It's not fair is all I can think and is all I will be able to think for days maybe even weeks cause it really isn't fair Rien doesn't even want an Element yet he was the only one to get one out of all of us. It isn't fair but it's what happened so now I'm stuck between being a good friend and supporting Rien live out his dreams or be a dick and resent him for the rest of our lives as much as it pains me to say it I want to be the dick so bad right now I want him to know that this isn't fair that I wanted this so much more that I deserve this so much more but I know that I shouldn't, no that I can't do that to him he's my best friend, he's supported me when times were rough for him so I should do the same even though doing the same is so hard right now I'm sure it wasn't so easy for him either so I better get hype for him next time I see him. I already pulled the dick move and didn't say bye to him or congrats or anything at all I just started at him not knowing what to say or how to feel so I stared at him which I'm sure didn't help at all with his worries at the time Man I really got to apologize for that next time we hang out too "Um" Kim starts talking we both have been walking in silence since Elijah left "I feel kinda shitty now huh" he really just said what we were both thinking we were assholes for reacting the way we did we should have been better friends to him since he would have congratulated us if we just so happened to get an Element so why shouldn't we do the same. "Yeah, well we were pretty shitty to Rien so.." I say, after I say that silence hangs in the air for a while longer before Kim speaks up again "We should apologize and congratulate him when we see him next" . After pondering about it for a few seconds I finally just relinquish all the feelings I have right now and agree with Kim. I know it shouldn't be this difficult to choose I know that So why don't I want to make the right choice is it because I'm jealous of Rien well obviously but there has to be more then that I can put my pride aside for my friends I have to be able to put it away they deserve nothing but the best all of them not just Rien I have to be the best friend I can be to everyone so why is it so hard. I mean a true Elemental would help… I mean a good person would help anyone they can and I'm a good person so why can't I? Am I not a good person? Is the person I think I am only me when things go my way? Am I just a good person depending on the situation? I can't be. I have trained my whole life to be something I could never have even been then. I have to be a good person, it's who I am, it's who I'm supposed to be… so why can't I be one right now? Why couldn't I be one earlier. Why is this so hard? "Hahhh" I sigh, there's truly no other way to express how I feel right now. I'm upset that I'm not who I thought I was but now all I have to do is accept it and become who I want to be. I mean it's as simple as that if I'm not who I thought I was or who I want to be I should work to become the person I want to be. "Man I really am a piece of shit" I let out as softly as I can say it I don't want pity from Kim right now but I felt like I needed to say it I needed to hear it with my own two ears to make sure I understood it and so I said it. "You and me, both bro." Kim agrees with me. Well I guess it's that we at least both know.
Kim
After me and Art both accepted that we were both douches for not congratulating Rien. We both just kinda sit with our thoughts again normally on a walk home we would be chatting it up about drama in class or laughing about stupid shit but right now it just felt right to sit in silence. I'm honestly already over the whole no Element thing since I never cared too much about having one in the first place plus I knew the chances were basically zero but I don't know for some reason Rien getting one really messed with me I mean I guess I was jealous of him. I'm not really anymore but at the time it just felt like a punch in the gut after I already got out of getting beat by a belt it just made everything hurt more, y'know rubbing salt in the wound and stuff. So I think it just made me more upset in the end and after that I was like upset level 10000 and I just didn't have it in me to fake being happy for Rien. I regret it now but past me needed it a bit, which is honestly kinda fair I feel for past me, he wasn't having a good time man. So yeah today has sucked so far but I'm sure in like a week or two I'll look back at it with good memories I mean one of my best bud's is gonna be an Elemental hard not to be happy for bro now that I sobered up a good bit I mean he's gonna be an Elemental it's sick! I mean one day I'm gonna be able to tell my kids "Yeah your Uncle Rien is an Elemental." Like there gonna go crazy for it when there like 3ish I don't really think they'll know how cool it is when there still two and shit but by three they should get it since that's when you get your frontal lobe or something I don't know I wasn't really paying attention in science when we were learning it. I think me and Art were playing a game on our tablet cause we were bored, Elijah and Rien were probably paying attention though they take school pretty seriously for hanging out with two dumbass's in me and Art we both get pretty shitty grades I think out of our class of 513 students I was ranked 469 and Art was 451 so as you can tell pretty fucking stupid while Rien and Elijah were ranked 13th and 9th so pretty much polar opposites from me and Art. All this thinking is just making me feel worse for being a dick to Rien so I look up to try to start up a conversation to avoid thinking about it but Art looked like he was about to break down so I decided to not start trying to mess around to make myself feel better. Being left to my own thoughts also wasn't going great for me so I didn't know what to do. I was kinda just stuck walking with Art left with my own thoughts. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore so I decided to just talk not about feeling shitty not about Elements but I tried to just talk. I tried to be normal "Today's been pretty crazy huh" Fuck Art looks up slowly and just responds with confusion "huh" why would the fuck did I start off with that I think right before trying to save this conversation "I mean today has been pretty wild with everything going on honestly it's not what I expected." what the fuck am I saying right now "Yeah me either" Art says with a grumble before looking straight ahead. I did exactly what I said I wouldn't do I thought while giving myself a mental face slap preparing myself to try again "My bad I just don't want to think about feeling shitty anymore" Fuck I am bad at this Art looked at me shocked I said that then his face relaxed more and he got a bit of a smile on his face "Yeah me either." and with that we started just talking again. We talked about how we rage baited him last night and we all obviously knew it wasn't his fault. We talked about making sure to play basketball one more time before Rien left and we obviously talked about making up with Rien too. "I feel a lot better now." Art says I couldn't really tell if that was him talking to himself or something I was supposed to respond too. So after I thought about it for a second or two I responded "Yeah me too."