Lek was right. There was a green folder, and behind it was a bundle of practitioner reports from 1998.
He pulled them out carefully. These were old reports, handwritten, some of them barely legible.
One caught his eye. A yellow folder labeled "Unusual Manifestation - Bangkok Skytrain System - 1999."
"This looks interesting," Jaokhun muttered.
He opened it. The first page was a formal incident report.
"Date: December 15, 1999. Location: Siam BTS Station. Entity Type: Unclassified. Threat Level: 2. Reporting Agent: Somsong."
Jaokhun sat down on the floor to read. His legs thanked him.
The report continued in Somsong's neat handwriting:
"At approximately 3:47 PM, BTS operations reported unexplained vibrations and track disturbances between Siam and Chit Lom stations. Multiple passengers reported feeling 'something large' moving near them, cold spots, and a sense of being watched. One maintenance worker with latent Sight reported seeing a 'glowing elephant' on the tracks.
Upon arrival, I confirmed the entity was indeed a guardian spirit, specifically a Chang Pheuak (White Elephant spirit), approximately 3 meters tall, translucent, glowing pale blue. It was walking slowly along the tracks, apparently confused.
The entity reported being displaced from its original temple location due to construction. The temple had been demolished two months prior to build a shopping mall. The spirit had been wandering Bangkok for eight weeks, lost and confused.
The spirit was not aggressive. It was simply looking for its temple. When informed the temple no longer existed, the entity became distressed. It stated it had protected that location since 1347 and did not know where else to go.
After consultation with three senior monks, we arranged for the entity to be relocated to Wat Benchamabophit, where it was given a new shrine and new responsibilities. The entity accepted this arrangement and has been successfully integrated into the temple's spiritual ecosystem.
No injuries occurred. BTS service was delayed for 47 minutes while we completed the relocation ritual. We informed BTS management that the delay was due to 'track inspection and maintenance.' They accepted this explanation."
Jaokhun stared at the report. A 600-year-old elephant spirit got displaced by a shopping mall and ended up wandering the BTS tracks. And Somsong just... negotiated with it and found it a new temple.
That was the job. That was what field agents did.
Not filing papers in a hot room while everything hurt.
He kept reading through the case files. There were dozens of them. Each one was a window into the weird, bureaucratic, absurd world of supernatural management.
1997: A Pret (hungry ghost) kept stealing food from a 7-Eleven. Store reported inventory disappearing with no explanation, items moved overnight, cold spots near the food section. Solution: Agent Pradit set up a small shrine outside the store with regular offerings. The Pret stopped taking food from inside. Now it stays near the shrine. Store manager thinks the shrine is for "good luck" and maintains it without knowing why it actually works.
2001: A Nang Takian (tree spirit) manifested during a school construction project. Solution: The school built a shrine around her tree instead of cutting it down. She now blesses students during exams. Test scores improved by 12%.
2004: A Chinese Jiangshi (hopping vampire) somehow ended up in Pattaya. It was following a Chinese tourist who had unknowingly brought a cursed object from Yunnan. Solution: Contacted the Chinese LMFAO office. They sent two agents. The Jiangshi was repatriated. The cursed object was destroyed. The tourist was given amnesia treatment and sent home with false memories of a pleasant beach vacation.
Every case was different. Every solution was creative. This wasn't about fighting or destroying entities. It was about negotiation, relocation, documentation, and sometimes just helping lost spirits figure out where they belonged.
And he was supposed to learn all of this. While filing papers. In a room with no air conditioning.
"You reading!" Lek floated over. "What you reading?"
"Old case files. Learning about manifestations."
"Oh! Old old cases! Before I was here!" Lek looked at the elephant report curiously. "That one very old! 1999! I wasn't born yet... I mean... I wasn't here yet!"
"You've been here twelve years, right?"
"Yes! Since 2013! Miss Somsong found me!" Lek smiled proudly. "I help with cases since then! Not the old old ones!"
"What was your favorite case that you actually saw?"
"Um..." Lek thought hard, his little face scrunched up. "Oh! The cat ghost! Two years ago! A lady died and her cat died too! The cat ghost was sitting on her grave, waiting! Miss Somsong brought the cat ghost here! The cat ghost and the gremlin are friends now!"
"There's a cat ghost?"
"Yes! But she only comes at night! She very shy!" Lek floated in a circle. "She sleep in the filing room sometimes! Maybe you see her later!"
Jaokhun looked around the filing room. Even the ghosts had stories here. Even the gremlin had a friend.
His phone buzzed. The intercom.
"Jaokhun? Can you come to the main office?" Grace's voice. "Songsit has a field call and we want you to see the prep process!"
Jaokhun stood up. Slowly. Painfully. His legs screamed. His back hurt. Everything hurt.
But he shuffled to the door anyway.
He made it to the main office just as Songsit was packing a shoulder bag with equipment.
"Manifestation report," Songsit was saying to Onepen. "Wat Suthat. Monk called it in. Says there's an entity in the ordination hall. Description matches a Pret. Level 2 threat. Standard containment."
"Do you need backup?" Onepen asked.
"For a Level 2? Nah, I got it." Songsit checked his bag. "VeilSight scanner, documentation tablet, offering kit, containment talismans, emergency beacon. Standard loadout." He looked up and saw Jaokhun. "New guy! Come here. Watch and learn."
Jaokhun shuffled over.
"This is the field kit," Songsit said, showing him the bag. "Everything a field agent needs for standard calls. Scanner to verify entity classification. Tablet for documentation and photos. Offering kit for peaceful negotiations. Talismans for containment if negotiation fails. Emergency beacon if things go really bad."
"How often do things go really bad?" Jaokhun asked.
"Rarely. Maybe once every three months. Most entities are reasonable if you approach them correctly." Songsit slung the bag over his shoulder. "The key is: don't be an idiot. Don't provoke them. Don't disrespect them. Document everything. Follow protocol. Easy."
"Sounds easy."
"It is easy. The job is 80% paperwork, 15% negotiation, 5% actual danger." Songsit checked his watch. "And the pay is good. Better than sitting in that filing room all day. Not bad, right?"
"Not bad at all."
"That's why you're training. Smart." Songsit grabbed his keys. "Anyway, I'm out. Should be back in two hours. This is routine."
He walked toward the door, moving with easy confidence. Like someone who knew exactly what he was doing and got paid well to do it.
Jaokhun watched him leave. That was the life. Real work. Interesting cases. Good pay. Expensive sneakers.
Not filing papers while sweating and in pain.
"Impressive, right?" Onepen said, smiling. "Songsit is one of our best field agents! Very professional!"
"How long has he been doing this?"
"Six years! He passed his assessment on the first try!" Onepen beamed. "He's exactly the kind of agent we need more of!"
Jaokhun watched Songsit disappear down the hallway. That was the life. Real work. Interesting cases. Good pay. Expensive sneakers.
Not filing papers while sweating and in pain.
"You'll get there!" Onepen said encouragingly. "Just keep training! Stay focused! You have six months!"
"Right. Yeah. Six months."
He shuffled back to the filing room. Lek was waiting, floating near the spider web again.
"You back! We keep working!"
"Yeah. Keep working."
Jaokhun pulled out another filing cabinet drawer. His arms hurt. His shoulders hurt. Everything hurt.
But he kept working.
At 12:30, Somsong appeared with instant noodles. "Lunch time, dear. You look exhausted."
"Just a little sore."
"A little?" Somsong smiled knowingly. "You can barely move. Let me guess. You went to the gym yesterday?"
"How does everyone know?"
"Because everyone makes the same mistake on their second day." She handed him the noodles. "Come eat. Rest. The filing will still be here after lunch."
In the break room, Jaokhun ate his noodles slowly. His arms hurt too much to lift the cup quickly.
Pradit walked in, got his coffee, and sat down. He looked at Jaokhun.
"You're still here," Pradit said.
"Where else would I be?"
"Most people quit by day three. Especially after they realize how much work is involved." Pradit took a sip. "And especially after they try working out for the first time and discover their body hates them."
"I'm not quitting."
"That's what they all say." Pradit pulled out his phone. "I give you two more weeks. Onepen says three. We have a running bet."
"You're betting on how long I'll last?"
"It's entertainment. The job is boring. We take what we can get." Pradit looked at his phone. "Songsit says you're training for the assessment."
"How do you know that?"
"Office group chat. We tell each other everything." Pradit showed his phone screen. The group chat was called "LMFAO BKK (Send Help)."
Recent messages:
Songsit: "New guy is training for field agent assessment. Ambitious."Malada: "He can't even walk today. Saw him shuffle past my desk."Grace: "He went to the gym yesterday for TWENTY MINUTES and now he looks like he got hit by a truck 😹"Onepen: "Don't be mean! He's trying! 😊"Songsit: "I hope he keeps going!"Prart: "I provided him with research on proper training methodology but he didn't seem interested in documentation."
Jaokhun stared at the messages. "You're all making fun of me."
"We're documenting observations. Very different." Pradit put his phone away. "For what it's worth, you lasted longer than the last guy. He quit after three months."
"What happened?"
"Rich kid. Thought the job would be exciting. Realized it was mostly filing and paperwork. Got bored. His father paid the termination penalty like it was a parking ticket." Pradit finished his coffee. "850,000 baht. Just wrote a check."
"Must be nice to be rich."
"Must be." Pradit stood up. "Anyway. Keep filing. Try not to die. We need someone to organize that disaster zone."
He left.
Jaokhun finished his noodles and looked at his phone. Bank balance: 47 baht.
Two more days until October 1st. Two more days until his first 5,000 baht payment.