It didn't take me too long to figure out, he had get out.
I couldn't harbour the secret.
After that day… I confessed.
Ofcourse… mother blamed me for it.
How could she not?
I had essentially killed her only son.
That day our family had completely fell apart.
She was so grief stricken that I was kicked out of the house.
Evelyn had tried to persuade her but her mind was already made up.
Before I could cause anymore damage to the only family I had left.
I took some money from our family savings.
Only a small amount just enough to make sure I could at least survive for a while.
Then did the only selfishness thing I could and left.
Everyone in the family seemed good at it.
Then came in this small, quiet town near the sea.
Just me, myself and the only money I had left.
I checked into a small schedule inn.
Even that didn't last as the money I had taken wasn't enough.
A month had passed and I didn't have a place to stay.
I spent three days sleeping in dump alleyway.
But… never once did I think I hadn't deserved this…
I had already given up on everything.
Then.
I met a woman who made a living selling illegal substances.
The woman looked at my shivering frame.
Offering me a small syringe with a strange purple liquid.
"Do you want some?"
I nodded, waving her off.
She smirked and leaned close.
"It melts every single one of your worries away… looking at you right now. Let's just say you need this."
The more she described the artificial euphoria.
The more my broken guilt and depression grew curious.
*All my worries, huh?*
I wasn't in my mind at the time.
"How much?"
The woman smirking.
"First try is free."
I hesitated at first.
But eventually…
I took it.
I injecting the foreign substance in my bloodstream.
It stung a little.
But then… my vision blurred.
For a moment… I found my self floating.
The asphalt beneath me softened into a bed of velvet.
And the harsh town chill melted into a phantom warmth.
For a moment… the poison felt like the only honest thing in this world.
It didn't lie.
It didn't promise forever.
It just offered a brief truce with my own mind.
For a moment… I wasn't a little girl haunting for the concrete.
I was a feather caught in an alleyway draft.
Suspended between who I used to be and who I was dying to forget.
I stared at the sky in a daze.
How could something so bad feel so comforting?
I wondered to myself.
"See? I told you it would melt your worries away."
I was far in too deep in my own grief to listen to reason
It wasn't long after before I became addicted to it.
For days straight I would meet her at the exact same spot.
But nothing good lasts forever.
My stolen money had completely ran out.
The woman abandoned me the second I became unprofitable.
To pay of the massive debts I had accumulated to the local dealers.
I was forced into manual labour in the underground docks.
Completely trapped.
By the time I had turned seventeen.
I was completely drowning in debt.
I made money selling my body for a merchant.
One afternoon, a costumer slave-trader cornered me in a backroom.
Even though he didn't have any money to pay for my services.
Threatening me with papers to sell me the distance mines if I didn't comply with his demands.
I was too weak and terrified to even scream for help.
Completely undressed.
Even if I had screamed who would have helped me?
He stepped forward.
Trying to forcefully bring my wrists.
But right then, my rescue arrived.
"Am I interrupting some?"
A voice asked.
Tone smooth.
Casual and entirely unbothered by the tension.
The trader whirled around.
His face turning pale.
"Wait! What the hell are you doing here?"
"Have you forgotten?"
Caster replied calmly, with a smile on his face.
Taking slow and deliberate steps.
"I'm here to collect my investment money."
"Hell, I told you I would pay you back by the end of the weak."
The trader stammered, stepping away.
"That extension expired long ago."
Caster said, reaching for his pocket.
He took out a small round sphere.
"I suggest you cover your mouth and nose."
He said, directing his gaze to me.
I instantly covered my face with both my hands.
Clank-!
The glass seal on the orb shattered.
Realising a dense and violet smoke instantly erupted in the room.
-Creak!
He took a step.
The man dropped down down.
"What! I can…t see… What.. is this? Stay the hell away from me!"
The man snapped.
Raising his hand at an attempt to stop him.
Caster paying no mind he to the man's remarks.
He took out a small knife.
-Thud!
In a horrific instance.
Caster hat amputated the man's hand.
The smile never leaving his face.
-Squelch!
Blood sprayed out of the man's hand.
Some spilled on Caster's left cheek.
"This will do as payment."
-Thud!
The man fell back first on the har floor.
Then silence took over the room.
***
Caster stared at the unconscious man.
"Are you associated with this filth?"
I vigorously shook my head.
"Figures."
He murmured looking around the dismal backroom.
"Seems you got the devil's luck on your side."
Seeing me shivering, covering my important parts.
He casually unbuttoned his expensive tailored over coat.
He took it off.
Then gently draped it over my shoulders.
He turned his back towards the exit.
Giving me space.
"Well take care of yourself. A few of my enforcers will be coming to drag this unconscious idiot away. So, I highly suggest you leave this place very soon… and oh, you can keep the trench coat."
I was suddenly taken aback by the man's unexpected kindness.
My voice was shaking as I stared at the back of his embroid waistcoat.
"Why…? Why are you helping me?"
I mumbled.
He paused at the threshold.
"…"
He was silent for a moment.
Then turned a small knowing smile playing on his lips.
"Your eyes."
He said softly staring into my gaze.
"That's all there is…"
I looked up at him.
That answer didn't see, real at all but…
..it was enough for me.
Completely stunned at the words that came out of his mouth.
He casually extended a single gloved hand towards me.
"Do you perhaps wanna work for me? I need someone who knows how to follow orders and stay quiet… and I doubt you'd still want to continue working in the streets after what just almost occurred."
'Nothing is comes for free in this world.'
That was what I told myself.
I hesitantly took it.
But deep down I didn't want to believe it.
That day my life had taken another turn.
I soon found out that Caster was a huge figure in the criminal underworld.
Specifically the mastermind of the narcotic that had saved my life… yet completely ruined it.
The very same that had trapped me in the streets.
He was not the gentle hand that had fed me.
He had revealed his true colours.
He would give me a dose every single day.
Injecting me himself.
In return I would become his perfect, unquestioning servent.
Doing absolutely anything he demanded of me.
Though the drug would make me feel untouchable for a fleeting moment.
The absolute second the effects wore off… I was left completely empty.
As hollow as a discarded shell.
One by one the holes began to spread across my fore skin.
I used expensive healing ointments to try and erase them.
But I soon stopped.
Choosing to keep the scars.
I needed them as permanent, painful reminder of my reality.
Caster had pulled me from the gutter and became my saviour.
But at the precise same time.
He became my absolute executioner…
I still occasionally write back to home.
I drop a letter into a postbox every few months.
Although not a single one of them has been answered.
I don't even know if they're still alive or if hate me to much to write back.
But I keep sending them anyway.
Just hoping…
***
"…"
Taylor was silent.
"See? I told it too much for a kid to handle."
Gloria said with a said, fragile chuckle.
"But thank you for listening to me anyway. I've kept this hidden for so long that… it actual felt good to let it out for once."
She stood up from the bench.
Carefully wiping away a fresh tear with the back of her hand.
The afternoon dropping slowly beneath the horizon.
"I understand if you think less of me now."
She murmured, turning her head back to hide her face.
"Wait!"
Taylor interjected loudly.
Gloria stopped dead on her tracks.
Her shoulders tensing beneath her dress.
"I don't blame you one bit for trying to survive."
She stayed quiet for a long moment, her back still turned to him.
Then, she slowly began to walk into the fading light.
"Thank… you."
She whispered her voice completely breaking.
Tears flowing down her face like a sudden, unstoppable tsunami.
She didn't turn around a single time.
She just kept walking.
Letting the grief and relief pour out of her.
She did want to burden a child with her tears any longer.
Taylor sat alone on the bench.
Watching her graceful, yet deliberate figure disappear into the bustling even crowd.