CHAPTER NINE: SIRIUSLY OR SERIOUSLY
MONDAY, JUNE 24, 1996. Potter Manor.
Harry did not know whether his current predicament was amusing, disturbing or the beginning of a pattern. As soon has Hermione finished telling him about bonds and bonding rituals and suggesting he might need to consider taking on another Consort or a Concubine to ensure that he can legally have a blood heir to both Houses, she had then asked whether he still wanted her to suck him off. He told her he'd rather shag her senseless, but she was still a little sore. That being said, he offered to do her first. They soon found themselves naked, on the same reading bench in the same spot as they had been the day before when they had each relieved the other of their virginity. There was a long period of kissing, caressing and Harry sucking Hermione's breasts before Harry finally got between her legs to further explore her sex with his tongue.
She had only cum moments before and they had changed places. Harry was sitting on the bench and Hermione was kneeling between his legs and had begun licking his shaft as she had the day before. Harry noticed movement in his peripheral vision, his focus having been on watching his girl begin to pleasure him. Harry looked up and saw Tonks approaching and could not help but roll his eyes.
"Wotcher, you two," she said as she continued walking over to them. To Harry it seemed as if she had no idea that anything was going on. He looked down and saw Hermione had looked up and watched as Tonks sat next to them.
"Hi Tonks,' Hermione said, again as if nothing unusual was happening.
"That's some wand you got there, Milord," Tonks added with a smile looking at Harry's fully aroused state.
"It is indeed," Hermione said with a giggle. To Harry's surprise, Hermione then took him into her mouth. The witch didn't care!
"Hermione?" Harry asked.
"Hmmm?" was all she could manage with her mouthful of him.
"You don't mind Tonks being here?"
"Hm-mmm." which Harry took correctly as a negative. Considering his most sensitive organ was in very close proximity to lots of teeth and that Hermione was not about to stop, there was little Harry could do but lean back and enjoy her efforts. Another Outstanding, he thought minutes later when he finished. Hermione was never one to merely Exceed Expectations and that was proving true about her ability to pleasure him as well.
As Hermione climbed into his lap for her cuddle, Tonks said: "Can't leave you two alone without you two getting naked and going at it, can I?"
"You don't have to watch, you know," Harry said a little annoyed at the older witch.
"Ah, but it is entertaining. So much better watching you two than Muggle Porn. Your show yesterday gave me such wonderful wanking material for last night! Besides, it doesn't look like the two of you mind."
Harry and Hermione chuckled. Truth was he didn't and … "Having an audience turns her on," he said.
"Guess she's a frustrated actress or something," Tonks chided.
"More like a horny, little slut," Harry said, surprised that Hermione merely giggled in reply.
"More like a little of both," Hermione whispered softly. "At least when it comes to Harry."
"With that wand of his, I can see why," Tonks said with a laugh.
"It's not the size of the sea," Hermione replied, "it's the motion of the ocean."
"And how is his ocean motion?"
"Unbelievable!" she sighed.
"Well, his sea size is impressive as well. Bigger and longer than average."
"Really?"
Tonks nodded.
"Ooooh, I'm so lucky! Envy of all the girls!" Hermione cooed to Harry.
"Is that an 'I shag the Boy-Who-Lived' comment?" Harry asked jokingly.
"Honestly! No. It's a 'my man speaks softly, carries a huge sword, and knows how to use it to take me to heaven' comment! I'd rather have 'The Boy-Who-Can-Shag-Me-Senseless' any day, or night for that matter."
"Good to know."
"Well," Tonks said, "now that the two of you are good and shagged…"
"Actually," Harry said, "compared to yesterday we have not yet begun to really shag!"
"Fine," Tonks continued, "now that the Harry and Hermione show is in intermission, we need to continue our talk from yesterday. So, let's head back over to the table and we can continue."
Hermione and Harry dressed with some reluctance. It was a little difficult as her clothes were strewn about all over the place, as were Harry's.
"Forced to wonder," Harry mused, "would you have stopped had your parents walked in on us?"
Hermione looked at him and chewed her lip for a moment. "Before or after starting?"
"Both."
"Before, maybe. After, that's their problem."
"Really? How would they react?"
"Probably freak the first time. Then again, they never stopped when I walked in on them, so…"
"Really?" Harry was a bit surprised. As far as he knew the only evidence that his Aunt and Uncle had ever been even partially naked in front of each other, much less anyone else, was their son. Then again, Harry did know about artificial insemination so maybe that was not proof at all. He took his seat next to a relaxed yet naked Hermione.
"Okay, let's try and focus," Tonks said. "I'm hoping you can manage to keep your sword out of her scabbard 'til we get through this, Sir Shags-a-lot."
"I like that one," Hermione giggled. "Much better than The-Boy-Who-Lived, don't you think Harry? I promise to all but stop with the 'Milords' and 'Masters' if I can call you that all the time."
"Ugh!" Harry complained. "Until yesterday it was Sir Never-Shagged-At-All and now this?"
"Really?" Tonks asked. "He really must have the Ocean Motion thing going then. Most boys are bollocks at shagging at first."
"And now," Harry continued, "it seems it's Sir Shagged-Too-Much…"
"What? Hermione?"
"Ten times yesterday," Hermione said. "You saw shag number six. Oh and there was oral and hand before, so maybe it was an even dozen if they count. And two more oral later. I'm still a little sore and…" Hermione finally blushed Harry noted.
"And she has barred my basilisk from her Chamber of Secret since we woke up this morning," he grumped, although he was somewhat faking it. She wasn't the only one who over-shagged it, although he was hoping he had recovered faster.
Tonks got a laugh out of that one. "Oh you poor thing," she giggled.
"My poor pecker, more like. Finally gets a romp and then cut off without so much as a by your leave? He's pining!"
"Well, he can just pine some more 'cause we have work to do. While those of us who want to help you want you to have some fun for once, there is also work to be done. And now it's work time, not play with Hermione bits time."
"Yes Ma'am," Harry said in a false sulk. He knew given this chance he would have used this summer to work on getting rid of Voldemort. Now, he knew he had two dark bastards to deal with. He needed to work.
"Right then," Tonks said. "Although I am ninety-nine percent certain Hermione here is your Consort, Lord Potter, we need to be totally certain."
"And how do we know for certain?"
Tonks pulled a large, golden ring out. "This is the Ring of the Head of the Ancient and Noble House of Potter. It is your seal, your family seal. There's a larger one in your office upstairs, but this will do as well. It can only be worn by the Head of your House. Your seals are magical. They cannot be faked, counterfeited, or forged. Place this on your right hand's forefinger. As you are Head of House by birthright, that's where it goes."
Harry did as he was told. There was a flash of what he was sure was magic just before the ring resized itself to fit his finger.
"Now touch the seal with your thumb, look at Hermione's neck and tell me what you see."
Harry nodded and did that as well. There was another flash and a gold ribbon appeared on her neck. Right in the middle, a silver scripted "P" was visible. "She's got - she's got a ribbon 'round her neck. It wasn't there before" he gasped.
"I can feel it!" Hermione exclaimed. "Can I see it?"
Tonks passed over a small mirror.
"It's," Hermione began with tears in her voice, "it's beautiful!"
"You can never take it off," Tonks said. "It will never dull or tatter. You will wear it forever, in this life and the next. It is a symbol of your bond to Harry, one which will only grow and never die."
"I seem to have read that," Hermione whispered. "Can you see it?"
"No," Tonks said. "I am not bonded to Harry. Only those who are can see it. Still, nothing prevents him from giving you tokens that do show the world what you mean to him."
"Such as," Harry and Hermione said.
"An engagement ring and a wedding ring," Tonks replied. "Under our law, you two are married. You said the necessary vow for your bond and performed at least part of the rite before a witness - me."
"We're married?" Harry asked.
"Under our law," Tonks said, "yes."
"I wish," Hermione's voice hitched, "I only wish Mum and Dad could have been there…"
"What?" Harry replied. "Been there to watch me hide my basilisk in your chamber over and over?"
"Okay," she huffed. "They just should have been here to know their little girl who had never had a friend before Hogwarts finally landed her handsome prince in hopes of living happily ever after. I will admit, the shagging might have been a bit much."
"And the fact that you have all but begged me to buy a Harem," Harry asked.
"I might be able to get them to handle that bit," Hermione replied.
"How?"
"Simple. Many of them are our friends. All of them are decent young women. And I know even as a member of your Harem, as it were, they would be far better off than where they would be otherwise with you. That, and I know I will always be number one in your heart."
"Still…"
"Harry's Harem?" Tonks asked.
"My Consort - slash - wife looked through that catalog you showed us. There are friends of ours up for sale this year."
"Half the Muggle Borns in our year at least," Hermione added. A couple from the year ahead. All have Harry connections."
"We figured as much," Tonks replied. "the Old Man is selling off any Muggle Born witches whom Harry might take an interest in. He wants Harry to marry a Pureblood."
"I convinced Harry to buy them," Hermione continued. "If he can't find a Consort for the Black line, he can always use one of them to produce the heir."
"Wise move."
"What about you, Tonks?" Harry asked. "Fancy a shot at consort? Lot harder to wear out two witches than only one," he snarked.
"Having seen you in action, I can't say I'm not tempted," she replied. "Unfortunately, there are impediments which we will discuss later. Thanks for the offer though. It's," she hitched, "it's more than anyone has offered before."
"I mean it Tonks."
"And I wish I could, Harry."
"But…"
"No buts. I would be honored to, but can't. I will tell you why and it has nothing to do with you, okay?"
"I suppose."
"Right then. Next on the agenda is the will of your Godfather, Harry. I hope you are up for it."
"I - I guess." Oddly, aside from the night at Privet drive and his meeting with Dumbledore just after the battle that claimed the life of his Godfather, worrying about Hermione and then being with her had pretty much been all he had really been thinking about. "I think I can manage."
"It's important," Tonks said skeptically. "His public reading is scheduled for the 10th of July. It was announced in the Prophet today."
"I assume that means something," Harry said in a dead voice.
"It means the Gringotts Goblins who handle probate estates have verified that the will is valid and can survive any challenge. It's final. The time is to allow those who must be there for the reading to make the necessary arrangements to attend."
"Including me I suppose."
"Actually no. You can skive off if you want."
"Why?"
"Read. After I will tell you."
Harry and Hermione were handed the parchment and began to read together.
THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT
of
SIRIUS ORION BLACK
HEAD OF THE ANCIENT
AND NOBLE HOUSE OF BLACK
6 June 1996
Where to begin? Bloody dictating quills! REMUS, you useless GIT, I said this was no bloody good!
Right then, where was I? I, Sirius Orion Black, Head of the Ancient and Noble House of Black, being of sound mind, … I heard that you fur ball! I am! Of sound mind you prat! … hereby make this my last Will revoking all prior Wills and codicils. How the bloody hell do I know what a codicle is? I'm not a bloody solicitor, Remus! Anyway - and hopefully without further interruptions … With this Will to provide from my friends and to designate my Heir at law and magic.
I. I hereby attest that I currently have no children or other descendants, and it is not for a lack of trying. To my great friend, confidant and love of my life Mallory, I know you wanted children, I know we tried and we know it was me that was lacking in that department. We both know we don't know why. We both know it was not what we wanted. I would have been happy with nothing but daughters had they all turned out to be as wonderful as you. Whether it was my long sojourn at a certain recreational paradise courtesy of cock-sucking wizard morons, the Ministry of Magic (see prior clause) and Lord God Cock Sucker Himself (who currently is Chief Warlock), or whether it was my own family breeding within Pureblood lines one time too many, we will now never know. I'm sorry Mal. Just know that I love you and have for ages and would have grown old and grey with you by my side regardless.
Pffft!
Damn, Mal. I know you're just down the hall. But thinking of not being with you hurts!
II. R-right then. Specific Bequests!
A. To Mallory Michelle Grant, the love of my life and my wife in all but name for all these years:
1. A sum of 5,000,000 Galleons.
2. Title to 17A High Street, Hogsmeade. I purchased the flat. You may do with it as you please. Just remember, I can't give you our favorite summer place and you hated Grimmauld Place as much as I did. But I have fond memories of our times together in the one place I always thought of as ours and ours alone.
3. A request. Help the new Lord Black in all that he has to do.
B. To Remus John Lupin, last of the Marauders and last of my best mates:
1. A sum of 5,000,000 Galleons. Damn it man! Buy some decent clothes!
2. A wish that you continue forward with the plan!
C. To my Goddaughter Clarice Anne Potter:
I only knew you for a little over a month before that terrible night took your parents from us and sent me off to a "lovely" recreational paradise. I have know idea where you are. I hope my heir finds you and reunites you with your real family. In the event that he does, I leave you 5,000,000 Galleons in Trust to pay for your care and education through the end of you Seventh Year and eighteenth birthday. The remainder of the Trust shall be added to your main account of 10 Million Galleons upon your eighteenth birthday. Try not to spend it all at once.
D. To my Cousin, Andromeda Terra Tonks:
1. Reinstatement into the House of Black for you and your descendants.
2. A sum of 1,000,000 Galleons. You were always kind to me, Andy. Take care.
E. To my Cousin Bellatrix LeStrange:
You are hereby and forever banished from the House of Black. Your betrayal can never be forgiven or forgotten. I hereby annul your marriage and demand immediate repayment to my House of any curtsey any Lord Black paid to whore you off.
F. To My Cousin Narcissa Malfoy:
Should you ask, I shall expect my heir to annul your marriage as well. The Malfoys are the lowest form of scum and I cannot accept a woman as decent as you being associated with such vermin. But the choice is yours to make. I also ask my heir, should you so decide, to take up position as you patron and provide for you. I would willingly have provided you with a monetary gift, but you git for brains husband and his useless son might benefit, so get the annulment!
G. To My Cousin Draco Malfoy:
You are a useless waste of air. If I could kill you, you and your waste of a father would be dead already. You are hereby disinherited and your name shall never more be associated with MY HOUSE!
H. To Nymphadora Tonks:
1. By restoring your mother, I've restored you.
2. 1,000,000 Galleons. I pray you find the happiness Mal and I could not.
I. To Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore:
What potions where your parents taking when they named you? That should be considered child abuse! I leave you with what you deserve to hear. Upon further reflection, given a choice between you and Voldemort, I choose Voldemort! If I must live under a pureblood fancying, bigoted despot, I prefer one who holds himself out as one and not one who tries to look like a savior! You stole my family from me. I pray you suffer a long and agonizing death, you truly discover what fates are worse then death, and then you rot in hell!
J. To Arthur Weasley: 50,000 Galleons. You were always a friend.
K. To William Weasley:
1. 50,000 Galleons. You and that girl of yours deserve it.
2. Title to a nice little property called Shell Cottage. Call it an early wedding present!
L. To Fred and George Weasley, or is it Gred and Forge?
1. As heirs in spirit to the original Marauders, I leave you a journal we kept that records all of our pranks and how we did them. I trust I don't have to tell you to keep up the good work?
2. 50,000 Galleons each. Use it as you please, although your ingenious inventions are a sound investment in my opinion.
M. To Molly, Ronald and Ginevra Wealsey: A warning: Revenge is a dish best served cold.
N. To Hermione Jane Granger:
You are the brightest witch of your age. 100,000 Galleons. I'd leave you more, but as I'm certain a certain Lord Potter is your future, this is just to tide you over until the git pulls his head out of his ass and makes you his forever more!
III. The remainder of my estate, estimated at 105,675,000 Galleons and including all forms of property, real and personal, I leave to my godson, second cousin once removed and designated heir to all my titles, votes on the Wizengamot and any other properties I possess not otherwise bequeathed above: Lord Harry James Potter-Black, Heads of the Ancient Houses of Potter and Black and emancipated by separate instrument effective as of the day of my death. Lord Potter-Black is my heir at law and magic. In this document I make but one request of my heir: publish it! (You can redact the amounts of money, but the rest should be published!)
Sorry Cub. I didn't want to leave you. Our Society shall advise you on where to go from here.
IV. A few last words Cub. First, if you have not yet figured it out, most of us have. You are in love with a certain witch and she, even if she hasn't figured it out, is in love with you. Take care of her. Take care of your Hermione!
V. Second, there are several women who for various reasons are important to me. They were my friends or, in one case, the love of my life. Take care of Amdromeda Tonks, her daughter Nymphadora, Narcissa Malfoy (hopefully Cissy Black again my cousin and friend as once I knew her) and my wife in all but name Mallory Grant. In my mind, these women our my family and as the new Lord Black I ask that you take them in as your family as well.
"Bloody hell," Harry said as he finished. "I'm …"
"Rich?" Tonks asked rhetorically.
"Yeah."
"Harry, you were rich once he emancipated you. The Potter estate is the largest in our world. His gift to you is almost nothing in comparison. The title, though, that's another thing."
"Hermione suspected that. Told me I had to plan to - er - keep the Black line going as it were."
"Indeed. Any questions about any of the bequests before we move on?"
"Who was this Mallory Grant?"
"Sirius had been in love with her for years."
"Yet they never married? Why didn't he ever tell me? Why didn't he introduce me to her?" Harry was starting to get angry.
"They never married because he got sent to Azkaban. He was never charged, but the Ministry never cleared him either. As an escaped fugitive, he could not marry. As to why he never told you? He would have this summer had he…" Tonks sniffed. "Had he lived. You would have met her too. Why not before? Sirius was holed up at Grimmauld Place or somewhere else ever since his escape. He couldn't bring you to his other hideouts, the Old Man wouldn't let him and he didn't want Mallory anywhere near the Old Man or the other Order members. Aside from a handful of us, he didn't trust them. But she does know about you, Harry."
"Oh."
"And you will meet her soon."
"Fine. Did you know about her, Hermione?"
"No."
"Okay. And what about Mrs. Malfoy? What's that about?"
"Sirius was good friends with my Mum and Cissy as a child," Tonks said. "He stayed friends with her right up until after his Fifth Year."
"What happened then?"
"My Mum eloped with Dad and was cast out by Orion Black, then Head of the House of Black. Sirius had a huge fight with his Mum about it and was kicked out of his home. Cissy's folks told her to stay away."
"But this promise he made?"
"Cissy's marriage was arranged. She didn't want it at all. Even though my Mum was cast out, Cissy still sees her on the sly. She hates the man and has grown to hate the boy as well. Shortly after she fulfilled her obligations as a Malfoy wife - after that snot Draco was born - she arranged a meeting in secret with my Mum and Sirius. She asked Sirius to annul her marriage once he became Head of the family. He told her he would."
"Why didn't he? He was the Head of the Blacks, right?"
"As far as the Goblins are concerned, which meant as far as the Black's money and property were concerned, yes. He was never disowned and never convicted of a disqualifying crime. But the annulment is governed under Wizard law. The Ministry still considered him an outlaw and would never have honored the annulment. Not that it mattered. As far as I know, Cissy had not spoken to Sirius since he escaped. I do know that she was crushed when the lies spread and were believed about Sirius being a Death Eater. She hates them."
"Um, okay."
"What will you do, Harry?" Hermione asked.
"If she asks, I'll honor the promise in the Will," Harry replied.
"Here Harry," Tonks said handing him another ring. "Having read the Will, this is yours now. It goes on your left forefinger."
"The Black Ring?"
Tonks nodded.
"He's - he's really gone then," Harry commented as he fought not to lose the battle against his tears. Hermione wrapped her arms around him and placed her head on his shoulder and the battle, while not won, was put on hold. "Thanks," he whispered to her as he slipped the ring on. There was another flash of magic as the ring resized.
"You are now, in the eyes of magic," Tonks began, "Lord Potter, Head of the Ancient and Noble House of Potter and Lord Black, Head of the Ancient and Noble House of Black. Lord Potter-Black for short," she added with a small smile. "With those titles comes responsibility for both houses."
Harry snorted. "Hermione told me. I got to get her preggers and then find a girl to knock up for the Black line."
"A little crude, but accurate."
"It's okay," Harry said somewhat disappointed. "Looks like I'm back to Plan B."
"Plan B?" Tonks asked.
"Get a Concubine and knock her up instead," Harry moped a little.
"And if there's more than one?" Hermione asked reminding Harry of their discussion about the upcoming auction.
"First one to bear a son wins the prize, I guess," Harry said. "What if…"
"Yes?" the two young women asked.
"Well, just thinking here," Harry said. "Let's say I do get a concubine or some concubines. Let's say one of them bears a son, okay?" The two women nodded. "Okay, and say sometime later, I get a Consort for House Black. If she bears a son, what happens?"
"That boy becomes the heir," Tonks said.
"And the other? What about him? What becomes of him?"
"He remains your son so what happens to him is up to you. Just 'cause he's no longer and heir doesn't mean he's no longer your son."
"Is there a stigma associated with the children of concubines?"
"No. Not because of what there mother's bond is at any rate. Any stigma would be based on their blood status. If the boy's mother was a pureblood, he would be less looked down upon than if his mother was a Muggle Born."
"Makes no sense if you ask me," Harry said. "Hypothetically speaking, if Hermione gave me a son and a half blood concubine gave me a son, then the fact that Hermione's social station is actually higher means nothing? Her boy is tainted by her parents while the concubine's is not tainted by his mother's status?"
"Sums it up in a nutshell," Tonks said. "As I told you last night, our society is messed up and has been for centuries. As I understand it from Sirius, who hated the system on so many levels, your Mum was brilliant, funny, a joy to be around, and drop dead gorgeous. Yet to avoid being auctioned off as a concubine solely because of what her parents were, she had to bind herself to your father as his Consort. Yet a fair few of the true wives in upper society are pureblooded, dim witted, ugly toads and dumb as posts and never feared being sold."
"You're talking about Umbridge?"
Tonks nodded. "Maiden name Selwyn. Barely scraped an O.W.L. and only in subjects that had nothing to do with wands or magical creatures. She never passed a N.E.W.T. The Selwyns were an old Pureblood line that was rapidly approaching Squib levels with each successive generation. She was married off at nineteen to Krakas Ubmridge, then aged 97. His family was wealthier and more politically connected, but socially lower on the scale. It was through the old geezer that she got her foot in the door at the Ministry. He kicked off a few years later. They never had a child. Rumor is by then she had turned herself from a filing clerk to the assistant to an up and comer in the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures named Cornelius Fudge. Fudge was and is married, but his wife refuses to suck him off. Umbridge had no such reluctance and rose through the ranks of the ministry on her Fudge cock sucking skills alone."
"Now there's a disturbing thought," Harry said, "on so many levels."
"Rumor is she's pissed as hell now."
"Why?"
"Someone took her place as top Fudge sucker while she was at Hogwarts this year."
"Who?"
"You'll never guess."
"Percy Weasley?" Hermione suggested.
"Why do you say that?" Harry asked.
"Before the falling out, Molly was certain he and his main squeeze Penelope Clearwater were going to get married."
"So?"
"So? She's in the auction book as a used property!"
"You're saying she's a concubine?"
"Bound since the summer of '91 - as in the summer Percy and she became prefects and an item."
"So what your saying is?"
"Percy's light in the loafers, despite his arrogant demeanor. Someone bought him a girl for appearances sake. Now that he's doing the Minister, he's selling the excess baggage."
"Sick. But unfortunately your logic is hard to ignore."
"Rumors are she's spot on," Tonks said. "Even with his academic credentials, he should be nowhere near where he is today. Nobody's that bloody good. So, the conclusion is he has other talents."
"And what do you think?" Harry asked.
"Percy is a greedy bastard. I have no reason to believe he bats bludgers from the other side. He's a toadie. That's what Fudge likes around him. People who think anything the fat bastard says is brilliant. But, we do know Percy Weasley has a habit."
"Bad one?"
"Gambler. Remus is the one looking into the Stud Book as the auction catalog is called. Clearwater was bound in '90. Summer of '91, she's transferred to a new owner - the current owner. We also know from Bill, Percy had a really good night playing cards that summer although no one knows what that really meant. Percy and Penelope were a major item at school the rest of their time there. Now she was a concubine. She could not be an item with anyone other than her Master or someone her Master ordered her to be with."
"Which do you think it was?" Hermione asked.
"It's pure speculation."
"Shoot."
"Percy has a problem with the cards. But he never had the money to really have a problem. There's no proof he's gay. We Auror's have sources and he's not on the lists. That leaves she was sent after him by her Master."
"For what purpose?"
"Again supposition. Fudge hates the Weasleys. That is a fact. No real reason. He hates them 'cause he can. So, how to stick it to them?
"Can't sack Arthur. First off, he does his job well. Secondly, he's in the Order. Finally, you're not supposed to sack low level employees for their political beliefs. So how to discredit the line? Buy Arthur's most gullible and greedy son a concubine to keep him occupied and then find a way to generate a credible rumor he's gay. The fact he's not married to her suggests that. The fact that he's selling her even more so."
"So Fudge is trying to discredit the Weasleys?" Harry asked.
Tonks shrugged. "Politics in our world can be dirty. Fudge also hates the Old Man. The Weasleys are allied with the Old Man. Paint them as something less than savory, as in having a gay son, and the Old Man takes the hit as well. The all wise Dumbledore being close with a family with at least one poof? That doesn't play well in the parlors of the elite. Pure politics. Discredit the Old Man to keep your fat useless ass in office.
"Then again, the Old Man is a real threat. We should embrace anything that knocks the prick off balance."
"So this is all petty ass, school yard bull?" Hermione asked. "And you're saying we should exploit it?"
"Yes, it's bull. And yes, if we can we should exploit it. But quietly. The Wizarding World in Britain is in total chaos. You got two Dark Wizards and their followers going at it. One is in control of the government: the Old Man. One is in open war against it: Voldie. In the political middle is the Ministry: Fudge. The bastard wants to take the Old Man down and wants to believe Voldie is gone for good. His government is riddled with spies and saboteurs from both Dark Wizards. His idea for Voldie is to hope that by not doing anything the problem will go away. We think he's taking a more direct approach on the Old Man. The Old Man and Voldie want you dead. Fudge wants to as a symbol and to keep his job.
"In the middle is you, Harry. Beset on all sides by enemies, you are right now in a mad position. Undermining them swiftly and quietly is the best course of action. Then again, that is my thinking."
After a pause, Harry had a thought. "And one way to stick it to the Purebloods and the Old Man in particular is to accept a Muggle Born as Consort to the Head of an Ancient and Noble House?"
"Actually, you're a Potter. That's what Potters have done for generations," Tonks said. "You mother was a Muggle Born Consort as was your grandmother and nine of the ten Lady Potters before her. Only your Great-grandmother Dorea broke from that tradition.
"But, by naming a Half Blood relative with a - er - taste for Muggle Born witches as the head of the Ancient and Noble House of Black? A House that can claim at least ten generations of Pureblooded Lords and Ladies? That will cause a ruckus. And, should the new Lord Black's heir be born of a witch with less than Pureblood, so much the better."
"Glad to hear I am part of Potter tradition," Hermione chuckled.
"Now," Tonks said, "furthering his great prank on the Purebloods, once we had reached this point in our discussions, Sirius asked me to give you this." She handed Harry an envelope. "Remus and I have seen it. We were there when he wrote it. But he wanted you to learn what's in there from him."
Harry opened the letter and he and Hermione began to read:
June 10, 1996
Dear Harry:
I hope you never have to read this letter. But I feel it is necessary just in case. Things are coming to a head real soon. Voldemort has a plan going forward that he will implement any day now. That plan is a trap for you. I've tried calling you on your mirror, but you haven't answered. Dumbledore promised me he would warn you, but I am guessing that will never happen.
If you are reading this, the trap was sprung, you somehow survived and I did not. I am sorry, Harry. We had wonderful plans for you this summer and for once I would have been able to be the godfather you so richly deserve.
Enough of the mushy stuff.
Remus and Tonks have been designated the Executors of my Estate. For all practical purposes, Remus is lead on this as well as the Potter Estate. But due to his furry problem, he needs someone else to sign any legal papers or contracts, which is what Tonks will be doing until all transfers are complete.
If you are reading this, then a lot of things have happened, hopefully very quickly. The following things should have occurred (in no particular order):
1. You're now living at Potter Manor, where you should have been living all of these years.
2. Hermione Granger is with you there. If she is, Hi Hermione! Sorry about sending your parents away. They should not be gone nearly as long as you or they think. The idea was to get them and you out of harm's way.
3. You've been told all about Dumbledore, the real one and not the charlatan you've known and trusted all these years.
4. You've been told about his plans for you and for Hermione and I hope you are as pissed as I am. You've been told about the traitor Weasleys and their part in this plan.
5. You've read the fake and the real Will of your father.
6. You know about your sister. Hopefully, Remus has found her.
7. You've been told about and no doubt Hermione has read all about certain bonds. The two most important are the Consort and Concubine Bonds.
8. You and Hermione are now Husband and Consort. If you are not, I ask why? I know you love her even if your to thick to realize it. She loves you, Harry. She's confided in Tonks and me about this. She loves you with everything that she is. If she offers to be your Consort and you refuse, I must ask why?
I think I know. You're afraid. You're afraid she'll get hurt or worse. You're afraid you won't survive this mess and leave her heart broken. Don't' blame you. But, if you refuse to live your life just because the times are dark, the enemy has already won. Bond with her. Knock her up as soon as you can and have a family!
9. You've read my will and know you are now legally an adult.
10. You've also learned that someone (the Old Man) has illegally bound your magic. We have a friend who can help. She's a Healer and as part of her specialty deals with this sort of stuff. But, it will probably take time. As the bindings are removed, listen to her and to Remus and Tonks about using magic. While you can use your wand without restriction now - as can Hermione - it needs to be supervised until you get used to each increase in your power.
Hopefully, all the above has been revealed and your wearing your Potter and Black Rings with your Consort Lady Hermione Potter by your side. Now for my final "prank!"
My will probably left you with as many questions as answers. I'm sure Tonks did her best to avoid spilling all the beans. First off, I was serious (and not Sirius) about Narcissa. I promised my old friend to annul her marriage to that goon. If she asks, do this for her. (In case you're wondering, if you annul her marriage, she's never been a Malfoy and Draco has no mother or claim to the Malfoy Estate unless his father made out a will naming him as Heir. He's a true Pureblood prick, and probably never made one. Hence, Draco will be left knutless!)
Second and most importantly. I left you the bulk of everything I own. It's not listed. It doesn't have to be. Two "items" I own are very, very important to me and I want you to take care of them. You see, Pup, I have two lovely women in my life. They were given to me by my father on my fourteenth birthday. One was old enough at the time, the other would not be for many years.
Yes, Harry. I have two Concubines.
Mallory Michelle Grant is a few years older than me. She and I have been best of friends and lovers for twenty-two years. To me, she is my wife in all but name. We were trying to have a family together, but we found out that something is wrong with me and I cannot have children. We do not know if I was born with this problem or if it is a result of my stay at Azkaban. I ask this of you, Harry. Bind her to you as your own. She's yours by inheritance. I also ask you to give her what I could not: children.
Nymphadora Tonks is the younger of my two lovelies. She too is a lovely person and I ask you to bind her to you and to give her a family too when she's ready.
Kiss them both for me.
And kiss that wonderful witch of yours as well.
Sirius Orion Black.
"Oh bugger," Harry said as he finished the letter.
A/N: RELATIONSHIP SCORECARD:
If you didn't read the Intro, you missed that. This is so you can keep up with who's with who and how.
Lord Harry James Potter, Head of the Ancient and Noble House of Potter, Head of the Ancient and Noble House of Black, age 15 (born 7/31/80)Lady Hermione Jane (Granger) Potter, age 16 (9/19/79). Girlfriend/fiancé as of 6/18/96; CONSORT, HOUSE OF POTTER 6/23/96.