Thud... thud...
"Dumpty, stop that."
"It doesn't even hurt anyway..."
After securing new lodgings, I sat leaning against the wall, banging my head against it. I was thinking simply, since it didn't hurt.
On the bed in the room, Ayaka lay unconscious, and in the chair next to her sat Saber Alter. It was surprising to see Alter... but that wasn't the important thing.
"So... eight years, and even Sajou Hiroki died. About eight years ago, you said?"
"According to Master, yes. So, what's your relationship with Master?"
"... I was Ayaka's Servant once. I was close with Ayaka too..."
I thought it was just a brief childhood encounter. Even if we got closer, she was a magus and Manaka's sister, and unlike Manaka, I assumed she'd have no particular attachment to me. That turned out to be true.
But... things unfolded completely differently from what I expected.
Why... is it a worldline where time has passed?
"This isn't how it was supposed to be... I left Ayaka behind because I thought only a few days would pass, even with time flowing... Since her father was here, unlike the original world, I figured it'd just be like Manaka going on a short trip for a few days... but it's been eight years without me."
Eight years.
It's a long time. Eight years is never short. Just like my current time in the military, less than two years, feels incredibly long, how much longer and harder must it have been for Ayaka, living alone since she was eight, without family?
Thud...!
"Why won't the protection turn off... I thought it had an ON/OFF switch."
"If you do it now, Master will be in pain."
"That's the point... I'm aware I'm not a good person, not a saint. I'm not particularly heroic or righteous, and I don't dream of being one. I'm just an ordinary person who does what I want and avoids what I don't—nothing more than a commoner. I've caused trouble before. I reflected on those things. I never thought that building some bonds in another world would lead to such a big change. I think I'm an unappealing guy. I considered leaving Manaka behind, but after what happened with Jeanne, I planned to take her this time, but she left first, which was the problem. I wanted to cool my head, take a break, and then come back to get her. But..."
It's eight years.
"I left a child to live alone for eight years. I know I'm trash. And I didn't think I was beneath humans. But... with this, I've become a piece of shit not even fit to be near humanity. Because of this, Ayaka had to live as an orphan, alone from a young age, without family. I ruined a child's life. I..."
Thud...
Nero, fidgeting beside me, spoke up.
"What if we turn back time to the past?"
"Is that possible?"
"For foreigners... maybe?"
"Does that send this world to the past? Or does it go to a parallel world in a different timeline, like in Dragon Ball?"
"That's..."
"It's different from directly going to the past and altering it, like Melt did in SE.RA.PH. Even if we do that, would it really erase what Ayaka experienced in this world?"
"That... probably..."
"Listen... I can't be a Saber. Do you know why?"
"Hmm?"
It's very simple...
"I'm just a commoner. I have this excessive power that can change the world, but in reality, I'm nothing more than an ordinary person. My mind is too ordinary—just a human, not a hero or anything. If we change the past, the current Ayaka would disappear, right? Isn't that death in another sense?"
"That..."
"What if we take this Ayaka to the past? Send her back with her memories? Then who compensates for the last eight years? For Ayaka's wounds?"
"..."
"Nero... I can't handle it. Even with the power to shake the world, I'm an ordinary human. A petty citizen full of worries, someone who hesitates, agonizes, and can't make decisions—a pathetic human. I appreciate you talking for my sake, thinking of me. But... if we do that, I'd be killing this future Ayaka who disappeared... Guilt? Probably. I'm worried about Ayaka disappearing, but I also wonder if I can bear it myself."
I don't know if Manaka would care about Ayaka... but at least the Manaka from the past, devoid of love, wouldn't have. I'm not sure about the current Manaka.
"... It's a dilemma. Ridiculous, right? That someone who's already demolished several worlds is acting like this... Well, I've always been this pathetic. I'll ask you, Arthur, since you can answer objectively. What do you think of me?"
"Pathetic, just as you said."
"Correct~ I think so too. If Atalanta looked at me objectively, would she curse me? ..."
Thud...!
Really... I hate getting serious. With this excessive power, I wanted to live thoughtlessly in the everyday life it brings. With great power comes great responsibility. It's a cliché now, but it's a saying that always transcends time.
Right, with great power comes great responsibility. And I have to take responsibility for what I've done with that power. I must be prepared to take responsibility and be careful with every action.
That's why I was cautious at the beginning.
In the end, I'm just an ordinary commoner. Now, I'm a monster who ruined a girl's life.
That's who I am now.
I can't ignore reality, no self-justification is allowed. No escaping reality. I mustn't go along with those around me who comfort me and rationalize things.
In the end... the karma of what I've done doesn't fade from my subconscious.
Even now, it flickers before my eyes. The image of Ayaka living alone for the past eight years without family. Graduation ceremonies, entrance ceremonies spent alone without family, imagining Ayaka lonely on anniversaries and birthdays...
My chest tightens.
Even though I know what that pain feels like... I made another child feel it.
Guilt crawls up my body, seeping in.
[You're the one who ruined it...]
Red, shadow-like things flicker before my eyes, pressing in on me. It feels like I'm developing PTSD from something I wanted to ignore, even though I never had it... seems like it's going to happen now.
=============================
It was an afternoon on some day.
"How was school~?"
"Berserker."
The person waiting for me in front of the school gate at dismissal time. That person came to pick me up, and I walked home with them. Since starting elementary school, neither my sister nor my dad had ever come to see me off or pick me up.
The first one to take me and come to get me was him, a complete stranger.
"Is the Holy Grail War going well?"
"It'd be weird if it wasn't~ With a combination like this, there's no way to lose~"
"Really? Well, with so many people."
"Actually, just having Manaka would be enough..."
"?"
A somewhat意味深長な 말. In a way, I thought my sister might be an important key.
Walking home with Berserker, he sometimes bought snacks from street vendors before dinner.
"The yakitori here is tasty. It feels so disconnected from today's prices."
"Where are you from that you say that?"
"A distant future..."
"?"
He occasionally said incomprehensible, strange things... but I thought he was basically a kind person.
On the way home, we sat on a park bench to rest, spending a leisurely time.
"Wow... green tea cola, yuzu cider? They have everything. This is something else."
"It's drinkable."
"Eh... Ayaka, you have some unusual tastes too. Even knowing it's a bizarre combination that can't possibly taste good, wanting to try it is human psychology~"
Berserker sat next to me, drinking green tea cola, then made a微妙한 expression and kept drinking.
"It's drinkable. But if I'm paying, I'd rather have Coke."
"Just a matter of preference."
"Haha~ Ayaka, have you ever gone out with your family for fun?"
"Back when Mom was alive, yes. After she passed, never. Dad is busy, and my sister is always in her room."
"... I see. That's not good..."
"Huh?"
Berserker tossed the cola bottle into a nearby trash can, then turned to look at me, meeting my gaze.
"Then... when we have time later, want to go to an amusement park together? There's Disneyland in Tokyo, right?"
"Can we go? Dad would say no, that I have to study for school and magecraft..."
"It's fine~ If it really doesn't work out, I'll take you."
"... Really?"
"Yeah, really. Let's go with Manaka too later."
"... Promise, okay?"
"Yeah, promise."
Berserker smiled, hooked pinkies, and made the promise.
Why... didn't you keep the promise...
"..."
I opened my eyes. What I saw was an unfamiliar ceiling. I must have collapsed. I clearly kicked out in anger, and then I was in pain... what did I do?
"Where is this..."
Sitting up on the bed, there was Saber sitting in a chair next to me. And in front of me stood Berserker, grown up differently from back then.
"... Hi, Ayaka."
"....."
I remembered the kindness from back then. But... my sister, surely Berserker...
Thump!
"?"
Then, Berserker knelt down, looking at me.
"I'm sorry, Ayaka."
"... What are you apologizing for?"
"Because of me, you lived for eight years without family. It's my fault. What happened is because of me."
"......"
Why... does it feel sincere? This is the first time I've seen him so serious. No, he was like this when I saw the note my sister left.
And... why didn't you kill me and leave me be? Even thinking I couldn't win, I went alone to vent my anger. But now, I'm fine.
After my sister disappeared, and he disappeared... I thought all those moments back then were detestable acting. But, seeing him now...
"... Do you remember the promise from back then?"
"Promise...?"
"...."
As expected, you don't remember──
"You mean going to Disneyland, right?"
"... You do remember."
"It's a promise. I don't make promises I can't keep. I always keep my promises. It's my insignificant conviction."
"I see..."
Even after eight years... you remember that time. Now I don't know. What kind of person are you, really?
"Is my sister... dead?"
I ask even though I know. Even though I know she's probably gone...
"No, she's alive."
"... Then, where is she now?"
"Jerusalem. That is, in another world's Jerusalem."
"Another world... Did my sister use the Second Magic or something!?"
"If it's her, it's possible... You don't know much about Manaka yet, do you?"
About my sister... I don't know much?
"... She's alive, right?"
"Yeah, she's alive."
His eyes were shining, just like when he made that promise with me back then. Those eyes... can I really trust them?
"... That's enough."
Knowing my sister is safe, my tension eases. Why didn't you come for eight years, sister.
"Ayaka..."
"Since my sister is safe... so... hoo, just keep your promise."
"Huh?"
"Let's go... to the amusement park. I've waited eight years for it."
We shouldn't just talk in this room... I want to have a more serious, longer conversation. Berserker... I need to know what kind of person you are. Whether that time was real or not.